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amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv44yr
2020-06-15 22:12

This seems like a wish fulfillment FF...... -MC is orphaned isnt of being taken care by someone like the kage or their friends, and this is important cause MC is the child of 2 S rankers and in the early chps its shown MC mom was close with the kage,,,so yah, pretty stupid for MC to be left in the orphanage,,,plus its not like MC would be attacked or kidnapped. And everyone [ or atleast] many know who his parents are so yah. -MC choose a pretty stupid ability,,,basically he choose an ability to make all his earth jutsu bombs,,,whilst this seems OP, it isnt...its hard to control, isnt versatile and is kinda useless.. .he ignored deidara ability for this, deidara ability is kinda top 10 abilities in naruto...I mean its OP and versatile...plus this easily allows MC to make earth jutsu bombs so yah...MC choose stupid ability -This story follows the naruto talk no jutsu style....seeing as how MC wanted to build friendships for allies, kinda pointless......I hope u know that madara, hashirama, naruto, sasuke, orochi, pain, itachi, etc all disagree with that ****.....one man army all the way

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Replies27
TwistedUExile
TwistedUExileLv14

Only got 6 chapter in don't listen to him

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

Look at all the plot holes I mentioned, author can fix it and his **** would be DOPE, cause he has something unique here, but so much mistakes. And I am not ordering, its upto him, there are so many glossed over **** that I found in ONLY SIX chps....author should just fix his mistakes,,,,again what I said is just a suggestion [**: reading six chps dosnt mean what I say isnt valid]

TwistedUExile:Only got 6 chapter in don't listen to him
ExaltedCrow
ExaltedCrowLv13

I din’t really give a **** about most plot holes nor wish fullfillment, but I can’t stand MC choosing a literal deadweight as his ability (if what you’re writing is true). I really hate when authors makes his mc an idiot, because no Naruto fan would ever take that as his ability. Haven’t read, won’t read, thanks for the review milf hater🙇‍♂️

MrEasy
MrEasyLv4

haven't read the story but this review is full of "plotholes"

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

they are more, way more that appear onwards and cause none of previous ones are fixed it don't make sense and all of it seems stupid

MrEasy:haven't read the story but this review is full of "plotholes"
MrEasy
MrEasyLv4

how stupid of the author lol

amaturewriter:they are more, way more that appear onwards and cause none of previous ones are fixed it don't make sense and all of it seems stupid
ProfessorAkira
ProfessorAkiraLv12

I'm confused, the only plot hole you mentioned was the mc being raised in an orphanage and that was explained in the first few chapters

amaturewriter:Look at all the plot holes I mentioned, author can fix it and his **** would be DOPE, cause he has something unique here, but so much mistakes. And I am not ordering, its upto him, there are so many glossed over **** that I found in ONLY SIX chps....author should just fix his mistakes,,,,again what I said is just a suggestion [**: reading six chps dosnt mean what I say isnt valid]
Meliodas_Z
Meliodas_ZLv1

Thank you

ProfessorAkira:I'm confused, the only plot hole you mentioned was the mc being raised in an orphanage and that was explained in the first few chapters
Arsya_Hael
Arsya_HaelLv2

It is amazing i think

amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

good for you. I dont. different opinion. nothing wrong.

Arsya_Hael:It is amazing i think
Arsya_Hael
Arsya_HaelLv2

why you dont make a nasuverse fanfic. i will know about your ideal fanfic. i am seriosly ok 🤔

amaturewriter:good for you. I dont. different opinion. nothing wrong.
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

why would I make a nasuverse fanfic? also why would you want to know about my ideal ff?

Arsya_Hael:why you dont make a nasuverse fanfic. i will know about your ideal fanfic. i am seriosly ok 🤔
Arsya_Hael
Arsya_HaelLv2

i correc, not nasuverse but narutoverse. and why i will ? because many good naruto fanfict is droped. i think you have many idea or imagination. and i dont like if mc is naruto because it is klise.

amaturewriter:why would I make a nasuverse fanfic? also why would you want to know about my ideal ff?
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

later. not now..I still have my work that I need to fix

Arsya_Hael:i correc, not nasuverse but narutoverse. and why i will ? because many good naruto fanfict is droped. i think you have many idea or imagination. and i dont like if mc is naruto because it is klise.
Arsya_Hael
Arsya_HaelLv2

i am waiting😋

amaturewriter:later. not now..I still have my work that I need to fix
CristiaN
CristiaNLv2

Hey, I want to ask if you read the fanfic on spacebattles Butcher Bird? its a good one ;)

amaturewriter:why would I make a nasuverse fanfic? also why would you want to know about my ideal ff?
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

is a semi tokyo ghoul crossover with one piece?

CristiaN:Hey, I want to ask if you read the fanfic on spacebattles Butcher Bird? its a good one ;)
CristiaN
CristiaNLv2

one with ghoul powers in one piece found it a good idea ;) and started to read it.And i think its good

amaturewriter:is a semi tokyo ghoul crossover with one piece?
amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

I read it on ff.net but dropped it half way, it kinda seemed yaoi [ not my taste ]

CristiaN:one with ghoul powers in one piece found it a good idea ;) and started to read it.And i think its good
CristiaN
CristiaNLv2

ah if it's yaoi i drop it I hate bl :/ thanks for mentioning it ;)

amaturewriter:I read it on ff.net but dropped it half way, it kinda seemed yaoi [ not my taste ]
Other Reviews
Riryz
RiryzLv5
VINCI88
VINCI88Lv2

The fanfic is very nice. The simple novelty of having a ninja from another village other than Konoha grants many points to this story. Mc has many flaws, especially his arrogance, however this makes him simply human. I disagree with many choices made by the protagonist, especially those of the first chapters when he had to choose his skills. however there is tremendous potential in his Kekkei Genkai, you may want to read Sir Lucifer Morningstar's 'I am Mr Five' fic to find inspiration on the possible uses of his ability. honestly I would like it if the protagonist finds a way to use his skill in the same way as Whitebeard's Gura Gura no Mi, after all with explosions you can create seismic waves. becoming the man capable of literally shaking the entire ninja world would be awesome. Another flaw is its lack of development in Lightning-type techniques. His Kekkei Genkai grants him an affinity for Earth and Lightning, but we have seen very little development on lightning-type techniques. if mc has some knowledge of how the earth's magnetic field works, he could theoretically exploit its affinity for lightning to create real storms. another big flaw is the lack of medical or sensory techniques, not to mention the absolute lack of trying to learn some Genjutsu. ok! If you have no fantasy eyes, in Naruto's world it seems pointless to learn Genjutsu, but it's always a useful skill to have, Kurenai has become a Jounin with Genjutsu. Then there are the medical skills and honestly if you don't want to learn any medical jutsu you need to get your hands on the Tsunade technique. Plus there is also the poison issue to consider and I can't believe he went to war with Suna without poison training. Then there are the sensory and revelation issues. The easy way to get rid of this problem would be to get a summon, but he could also try to get a ninja dog. having a reliable partner like a ninja dog or even more ninja dogs like kakashi is a sure way to eliminate these flaws. Finally there is the fuinjutsu. During the invasion of Uzushiokagure he used the system to copy a lot of fuinjutsu but he never tried to use them. It almost seems like his fuinjutsu abilities are zero. Yet our mc knows that it is a ninja art that can defeat the most powerful creatures in the world of naruto and create OP techniques such as the Hirashin technique. Honestly I'm glad that as a ninja he has a lot of flaws, but I find it inconceivable that Mc keeps his arrogance without trying to cover up his flaws as a ninja.

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