A Newbie's Quest, Part 4: Cousin Rivalry

Lincolnville

Skateboard City was an indoor skate park where the ramps towered like buildings, resembling a miniature city. The Sector Q agents watched as Jenny soared down a towering ramp, and after flying up the other side, she did a backflip, diagonal-left flip, kicked skyward three times, dealt rapid punches to either side, followed by turning upside-down and clacking her heels, and curving upright just in time to land on the next ramp. It swerved down like a whirlpool, where she performed twirls, cartwheels, then skated backwards while crouching down and kicking "forward." She did all this while maintaining a constant turn on the spiral. Jenny then jumped off and across a set of platforms, doing jumping jacks with each one, and finally rejoined her teammates on the predestined Goal platform.

"Yo, those were some sick moves, yo!" Miko cheered. "That's what they say, right?"

"I think so." Quill shrugged.

"Yo, you still got the moves, Cous!" They looked up at Mike Strongarm, mounted on a bike on an overhead track. Mike wore a white and purple helmet, white T-shirt with purple sleeves, with purple pants and sneakers. "But let's see if you can top this!"

Mike pedaled across the relatively narrow track, doing twirls on the back wheel before switching to the front. He then dropped to a perpendicular track down below, quickly recovering momentum. There were several mini ramps along this road, and he went up one, jumped with a flip, and landed back on his bike just in time to turn rightward and go up another ramp. On this jump, he flipped upside-down with his hand propped on the seat. The bike flew away from that track and onto another one, and Mike reseated as he jumped the bike and pedaled it along a curving wall. He bounced off that wall to land on a rail, staying balanced on it as he lay back against the seat, did a few situps, then some yoga stretches. The rail went up a loop, so Mike leapt and did three air-rolls as his bike went over the loop and returned to catch him.

"Man, your brother's a champ!" Miko cheered.

"Cousin, actually." Jenny corrected.

"Ah, right, I forgot."

"It's actually weird because, my mom is actually his dad's sister. But my dad had a really dumb last name, and like, no way was that gonna be my surname. Strongarm sounds MUCH more dignified!"

Drake whispered to Miko, "Her last name would've been Donghickey."

"Ohhhhhh…"

Mike eventually returned to the platform, doing a sideways flip as he kicked his bike to the air, then made the full rotation to land on his feet. "That's how it's done, Cous!" He held his hand out to catch the bike by the wheel.

"Yeah, boast all you want. You have plenty of time to practice when you're not on dangerous missions."

"I've been on as many missions as you!"

"Then why aren't you in the Top 10, anymore?"

"W-Well, I…I can't help that those other sectors got better missions!"

"Yeah, but we're still ahead of them."

"W-Well…ugh, forget it." Mike set the bike down in a huff.

"Aww, a little family rivalry?" Miko cooed.

"Nah, he's just a little insecure." Jenny teased. "Ever since we were little, he always loved to show off how much better he was on a bike. Even when I decided rollers were better, he was always determined to be better than me, but look who's ahead on the leaderboards?"

"Yeah, well it's not a contest, anyway." Mike argued. "Even during the Nature War, we helped Emily destroy the factory, and you got to fight a Nature Lieutenant."

"Yeah, and I busted my leg trying to beat Lieutenant Greenburger! That's way more than busting a few minions."

"Well…" Mike could make the argument that Sector Q only had their score due to Drake and Carmine's injuries, but that seemed a little insensitive. "Fine, you got me there. But if you were just going to mock me, why'd you even invite me here at all?"

"I just wanted to show our new teammate our skills. I didn't ask for an argument."

"You started it!"

"Did I?"

"Oh, stir me up a chocolate milkshake, it's the Strongarm siblings!" The source of this eccentric voice came from a light-brown-haired man in a pale blue suit and a tall, rectangular head. His voice was effeminate, and he rode on a hover pad. "And you brought your little KND buddies! Oh, the purple girl is new. Mmm, and so fresh-looking!"

"Uh, I'm not fit for eating here." Miko said.

"What's up, Mr. Dullard?" Mike greeted. "And I think you mean cousins. Miko, this guy's the owner of this joint."

"Extreme sports are the way of the future, Miko! And you Kids Next Door are proof of that! After all, nothing gets more extreme than what you kids do."

"I always thought extreme sports were out of fashion." Miko said.

"Only because of bad cartoons." Jenny replied. "But some of us are still hanging in there."

"Perish the thought!" Dullard expressed. "As the world keeps evolving, so does extreme sports! Videogames, technology, transportation, if these things can evolve, so can sports!"

"That's kinda like Hinobi!" Miko said. "Their slogan is-"

"But listen, you kids came at the right time." Dullard said in a more serious tone. "I need your help dealing with a couple of circus freaks."

"Circus freaks?" Quill asked. "Well, that's an odd request from a skate park owner."

"These aren't just any circus freaks, kids. These hoodlums have been on my nerves for months!" Dullard pulled up a remote and pressed it, switching on a large TV on the ceiling. It displayed images of various parks either burned to ash or destroyed. "As you can see, this has been happening to all my lovely recreational areas across the country! This is no coincidence: it has to be the work of THIS nasty group!" He switched to an image of a circus camp. "The Old Tyme Circus troupe, ooooog!"

"Uh, okay?" Eddy replied. "And do you have proof?"

"I'll tell you the proof! Those has-been carnies are sad because they lost their license! That's what they get for accidentally setting their tent on fire during a show! Now they're trying to get revenge by burning down all the skate parks, leaving kids with no other source of entertainment."

"Like videogames, playgrounds, normal parks…" Miko counted her fingers. "And some people like libraries, I think?"

"Then perhaps skate parks were just the beginning!" Dullard said. "They'll destroy everything in their path just to lure people to their crummy circus!"

"This just sounds really weird…" Mike said. "Though I think I've heard reports about this. Parks going up in flames in the dead of night."

"Has anyone gotten hurt?" Jenny asked.

"Are you kidding me?!" Dullard exclaimed. "Of course! My poor soul aches every time I wake up to the dreadful news of one of my lovely parks, taken from me! Also, I, uh, heard they hurt a puppy."

"HUUUUU!" Miko's face shrunk with her gasp. "NO! We have to avenge THE PUPPY!"

"Alright, let's at least check these carnies out." Drake said. "Before we go in guns blazing, we'll try to gather info first. Where are they camped at?"

Hazbin Jungle; a few hours later

The circus camp was hidden somewhere in the jungle. The carnies looked like misshapen hillbillies: one was wearing a bee costume, another had a big nose and his eyes hidden under his hat, and there was a convertible with four gangster clowns driving circles around the camp. They listened to rap music as they patrolled the jungle.

Eddy saw the convertible driving around the path. Once it was close, he quickly rolled out. The car drove over him, but he latched his hands and shoes to the bottom with plunger attachments. Eddy tolerated the pounding of the beats until the car eventually came to a park at the camp. The clowns climbed out of the car as their chubby leader said, "Yo, why we have to do patrol, ain't no one gonna come snoopin' around no jungle! It's ridiculous! Let's git some pie, clowns."

Seeing them walk away, Eddy dropped to the ground and discretely surveyed the area. Making sure none of the carnies were looking, he crawled his way behind a boulder. He steadily made his way to an orange carriage where the boss was likely stationed. Eddy crawled under the carriage and got behind it. He then climbed to the window and peeked in.

A man who appeared to be the ringleader was watching an old, mini TV. He had brown hair that stuck out in the bottom back, an orange ringleader shirt with light-brown tights, and yellow shoes. He had a long nose and tall forehead.

The vision from Eddy's glasses was displayed on Quill's handheld monitor. The Q operatives, along with Mike were hidden behind a rock in the jungle, near the road that the clown car drove by. "They look like they've seen better days." Carmine commented. "But they don't actually look evil."

"Yeah, but why go hiding in the jungle, anyway?" Drake wondered.

"I dunno." Eddy whispered. "We need more evidence… but how would-"

"'ey, Boss!" A short, pudgy cowboy-looking man kicked open the carriage door. He had a red hat with a skull, a left hook hand, and a bad left eye. "I got the gasoline! We shippin' out tonight?"

"Brilliant, Hamshank!" the ringleader exclaimed, springing out of his seat. "Yes! Our next target is Camden Skate Park! We'll wipe it off the face of the Earth!"

"Whoa! He's right to the point!" Eddy silently gasped.

"'ey, Boss, I tried one of them weird fruits we got from the Brotherhood. It tasted yucky, but I can shoot milk outta mah head." Hamshank removed his hat as a volcano of milk spurted out.

"OH, that would look marvelous for our show! The Spectacular Volcano Man! Those Brotherhooders will put us back on top, Hamshank! We'll destroy skate parks all across the nation, nay, the world! My cousin will reap in the misery he sowed in me! Larry Grimley will be on top again!"

"Problems with his cousin?" Jenny remarked. "Pfft, that's a coincidence."

"Yeah." Mike said sardonically. "Well, it sounds like Mr. Dullard was right after all. They even got it in with the Brotherhood. Should we stop them?"

"Yeah, but we shouldn't rush in, yet." Drake replied. "Eddy, it sounds like those carnies got Devil Fruits. Try and look around for a storage room or something. There could be shipping crates with instructions on what fruits they are or how they work. If they try to use them, we'll be ready."

"It's kinda sad." Carmine said. "I kinda like the circus. Do you like circuses, Miko?"

It was then they realized they were one player short, a digital outline left where she should be. "Miko?"

"Aaaaaahhh-YAAAAH!" The carnies looked up from their drinking when a violet-haired girl suddenly came running in on a red ostrich. "I'll protect the game stores before you ever HURT THEM!" Miko returned Ally to her gauntlet as her purple hammer emerged, jumping to smash it down on some carnies. One of the gangster clowns chucked bowling balls with his Bowl-Bowl Fruit, and as Miko jumped them, point prompts appeared like Donkey Kong! An eyepatch carnie turned into a sky bison and flew to crush Miko beneath his six legs, and another morphed into a snot blob and slithered over to bind Miko, using his Logia Snot-Snot Fruit.

"Darn!" Drake yelled. "She's started without us! We gotta catch up!"

"I'm on it!" Jenny began skating up the road.

"Jenny!" Mike yelled. "Guys, in here!" He held up an Infi-Cube for the others to jump in. He then mounted his bike and drove after.

The Strongarms reached the camp as the teammates jumped out. "YO, those kids jumped out of a li'l box!" one of the clowns yelled. "That's our shtick, yo!"

"'ey, you clowns don't steal another clown's shtick!" the boss clown stated. "Let's get 'em!"

Quill shot fire from his Elementors to make the bison carnie back off of Miko. He switched to ice to freeze the snot man, and Miko mustered the strength to break free of the ice. "AAAGH!" Larry Grimley cried, walking out to see the commotion. "Where did these meddling hoodlums come from?!"

"There's the boss!" Mike and Jenny rolled over.

"Let's ring this ringleader!" Jenny declared.

"AAAH! Hamshank! Get your bottom on me and get me out of here!" Grimley morphed into a bike with his face above the front wheel. Hamshank sat himself on Grimley's rump-seat and pedaled Grimley's hand-pedals. "Ooo-hoo-hoo, you've put on weight, Hamshank~"

Mike and Jenny raced after the carnies! As Larry and Hamshank escaped through the jungle, the henchman chugged down a gallon of milk. He took off his hat to shoot milk at the Strongarms, the cousins easily dodging the projectiles. Hamshank replaced his hook with a sword and sliced trees down, the Strongarms jumping them—Jenny nearly fell into a narrow ravine, but she spread her legs so she could skate along the sides.

Mike pedaled up a long and leaning tree to get above the carnies. He then dropped down to bounce on Hamshank's head, dizzying the henchman as the impact caused Grimley to veer rightward. "HAMSHAAAANK!" Grimley cried as they rolled down a slope and went up a rock ramp, flying over a garden of snakes. They landed on the other side and pedaled along the edge. Mike pedaled along the opposite edge, watching as Hamshank drank beer. He shot beer blasts that Mike ducked, though he also had to jump small rocks.

Jenny had caught up, but she was rolling within the snake field itself. She was doing hop-skip techniques to stay between and evade the snakes, closing the gap to Grimley. She jumped to kick the back wheel, causing them to spin around, but they regained control of their selves and pedaled away from the snakes. Mike found a bridge to pedal over and join Jenny, the cousins chasing the villains into a cave. The cave sloped up as Hamshank tried to shoot beer within the darkness, but the cousins were prepared and swapped to Nightvision goggles. They dodged rocks in the road, and Hamshank switched to a hammer hand to bash the wall and make stalactites fall. The Strongarms rolled along the walls to avoid some of these obstacles.

They exited the cave and found their selves on a cliff area. There was a long, swervy wooden slide set up by the carnies. Grimley and Hamshank escaped down it, so the Strongarms pursued. Despite the steep momentum and the sharp turns, the Strongarms stayed balanced on the slide… that is, until Jenny flew off the side of one part. However, as she calculated, she landed on a later part of the slide, and could use the momentum to go up it. While the carnies were hurriedly fleeing from Mike, Grimley gasped when Jenny suddenly flew up for a firm STOMP to his stretched face!

The bike abruptly stopped, causing Hamshank to fly off the slide. The slide would have let off close to the camp. As Hamshank growled up at the slide- "WHOA!" he was shot by Drake's harpoon.

"Sorry, buddy! The circus is cancelled this year!" Drake declared. Hamshank switched back to his sword hand, and Drake's hand changed to a sword as they clashed. When Hamshank did a stab, Drake suddenly switched to a tennis racket and caught the sword, hauling Hamshank to the ground, followed by a kick to the stomach. Hamshank was forced off as Drake leapt onto his stomach and stomped the henchman's face, KOing him.

Mike had leapt onto Grimley's seat and worked to pedal the ringleader down the rest of the slide. "You! Get your muddy shoes off my hands!" Grimley yelled, his face now dented in the shape of Jenny's rollers.

"I'll happily oblige!" Within seconds, they had launched off the end of the slide. Mike performed a flip with Grimley, but instead of traditionally landing on the wheels, Mike leapt off and let him crash face-first. Grimley's body morphed back to normal, propped upside-down with his legs bent over him.

Quill had finished defeating the sky bison carnie. The gangster clowns had gotten back in their convertible to chase after the bikers, but Eddy was clinging under the car again. He slipped one of Carmine's bombs into the exhaust port to explode the car, the clowns flying separate directions. Carmine herself tossed Sleeping Gas bombs to weaken the other carnies, allowing Miko to KO them. "Phew! Mission accomplished!" Drake declared.

The seven operatives sent a call to Arctic Prison. A group of S.P.R.A.Y.S.H.I.P.s arrived to load the villains onboard, with Aaron and Rhilliane escorting Grimley onto theirs. "You won't get away with this, you meddlesome kids! I know Dullard put you up to this! I'll get back at both of you! Before you even know it! And I'll kick your meddling bottoms!"

"Man, I was thinking the author would never remember us." Aaron remarked, pushing Grimley into the cell and closing it.

"Our next chapter will probably be another five years." Rhilliane said.

"Man, it's refreshing to fight regular villains once in a while!" Miko exclaimed.

"What kinds of villains do you fight?" Mike asked.

"Uh…you know!"

"Anyway, those were wicked moves you were pulling, Cous!"

"Yeah, it's safe to say I won this one!" Jenny beamed.

"Uh…you were supposed to compliment me."

"Well, driving up that tree was pretty cool, plus the way you finished him off. But you couldn't have done that without me~"

"Yeah, that's what teamwork is all about. We both did our part."

"I reckon!"

"Y-Yeah, we… forget it."

"Come on, stop being awkward, you two!" Miko got between them with arms wrapped around either. "Let's get back to Skateboard City! I barely even got to show off my moves!"

"We have to file a mission report to Global Command." Quill said. "Well… I guess this mission came from Mr. Dullard, not Moonbase… so, I guess we could go there first."

"I still got a bit of skate in me!" Drake agreed. "Let's go!"

…

However, as Aaron and Rhilliane were making the flight to Arctic Base, Grimley turned his left pinky into a metal bike wheel string. He stuck it into the lock of his handcuffs and picked around until they came off. The carnie snickered evilly as he then picked the cell vent. He quietly crawled up to the unsuspecting 45 cousins. "YAAAH!" He turned his hands into bike wheels that he used to strangle the cousins. "Now you better fly this thing to Skateboard City or I'll have your NECKS!"

"AACK! Okay! Okay!" Aaron squirmed.

Skateboard City

"YAHOOOO!" Miko performed a diagonal back-flip before landing on the rail, maintaining excellent balance. "This rocks!"

"Whoa, Miko!" Jenny yelled. "Have you always been this good?!"

"At skateboard/hoverboarding games?! Yeah! I just took a page from them!"

"Nice! I'm glad she's on MY team, eh, Mike?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mike asked. "You hoping she'll boost you up to Number 1 or something?"

"You never know, she could!"

Mike sighed, walking away from her. "Okay, I'm sorry!" Jenny rolled after. "You're right, you were a big help in that battle."

"Honestly, you make me feel like I'm useless most of the time. Ever since you outranked me, you tease me about it, talking about how much cooler your missions are… and now that I got bumped down below those other sectors, it makes it even worse."

"Well, it's just… you always like to show off your biker skills and you always beat me at this stuff, so… I guess I just feel a bit competitive…"

"Well…" Mike thought back to another point he wanted to make. "You know part of the reason your sector has that score is because of Drake and Carmine's accidents, right? So, when you boast about it, you're basing it off their pain."

"Er…I… guess you're right." Jenny bit her lip guiltily.

"I get that my teammates didn't live through anything like that, but that's no reason to brag about it."

"Fine, I get your point. Just… forget the whole thing."

"Mmm-mmm, ain't that the finest news I heard in ages!" Mr. Dullard expressed after the others gave him a recap. "I never have to worry about those messy circus animals ever again!"

"There's one thing I don't quite understand." Eddy said. "Why were they only attacking skate parks? And… was it just your skate parks in particular?"

"Oh, don't question the thought processes of circus people. People who don't think of the future can barely think at all! Hoo hoo!"

The operatives shared a curious glance. "Y'know, there was one other thing he said that was a bit weird." Drake said. "He said that-"

The wall BURST open as the S.P.R.A.Y.S.H.I.P. came crashing onto the floor! The operatives ducked from the sudden event, with Miko slowing down in shock. "AAAAAHHH!" Grimley leapt out of the ship, the Doblemitz cousins in his wheeled hands. He slammed them to the floor before stomping toward Dullard. "JOHN! I knew it was you that sent these runts after me!"

"Stop right there!" Drake and co. jumped to block his path. "You're no match for all of us!"

"You Kids Next Door are supposed to be heroes, aren't you? Then attack him!" He shot a finger at Dullard. "He's the one who started it!"

"I moved toward the future, Larry!" Dullard argued. "You're the one who's still stuck in the past!"

"That gave you no right to destroy my dream! All I wanted was to bring smiles and laughter to the children, but you ruined it! You destroyed my circus!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Drake exclaimed. "What's he talkin' about?"

"Lies, that's what!" Dullard stated. "Hurry and bag this crook! I can't stand the sight of him!"

"You did it, John! Admit it! You destroyed my circus! You're the one that started the fire!"

"Larry, you wanted the silly ring of fire, and all the other silly burnie stuff, it's no surprise that accidents would happen! It's your own fault."

"YOU MISERABLE… I'LL-" Larry lunged to strangle him, but Jenny flew up with her foot stretched to stop him.

"You know, there's only one fair way to settle this." Drake decided. "Calling Miyuki from Sector IC."

"Huh?" Miko cocked a brow. "Why?"

"Ah, you'll find out." Quill nodded.

One phone call later

They made sure the adults stayed put during the time it took Miyuki Crystal to arrive. The white-haired, pigtailed timebender approached the men and placed hands to either belly.

"What do you mean you're leaving, John?!" Larry asked, equipped with a hat and cane.

"Open your eyes, Larry, the circus is lame. Extreme sports, now THAT'S the way of the future!"

"That retired fad? What makes you think you can bring THAT back?!"

"The Kids Next Door, of course! Lookin' at all the extreme stuff they do on the news, some kids wanna join them while most kids wanna pretend! They'll be skateboarding up and down the parks pretending they're in big action scenes! Even the actual operatives will wanna use them for training or something! That's why I'm gonna make it big in the skate park business!"

"Fine! Go and dig your little skate parks! But when those kids want to rest and laugh, they'll be flocking to the circus!"

"Heh! We'll see about that!"

A couple years passed as both cousins moved on with their businesses. While Dullard had gotten his fair share of customers, there were still one too many people visiting Grimley's circus. The idea greatly disgusted Dullard. Why were those many kids still into crummy circuses? Dullard felt the need to 'save' them and give them the exercise they needed.

So one day, Dullard snuck into the circus during one of the performances. When he saw the troupe members taking back the ring of fire, Dullard snuck out of the audience and set his plan into motion. He pulled out a lighter and discretely set the tent aflame.

"It wasn't my fault, John! Hamshank promised they put the fire on the ring out, he wouldn't lie to me!"

"Well, I dunno what to tell you, Larry." Dullard shrugged. "But it looks like you're outta business either way."

"Just spare me a few bucks! At least enough so I can get back on track!"

"You were already off track, Larry! You chose a crummy career in circustry over the future. Now, get out of my office!"

"How could you say that?! Don't you feel the least bit sympathy?! People still liked the circus! I had the stands nearly full!"

"Too full if you ask me! SOMETHING had to get those poor kids outta there!"

"What… You…YOU did it!"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"You started the fire, didn't you?!"

"Uh, as if!" Dullard smiled wryly. "Don't start blaming me for YOUR messes."

"RAAAAH! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"I knew it was you, John!" Larry shouted. "It was you ALL along!"

"I did you a favor, Larry! You refused to move toward the future."

"That wasn't the problem! You just didn't like the circus. You're a petty excuse for a grown man!"

"Yeah? Well, you're no cousin of mine. You're dead to me, Larry!"

"RAAAAAH!" And Grimley lunged at him in bloody fury.

Both adults engaged in a silly slap fight. They looked like a couple of deformed, oversized cats clashing their paws. "You smug, wide-faced traitor!" Grimley yelled.

"Big-nosed psycho clown!"

"We were family, John! We both have six toes!"

"Not anymore! I had mine removed, and donated to the children's hospital!"

The operatives merely watched them with baffled, questioning expressions. "…You know, this opened my eyes a bit." Mike said.

"Yeah. I hope we don't end up like these guys." Jenny replied.

"Yeah…" They stared in silence for a moment as their bout went nowhere. "Well, Dullard may have started it, but Grimley still made a deal with the Brotherhood, right? He still destroyed those other parks."

"Yep. I guess they're both kind of awful."

"So, how about another team-up, Cous?"

"You bet."

Jenny's shoe KO'ed Larry and Mike's fist downed Dullard.

The operatives proceeded to drag them back to the S.P.R.A.Y.S.H.I.P.. "Does that mean this place will go out of business?" Carmine asked.

"Frank's the assistant manager here." Mike replied. "He's a cool guy, he'll probably take it over."

"Hey, can we check out my score before we leave?" Miko asked.

"Sure." Jenny and Mike followed her to the scoreboard, in which cameras would record each person on the course and apply points based on their techniques. Miko currently had the top spot at, "35,000?!"

"WOO!" Miko cheered. "Is that scorebending or what?!"

"Heh, looks like we have a new rival, Mike!"

"Oh, boy…" Mike smiled with exasperation.

"Well, this was worth missing Suki's friend's party." Miyuki commented as they exited the building. Above the exit was a large board, depicting Mr. Dullard saying, You are now leaving… THE FUTURE.

"Sorry, Miyuks. Have you met our new friend, Miko?" Drake asked.

"Hey, nice clocks!" Miko praised.

"Thanks. I predict you'll be great friends with Sheila."

"Oh, don't give her the idea." Eddy said.

Hinobi H.Q.

Screams rang from the depths of the headquarters. A black Mobian jackal with fiery white hair was strapped to a machine, sapping him of his chi. "Raaaaah! Nngh…" he grunted in a gruff voice. "Damn you, Kayaba… you'll pay for this!"

"My friend, your chi was wasted with those petty mercenaries. A rare matterbender such as yourself should use your power for much greater things." Spoke a thin and ordinary man hiding in the shadows.

"I'll kill you! Aaaaagh!"

"Don't squirm so much. It only hurts more. All I want is to create a perfect world. It may be painful now, but you'll understand once it is over. Now, if you'll excuse me… I have another subject to check on." And so, he left the chamber.

"Aaaaaaaaaggghhh!"