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theonionjunktionAuthor6yr
2018-05-26 23:24

Hey guys author here. I love martial arts fantasy a war fantasy, but i thought about bringing something new to the mix. Hope u enjoy my work. Criticism and comments are always welcome. I have other works online such as Titan's Throne and Solitary Sword Sovereign each with millions of views so check em out :)

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Replies21
Frostfire10Lv4

Hello the onion, your novel is one of the most interesting novels I've read so far. There are several things I like and dislike about this novel and I will list them down: Like: Overpowered MC Wide variety of cultures introduced (Seriously. Finally) Not ***** MC How you introduce the setting in ways that make sense. Dislike: Constant hopping between viewpoints - This destroys the momentum that you have been building up of the character's story. Too many characters too early in the story - You whacked me in the face with plenty of characters whose names I may not need to remember or care about at the present moment. If you introduce the sadistic princess character, I expect her to cross paths with the MC within 10 chapters. Remember Cherkov's Gun. I understand how you feel coming up with all these cool characters and wanting to introduce them ASAP, but to us, who are used to being bombarded with side characters, introducing these characters now will just make us forget them when they are suppose to be relevant. Use of presumably African names to describe non-important things - Using "convoluted name" to describe a liver, heart, lungs, etc. Majority of the people here do not understand what those names are, find them hard to remember and using them in place of their English counterparts brings nothing to the story. Only use them if there is no English equivalent. Eg, Yin and Yang. These terms can be translated as light and dark, but there is so much connotation to them that it makes more sense to keep them in Mandarin. I understand you are trying to incorporate African culture into the story, but such things are better shown in societal structures and traditions. These are all the problems that I have found so far and I hope my criticism helps. I know that 90% of the stuff I wrote here is negative, but I sincerely hope that you can keep on writing your interesting story till its completion. Possible things to consider: Differing standards of beauty - not all cultures view beauty similarly. Eg, Indians in the past believed bigger was better as they thought such women would give them many children. But look at Asian standards now. How to show that the characters are speaking in different languages How to bridge the gap of each empire using different cultivation terms - I foresee this will confuse the heck out of people and when people get confused, the immersion breaks.

theonionjunktionAuthor

Thanks for the advice 🙇

Frostfire10:Hello the onion, your novel is one of the most interesting novels I've read so far. There are several things I like and dislike about this novel and I will list them down: Like: Overpowered MC Wide variety of cultures introduced (Seriously. Finally) Not ***** MC How you introduce the setting in ways that make sense. Dislike: Constant hopping between viewpoints - This destroys the momentum that you have been building up of the character's story. Too many characters too early in the story - You whacked me in the face with plenty of characters whose names I may not need to remember or care about at the present moment. If you introduce the sadistic princess character, I expect her to cross paths with the MC within 10 chapters. Remember Cherkov's Gun. I understand how you feel coming up with all these cool characters and wanting to introduce them ASAP, but to us, who are used to being bombarded with side characters, introducing these characters now will just make us forget them when they are suppose to be relevant. Use of presumably African names to describe non-important things - Using "convoluted name" to describe a liver, heart, lungs, etc. Majority of the people here do not understand what those names are, find them hard to remember and using them in place of their English counterparts brings nothing to the story. Only use them if there is no English equivalent. Eg, Yin and Yang. These terms can be translated as light and dark, but there is so much connotation to them that it makes more sense to keep them in Mandarin. I understand you are trying to incorporate African culture into the story, but such things are better shown in societal structures and traditions. These are all the problems that I have found so far and I hope my criticism helps. I know that 90% of the stuff I wrote here is negative, but I sincerely hope that you can keep on writing your interesting story till its completion. Possible things to consider: Differing standards of beauty - not all cultures view beauty similarly. Eg, Indians in the past believed bigger was better as they thought such women would give them many children. But look at Asian standards now. How to show that the characters are speaking in different languages How to bridge the gap of each empire using different cultivation terms - I foresee this will confuse the heck out of people and when people get confused, the immersion breaks.
verityinvisionLv14

Tags? Is this harem? I'm looking for non harem?

theonionjunktionAuthor

Definitely no harem

verityinvision:Tags? Is this harem? I'm looking for non harem?
glo_anttttLv15

does anyone know what’s the power system or level or how it even works ? because the author doesn’t seem to have any intention on explaining any time soon and i have very little patience ????

FillerArcLv5

THANK GOD! I will start reading this now

theonionjunktion:Definitely no harem
ZoonishLv10

Its really interesting

TigerBlooImmortalLv15

Is there romance

theonionjunktionAuthor

Yes there is definitely

TigerBlooImmortal:Is there romance
TigerBlooImmortalLv15

OK whew because I got to where he was rethinking his lust for maka and was coming to the conclusion that he wasn't going to do romance so I dropped it till you replied but thank I'll pick it back up it's really good

theonionjunktion:Yes there is definitely
FourEyesLv12

Is this kingdom building?

theonionjunktion:Yes there is definitely
theonionjunktionAuthor

Yes and no

FourEyes:Is this kingdom building?
MiLfL0VeRLv12

I hope there will be some romantic sublot cause its too dull if he the story only tells about his journey to the top w/o some spice in between

GuYueFangZhengLv10

And here i thought romance itself is boring ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

GuYueFangZhengLv10

Does your other works have it too?

ExtremePrejudiceLv6

keep up the great work

Misten12Lv10

Hey man, how come you ain’t posting any more chapters, i’ve been waiting for ages.

Misten12Lv10

Hey man, how come you ain’t posting any more chapters, i’ve been waiting for ages.

HNIC409Lv15

Hey no cap I had this in my library for almost a year before booting it out 🥾+📕=💨 So I love it but once the chapters stop posting I was like d*mn another bites the dust lol so I'll add it back nd see where it goes

Jordan_LockhartLv12

is it still being updated, or has it been dropped?

Other Reviews
CharizmaLv6

Ok, so usually if a novel is going to have inconsistencies it is noticeable at the start. That is not the case with this novel. Minor Spoilers Ahead (not enough to ruin anything, but enough to give you an idea of the story) This novel started off explaining how Taku, the MC, is reincarnated and how he is a genius that "conquered" Earth in his previous life and now intends to conquer this new world. At first, he is overwhelmed by the crazy feats the villagers can do, but that is reasonable since even a genius can be amazed at the ability to jump across a village in a single leap. Taku gets his special ability, that all members of the race have, and leaves the village. He does some really cool stuff then goes into training and the novel looks awesome at this point, ch10-15. Next the author starts world building. He shows a few different perspectives from around the world and each of these side perspectives is that of someone with a special characteristic, so I expect that they will each play an important role in the future. I enjoyed each one of them and expect that the characters would be very entertaining in the future. Overall, so far, the character design is incredible and world building is off to a great start, ch25-30. Now, the training is over (obviously the MC completed the training). Taku now goes off to do a mission with another trainee. A bit more side perspectives... Back to mission. Here is where the first inconsistency really shows up and the story starts its downward spiral. It was stated when Taku was about to start training that he would get 1-on-1 weapons, spear and short-sword, training, for special reasons. Yet, when he goes on this mission he fights with spears and is just swinging it around with no idea how to use it. This is also where you start noticing an inconsistency with the power levels. But that is just a couple small inconsistencies and can be overlooked, ch35. Then we get another side character perspective. Starting to become a bit bothersome, but hey, we all love when good world-building finally comes together so move on. Now is when we start noticing that Taku isn't quite the genius he was made out to be and a bit more inconsistency. Taku is a team leader and is on his way, one week out, to meet his team mid-mission, so what does he decide to do? Do some training on the way, quite irresponsible in my opinion. So he meets up with his team and guess what, HE WAS 2 WEEKS LATE! So mid-mission, he decided to take a 2 week detour. So either the author was inconsistent in his writing or Taku is a terrible team leader, ch45. Then Taku does a couple more foolish things, the power levels are incredibly inconsistent, and the story is in a nose-dive. I expect it to crash hard, with no surivors, very soon. I REALLY liked this novel and lots of potential at the start, but unfortunately I don't expect it to save itself and expect it to lose readers until the author drops it midway. Author, if you are reading this, I recommend going back to the training and start rewriting. Just fix the inconsistencies and make Taku at least a decent leader or make him at least a semi-soloer. Especially fix the romance thing you have going on. Either let them **** and Taku get it out of his system so he can focus on his goals (my recommendation), or rewrite it out and level off the romance so that it happens at a better time. He states repeatedly that he is a full grown man, but you make him act like a teenager when it comes to his emotions. And fix/better define the power levels. You show that he can barely fight a level 1 beast, but then a few chapters later he is insta-killing level two beasts and fighting level 4s. And if not then start over with a new novel, I think you have a lot of potential as a writer. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed the novel at the start and really hope that it can be rewritten somewhat to allow for the world-building and character building, excluding the MC, to show off their potential.

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