webnovel
T0X1N
T0X1NAuthor5yr
2019-06-23 06:27

Shameless Author here. I know you're disappointed about me dropping my last book, but I assure you this one's worth it. All in all, this is my second attempt at writing something and I have high hopes for it. Hope you enjoy!

Liked by 91 people

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Replies35
KingRaiza
KingRaizaLv12

Very nice cover

T0X1N
T0X1NAuthor

Thank you!

KingRaiza:Very nice cover
DragonkingKyo
DragonkingKyoLv6

so it isn't a harem? can you tell me who the love interest is?

T0X1N:Thank you!
DragonkingKyo
DragonkingKyoLv6

more disappointed that it isn't a harem

1Primo
1PrimoLv14

Okay let me say this before you even get started. I see that you're doing the whole system thing and I hope you already understand the pitfalls. The #1 problem with systems is that the progression is too fast and depending on how much they offer they influence too much. I've seen systems that offer 100% chakra/elements control/ photographic memory, kekkei genkai of all sorts, memory partition, abilities from all types of other animes, bla bla bla bla. It gets tiring, trite, annoying when the MC gets too overpowered to the point that nobody else has a real chance. This is doubly so when he suddenly is the only one who gains a system that literally helps to insure that he is powerful. And why? Because some god wants entertainment, cosmic points of good karma, bla bla bla bla. All ridiculous, all dumb. I'd love to see a system that doesn't offer him ridiculous powers but just helps to quantify and categorize the potential he unlocks through his own efforts. As a sort of guideline so if through his training he gained 5 intel/str/dex and realises that he has 3 agi. He knows what he needs to work on this way the story is more balanced, he doesn't get too overpowered in a ridiculous way, and it makes for a good story. There's so much to talk about here like the political situation of suna, gaara's emotional fluctuations do to the bijuu being incorporated affecting sleep, relationships, etc. Whatever you do dude, don't make him overpowered and don't make it easy whatever he gains.

T0X1N
T0X1NAuthor

Thank you for your time writing this, I appreciate it. The system I have incorporated only allows him to see his status, store memory and access the shop. The shop only opens every time he levels up, and it will get harder and harder the higher level he gets. Once he buys something from the shop, he only gets the manual, oh and it only offers techniques like ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu. No Kekkei Genkai, Tota, or affinities. He will have to work hard for everything, don't worry. I was skeptical when thinking if adding the system was the right choice, but I think I did it the right way. If you read this far, thank you again, and have a good day!

1Primo:Okay let me say this before you even get started. I see that you're doing the whole system thing and I hope you already understand the pitfalls. The #1 problem with systems is that the progression is too fast and depending on how much they offer they influence too much. I've seen systems that offer 100% chakra/elements control/ photographic memory, kekkei genkai of all sorts, memory partition, abilities from all types of other animes, bla bla bla bla. It gets tiring, trite, annoying when the MC gets too overpowered to the point that nobody else has a real chance. This is doubly so when he suddenly is the only one who gains a system that literally helps to insure that he is powerful. And why? Because some god wants entertainment, cosmic points of good karma, bla bla bla bla. All ridiculous, all dumb. I'd love to see a system that doesn't offer him ridiculous powers but just helps to quantify and categorize the potential he unlocks through his own efforts. As a sort of guideline so if through his training he gained 5 intel/str/dex and realises that he has 3 agi. He knows what he needs to work on this way the story is more balanced, he doesn't get too overpowered in a ridiculous way, and it makes for a good story. There's so much to talk about here like the political situation of suna, gaara's emotional fluctuations do to the bijuu being incorporated affecting sleep, relationships, etc. Whatever you do dude, don't make him overpowered and don't make it easy whatever he gains.
1Primo
1PrimoLv14

I did read that far and I do appreciate the reply. I guess you've already thought about it so it looks like I worried for nothing. Also enjoy writing your story dude because I will enjoy reading it. Have fun!

T0X1N:Thank you for your time writing this, I appreciate it. The system I have incorporated only allows him to see his status, store memory and access the shop. The shop only opens every time he levels up, and it will get harder and harder the higher level he gets. Once he buys something from the shop, he only gets the manual, oh and it only offers techniques like ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu. No Kekkei Genkai, Tota, or affinities. He will have to work hard for everything, don't worry. I was skeptical when thinking if adding the system was the right choice, but I think I did it the right way. If you read this far, thank you again, and have a good day!
Gh0st00
Gh0st00Lv15

You mean till you drop this too

T0X1N
T0X1NAuthor

Alright, that’s a great attitude you have there. May I remind you that we’re (the authors on this site) writing for free, no one has asked us to. Now take it or leave it, if you can’t appreciate what the writers do and understand when they have their own circumstances, then man, I’m sorry but I can’t comprehend you, with all due respect of course. You might be a great guy, and I can’t tell.

Gh0st00:You mean till you drop this too
Gh0st00
Gh0st00Lv15

Well thanks for flooding my inbox with 9 deleted comments and 1 real comment

T0X1N:Alright, that’s a great attitude you have there. May I remind you that we’re (the authors on this site) writing for free, no one has asked us to. Now take it or leave it, if you can’t appreciate what the writers do and understand when they have their own circumstances, then man, I’m sorry but I can’t comprehend you, with all due respect of course. You might be a great guy, and I can’t tell.
T0X1N
T0X1NAuthor

sorry, it was a glitch with the app my bad

Gh0st00:Well thanks for flooding my inbox with 9 deleted comments and 1 real comment
noobageddon_
noobageddon_Lv14

Well gaara is already op just need a proper training. Also just want to ask. You will pair gaaea with someone right?? Even though its not a harem but theres still romance right?

T0X1N:Thank you for your time writing this, I appreciate it. The system I have incorporated only allows him to see his status, store memory and access the shop. The shop only opens every time he levels up, and it will get harder and harder the higher level he gets. Once he buys something from the shop, he only gets the manual, oh and it only offers techniques like ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu. No Kekkei Genkai, Tota, or affinities. He will have to work hard for everything, don't worry. I was skeptical when thinking if adding the system was the right choice, but I think I did it the right way. If you read this far, thank you again, and have a good day!
TrueImmortalDevil
TrueImmortalDevilLv6

There is no nerfed systems ... there are those systems with infinite starter packs and then there are proper systems ...

xunlovesyou
xunlovesyouLv3

Yey! No harem virus

xunlovesyou
xunlovesyouLv3

Yey! No harem virus

Kenshiyama65
Kenshiyama65Lv5

Então continua postando os capítulos

Melshan
MelshanLv7

The MC Will have a girlfriend/wife? Waifu Ino

T0X1N:Thank you!
litlleSnake
litlleSnakeLv5

Bro toxin.. pls update chapter 56 soon...i cant sleep fuxx

Raven_Black79
Raven_Black79Lv3

Love your balanced story dude . Keep up the writing , we enjoy it .

666Daoist
666DaoistLv3

I finally figured what this novel is lacking and that is the lack of 3 person POV. you see the fight between Lee and Shira would have been so so much amazing with a third parties like Guy breaking down the whole situation or be amazed at Shin's version of 8 gates (of course why not. It's literally a revolutionary) or extent the reactions of the other participants. Overall what it's lacking is a more 3rd person POV. I've read many amazing novels and fan-fic alike which made it more amazing due to 3rd person POV and you definitely have the writing skills so think about it. and I believe that a well written 3rd person POV brings the character more alive and developed. Thanks for the great novel

Other Reviews
Jaykay2307
Jaykay2307Lv4

Toxin I love you bruh but this, this is not it chief, first your underestimating Gaara's strength in canon, like In cannon he was able to take hits directly from Lee in fourth/fifth gate if only for a short amount of time, and in canon he didn't train with a taijutsu prodigy, also his chakra, should be so so much higher the facts are that jinchuriki all have ridiculous amounts of chakra, he should not only have Low jonin rank chakra levels, also all his stats in canon for chunin exams were Mid chunin+ Otherwise how else would you expect him to take over the Kate position essentially just afterwards, not only that but in canon he never went to the academy and was in fact a genin for a few years before the chunin exams, your character said he didn't want to graduate early because it would screw up the timeline, well news flash he already did in multiple places, like it seems that you couldn't come up with ideas for missions so you just had him stay in the academy for the purpose of you knowing that the academy's are supposed to be boring, also even with shukaku we've seen Tailed Beasts come to respect or even bond with their jinchuriki the fact that shukaku still wants to take him over makes no sense, it really seems that you didn't know where to take this book after chapter one are just winging it until the chunin exams where you're gonna have essentially the same thing happen, even though it really shouldn't as canon gaara would bend over this one and roughly f*** him from behind when it comes to their difference in power, also, the apparently best thing about his novel according to your reviews, your system. I am something who would call themselves a system lover but the reason I love systems is the reason I hate yours, the normal "problem'" with systems is that the allow people to buy bloodlines and the like, I'd argue the main problem with systems is that the author makes a deus ex machina so that no matter what the mc gets that bloodline just in the nick of time or something similar, I see no problem with op things in the store as long as the author doesn't do something to immediately give it to them, a good example of this is within the "Anime power/world System" on this website it goes about the op system in a good way I personally think, now onto another point with the system the exp and the boost to power it's meant to give which I'd argue in this novel does the exact opposite I've already talked about how underpowered compared to the canon Gaara but also the eight year timeskip, within all that time were supposed to expect the mc just go about his daily cycle with out trying to get more powerful through other means, that's than a bit stupid if you ask me, for example in "limitless eternity" a fate fanfic with an oc and with the gamer system, the mc in that goes around destroy ant super colonies gaining loads of xp from it, the reason? Because there were loads of op people he would have to meet but couldn't beat currently. Similar to our main character, tell me if you knew that op beings like Juubito, sage of six paths madara and KAGUYA were to come back/become a thing surely you'd train your fucking ass of trying any cheaty way to get more powerful so that when those beings do arrive you're more than capable to deal with them. Tldr; The authors being stupid about the mcs power and his motivations to do certain things, also making other characters have no character development even though they should just to make it less complicated for him, in conclusion just read uchihas tale it's much better than this.

GodErebos
GodErebosLv14
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