webnovel
elano77
elano77Lv124yr
2020-07-16 19:57

Wow. The work is good. The pacing of the story is measured and stable and nothing has felt too forced so far. My main criticism is that the author is a bit inexperienced and this shows in his character design and use of suspense. Some of the characters are too one-dimensional and do things in an unrealistic way. Others are exaggeratedly childish in a way that is unbecoming. For the fight that just concluded, there was so much foreshadowing that the mystery was killed. Foreshadowing should be balanced because it is an object of confusion. It is designed to keep the audience guessing that something might happen. The author used it so much that I knew a difficult fight was coming about 4 chapters before the fight happened. That aside, the world-building of the story is gradual and well-rounded. The premise is an interesting one and the element of suspense surrounding the different activities keeps you interested. The writing quality is superb, no choppy paragraphs or wrong use of grammar and the inter-character interactions are interesting. Solid 4.8 for the story. I would encourage any with an appetite for fiction to read it.

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Shaele
ShaeleAuthor

We learn as we go. :) For that 'big fight' it was originally twice as long, but I wanted to cut it down as I just didn't like the first and second iteration of it. For the characters, I'm slowly opening up them as they grow. :) (or at least I'm trying). Thanks for the review, I'll work on the foreshadowing a bit, I also agree it was a bit overused there. :)

Other Reviews
Shaele
ShaeleAuthor

Dear Visitor/Hoping-to-be-future-reader! Below you can find my own review of this story. I hesitated to do one myself, as it feels cheap (you obviously won’t rate your own story below 5-stars, however, probably currently I’m the only one who can give you the deepest insight into what this story is going to be about. Please take your time to read it through and then make your own judgment about if you would be giving it a try. **** Important: STORY: The story is about who, -in very mysterious circumstances- dies, and gets another chance from a being known as Ioris, before his soul would be cast into the Wheel of Reincarnation. The reason this almighty-being took a liking to our poor protagonist is because his soul was different from the others, something unique, something that this being hasn’t seen since countless millennia. Giving it another chance at life, he blesses our hero, giving him a helper, another higher existence, along with a System, that will aid him on his quest as the Last of his kind, the Last Primal. As a primal, he first has to understands the limits and purpose of his existence, than reclaim what was taken from him, and reclaim his rightful place in the world. CHARACTERS: Most characters have their own personality, their desires, their wants, their needs. There are countless races across the world, almost everything you can imagine in a fantasy world have their presence here. The pacing is slow at the beginning, but that is deliberate, every epic story needs a good start, this is the same here. To understand his future choices and actions, you also need to understand Aiden’s past, his ‘childhood’, the ups- and downs of his life in it’s full spectrum. Writing Quality: There might be some grammar errors, and an occasional slip-up with the genderswap. I try to make sure this doesn’t happen, and I do 2 rounds of checkups (+ I’m using Grammarly as well). Stability of Updates: 1 new chapter between 1500-1700 is something I promised to myself at the start of this journey. One thing I can safely say: This story will not be dropped, no matter what. Unless something happens to me, this story will receive it’s finish at some point in the future. World Background: There are countless hours already invested in this story, among with years of writing and playtime testing in the world you are going to experience. There are literally hundreds of pages of lore that I (and my friends during our RPG nights) created in the past. I did refresh the world and the main story when I decided to go public.

Kronos_God_of_Time
Kronos_God_of_TimeLv11
mrmrcia
mrmrciaLv10
Vanaxity
VanaxityLv1

The Last Primal is a story about Aiden, someone who died and was allowed to reincarnate into a new world because of his unique soul. He has a system to help him survive. Not exactly the most unique idea, but I usually like these kinds of novels. Unfortunately, this novel has quite a few problems. Writing quality is slightly below average. No obvious mistakes, but there's several run-on sentences here and there, along with some excessive descriptions. However, compared to other novels, this can be considered average. (3/5 stars) The story development is partially what made me drop this novel. There isn't a terrible amount of consistency, and I am unsure if other things are plot holes because I haven't read that far. However, I'll just mention a few things. Main character is a slime in a new world. Upon awakening, his system tells him to kill and absorb some bugs. Thus, he does. Later, he ends up killing a snake, and when he is hungry, he decides to go kill some bugs. However, for whatever reason, now that he is a snake, he has empathy? For some reason he constantly hesitates and feels guilty for killing them for whatever reason. Ignoring the fact that he killed these same bugs less than ten chapters ago. Furthermore, the main character had a blessing from God, which allows him to forcibly absorb something in case he is in danger. After being swallowed by a snake, he is in his slime form. For whatever reason, the main character decides it would be a good idea to waste this blessing (he can only use it twice) on the snake. He claims to have analytical abilities, but that isn't the case whatsoever. He could've absorb whatever the snake ate, thus starving it, or simply suffocated it by squirming out of it's stomach. Once the main character gets out of the cave, the story seems even more forced. (2/5 stars) Onto the character design. Alright, main character claims at some point he was good at analytical thinking. This is not the case. He constantly asks stupid questions to the system, completely relying on it. I can't really judge the main character, as his personality is completely inconsistent. However, from other reviews I can tell he's going to stay as your average beta main character. Last point, the system has a conscious, so it is technically a real person. This is rather annoying, because this seems like a poor excuse to advance the plot in various scenarios. Also, what was the point of allowing the main character to keep some memories from his previous life if your just going to erase them in the first ten chapters? Last point, a granny and little girl find a dragon egg, and for some reason they stay and approach it despite saying it was dangerous? (1/5 stars) World background is average. I haven't read too far for various reasons. Seems like a typical fantasy with dragons and elves. Not a whole lot seems unique. Not a whole lot to review about this point either. (3/5 stars) Overall, this novel needs a proofreader and better planning. Story is rather inconsistent, and a talking system was unneeded, especially since it limited any form of character development. I give this novel 2.8 stars out of 5.

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