trigger warning, read at your own risk

People think the pain of losing someone dear to you only lasts for a while. But in reality, it bores a hole in our souls. The pain never leaves nor does it heals. They say time could heal, but time cannot heal everything. They say things happen for a reason, whether the reason is for the better or for worse, a lesson can be learned in everything that happens around us.

But even though that's the case, we couldn't help but to put the blame on ourselves at times. Even when we aren't the ones at fault. It's sad to think that some has spent their lives blaming themselves for things they were never at fault for.

A few pills were scattered on the floor. Jeno already took two pills at this moment. He took three pills earlier. He started to feel light-headed that it made it hard for him to type without creating any errors.

Mark sent him a message after he sent a somewhat alarming message to the latter. It's been a while since the last time, Mark almost forgot about it. He thought things were slowly turning well for Jeno.

But perhaps not.

To summarize his message, he wrote Mark a farewell message.

He tossed his phone aside after sending a reply, letting it be consumed by darkness before quickly swallowing a couple more pills.

It usually takes at least 24 hours before the pills fully take effect, but Jeno knew how he can make things work faster. He researched and have always looked into methods to take away his life that it didn't seem much like a challenge to him anymore. He already failed a few times, he was certain that he won't fail this time.

He began to shake. He emits a faint giggle as he lets his arms fall to his sides, mumbling gibberish words to himself in between giggles and suppressed laughter. He needed to feel. He needed something that could make him feel again.

He scoffs as he fished a stash of blades from his jacket's pocket. Ripping the pack open and picking a piece up while he lets the rest hit the ground. He hums as he pulls his sleeve up, lips quivering as he felt the cold object pierce against his skin, creating a small laceration.

Blood began to seep through the cut, it stung and it made Jeno whimper.

It's been so long since the last time he has done it, his past cuts were nothing but scars now.

But now, they are being replaced with new ones.

He lost control of himself. Adrenaline taking over, fresh cuts after another. He stared at his hands, they were covered in his blood. His arm gushing crimson red liquid, dripping off the floor and creating puddles of blood.

Jeno can hear his phone ringing on the other side of his room, but he felt too weak to reach for it.

There was a loud banging on his door along with shouts. He smiled to himself.

His vision began to blur and everything went black.

Jeno's relatives kicked the door open after finally unlocking the door, terrified of the sight they have witnessed. Jeno's aunt cried in fear. They immediately called for help while they attempted to clean and do first aid on Jeno while help is yet to come.

The ambulance came after, taking Jeno along with his relatives to the hospital.