webnovel
John_Doe12
John_Doe12Lv34yr
2020-12-06 19:48

After reading the synopsis and finding out that there is no light at the end of the tunnel I should have noticed it for the foreshadowing that it was. Which to be honest is confusing because the MC goes on to tell me otherwise not two seconds later. Conceptually, the story is there. The writing quality is decent, the grammar at a wonderfully refreshing level when surrounded by some of the alphabet soup that is on the site. For that, I can't fault it. Unfortunately, besides the story idea and the quality of grammar. The story is incredibly slow to start. Our MC who is basically a potato who without his handy Internal (AI) companion at the start isn't great. Between his own inner dialogue and the Internal companion force-feeding him his every action, there are massive blocks of text that make you feel like the mushroom bugs the Mc first becomes. Sadly at times, it seems like he isn't the hero of his own story and just a side character to the events that are happening around him. Then in a whirlwind of plot armour, our clueless MC goes from blob to bug, from food to finally an ancient dragon in the form of an overpowered little boy so quickly that even he doesn't have a clue what is happening. And His opponents are cardboard cutouts that are there to drive his story. They offer no real threat or feeling of suspense. But that's just me rambling. Overall the story has great potential and a large amount of content with stable enough releases to feed your inner bibliophile.

Liked by 7 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
Shaele
ShaeleAuthor

Dear Visitor/Hoping-to-be-future-reader! Below you can find my own review of this story. I hesitated to do one myself, as it feels cheap (you obviously won’t rate your own story below 5-stars, however, probably currently I’m the only one who can give you the deepest insight into what this story is going to be about. Please take your time to read it through and then make your own judgment about if you would be giving it a try. **** Important: STORY: The story is about who, -in very mysterious circumstances- dies, and gets another chance from a being known as Ioris, before his soul would be cast into the Wheel of Reincarnation. The reason this almighty-being took a liking to our poor protagonist is because his soul was different from the others, something unique, something that this being hasn’t seen since countless millennia. Giving it another chance at life, he blesses our hero, giving him a helper, another higher existence, along with a System, that will aid him on his quest as the Last of his kind, the Last Primal. As a primal, he first has to understands the limits and purpose of his existence, than reclaim what was taken from him, and reclaim his rightful place in the world. CHARACTERS: Most characters have their own personality, their desires, their wants, their needs. There are countless races across the world, almost everything you can imagine in a fantasy world have their presence here. The pacing is slow at the beginning, but that is deliberate, every epic story needs a good start, this is the same here. To understand his future choices and actions, you also need to understand Aiden’s past, his ‘childhood’, the ups- and downs of his life in it’s full spectrum. Writing Quality: There might be some grammar errors, and an occasional slip-up with the genderswap. I try to make sure this doesn’t happen, and I do 2 rounds of checkups (+ I’m using Grammarly as well). Stability of Updates: 1 new chapter between 1500-1700 is something I promised to myself at the start of this journey. One thing I can safely say: This story will not be dropped, no matter what. Unless something happens to me, this story will receive it’s finish at some point in the future. World Background: There are countless hours already invested in this story, among with years of writing and playtime testing in the world you are going to experience. There are literally hundreds of pages of lore that I (and my friends during our RPG nights) created in the past. I did refresh the world and the main story when I decided to go public.

Kronos_God_of_Time
Kronos_God_of_TimeLv11
mrmrcia
mrmrciaLv10
Vanaxity
VanaxityLv1

The Last Primal is a story about Aiden, someone who died and was allowed to reincarnate into a new world because of his unique soul. He has a system to help him survive. Not exactly the most unique idea, but I usually like these kinds of novels. Unfortunately, this novel has quite a few problems. Writing quality is slightly below average. No obvious mistakes, but there's several run-on sentences here and there, along with some excessive descriptions. However, compared to other novels, this can be considered average. (3/5 stars) The story development is partially what made me drop this novel. There isn't a terrible amount of consistency, and I am unsure if other things are plot holes because I haven't read that far. However, I'll just mention a few things. Main character is a slime in a new world. Upon awakening, his system tells him to kill and absorb some bugs. Thus, he does. Later, he ends up killing a snake, and when he is hungry, he decides to go kill some bugs. However, for whatever reason, now that he is a snake, he has empathy? For some reason he constantly hesitates and feels guilty for killing them for whatever reason. Ignoring the fact that he killed these same bugs less than ten chapters ago. Furthermore, the main character had a blessing from God, which allows him to forcibly absorb something in case he is in danger. After being swallowed by a snake, he is in his slime form. For whatever reason, the main character decides it would be a good idea to waste this blessing (he can only use it twice) on the snake. He claims to have analytical abilities, but that isn't the case whatsoever. He could've absorb whatever the snake ate, thus starving it, or simply suffocated it by squirming out of it's stomach. Once the main character gets out of the cave, the story seems even more forced. (2/5 stars) Onto the character design. Alright, main character claims at some point he was good at analytical thinking. This is not the case. He constantly asks stupid questions to the system, completely relying on it. I can't really judge the main character, as his personality is completely inconsistent. However, from other reviews I can tell he's going to stay as your average beta main character. Last point, the system has a conscious, so it is technically a real person. This is rather annoying, because this seems like a poor excuse to advance the plot in various scenarios. Also, what was the point of allowing the main character to keep some memories from his previous life if your just going to erase them in the first ten chapters? Last point, a granny and little girl find a dragon egg, and for some reason they stay and approach it despite saying it was dangerous? (1/5 stars) World background is average. I haven't read too far for various reasons. Seems like a typical fantasy with dragons and elves. Not a whole lot seems unique. Not a whole lot to review about this point either. (3/5 stars) Overall, this novel needs a proofreader and better planning. Story is rather inconsistent, and a talking system was unneeded, especially since it limited any form of character development. I give this novel 2.8 stars out of 5.

Related Stories

What Do You Mean There Are Other Transmigrators In My Harem Fantasy?

In the most cliched fashion, a giant truck-kun smashed into my World, killing everyone with it. And in the next most cliched event, I was given a second chance in life by the gods to live another life in a world of swords, magic and dragons! It’s literally a dream come true! Be a hero? Who has the time?! Conquer the world? Like hell I’ll do something so troublesome! Diving into dungeons, exploring ancient ruins and meeting all the weirdos of the world? Sign me right up!! I’m only interested in travelling the world to find the most interesting materials I can use to write the best story I can! I’ll show you my creativity and dazzle this new world with the stories I’ll write! I’ll fight with dragons, swim with krakens, wrestle giants, eat all the cakes and bed the beauties! Time to live this life however I want! Eh? A psycho is running around the world saying that they are the hero who will slay the demon lord? Why is there such a crazy person? There’s someone out there threatening the world with nukes? How did they even find out how to make those? Some crazy hobo is going into other people’s houses to smash pots to look for money? That guy really must be crazy. What Do You Mean There Are Other Transmigrators In My Harem Fantasy? ----- [Character Creation:] [Gender:] [Male] [Female] >[Futa] *** Notes: Any R-rated scenes will be denoted by a '*' followed by an 'R' with the number of 'R's showing how much of it is R-rated. '*R' would be around 25%, '*RR' would be about 50% and '*RRR' would most likely be the entire chapter. You can join our discord through this link: https://discord.gg/CRrb56c

Draekai · Fantasy
4.2
994 Chs

Primordial Villain with a Slave Harem

Quinlan, a simple office worker finds himself transmigrated to an extremely dangerous fantasy land as a level 1 Commoner with nothing to his name but his wits - and a unique gift that accompanied his teleportation. No one in Thalorind could have predicted that this unassuming arrival would one day rise to the top, redefining the very meaning of the term 'power'... And that he may have achieved said result by joining a criminal organization and clawing his way through its ranks. In the beginning, Quinlan was painfully weak and alone but thanks to his severe trust issues, joining a team was... hard. However, he soon noticed that a lot of people have collars around their necks in this world... People that couldn't exactly betray him. Follow Quinlan's journey as he grows in strength, amasses wealth, fights to the death, and meets lovely ladies. ... Discord: https://discord.gg/bjunEkswQ3 ... Disclaimer: I'd received a few complaints from some readers that my MC is not a real villain, and I have to agree; if you're looking for some complete psycho MC who burns random farmer villages down just for fun then don't read. The MC is a ruthless man who does evil things from time to time, but only to his enemies or those he considers to be true scum. He gains no joy from tormenting strangers. Also don't read if you want a story about buying s*x slaves and r*ping them, that doesn't happen in this novel. He will treat the women he wants to be with as if they were normal people, whether they're slaves or not.

NecroBin · Fantasy
4.5
700 Chs

Young Master's PoV: Woke Up As A Villain In A Game One Day

"Now you see?" she shouted in a mix of annoyance and disappointment. "You can't outsmart Scrients! They're the most intelligent beings across the two realms." "You're right," I muttered, averting my gaze with a heavy sigh. "I made a mistake. I was too arrogant to think that a mere human like me could fool them." —BOOM!! "Heik! Wh-What was that?" "Hmm? I'm not sure. Maybe you should go and ask the most intelligent beings across the two realms. Oh wait, you can't. I killed them all.” ______ My name is Samael Kaizer Theosbane. On the last day of high school, I got into a fight with a kid I used to bully. It was a stupid, pointless scuffle, and in the middle of it, I tripped and hit my head on a rock. That’s when the memories came flooding in - the memories of another life, of a different world. Suddenly, everything made a twisted kind of sense. I realized two things. First, I was in a game I used to play in my past life. Second, I was a villain. A villain! Not the cool and mysterious kind, either. No, my destiny was to be manipulated and die a dog's death! I was the worst type of cliché: an ungrateful, privileged, insufferable young master. The sort you'd find in those poorly written fantasy stories. The kind everyone hates — a snobby brat from a powerful noble family who thinks he owns the world just because he was born with a silver spoon lodged in his mouth. You know the type. The one the hero beats to a pulp to prove his worth. Yeah, I was that guy. And the hero? The hero was the kid I’d been bullying all this time. The same one I got into a fight with. He was the supposed savior of this damned world. A world teetering on the edge of destruction, beset by wars, calamities, and a grim future that only I knew. And at the end of it all, the final antagonist of the game, the undefeatable boss… the Spirit King, was waiting. But could I even make it to the end? Could I conquer a game where defeat was the only certainty? A game that was now my reality! “Ah, fuck it.” I had no idea if I could, but I sure as hell was going to try. Extorting extras, manipulating main characters, twisting the story to my advantage, stealing the hero’s cheat items, killing villains before they could become threats - nothing was beneath me. Would the main characters be affected? Who cares! Would the story change? Even better! All I cared about was me—my survival, my life, my choices. “I will live this life with no regrets.” …But as I soon discovered, fate was not easily changed. And the price of altering one's destiny was steep. ========== Discord Server: https://discord.gg/VjFQtDUaTR

The_One_Who_Was · Fantasy
4.7
171 Chs

Strongest Mage with the Lust system

[ Warning: Mature content R-18 ] Is death a new begining? For Max, it was. Max, a twenty-year-old virgin, got attacked by a bear in forest and died an untimely death. Fortunately for him... that wasn't the end to his story. In the next instant, he found himself transmigrated into the body of a noble's youngest son in a world full of Magic, wonders and... beautiful women. As if God was making up for his untimely death, he also got a system -The Lust System. "I can become stronger just by having sex?" Join the journey of Max and watch he have the time of his life and become the strongest mage the world had ever seen before. ______________________________ [Things to be noted] 1. From the title, you should've guessed it already but let me tell you the story will be filled with many sexual adventures. So... you are welcome to enjoy them..... 2. However... don't expect MC to have sexual relations with every woman he meets. I'll be focusing on the story, and would 'Try' not to blindly throw sex scenes left and right. 3. Most importantly, this is my first time writing so the the quality of first 50 or so may be a bit lacking (But it would cause you no problem if a few minor errors don't bother you). 4. It is a slow paced story. If you want everything to be explosive and fast, maybe this isn't for you. Important Note: If you enjoy the story then don't forget to vote your GTs, Power stones and also if you can, send some GIFTS too. This poor soul would appreciate it. Also check out My other work: [ Rise of the Strongest War God ] & [ My perverted devil system ] Happy reading~ ________________

Blizzard54k · Fantasy
4.4
777 Chs