webnovel
Skully_
Skully_Lv136yr
2018-09-13 19:59

**Burtal Mode Engaged** at sadistic Authors request "*squeak squeak* A series of squeaking sounds echoed in a brightly lit hallway. The hallway was made up of white tiles and walls. " . WTF the hallway has walls? Who wudda thunk it? And whats with sounds in asterisks? Can't you just write "a series of squeaking" oh wait you did. This was a good start to a trash novel which was terribly ruined as outlined below. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- This story is a poor attempt at a trash novel. It tries, it really does. The info-dumping is subpar it needs way more walls of text telling the reader what is happening, there is far too much showing. The descriptors are not up to the standards of a trash novel. The MC acts logically even when pulling off a comedic outlook of being transported to another world with a system. This brings us to originality **Originality** - 0/5 of **** me a system novel. Wait. Uniforms which disguise the MC from “catch me if you can”. Hmm, despite being used in two Mangas as a superpower that has to lift it off 0/5 doesn’t it? Nah ****it. 0/5. **Story** - 5/5 this is where the author fucks it right up. They had the opportunity to be a trash novel but the story is too engaging. To qualify as webnovel contracted trash your MC needs to be inconsisten and illogical. They also need to do stupid fucking things because the author is too dumb to think of a better course of action. The world needs to be paper thin and you need much much more wish fulfillment. Try again. Go and find a top trash novel and use Crtl-C and Crtl-V change the names. Voila. Lolol character gets in trouble. Magic plot device truth potion out of trouble. Character cannot speak local languages struggles for one chapter. System - here you go ****er. You can now speak every language no need to struggle. **Character** - 5/5 Ah **** I have to read more so I can find another character other than the MC. I am sooo lazy that this is a chore. Shit Beardy face doesn’t speak intelligibly keep reading. Oh. Great. Cliché woman in authority. She’s perfect in every way and the MC is not smitten at all. Ok lets keep reading I bet your balls Lumi falls for him for no reason in a chapter. WTF chapter 4 and she still doesn’t trust someone she just met with the strangest story she has ever heard? And you call this a trash novel? FAIL. **Flow** - 4/5 The Flow is excellent. Another FAIL for trash novel I didn’t have to reread anything to decipher your bull****. I take one point off for over use of names. James did this. James did that. James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, James, I FUCKING GET HIS NAME IS JAMES!!!!!!! Suggestion: give up. you suck at writing trash novels.

Uniform System (HIATUS)

SnoozySloth
4.7
34 Chs

Liked by 15 people

LIKE
Replies13
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Thanks for the review Skully! Haha, I'm laughing like crazy Skully. Skully, Good to know I suck at trash novels! Skully, have you got any recommendations on reducing the usage of names Skully? I've always felt like I overused them, Skully. In all seriousness I'm not really sure how to use character names less >.< Any advice?

6yr
1
Skully_
Skully_Lv13

It's easy. Use name once per chapter at most. You can use HE or SHE, THEY or a title. Or rework the sentence where the person doesn't need to be named at all. For instance, if you are focusing on James for 3 paragraphs in a row. You might use his name once or twice and the rest use "he"

SnoozySloth:Thanks for the review Skully! Haha, I'm laughing like crazy Skully. Skully, Good to know I suck at trash novels! Skully, have you got any recommendations on reducing the usage of names Skully? I've always felt like I overused them, Skully. In all seriousness I'm not really sure how to use character names less >.< Any advice?
6yr
2
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Thanks! I'll try to improve. I've only ever written research papers before so this is new to me lol. In my head he/she was only acceptable for a few follow-up sentences per paragraph.

Skully_:It's easy. Use name once per chapter at most. You can use HE or SHE, THEY or a title. Or rework the sentence where the person doesn't need to be named at all. For instance, if you are focusing on James for 3 paragraphs in a row. You might use his name once or twice and the rest use "he"
6yr
1
Skully_
Skully_Lv13

Does he get a title? Like Dragon Guard? You can use that as well in a pinch to break up the monotony. Same for Lumi or Beardy.

SnoozySloth:Thanks! I'll try to improve. I've only ever written research papers before so this is new to me lol. In my head he/she was only acceptable for a few follow-up sentences per paragraph.
6yr
2
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Unfortunately not. I think I'll use your novel as research material for writing flow later lol.

Skully_:Does he get a title? Like Dragon Guard? You can use that as well in a pinch to break up the monotony. Same for Lumi or Beardy.
6yr
1
TheGentlemenWorld
TheGentlemenWorldLv10

... This review is almost on par with the ones I do. Am impressed

6yr
2
Troll_Fox
Troll_FoxLv5

If I didn’t know better, I would think that you have a grudge with the author 😂😂

6yr
3
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Skully was doing nice or brutal reviews at author's request in a forum thread a while back. I requested brutal =p

Troll_Fox:If I didn’t know better, I would think that you have a grudge with the author 😂😂
6yr
1
Troll_Fox
Troll_FoxLv5

Hahahaha~ So that’s why~~

SnoozySloth:Skully was doing nice or brutal reviews at author's request in a forum thread a while back. I requested brutal =p
6yr
2
Vladarius
VladariusLv5

weeeew This guy opened my eyes 0-0 You Da 2nd man to do that congrats

6yr
1
AlunaSola
AlunaSolaLv10

OMG 2 of my great authors have interacted. This Wisp is Happy!

6yr
1
TheDao1
TheDao1Lv4

The trash talk put some people's trash talk that I know to shame

6yr
TheDao1
TheDao1Lv4

The trash talk put some people's trash talk that I know to shame

6yr
Other Reviews
SnoozySloth
SnoozySlothAuthor

Hey all. Author here. I'm giving myself 5 stars because this is clearly the greatest story ever written. That's my completely unbiased objective opinion. You can trust me, I'm an author! As of now I have 2 chapters out. I originally only planned on writing 1 for the fun writing prompt, but since I got positive feedback I think I'll stick with it for a while. I've never written a story before so this is a fun new experience for me. Anyways, anyone who reads please leave feedback (positive or negative). That's what inspires me to keep writing. Thanks!

6yr

PrinceGebauer
PrinceGebauerLv10

There once was a old man living in a certain town. He was peerless in strength and nobody dared to defy him. One day, he walked in a bar, grabbed a bottle of hard saka and chugged it all down. Suddenly, in a drunken rage, he yelled "Wuxia novels suck!" And he ran out. They found his body 2 days later.

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Chr100
Chr100Lv14

Reveal spoiler

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bijiscommoner
bijiscommonerLv4

cerita yang menyenangkan, aku sampai terbawa suasana ketika membacanya. tetapi sangat disayangkan bila hiatus. saya berharap studi anda akan berjalan dengan baik. jangan lupa bab baru saat kembali semangat!

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LanceG
LanceGLv5

A Very good story short of the slightly r*tard*d main character for his rants and random action that proved to be utterly stupid such as not even bothering to check his system completely and, rather than increasing his strength just to open the fucking door that he can't even do or increasing his chance of survival he upgraded his system... author I'll say this story and even the pacing everything else is amazing just that the main character are a little bit stupid.

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DonHit
DonHitLv6

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😒👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

6yr
Otakusalem
OtakusalemLv5

I like it more more updates more more more more updates more updates more updates more more more updates more updates more more more more more updates more more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more more more more more more more more more more more more more updates more more updates more updates more updates more updates more updates more

6yr
Vladarius
VladariusLv5

i havent seen or read something this greatly developed with personality i can assure if anyone starts reading it it will be a bit sloopy... who wasnt when starting But Snoozy over here is a NATURAL he is the only original author i ever saw to sync togheter the comedy.. drama so well idk how to describe but after chap 4 or 5 you see that its god damn professional how the world background, character development and story development are done even the writing is a god damn 5 star so idk what his problem is about his writing he already writes like any other pro ffs i hope i dont sound toxic if i do then it bcs i will be god damn disappointed if this novel will be left in the desert... this hidden gem will be forgotten in between the sands of eternity

6yr
ThingOfRegret
ThingOfRegretLv3

The writing is good, but my criticism lies in the later chapers, in the early chapters his goal was first to avoid capture, and second to become a student in the acadamy. These aren't exactly long term goals but they built up exitment and created interesting situations. Now after that he's in his master's intense training and deadlines became that goal. But now the goal has slightly stagnated into formlessness. Please be sure to give him a big goal(besides divinity) and sub goals (like entering the acadamy). What does our MC want and what lengths will he go to get it? How does it chang him and the way he interacts with other people? How do other people's goals intersect / get in the way with his? **. Communication with the system is fun and I hope to learn more our our jaded system friend.

6yr
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