webnovel
Saadido
SaadidoLv46yr
2018-12-25 21:26

This is gonna be a harsh review as this fiction has potential. Let's just start by saying, the author only has determination and a cool idea going for him currently. The writing quality is non existent. Huge blocks of text with non capitalized "I"s, but the worst part is that it reads like a stale cracker, dry. The author tells you what is happening with no context, emotions or humanity. Stability of updates I have no complaints with. Story development is way too fast paced. The characters have no time to develop. Which brings us to Character design. It's simply non existent. World background is not explained mentioned or touched upon. Overall a waste of time currently but with hopes of improvement. To the author: read a novel then write a novel. Don't watch a movie and try to type one down. Assume the reader knows nothing and try to bring them into your world. Good luck.

Liked by 73 people

LIKE
Replies24
godfreyngsze
godfreyngszeAuthor

Noted. i admit i am not a good writer will try my best to put more emotion and slow it down a little but no guarantees. I don't have the time to write in very details which might make each chapter around 5k per chapter(based on good writer and i don't have the time and energy and capital). I am planning to write 2 to 3 chapter for each event so please be patient with me. Correction will be done when i am free. Thanks for the feedback. Can't seem to find any of our novels.

godfreyngsze
godfreyngszeAuthor

your novels

Saadido
SaadidoLv4

my novels?

godfreyngsze:your novels
godfreyngsze
godfreyngszeAuthor

do you write

Saadido:my novels?
Saadido
SaadidoLv4

I read. I think I've read a couple hundred books if you don't count fan fiction if you do then it's upwards of 2 thousand. What is your point exactly?

godfreyngsze:do you write
godfreyngsze
godfreyngszeAuthor

No reason. relax just asking since you have high expectations and requirement as a reader, I thought you are a pro writer

Saadido:I read. I think I've read a couple hundred books if you don't count fan fiction if you do then it's upwards of 2 thousand. What is your point exactly?
void893
void893Lv11

As a reader these are the reviews I want to see. It clearly outlines issues and good parts. Thank you! I hope the author really takes in your advice.

godfreyngsze
godfreyngszeAuthor

noted. will try my best

void893:As a reader these are the reviews I want to see. It clearly outlines issues and good parts. Thank you! I hope the author really takes in your advice.
Saadido
SaadidoLv4

Sorry m8 and thank you, but I didn't write anything that is good enough to share.

godfreyngsze:No reason. relax just asking since you have high expectations and requirement as a reader, I thought you are a pro writer
InnerVoice
InnerVoiceLv6

Damn bro, you really have a way with words. The advice you gave to the other is actually pretty good

Saadido
SaadidoLv4

thank you

InnerVoice:Damn bro, you really have a way with words. The advice you gave to the other is actually pretty good
MiLfL0VeR
MiLfL0VeRLv12

Yeaps cause like me the marvel universe that i know is the movie one not the comics one And i thing the comics have much more stories than the movies? So my knowledge to spiderman comes from the movies not the comica

Fatty_Cream
Fatty_CreamLv5

That was kind of a scummy thing to do, i mean criticism can be seen as an attack on your character, but it really shouldn't. Usually, it's with the intent of trying to improve someone else craft as people do not see flaws within their own works as easily as other people do. Perhaps it wasn't what you meant but your response came off as defensive, the friendly response then resorting to not so subtly shutting down his criticism with if he had written before. No his criticism still stands and i think it encapsulated some problems i found even before reading, which was the synopsis. The synopsis needs to be edited, as even though i could understand the gist, it didn't flow at all and i had to put it together with the shambles of broken grammar strewn. Anyways this concept you came up with is quite neat, but the quality leaves much to be desired. I hope you improve!

Criyxen
CriyxenLv14

Exp 😂😂😂

TheDemonNazI
TheDemonNazILv4

I have no idea why I keep seeing this. Is it an abbreviation of something?

Criyxen:Exp 😂😂😂
Criyxen
CriyxenLv14

It mean experience bro for us to increase our cultivation level 😂😂😂 to breakthrough in our cultivation 😂😂😂😂

TheDemonNazI:I have no idea why I keep seeing this. Is it an abbreviation of something?
Zerak
ZerakLv11

Some people are better at improving things and automising them than making new things. This why you have editors and publishers helping authors improve their work instead of writing their own work. I have yet to read you work yet so I can’t really comment on that though. I’ll drop you a review once I read enough of it to feel like i know how to rate it and what to point out about it. It seems like an interesting story though from the reviews I have read.

godfreyngsze:No reason. relax just asking since you have high expectations and requirement as a reader, I thought you are a pro writer
ExodusGaming555
ExodusGaming555Lv6

Well dont be upset author as you are making a fanfic not an original novel. So of course theres a lack of world building and character designing as this is a fan fic and youre still quite new to this. Well theres sometimes a fanfic that was created with good world background changes but it was usually done by a a more talented/experinced authors like they say either you're born with it,grow with it, or never have it. Plus english is not yore native language right? So yeah that also explain grammar in it too.so dont be sad ok you're doing a good job as a quite new author ^_^ peace✌️

godfreyngsze:Noted. i admit i am not a good writer will try my best to put more emotion and slow it down a little but no guarantees. I don't have the time to write in very details which might make each chapter around 5k per chapter(based on good writer and i don't have the time and energy and capital). I am planning to write 2 to 3 chapter for each event so please be patient with me. Correction will be done when i am free. Thanks for the feedback. Can't seem to find any of our novels.
TiananmenSquare198
TiananmenSquare198Lv5

Wait is this an actual review with criticism and not just "good" what the actual f*ck?

RandomMobA
RandomMobALv4

I totally agree with this. This could have been a dozen times better if its slower with more development instead of jetpacking his way over everything. Also about the characters being bland is pretty spot on. Imo all characters in here is pretty much categorized as being a horny chicks, horny dudes or a yes man boys/girls. Everyone just practically thinking of horny or isn't thinking at all

Other Reviews
Kurama_is_tsundere
Kurama_is_tsundereLv6
Vita_mor
Vita_morLv14
SuperHippo
SuperHippoLv14

I know this is not the popular opinion but I really don't want this to be a harem. I don't mind multiple girls liking MC, but if the MC decided to go out with multiple girls, it would break the immersion for me. 1. This world has a culture close to the real world and was set in the US. For me, it wouldn't make sense for a polygamous relationship to work while at the same time showing a deeper level of affection the MC should have towards his partner(s). 2. For me, the MC going out with multiple girls would just make the MC a shallow person. (Even if he got the girl(s) blessings to be with another girl, how would the conversation go? Girl 1: I don't mind, I know you're not someone who can be tied down by just one woman. MC: Thank you, I love you so much. Even if the MC say something along this line, at that point, it was established that the MC didn't and wouldn't love the girl as much as she does him. It would be like knowing your MC is not and will not be strong enough to commit the rest of his life to a single woman. For me as a reader it would be equivalent to finding out the MC has reached his limit in power going forward.) But hey, in the end that's just me, I know a lot of readers would prefer harem ending, and truthfully I too like it when multiple women fall in love with MC (as long as it's not just love at first sight for ALL of them.). But in the context of this novel, that might be the limit of my personal tolerance, can't fathom the logic of MC being in a relationship with multiple women (with or without their blessings). I'm sorry if I'm ranting, but this novel had great potential, character and story development wise, so I'm just doing my best in wishing that the MC wouldn't "go out" with multiple women.

Immortal_Peasant
Immortal_PeasantLv13

This is an update after my last review. Given your response I went back into it and just read the rest of the story and I’ll keep my criticisms and positives ******. On the one hand, characterization is still a big issue. Some characters are just given a block of choppy words that settles as a description while some others aren’t mentioned at all. The plot has slightly improved along the way with some obvious efforts to make it more impactful, though I will keep this spoiler free. Some of the changes are enjoyable and make sense. There are a few characters that act very unlike themselves, though this can be explained away with alternate universe shenanigans so it didn’t impact much. However the story continues on with a lot of characters being two dimensional and literally every female that sees the MC falling head over heels for his body. Besides One. There are some issues with pacing, blocks of plot seemingly cut off abruptly with the scene shifting elsewhere. Though it is good for worldbhilsing and developing a readers knowledge on the perspective of other characters the transitions between could use work. There is still an issue with the MC making blind leaps in knowledge for no real reason and being correct, even though it was established at the start he was not super intelligent and never seemingly gained super intelligence. There’s a lack of minor consequences for a fair amount of actions, namely actions that would affect the MC’s relationship with other characters being ignored and never brought up again beyond some few exceptions. The writing definitely needs some work, pacing is all over the place with minor errors or confusing shifts in dialogue. In the future please refrain from having quotation marks separating two sentences said by the character One after the other unless you intend to put descriptive text between. That’s about all I can come up with off the top of my head so on to the other hand. There is a marked improvement in effort regarding the plot and it’s direction. There is also obvious efforts towards character interactions beyond ‘Im the coolest guy ever’ ‘yes you are we’ll do what you say.’ The design choices for characters are at least thought out and use good references for designs so I have no issues there beyond maybe describing them a little more beyond ‘this costume from this version of the character.’ Sorry that there’s a fair bit more criticism, I’m not really good at pointing out positives. Anyway, that’s my review for where I’m up to, chapter 41, and I guess I’ll keep reading it. I’ll do a new review should you stick with it up to chapter 80.

Related Stories