HeziTheGreat

Thank you. I will check yours out soon when I am home from vacation.

I'm not much of a fan of system series but I'm a man of my word and read this to return feedback. This review is based off the first 3 chapters. At first I was slightly turned off by (from my understanding, please correct me if I am wrong author) what was "reverse" r*pe that the victim ended up liking??? Later on the MC has a convo with a friend who admits to sexually harassing his boss. These types of things take me out of wanting to read most stories, but the plot is pretty good so hopefully this isn't a recurring theme. And that is my ONLY complaint outside of minor punctuation mistakes.(Some may be due to different writing rules in different countries.) The author is a great story-teller and did a great job of creating a relatable MC who seemed down on his luck but finally gets an opportunity of a lifetime. I noticed that the author has already uploaded this series with quite a bit of content (DRAFT version) but I will wait on this version to be updated. Good luck in the WPC.

Another very small error. The comma isn't needed in: "Probably the only expensive thing, Theodore ever carried with him." It reads awkwardly when pausing in that spot.

Just something very small I noticed. "Their eyes were locked on." Locked on what exactly? "on" isn't needed here because it makes it an incorrect sentence. You already tell us what was locked at the beginning of that sentence and the sentence before. "Their eyes locked." (My preference) or "Their eyes were locked on eachother." would be correct sentence structure.

Thanks

Thanks!

I love planting foreshadowing seeds!

Yes dialogue > narration is my writing preference. My belief is that characters should be able to drive the story and manipulate the world themselves without much interference.

In my writing style, if it's inside quotations then it is spoken how that character actually talks. Not how I talk. You will notice many different speech patterns and individual speech quirks as you read.

Nice introductory chapter that sets the scene for this world.