The One My Heart Seeks

Morning came, still the same, just like the old days.

I still hear the arguments of my family outside the door of my room. And here I am on my bed, unable to think more clearly. As I exit my room, their loud voices become much clearer and I heard their entire argument that scarred my heart.

My name is Xavier; I live in Osaka, Japan, I'm an only child but I have half-siblings. Before my mother and father even met and married, they both have children from their first partners. After knowing the truth, it made me realize the hate I have been receiving from my siblings. I stayed at the stairs when I heard their chat that resulted in an argument.

"Oy! Old man," Esmerald, my sister, yelled at my father who was sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. "

"We need some money." My father ignored her.

"How dare you ignore us!" Jasmine, my second oldest sister yelled with her eyes having a sense of annoyance.

"We said, we need money!" yelled by my sister, Melisende.

"You forgot that I am your father, huh?" he replied rudely. "Better give me a little more respect or you're getting nothing!"

As I heard them squabble, I felt something that I've never felt before as if my heart is being stabbed by a knife. My entire body went numb and I could lift not even a finger.

When I stayed on the stairs because of what is happening, I can still hear their loud voices.

"Father, huh," Jasmine said with the feelings of disgust in her words.

"We'll give you respect when you deserve it," they said.

"Just because you married our mother, that doesn't mean we will treat you like our father!" the youngest of my step-siblings yelled. "You ain't worth nothing, Old man,"

"You're just like your mother, if I ain't worth nothing then you don't deserve my money." He replied with disgust and left the room, storming with anger and disappointment.

Many thoughts came to my mind. I felt the hatred and disgust directed to me by my family. It left me alone in the darkness of myself. I have no one who can understand me. I ran back to my room. And was on the verge of wanting to die. But when I spaced out, there comes my realization to be strong. That became an additional reason for me to live again.

Outside of my door, there stand my half-sisters looking at me with disgust. One of them even told me to get lost.

I was about to lose my temper but chose not to. I left the room and hurried outside to have some fresh air. I walked and finally reach the playground and I lay down the table.

And as I gaze upon the clouds. I thought to myself. "I am the only one who could understand me." Left alone by my family, even disgusted by my mere existence.

I also want to feel loved, and I want to give love also, but what does love mean?"

And I fell asleep. In my dreams, I saw a girl with a wonderful smile and beauty that may even beat the goddess of beauty. As I kept on sleeping, I saw her with someone; she was happy, and her smile is full of warmth. They were playing and as if the sun really shines only on them like a spotlight made for them especially.

But what is this feeling that I felt like I have seen the girl in my dreams somewhere before? After the strange dream, I woke up and said to myself, "What a strange dream who is she, why do I feel like I saw her somewhere. I like her smile and her beauty really is top-notch. It left me in awe. But It must be my mind playing with me."

Before I go home, I prepared myself to enter the house of demons. And as soon as I enter the house of demons, the same scenario, loud voices all over the four corners of the house. I'm tired of seeing and hearing this every day. I'll just eat and sleep.

When I head to my room and locked the door, I lay down in my bed and remembered the warmth of the smile of the girl I saw in my dreams. "I may want to meet her eventually, even though I don't know if she existed," I said to myself before I go to sleep.

And again, for the second time, I saw a glimpse of the girl. And the same feeling of warmth through her smile made me sleep a goodnight's sleep.

Morning came, it's still the same but today I'm excited cause it's time for school, the only place where I think of as a safe zone from the house of demons.

I am attending Seiruno High School, as I head to the school and entered. I saw many familiar faces from my previous section since I am already in my senior year and this will be the last year for me in Highschool.

As I sit on my table inside the classroom, I gazed into space. Someone suddenly approached me and asked what am I thinking about. I looked in the direction where I heard the voice and I am surprised to see that its Augustine, a friend of mine. I greeted him, and he asked me the same thing.

"Nah, its nothing, its just a simple daydream." but Augustine insisted on knowing what is the thing that's been bothering me since this morning. So I told him about the dream I had.

"Your mind might just be playing games with you, don't overthink and just let it go. Nothing good will come out if you keep on thinking about that." He said to me.

"Well, I guess your right," I replied

But even after our conversation, I still can't stop thinking about her.

It's already dismissal time, Aish I need to go back to the house of demons. As I head outside of the school. Augustine ran towards me and asked me to come with him to the mall. Obviously, I would agree so as soon as we walked towards the gate of the school.

Many students were scattered outside.

"Can we just use the other gate, it's very crowded in here." He insisted that we used this gate.

So I had no choice but to follow him, and as we walked past the crowd, I saw a familiar face of a woman walked past me.