This is gonna be a harsh review as this fiction has potential. Let's just start by saying, the author only has determination and a cool idea going for him currently. The writing quality is non existent. Huge blocks of text with non capitalized "I"s, but the worst part is that it reads like a stale cracker, dry. The author tells you what is happening with no context, emotions or humanity. Stability of updates I have no complaints with. Story development is way too fast paced. The characters have no time to develop. Which brings us to Character design. It's simply non existent. World background is not explained mentioned or touched upon. Overall a waste of time currently but with hopes of improvement. To the author: read a novel then write a novel. Don't watch a movie and try to type one down. Assume the reader knows nothing and try to bring them into your world. Good luck.
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LIKENoted. i admit i am not a good writer will try my best to put more emotion and slow it down a little but no guarantees. I don't have the time to write in very details which might make each chapter around 5k per chapter(based on good writer and i don't have the time and energy and capital). I am planning to write 2 to 3 chapter for each event so please be patient with me. Correction will be done when i am free. Thanks for the feedback. Can't seem to find any of our novels.
That was kind of a scummy thing to do, i mean criticism can be seen as an attack on your character, but it really shouldn't. Usually, it's with the intent of trying to improve someone else craft as people do not see flaws within their own works as easily as other people do. Perhaps it wasn't what you meant but your response came off as defensive, the friendly response then resorting to not so subtly shutting down his criticism with if he had written before. No his criticism still stands and i think it encapsulated some problems i found even before reading, which was the synopsis. The synopsis needs to be edited, as even though i could understand the gist, it didn't flow at all and i had to put it together with the shambles of broken grammar strewn. Anyways this concept you came up with is quite neat, but the quality leaves much to be desired. I hope you improve!
Some people are better at improving things and automising them than making new things. This why you have editors and publishers helping authors improve their work instead of writing their own work. I have yet to read you work yet so I can’t really comment on that though. I’ll drop you a review once I read enough of it to feel like i know how to rate it and what to point out about it. It seems like an interesting story though from the reviews I have read.
Well dont be upset author as you are making a fanfic not an original novel. So of course theres a lack of world building and character designing as this is a fan fic and youre still quite new to this. Well theres sometimes a fanfic that was created with good world background changes but it was usually done by a a more talented/experinced authors like they say either you're born with it,grow with it, or never have it. Plus english is not yore native language right? So yeah that also explain grammar in it too.so dont be sad ok you're doing a good job as a quite new author ^_^ peace✌️
I totally agree with this. This could have been a dozen times better if its slower with more development instead of jetpacking his way over everything. Also about the characters being bland is pretty spot on. Imo all characters in here is pretty much categorized as being a horny chicks, horny dudes or a yes man boys/girls. Everyone just practically thinking of horny or isn't thinking at all