tbh its not a bad story but there are a couple of things that are annoying af. first you said you want to keep it as close as possible to the original... well you havent. He doesnt perv on underaged girls or is a perv in general. Not to mention you do this every chapter. second is the harem, ik it says it in a tag but honestly you say you can't write romance and then go the harem route? how contradictory is this? one of the main reasons im dropping. I ship him and yoruchi would have been perfect plus cause you said you can't write romance keeping it at just that pair would have worked out great. Lastly another main reason I dropped is cause I dunno if the author is a sub and likes this sht but I dont.... kis getting beaten up each every other block of writing, him getting verbally abused by every girl he meets. You always play it off as the reaosn he 'lets' them do it is because he takes it too far ???? how is then hitting and making fun of him better? tbh I wouldnt rly mind that much if yoru is the only one who does it now and then as thats an equal relationship but then it just so happens every girl he meets does this. Think you have a good idea but ruined it with going harem route like most ideas tbh. would have been better if they where older and in it before canon and have the shop set up and go from there. The way you did it is just a forced way for the harem and then you even force the shop in to keep the idea of the hat and clogs that we like.
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Thank you for the review 😊 Few things though, I did say I can't write romance but that isn't a reason not to explore it. I plan to write an original after this, so in a way, this novel is an experiment before the real thing. Another one is the way Kisuke just accepts the girls' verbal abuse. I just imagine this scene as little girls cursing at me... I don't care, I won't explain myself if I don't want to and take revenge in the most annoying way I could... Well, they'll treat him differently after he starts wrecking things though. And lastly, this is just me rumbling... It might be good in my head but it can turn out differently once I put it out. Thank you for your review though, it helps~
lel thought you where gonna proper hate xD When are you starting the original ? Might check it out cause I liked your idea it was just the other stuff that turned me off reading it
not anytime soon. I already started this, so want to finish it first before doing an original. Though I'll already have some chapters drafted~.
Yeah that harem really turned me off too. This couldve been better but youve let yourself get influenced by some cherry boys lust fantasy.
What you expect lol it’s webnovel(trash harem with weebs)
Yup the harem ruin it, if you want improve your romance skill start with the basic 1 pair couple first than if you feel you got it right well..
Thought of reading but I'll pass because of harem
Nah
There's no perfect novel asshole
imma be honest, harem writing is different than romance, I know this doesn't matter as it's been 6 months, but they really are separate enough to count as different categories.... on this site anyways (seriously, annoys me that there's a harem/no-harem argument on every novel). But yeah, the romance aspect could be neglected and the harem stays, or vice versa. Just check the many animes out there to see what I mean (it annoys me that there's so many).... Why am I still here, I will leave now
LOL, after reading the synopsis, i went "Ok, let's see what this has..." Only to scroll down and see "#Harem"...... Definitely not Urahara. Also, your review just confirmed it even further. Thnx for the time saved ^^
The author needs to delete the spam five star reviews he got.
i can see your point, and hopefully my comment won't end up as spoiler. my reason for dropping off started when you forced Aika into their dynamic. she isn't the typical type of girl like other from bleach, well, basically dxd is ecchi focused, so yeah, either male or female are perverts. but i truly don't like Aika's personality and characters, she isn't battle oriented at all, and about how you granted her a sacred gear which is different from canon counterpart, that's what i call a put off. then i scroll down chapters till about them leaving dxd world, i found kaneko and her sister, plus sona as his harem members. I'm fine with kuroko and sona i guess, because i can picture them as a woman. well, sona is a bit weighted me as she is a heiress for her clan and having leaving her protege behind kinda irresponsible. you can blame me because i don't read the whole story how the romance goes, but yeah, Aika, Kaneko and Sona kinda a problem choice for me. you know, yasaka would have been a nice addition for 3 way relationship, and she's outside of canon plot line, so you can work her whatever you want, too bad i came too late as i just read this book few hours back and now thinking about backing off. anyway, for this book to reach the current chapter counts, i call it a successful work and good job author and I'm sorry i can't bring myself to forcefully read it anymore because i will just end up being annoyed. also thanks, i enjoyed the read before forcing myself to continue after Aika part.
ight I respect is but all you basically said is that you don't like the girls because they aren't really your type...
Experiment?Are you joking?There so many chapter in this book and it around 600+ chapter but you said this was only experiment for real thing?Wow, just wow. Can you give half of your brain to me. If it not for that my other book won't be abondoned for a long time for my problem with writer block....oh yea...can you not add other character from bleach in DxD except Urahara in your new book?Before, i lost my interest to read your book was because the sudden appearnce of Yuroichi from Bleach that appear here...so i got bored easily ...
Thank you for saving my time (: didn't find the harem tag at first
Rule 1. Never do Harem If you don't have experience even writing a romance Novel (Or haven't talked to girls)
Well I hope you put it as a Kisuke and Yoruichi pair bc that’s the only one that makes sense but it’s your story so ig do whatver you want.
Whats the Harem? I havent read the story yet but plan to start it.
That's really not good I hate to see Kisuke urahara getting beat up because of unpreparedness that is just out of his character
