webnovel
Blaanc
BlaancLv36yr
2018-09-13 22:24

Hey, to be honest I’ve been reading books on quidian for a long time, but never bothered to create my own account. Yet I finally created my account to give a review for this story ;). It is the most promising story I’ve read so far on this website. The world building is good, but could be more deatailed here and there; The character design is well made, characters have personality and aren’t just... There... It feels like there is a purpose to the characters actions, not as if the author just makes them behave around the mc. Writing style is good, but can be improved. Overall I’m glad I started reading this story and hopeful that the amount of chapters increase as fast as possible👍🏽.

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SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Thanks! It makes me super happy to hear that! I think your review is very spot on. My world building could use improvement. I've come to notice I'm really good at characters. Descriptions seem to be one of my weaknesses! I'm going to try studying some authors works to hopefully improve my writing style as well. I use names too much lol.

Other Reviews
Skully_
Skully_Lv13

**Burtal Mode Engaged** at sadistic Authors request "*squeak squeak* A series of squeaking sounds echoed in a brightly lit hallway. The hallway was made up of white tiles and walls. " . WTF the hallway has walls? Who wudda thunk it? And whats with sounds in asterisks? Can't you just write "a series of squeaking" oh wait you did. This was a good start to a trash novel which was terribly ruined as outlined below. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This story is a poor attempt at a trash novel. It tries, it really does. The info-dumping is subpar it needs way more walls of text telling the reader what is happening, there is far too much showing. The descriptors are not up to the standards of a trash novel. The MC acts logically even when pulling off a comedic outlook of being transported to another world with a system. This brings us to originality **Originality** - 0/5 of **** me a system novel. Wait. Uniforms which disguise the MC from “catch me if you can”. Hmm, despite being used in two Mangas as a superpower that has to lift it off 0/5 doesn’t it? Nah ****it. 0/5. **Story** - 5/5 this is where the author fucks it right up. They had the opportunity to be a trash novel but the story is too engaging. To qualify as webnovel contracted trash your MC needs to be inconsisten and illogical. They also need to do stupid fucking things because the author is too dumb to think of a better course of action. The world needs to be paper thin and you need much much more wish fulfillment. Try again. Go and find a top trash novel and use Crtl-C and Crtl-V change the names. Voila. Lolol character gets in trouble. Magic plot device truth potion out of trouble. Character cannot speak local languages struggles for one chapter. System - here you go ****er. You can now speak every language no need to struggle. **Character** - 5/5 Ah **** I have to read more so I can find another character other than the MC. I am sooo lazy that this is a chore. Shit Beardy face doesn’t speak intelligibly keep reading. Oh. Great. Cliché woman in authority. She’s perfect in every way and the MC is not smitten at all. Ok lets keep reading I bet your balls Lumi falls for him for no reason in a chapter. WTF chapter 4 and she still doesn’t trust someone she just met with the strangest story she has ever heard? And you call this a trash novel? FAIL. **Flow** - 4/5 The Flow is excellent. Another FAIL for trash novel I didn’t have to reread anything to decipher your bull****. I take one point off for over use of names. James did this. James did that. James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, I FUCKING GET HIS NAME IS JAMES!!!!!!! Suggestion: give up. you suck at writing trash novels.

Chr100
Chr100Lv14
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