24. Chapter 24

The drugs knocked Maya out for the rest of the night except for one ten-minute time she woke up because of her stomach.

Carina slept less well, waking up several times to use the bathroom and just because her tummy was so upset.

When Maya woke up at 9, Carina was curled up in bed next to her sound asleep. Maya felt something tickling her face, looking and seeing her teddy bear on her chest. Maya smiled, rubbing it against her cheek.

This bear had been a physical connection to Carina while her fiancé was in the Covid hotspot and then in quarantine, but honestly, she used it often when Carina was working or sometimes, even when her wife was struggling with physical touch, and she needed some herself. That was actually how Andy found out about Maya’s bear.

It was the first anniversary of Andrew’s death, and Maya had taken a couple of days off both because she knew how hard this was going to be for Carina, and also because she herself was struggling with it too, a lot more than she had anticipated.

She and Andrew had gotten pretty close during the time between Maya and Carina getting back together and Andrew’s murder.

The first time she met him had been about six weeks into the pandemic when she and Carina went on what ended up becoming a weekly park date. They would go to a park, each bringing their own food, spread out blankets 10 feet apart, and talk for hours, just enjoying hearing each other’s voices not over a phone.

After a few weeks of it, Carina texted Maya, asking if maybe Andrew could join them. Maya wasn’t totally sure how she felt about it, but she agreed because it seemed like it was important to her girlfriend and Maya was doing everything she could to be back in Carina’s good graces despite all of her girlfriend’s insistence she had forgiven her.

Maya had gotten there early, making sure to get “their” spot secured, not that there were many people in the park because of the lockdowns, but more and more people were starting to be outside.

Carina had texted Maya, telling her there was an accident and she was stuck waiting for it to be cleared so she was going to be late.

Maya had told her it was fine, but internally she was freaking out because just as Carina texted her, she saw Andrew walking over. He approached her, setting up his blanket at the proper distance before sitting down. It had been awkward at first, but by the time Carina got there forty minutes later, the two of them were chatting like they had been friends for a long time. From there, their relationship had only grown.

When Carina moved in, they would have twice a week facetime dinners with Andrew, and there were nights when Carina would be working that Maya and Andrew would just facetime together.

Andrew reminded Maya a little bit of Mason, maybe just because he was a younger brother, but he also was driven and ok with who he was and passionate like Mason so maybe it was more than just the little brother thing.

Andrew would tell Maya about what Carina was like as a kid and Maya would tell him about her firefighting and the Olympics. Carina had come home more than once to find Maya sitting on the couch talking to Andrew about so many things, and though she never actually said anything, Carina loved that her brother and girlfriend had such a good relationship.

Maya enjoyed having the feeling of having a brother again, and she was seriously considering trying to find Mason again when Andrew had been murdered, and it had crushed their world.

Maya tried her best to keep her grief inside and not let Carina know how much losing Andrew was also impacting her, but it was challenging. She had run about it and worked out about it and talked to Diane about it and that screaming at the firehouse had been almost as much for her as it was for her girlfriend.

The year anniversary of losing the man she had come to view as a brother in the short time she had known him stirred up a lot of feelings Maya wasn’t thrilled about.

Carina had been struggling for almost two weeks leading up to the day, spending more and more time crying and laying on the floor and almost reverting back to how she had been right after he died.

Maya had decided to take a week off to just be home with Carina. Also, Maya knew deep down, she was in no state to try to work through this.

On the actual anniversary, Carina had laid on the floor all day, not wanting to be touched at all. Maya had tried really hard to just be there for her and make sure she was Carina’s rock. She even chose to run on her treadmill instead of outside which she never did if it was even vaguely nice outside. However, that day, she ran close to fifteen miles on her treadmill, just making sure she was there if Carina needed her.

They had stayed up all night, Carina sobbing harder than Maya had seen in a long time at 10:50, Andrew’s official time of death. Maya herself felt so empty and sad and ended up leaving Carina on the bedroom floor after she had calmed down to go cry on her own in the living room, not wanting to bother her wife with her grief.

Eventually, Maya made her way back to the bedroom, the two of them just lying next to each other, Carina wrapped in her Andrea blanket, finally allowing Maya to hold her hand gently for a while until she pulled her hand away.

Maya was craving contact and ended up going to find the teddy bear from Carina, just needing some comfort.

They both must have fallen asleep at some point the following morning because the next thing Maya knew, she heard someone walking around the apartment and opened her eyes to see Andy standing in the bedroom doorway.

Maya had gotten up, making sure Carina was still sleeping, before going to talk to her friend, her bear still in her hands.

“How are you guys doing?” Andy asked, noticing how terrible her best friend looked.

“We both finally fell asleep I guess,” Maya said, voice a little raspy from the crying she had done the day before, “But it’s rough right now.”

“I’m so sorry you are both dealing with this,” Andy said, putting a comforting hand on Maya’s shoulder, “I brought some soup. Do you need anything else?”

“I don’t know,” Maya sighed, sitting down at the table, the bear still tightly wrapped in her arms, “I just wish I could take this pain away from her.”

“I know,” Andy said, nodding as she moved to wrap Maya in a hug.

After a minute, they shifted and all of a sudden, the bear said “Ti amo bambina” Maya’s cheeks turning red as Andy pulled back, looking at what was in her friend’s hands for the first time.

“Is that bear supposed to be your girlfriend?” Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Maya sighed, “Carina made this before she went to Italy and I slept with it while she was away and whenever I just need a little comfort and she’s either not here to give it or not physically capable of giving it like the past few days. I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“No,” Andy said, filing this away in her list of things that were so stupidly adorable about her best friend’s relationship that she could never tell anyone or risk the rath of Maya and Carina, “It is really sweet. I’m glad you have that.”

Maya just shrugged, holding the bear closer. She was brought back to the present by the bear talking again, Maya realizing she must had been squeezing it while she was thinking back on those memories.

Just then, there was a soft knock on her door, Carina groaning a little as Maya shoved her bear under her blanket before calling, “Come in.”

“Hey,” Amelia said, walking in, “Oh, were you two sleeping?”

“I was awake,” Maya said, looking over at her wife, gently rubbing her back as the Italian struggled to wake up, “I don’t think Carina was though.”

“I’m so sorry,” Amelia said, knowing how hard it had been for these two to sleep, “I didn’t even think you might be sleeping.”

“It’s ok,” Carina mumbled, forcing her body out of bed and into the bathroom.

“What’s up?” Maya asked, sitting the bed up a little bit. “I just realized on my way out this morning that it is time to get the stitches out of your head today,” Amelia said, “So I figured I would come up here, give you another quick exam, and then take them out.”

“Fine,” Maya said, “But if I can’t remember things, it’s not because I am concussed or have something wrong with my brain. I’m just tired.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Amelia said, shaking her head before starting the exam.

She was pretty sure Maya was fine, and she had initially planned on coming up here and making this exam long and tedious just to annoy the fire captain, but she knew from the second she stepped into the room that something was not quite right and that her jokes would not be well received today.

Maya did just fine on her neuro exam, of course, and Amelia was just about to start removing the stitches when Carina came out of the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” she asked sleepily, grabbing her drink before getting into bed.

“It’s time to take the stitches out of her head,” Amelia said, grabbing the scissors she needed, “It’s been ten days since I put them in.”

“It’s already been ten days?” Carina said, taking a long drink of her electrolyte replenisher before setting it down and sitting back in bed.

“Yeah,” Amelia said, “Now, Maya, look at your wife so I have better visualization of this.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Maya said, turning her head to look at Carina.

“How are you feeling this morning Bambina?” Carina asked as Amelia started working on removing the stitches.

“My stomach shockingly feels a little better,” Maya said, smiling a little, “Everything else is…eh. I’m exhausted and I’m ready to talk to Diane.”

“I know,” Carina said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Maya’s forehead, happy she finally didn’t feel like she had a fever, “She will be here in a few hours.”

“How are you feeling?” Maya asked, wincing a little as one of the stitches pulled.

“Sorry,” Amelia said, getting it out, “That one was a little stuck.” “It’s ok,” Maya said, relaxing again, “Car?”

“I’m exhausted,” Carina said, “And my stomach is hurting, but I’m not nauseous or anything. And mentally, I am…I think a little anxious, but I feel so physically sick I’m not sure.”

“I’m sorry,” Maya said, leaning over to give Carina a kiss only to lean on the bear she had shoved under the blanket, everyone hearing “ti amo Bambina,” coming from under the blankets.

“What was that?” Amelia asked, stopping what she was doing.

“Nothing,” Maya said, face turning red.

“Come on,” Amelia said, “Just tell me.”

“It’s nothing,” Maya said, feeling very defensive for some reason. “It’s just me,” Amelia said, “Just tell me.”

“Amelia, drop it,” Maya snapped, regretting it almost instantly, “Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. Sorry.”

Tears welled up in Maya’s eyes, quickly running down her cheeks.

“Shhhh,” Carina said, putting her hands on Maya’s face, “Bambina. It is ok.”

“Sorry,” Amelia mouthed, as Carina glanced at her, the Italian giving a small shake of her head before focusing back on calming her wife down.

Amelia quickly finished removing the stitches, double checking to make sure she got all of them.

“Alright,” she said, “I am going to go. Do you need anything else before I do?”

“I’m sorry,” Maya said, taking a breath before looking at the neurosurgeon, “I really didn’t mean to snap at you. I just…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Amelia said, “I’m not mad. You asked me to stop and I didn’t. I’m sorry. Get some rest today, ok?”

“Thank you Amelia,” Maya said, offering a small smile.

“Text me if either of you need anything,” the neurosurgeon said, heading for the door, “Carina, make sure you are hydrating and eating?”

“I will try,” Carina said, “Grazie Amelia.”

Once Amelia left, Carina looked back at Maya.

“Are you ok?” Carina asked, wrapping her blanket around herself as a chill ran through her.

“I don’t know why I snapped at her,” Maya said, pulling the bear out from under the blankets.

“Bambina, you are stressed and in some pain and sick and struggling,” Carina said, “Sometimes, it all just gets to be too much, and while it’s better if you don’t snap, it is ok, and I promise you Amelia understands.”

Maya nodded, rubbing her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Carina asked.

Just as Maya was about to answer, there was another knock at the door and in walked Jared and another PT assistant Maya hadn’t met yet.

“Hey,” Jared said, “Is now an ok time?”

“Yeah,” Maya sighed, “As good a time as any I guess.”

“This is Emily,” Jared said, “She’s my assistant for the day. How are you feeling this morning?”

“Pretty good,” Maya said, “At least physically. I am ready to see what I can do today.”

“Are you sure Bambina?” Carina asked, not wanting Maya to push herself into frustration, especially after how the morning had already gone.

“I’m sure,” Maya said.

“Alright,” Jared said as Carina got out of bed, and he adjusted the bed up to sitting, “Now, we are going to start just by dangling your legs again, ok?”

“Sounds good,” Maya nodded, the motion becoming familiar to her.

Soon enough, her feet were on the floor, and she was getting ready to stand.

“Ok,” Jared said, “So, I know you took a step yesterday, so today, I want to see if you can do a couple, ok? If you can’t, that’s fine. Let’s just try.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, letting Emily and Jared help her stand up, keeping her eyes on Carina who was standing where she was yesterday.

“Ok,” Jared said as Emily grabbed the cane, “Let’s take one step, ok? Cane first. Then your left leg, then your right one. Good. And again.”

“Bambina, you are doing so great,” Carina said, smiling at her wife as she took another step. Maya took five steps before Jared stopped her.

“You doing ok?” Jared asked.

“Yeah,” Maya said, breathing a little harder than normal, “It feels good, but I’m getting a little tired.”

“Can I?” Carina asked, walking closer to her wife.

“Of course,” Jared nodded, stepping back and letting Carina come closer.

Maya immediately melted into her wife’s arms, both of them enjoying the physical contact.

“I wish we could do this forever,” Carina said, “I miss holding you.”

“I miss holding you,” Maya said, “So much.”

Maya started getting tired, but she had no desire to let go of her wife. Finally, however, she knew her body wasn’t going to hold her up much longer.

“Ok,” she said, pulling away.

Emily and Jared were immediately back at her side, putting her cane back in her hand.

“We are just going to turn you around and then get up back to bed, ok?” Jared said.

Maya nodded a little, hoping her body would take it.

Maya made the turn around fine and started walking back to the bed when suddenly, her left leg gave out. Luckily, Emily and Jared were holding onto her and didn’t let her fall, but it scared Maya a lot more than she cared to admit.

“You ok?” Jared asked, noticing she wasn’t supporting her weight well.

“I don’t know if I can make it back to the bed,” Maya said, feeling panic filling her body a little, wondering what was going to happen if she couldn’t make it back to bed.

Would she just have to sit down on the floor or something? If she did that, there was no way she was going to make it up off the floor and then she would just have to lay there until she was healed and she felt the panic rising her in body before she felt Carina’s hand on her back.

“Calmati,” Carina whispered in her ear, “You are going to make it back to bed. Just be calm, ok? They have you.”

Maya nodded, leaning a lot on Jared and Emily, but successfully making it back to the bed, her panic going down a lot as she felt the bed on the backs of her legs.

“That was really good Maya,” Jared said as they got her back into bed.

“I almost fell,” Maya said, clearly not happy about it.

“You stood for almost five full minutes,” Jared said, “That is incredibly impressive. Do not take away from that. So, you pushed a little too hard today. It happens. Now you know your limit and what it feels like to hit it and go over it so next time, try not to let it get so far.”

Maya nodded, yawning because that was extremely exhausting.

“You did well,” Jared said, “I will be back later this afternoon for another session. I want to start working on a few exercises you can do to strengthen that leg a little and if you are up to it, we can try standing again. Sound ok?”

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, “Thank you.”

While Jared was talking to Maya, Carina had pulledEmily aside, explaining to her that Maya was notorious for pushing herself too hard and too far and that it was probably something all the therapists should know about the blonde so they could be aware and make sure to set limits. Emily thanked her for letting her know and said she would pass it on.

Carina had known Maya was going to start pushing herself too far at some point, but she didn’t think it was going to be so soon into this recovery. However, she had clearly underestimated her wife and just how much her abusive past still had a hold on her.

Maya had been going better normally at keeping her father’s voice out of her head, and even when she wasn’t feeling great, she had gotten better too, but this accident was a whole different ballgame, and clearly after today, she needed to keep a better eye on how hard Maya was pushing.

“Alright,” Jared said, “We are going to head out. See you this afternoon, ok?”

“Sounds good,” Maya said, smiling a tiny bit.

“That was very good Bambina,” Carina said, climbing back into bed.

“I almost fell,” Maya said, “I should have been able to handle that.”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “You are not going to do this. You accomplished a lot, and you are not going to take away from your achievement today, and I am going to celebrate it and I wish you would too.”

“How are you going to celebrate?” Maya asked, still not super happy with herself and her body, but interested in what her wife was talking about.

“I was going to give you some kisses,” Carina said, “And then maybe put on a movie or maybe one of those true crime shows you like and cuddle with you? But if you are going to put down your accomplishments, then maybe we will just have to skip that.”

“No,” Maya said, “No, I…um…I think I did fine today.”

“Ok,” Carina said, leaning over and planting a kiss on Maya’s lips, “Well, I think you did better than fine.”

Maya smiled as Carina gave her another kiss.

They probably would have continued except Maya yawned and Carina’s stomach gurgled loudly, reminding both of them that they were indeed in the hospital and not at home.

Carina got up, going back to the bathroom while Maya struggled to keep her eyes open. She ended up looking around the room a little, trying to keep herself awake.

She noticed for the first time that there was some kind of formula or something in the bag attached to her NJ tube. The day before, it had just been a Pedialyte like fluid to help hydrate her and get her intestines used to processing fluids again. She was happy that she had moved on to the formula and that her body seemed to be doing well with it because she was actually feeling a lot better than she had been.

She realized that she hadn’t had to use the bathroom in at least 8 hours which was a new record. She was hoping that maybe her body was finally beating the infection.

Carina came out of the bathroom, getting back into bed with Maya.

“Did you know I started some kind of actual nutrition today?” Maya asked as Carina cuddled close to her.

“I saw that, yes,” Carina nodded, “Is it making you feel sick?”

“Not even a little bit,” Maya said, yawning, “It’s making me feel better I think. Or maybe I’m just finally beating c. diff.”

“I hope you are,” Carina said, “You deserve to start feeling better.”

“So do you,” Maya said as she rubbed Carina’s back.

“I will be ok,” Carina said, “I am not feeling nearly as sick as you were. Are you ready for me to put on a show?”

“You can if you want,” Maya said, eyelids heavy, “I will probably watch some, but no promises. Put on something you like.”

“Ok,” Carina said, feeling tired herself, but not sure she was actually going to sleep right now.

She put on a home improvement show, something they both enjoyed before both of them just relaxed, Carina giving Maya back her teddy bear when she noticed her wife’s fidgety hands and the anxiety on her face that was preventing her from sleeping. Maya took the bear, settling down almost immediately, her left hand tucked into Carina, just allowing her to relax.