18 gloomy

Jeno is starting to remember everything. How things happened and turned out.

The skies were dark and gloomy, no evident fluff of clouds. Everything around him was blank and dull.

It felt a lot like the sky was mourning with Jeno.

He clutches the bouquet of flowers tightly, his other hand tucked inside his coat. He wore something warm to keep himself from freezing. He slowly approaches his destination. He kneels down and brushes the dry leaves away from the tombstone to put the bouquet down.

It's been eight years, but everything remains fresh in his memory. It scares him to be able to see all the horrifying scenes in his head ever so vividly. How he can still hear all the noises. Even the smallest of details. How everything that happened was blamed on him. He carries the burden and he will continue to carry it.

"Hey.. I'm sorry for not being able to visit you lately. Things have been so hard on me lately and it took its toll on me. I don't even know what I should do at this point. I've been feeling lost."

Jeno muttered, unzipping his bag as he rummages through his stuff.

"It still feels odd to not have you around anymore, you know? I know I shouldn't be like this. But you're the only one I can rely on. And it sucks. The person I rely on is no longer here. Heh."

He grips on the item inside his bag and sighs, giving the tombstone a glance and shaking his head.

"I hate this. I should have been the one who died instead. Maybe things would have been better. If I'm the one who died, then maybe none of this would be happening right now. Things would be going well and fine, everyone would be happy. They wouldn't have to worry about taking care of a stupid and useless being like me. Nobody would be burdened for looking after me. I'm just a waste of space here. But you, aren't. You did so much for the people around you. You're amazing. People always look up to you. I did, too. I always wanted to be just like you. But I can't. I can't and I never can. Why? I'm the complete opposite of you. I never did anything good to help the people around me. All I did was cause troubles and make everyone worry. All I did was hurt the ones that surrounds me. Including you."

Jeno breathed heavily, tears brimming the corners of his eyes. His vision began to blur. Tears streaming down his cheeks.

"It hurts. Everyone is gone. You're gone. I have no idea where everyone is. And everything is my fault."

"I miss you so much, brother."