Thank you. I will check yours out soon when I am home from vacation.

I'm not much of a fan of system series but I'm a man of my word and read this to return feedback. This review is based off the first 3 chapters. At first I was slightly turned off by (from my understanding, please correct me if I am wrong author) what was "reverse" r*pe that the victim ended up liking??? Later on the MC has a convo with a friend who admits to sexually harassing his boss. These types of things take me out of wanting to read most stories, but the plot is pretty good so hopefully this isn't a recurring theme. And that is my ONLY complaint outside of minor punctuation mistakes.(Some may be due to different writing rules in different countries.) The author is a great story-teller and did a great job of creating a relatable MC who seemed down on his luck but finally gets an opportunity of a lifetime. I noticed that the author has already uploaded this series with quite a bit of content (DRAFT version) but I will wait on this version to be updated. Good luck in the WPC.

Another very small error. The comma isn't needed in: "Probably the only expensive thing, Theodore ever carried with him." It reads awkwardly when pausing in that spot.

Just something very small I noticed. "Their eyes were locked on." Locked on what exactly? "on" isn't needed here because it makes it an incorrect sentence. You already tell us what was locked at the beginning of that sentence and the sentence before. "Their eyes locked." (My preference) or "Their eyes were locked on eachother." would be correct sentence structure.

Thanks

Thanks!

I love planting foreshadowing seeds!

Yes dialogue > narration is my writing preference. My belief is that characters should be able to drive the story and manipulate the world themselves without much interference.

In my writing style, if it's inside quotations then it is spoken how that character actually talks. Not how I talk. You will notice many different speech patterns and individual speech quirks as you read.

Nice introductory chapter that sets the scene for this world.

"Hikaru said as he curiously asked Rai." When you describe how something is said you can cut out "Hikaru said" and go right with the description. "Hikaru asked curiously."

New speakers should always get a new paragraph.

Just a note. Most of these quotations aren't needed, unless you are emphasizing every word or those are the titles of something. For example we don't write: "John" and I are going to "Walmart". We just write: John and I are going to Walmart.

Thank you, that will help out a lot. Sometimes it gets a little confusing finding a good spot to make a new paragraph. I try to avoid text walls.

Honestly I thought it ran a little long and would be sore on the eyes but I didn’t know where I would split it. For reference, where would you separate the paragraph? Or are there any lessons somewhere on paragraph structure?

There are a few grammatical + punctuation errors, but I'm going to assume that the author isn't a native english speaker. Despite that, the author does a great job of realistically portraying the characters and their feelings. The MC seems like a hopeless romantic and I pray she finds true love. Dialogue is handled as if it's real life people having a conversation, and that is a big plus for me! I recommend this novel to anyone who loves reading romance.

If you read, please take the time to leave feedback and/or criticism that will help me become a better writer. Thank you all for reading and I hope you all stick around to experience this story.