FREE

LIENNA

"Go! You got this! You deserve this!" I yell as Mia nods and I know she is smiling behind that mask.

"You deserve Sam." I whisper just audible for me. And then, she goes to the stage as her fans cheer loudly and starts to sing.

It's an award show and many people have gathered here. Several famous music artists and business icons have been invited here and that is why I am here too. Conor was invited and he always brings me with him. As mush pain I feel, I have realized me and Sam can't ever be together. That day when I met him, I forgot everything. I had gone to him to tell him he needs to forget me, but I got lost in him. But now I have thought long about it, and I know it's wrong to Mia, it's wrong to Conor. It's wrong and I can't do it just because I think it's right for me. Sam will move on; I know Mia will help him with that. I know I won't be ever able to be loyal to Conor. I won't be ever able to love him as much as Sam. It doesn't really matter anymore what I want, what Sam wants. Sam's fans will hate him so much after knowing everything. Conor's relatives, his business partners, people who know him, admire him will hate him and criticize him for having someone like me as his fiancé. So, I have decided to bury my heart and feelings and just do what will be the best according to everyone else. I have seen Sam's and Mia's fans supporting them so much and when they will know they are not together? And know its because of another girl who is me? It will start a war. And I am sure none of us wants anymore controversies. Besides, Mia is suffering so much, I can't see her in pain anymore. I will make Sam understand. I will tell him what we think is right doesn't matter. What matters is what is right in other's eyes. I will be loyal to Conor, and I know Mia will be loyal to Sam and I know Sam will eventually have to move on when I wont give him any sort of hope. I have to do it. I have to stop all this before it starts. My thoughts come to a halt when I feel a soft touch on my hand.

"Hey you, ok? You seem worried?" Conor asks me worriedly as I smile slightly and shake my head.

"Umm will you let me do something?"

"Sure. Anything baby. What is it?" I take a breath and think once more about what I am gonna say.

"Can you let me apply to be a singer?" He frowns with a baffled smile.

"What?"

"Please Conor? I have always wanted to be a singer. Well, not always but after a certain event. Can you please--wait....will it harm your reputation? Cuz you are such a prestigious businessman, and your fiancé will be a singer.....maybe--ohh....I--"

He cuts me off with a light peck on my cheek as my eyes widen and I feel blush on my cheeks. This is the first time he has ever kissed me, anywhere, well a peck but still.

"Finally. So this is how I should make you quite hmm?" He says with a flirty look as I look anywhere but at him. He chuckles and holds my chin and makes me look into his eyes.

"I love you; you know that right?" I nod slowly, still in a daze.

"You don't need my permission Hope. You just have to tell me. You want to be a singer? Sure honey. Let's go and audition tomorrow. My reputation doesn't matter shit if it makes you insecure. As for all those what people will think? I don't give a damn. I just care about what you think." I stare at him with wide eyes. I can't believe him, his words, anything. How can he love me this much selflessly? He knows I don't have feelings as deep as him for him, yet he doesn't care. It hurts me because he doesn't even know anything about me. He doesn't know someone already has my heart from the last 7 years. Though Conor made me blush, I didn't feel my heartbeat accelerating in the way it does when Sam does the slightest of intimacy. I am so fucking messed up. I wish it were as easy for me as it is for Conor to not give a shit about what people think. I feel Conor pecking just the corner of my lips and then hug me as my eyes widen but I don't get the time to really react. But my heart stops and my body freezes when I hear his voice.

"Conor? Lienna?" Its a whisper but I am able to hear it. I gulp when I look to the front and see Sam standing there with his wide hurt angry eyes. His jaw clenches and I know he is angry, really angry. His neck veins are almost popping out and his fists are clenched so tight that even his arm veins are visible clearly.

"Sum!" Conor leaves the hug and turns back with a smile. While me and Sam continue to look at each other. Him with anger and hurt. Me with shock and nervousness. He seems so intimidating right now. And I cant help but notice his perfect handsome look. He is wearing a dark blue of royal shade button down full sleeves shirt tucked loosely in his white straight pants. His dark brown hairs are styled in the trendy rough 'just rolled out of bed' look and when he sweeps them back with his hand and I see his veins still popping out, I cant help but gulp heavily. His hazel eyes glare at me and I don't know why but I feel a shiver run through my body. Oh my god, I am burning. From inside out. Snap out of it you fucking idiot! You were just talking about how your feelings don't matter and now you are drooling over him while your fiancé is legit right here! I cough and look anywhere but at Sam though I feel him still digging holes all over my body with his gaze.

"Sam?! Yo bro!" Conor says with a chuckle gripping his shoulders in a fun way as Sam finally looks away. But I see him breathing deeply multiple times to calm himself. I didn't like it when Conor kissed me, well gave me peck but how could I say no? Like, it was sudden and then again, he is my fiance. Ughhh fuck me. What the fuck do you even want Lienna! Decide it! But gladly the heated atmosphere between me and Sam lightens when Mia starts to sing in her amazing voice. Conor cheers and stands between me and Sam as he smiles widely and nudges Sam.

"Hey! Your girlfriend is singing!" Of course, Conor doesn't know anything. But me and Sam also focus on Mia singing her last song now which as Anna said is a cover.

~Feeling used, but I'm still missing you

And I can't see the end of this

Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

And now all this time is passing by

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realize how much I need you

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you

I hate you; I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her~

I know she is pouring out all her feelings through that song and I can't help but feel horrible and sad. I feel tears in my eyes but I keep them in.

~What about all the times

You would pick me up and we'd just drive

Around until we found a place to stay and waste the day away

We'd do nothing but it was okay with me

You say it's not good to spend all my time

Thinking about you so late at night

But I can't stop once I start it's like an avalanche

Thoughts coming and I just wanna hold your hand

Hold your breath, I'm going under

Not coming up 'til this night is over

Until this night is over

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put nobody else above you

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her~

I can't.....I can't breathe. I bite my lips to not let out the sobs and hold the railing tightly as I gulp and try to keep my whimpers in.

~All alone I watch you, watch her

Like she is the only girl you have ever seen

You don't care, you never did

You don't give a damn about me

Yeahh, all alone I watch you watch her!

Like she is the only thing you have ever seen!

How is it you never noticed??

That you are slowly KILLING ME!

Don't you understand this??

I hate you; I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

I hate you; I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her you need her

And I'll never be her

cuz she is such an angel

and you deserve her~

....