REALIZATION

LIENNA

I lose all last bit of my patience when I hear her added lyrics that I know are directed to Sam and me. I let out a sob as Sam and Conor both turn to me.

"I-I will be back. Don't f-follow me." I say and leave as soon as I could. I know Conor won't follow me. He never does when I ask him not to. I hope Sam doesn't either but I know no matter what he will be here cuz no matter how hard I have tried to keep him away when I am crying, when I am hurting, he always comes to me to share the pain.

As I reach the women's restroom and see it empty, my legs give up and I fall on the floor. It's a miracle I was able to walk here while not falling. I limped but made it here. I sob, I wail. Oh my god. Mia is in so much pain. I can't.....how can I hurt her this way? How can she still think I am an angel? How can she talk about me and Sam being together when she loves him deeply and is hurting so much?

"Lien--Oh my god! Lienna!" I hear a familiar yell, but I don't bother to react. I know it's Sam. I feel his arms around me as he gently pulls me up, but I remove his arms from me harshly as he looks at me hurt. But I .... no... I have to do this.

"Sam, let's face the r-reality."

"What do you mean? Lien you...you are shivering. You are cold., please let's go to a warmer place hm?" He says as he comes close to me, but I move away, and his hand remains hanging in the air that was about to touch my face. I wipe my tears and look at him with firm eyes.

"Sam we can't ever be together. Forget me." I say this to him with a blank face as his worried face immediately is replaced with a cold angry one.

"Never. Lienna what the hell are you saying?!" I gulp hearing his resolute 'never' but I don't try to be soft either.

"Exactly that. I will forget you too. I am Conor's finance, and we will both get married soon---"

I am not able to speak anymore as I gasp loudly when Sam grabs my arms and slams me on the wall but not with that much force to hurt me but still with enough force to make me feel a hard cold wall touching my back that is covered with a thin white piece of clothing. My eyes closed from the impact, but they open wide when I hear his raspy whisper near my ears as I shiver still in his tight grasp.

"Complete that and I swear I won't hold back and kiss you long and hard right now..."

"S-Sam...." I whisper barely audible for even me. He is so close to me. His lips slightly brush against my earlobe as I feel a chill in my body and my toes arch.

"Don't make me do things we both will regret later sweetheart. I fucking controlled myself earlier when you let him kiss you. Be grateful."

I gulp a huge lump and a gasp escapes my mouth as soon as Sam's hands leave my arms and grip my waist tightly instead while he licks my revealed collarbone making me stitch my lips together to not let out a sound.

"Sam...." I whisper again feeling a lot as he loosens his grip and moves his face away from my neck but doesn't release me. I look at him with sharp yet confused eyes.

"What is going on with you? What are you even doing? And Sam, Conor is your best friend!"

"That is the only fucking reason he is alive after kissing you!" He says with gritted teeth as my chest tightens. My heart is already beating like it's in a marathon since he has slammed me against the wall and now him being like this. It's too much for me to handle.

"Sam, release me," I say firmly looking into his eyes deeply.

"Say you love me." I look at him with wide eyes, but his hazel eyes just hold aggression and pain in them. I feel hurt but then I decide to do what is the best.

"I don't." As I say this, I see his expression change to something I can't seem to understand but my eyes close and I almost scream when he punches the wall beside me. My eyes double in size and my breath hitches when I see his bloody knuckles.

"Sam! FOR GODS SAKE!" I yell and immediately push him off me with all my force as he jerks back a little. I immediately take his bruised hand in my hands and look at it perplexed and shaken.

"See, you do love me." I look at him with baffled eyes and shake my head.

"You hurt yourself for this?? Are you serious right now??"

"Yes! Yes! I am damn serious Lien! But you are not! Do you like to play with me? I waited for 7 seven years for you!! And you think now that I have you, I will let you go? Never." He says with a deathly serious expression as my face goes pale. But I take a deep breath and cup his face in my hands.

"Sam, I am scared. I am confused. I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I am so fucking messed up. My heart hurts badly when I see how much Mia is suffering. And I feel incredulous when I realize how I am lying to Conor. I feel d-disgusted, Sam. I don't know w-what to do. A-and then your fans?? Conor's reputation? Your reputation? Mia's reputation? I will ruin i-it all. Your fans w-will hate me. Th-they will hate y-you both and I-I can't..." I burst into tears and my hands fall to my sides but then I feel his arms wrapping around me and pulling me to him and I feel safe and calm. Conor has hugged me before, but I have never felt this secure and calm with him as I do with Sam and I have never been able to just focus on him, but right now it's so easy for me to forget everything and just focus on this moment.

"I am here with you, Lien. You don't need to feel scared. And we both know; Mia wants us to be together. And you know this too that I will never be able to give her the love she deserves. Cuz, I love you, more than anyone. Mia deserves better, doesn't she? Yes, it will be hard for her, but I know she will move on eventually. And as for Conor....don't worry, we will both talk to him together and explain everything hmm? And don't even think about those who have absolutely nothing to do with our lives. They don't get to decide what we do. Whom we love. I never will come under the pressure of society because the first reason I am even here is you. You know I did all this for us, so their opinions don't matter. Yes, I love my fans and appreciate them a lot but if they mess with my private life and especially with you, I won't hesitate to do what has to be done. All that should matter to you is, I am always here for you."

I nod and snuggle in his chest feeling better already. I love him. How does he just always find the perfect words to say to me? How does he just always calm me? How does he just always solve my messed-up state in a moment? And it is now that the realization hits me, no matter what I will always come back to him, and he will always come back to me because I love him, and he loves me. I love you, Sam. And now I don't care about people either.

....