EPISODE 5; EMMA COLETTE IN 'THIS SHOW SHALL BE DISCONTINUED'

Emma: !?*@!!!

Sinbad: !?*@!!!

Ed: What'ze is going on?! (With a straight face).

Sinbad: As I expected Emma, it doesn't appear we will come to a consensus anytime soon! Maroon Ed!!!

Ed: Hey! What have I done?! Why?!

Sinbad: Emma loves you.

Ed: Eh? (Looks at Emma).

Emma: ???

Ed: WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!

Sinbad: That makes you her prince.

Japan: OUJI SAMA!

Ed: I can see where this is going and a mile from your destination Sinbad, I honestly don't like the weather conditions so I suggest you start initiating some conditional branches.

Sinbad: Why?

Emma: (Because Charge Number 52: Premeditated Abduction of Royalty dumbass!)

Sinbad: I suppose it's because of Charge Number 52 which is simply put; a farce in the courtroom.

Ed: BAKAYAROO!!! HE ACTUALLY GETS IT!!!

Sinbad: Don't forget, I can read the waves.

Lesson no. 0: Never underestimate the Colettes!

Ed: I sooo probably saw that coming.

Sinbad: MAROON ED! THEN DOCK EMMA AT PEARL HARBOUR!

Two Days Later:

(Emma returns home to the shack after taking one last look at the sea(za!) All Ed's minions gather for a requiem.

Emma: I regret to inform you that Ed was lost at sea(za!) Let us hope he was swallowed by a whale like Jonah. Let us hope he arrives at Nineveh safely and let us absolutely positively hope that…

All: They slap people with fishes!

Fishy Whisker: (MEOW!!!) But it's a catfish!

Ben Zuzu: No a mudfish.

Emma: And all other fishes. While we lower this coffin into the grave (empty!) Let us recall the life of a barbaric ruthless defiant demon like bastard who cared nothing for his fellow man. ALL MEN!

Vicky: AH MEN!

HENCE!!!

I AM SORRY TO INFORM YOU ALL THAT…

Ed: Haa! If only they had stopped sending me hasta la vista messages.

LXD: We just discovered Ed off the Coast of Whales.

All: Where?!

LXD: IN NINEVEH!

JAPAN: BAKAYAROO!!!

AND SO UNFORTUNATELY, PEACE TREATIES WITH SINBAD HAVE RESULTED IN MORE THREATENING LETTERS WHICH IMPLIES.

Stock Exchange: By implication, our stocks have risen over the sea(za!) value.

LXD: We brought your arsenal sir.

Ed: Talk about friendlies on the soccer pitch! Sinbad went too far this time. It has been a while but this convocation has been leading up to this moment.

LXD: Attention!

Emma: Walks out and presents items in a multifaceted, multilocked…

Power Rangers: You multi-fools!

Emma: Briefcase!

Briefcase: Password!

Ed: Mmm-mmm! (Kyuubi voice active!) OPEN SESAME! VERSION HARHARL INFIGARE!

(Locks start opening, whirring sounds).

All: HOLY…!!! THAT BRIEFCASE…IT'S A….

(Let us go for a short commercial break).

Ty: Transformers, more than meet the eyes!

Transformers, robots in disguise! Transformers…

Ok! We're back.

Ed: Initiate Protocol Autobotany!!!

(Briefcase opens).

Ed: JEANS ON!!! (Jeans Equip!)

THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS SCENES…

Ed: HAORI RED VERSION; EQUIP! (HAORI EQUIP!)

WHICH MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS…

Ed: (Picks up shades and wears em). It has always been the historical case that people have had to fight for peace. What a catastrophic paradox.

Emma: And that is why the shades were worn in analog mode and not embedded with any programs because…

CAUTION IS ADVISED!

ED: My life's lights are always on yellow. Taught to me by my shisho Mankanshoku also transliterated as Man can shock u! I hath been MIA, CIA which by the way means caught in action by that confounded Sinbad and finally RIA! (Recovered in Action!)

Fishy: Master Ed, while you were lost, there were congressional talks about you either being difficult or extremely arrogant…

Ed: An interesting supposition; I've been wondering why people enjoy using the U sign. Do you not know that if

A=arrogance.

D=Difficult.

AnD=

Ben: Sir, all possible values apply to the unnamed subject.

Ed: I'm impressed they figured it out in only two days. I was thinking the Wolfbarons of Shining Force Ver. MMO were taking an extended vacation.

Fishy: You've been saying a lot of things I don't think makes sense.

Ed: That is why you are as fishy as I am. Leave this to Team Spidey btw; before I was CIA; it appears that Team Spidey was riding motorcycles in subway tunnels. Way to fall into your own net team Spidey. Luckily I called Nicholas Furious to bail you out.

Emma: Making backups of your backups? I'm impressed sir.

Ed: Yup! Backup/Backup=Failsafe.

Emma: Ed, it seems (za!) that while you were gone on your crossdimensional journey, that infinitely naïve moron Ab)nsam(the devil) made a move.

Ed: Hmm, that fool. He wouldn't see Avantheim if it were two metres per punch^2 in front of him. Fortunately, our comrades in anime saw the unallied alliance coming a mile away.

Emma: So what's your winning strategy sir? How will you add the coup de grace?

Ed: Never attempt to cutlass the grace. It is an ill omen. I had to learn that the hard way but I'm pretty sure you'll forget all I've said after I've said it so…

Fishy: Here it comes…the badass inspirational speech…

Ed: Since you tell me that I have been RE:

Covered.

Born.

Deemed.

I have to inform you that unfortunately this show…

Emma: Wait a minute! Don't tell me. Hey Ed! Don't you dare!

Ed: Shall be…

Fishy: I don't like where this is going.

Ed: Discontinued.

Ben: You just dropped the one bomb I've hated since childhood. And it's not even a literal bomb! (Inappropriate cancellations+voiceovers!)

"Rising Winds

Falling Winds

And all other passing winds

The videogames are not to blame

But the ones who make and the ones who play".

I mean. You ever see a stone smack someone on the head without being thrown?

"Karma is a game of give and take

Where a single player gives and takes

The harder you give the harder you take

So take a leap and bake some cakes".

Ed: Protocol X has been engaged! Requesting administrator privileges.

Emma: Denied. A captain always goes down with his ship.

Ed: SHINDE KUREEE!!!! (DIEEE!!!!)

Emma: I lost touch.

Ed: Nope. The message has always been the same. Simple and concise as in concactenated though at one point I had to resist the urge to scream URAGIRI MONO ME! (You traitors!) Until I realized that…

H. Cuchi Chuchi: You have a message! (Duh!) But I will admit that this time I went a little…

Sinbad: Keeheheheh! MAN/BOARD!

Ed: So let's not keep mathematical records like some malefic undefined identity.

Emma: Don't tell me you suddenly decided to up and grow a conscience and apologize.

Ed: Tch! You always have to go and ruin an unsummarized moment! I never said I was sorry! I'm yet to make my apology! Hence…!

EMMA COLETTE IN "THIS SHOW SHALL BE DISCONTINUED…"

Ed: (By the way, a nice little word of caution, pull that off in a really good anime and I'll bury you hey! Do you know how expensive suspense is hey! Also continue ERBH hey! Hey! Hey! And save Class 0 from that crazy time loop! The premise was nice. The end I admit was a sensible tragedy but I am severely tempted to say…I despise all tragedies including mine…especially mine!!!)

Let's all avoid doing anything that will cause me to say any of the above Lumiere. Let's all be like the nice panda. It's black, white and Asian. But if you are a malefic undefined identity, I will uhhhh ummm!

Sorry, not in front of the badass kids who are good children.

Jafar: Street rat!

Ed: I could swear I saw a street rat lopping the head off a ginormous cobra.

Emma: I think that was the same Jafar. Why is it that the closest advisors to the king always force him to ask "Et tu…....(I hope thou art not inclined to insert thine name here)".

Ed: I don't know. Zat ees why you are advised not tuh be too overzealous. Remember running on adrenaline can turn you into a skeleton like myself.

REACTION 1:

(Most likely) USA: You f…. piece of sh….. b....

Doctor: Time of death, 14: 40-15:00GMT.

Emma: Incoherent insults once censored just results in infinite flatlining which can be directly equated to the state of death and in my dear beloved country; no time is a point my dear friends…but a range!

Ed: But when those guys speak, it almost makes me want to reconsider. (Threats by implication!).

Mufasa: Is that a challenge?!

Ananse: Stupid Scar! What he didn't realize was that Lions share. That's what makes them a pride.

On the other hand…

Scar: The point that I must emphasize is…YOU WON'T GET A SNIFF WITHOUT ME!!!

Sometime later…

Sarabi: The herdlands have moved on. There's no food, no water. (Suggestions by implication).

Scar: We're staying right here! (Death sentence by implication!)

Me: Yeesh, I wonder what it's like at a press conference or a congregation, or convocation. It seems only combatants have COM ports.

Emma: Why the con?

Me: Some iconoclasts.

Fishy: Allow me to add bi (As if!)

Ben: APUU! (AS IF INDEED!) U no know them be master chefs! (Don't you know they are master chefs?)

Reaction Number 2:

Most likely (Afrique): Sorry…

DUM! (Power Outage!)

Ed: As ambitiously arrogant as I may be, I think I'll be sticking to videogames. Politics isn't really my thing unless by some slim slip of chance the production of videogames becomes; and this is as likely as a black hole radiating comforting rays of light; and I shall repeat the production of videogames becomes directly tied to who wins the election.

Jafar: That street urchin! Wait till I wrap my fingers around his jugular and deliver a twilight kiss to his neck…WITH MY FANGS!

Ed: While you be having your party clashes…

Dr WHO: I'm saving the world while you dilly dally,

You couldn't even invent a way out of Hill Valley.

(Reference Epic Rap Battles Of History Doc Who Vs Doc Brown).

Ed: I beg, it didn't come out of my mouth o! Dr World Health Organization. He said it ooo!

Emma: Ed, I think Dr WHO should give it a rest. The world is far gone! It's beyond saving!

Ed: Save the world? That level of arrogance is reserved only for the one that can actually make it happen however in the midst of all the commotion…one country, now two but one shall be reserved for the second half and so I will say give respect to whom respect is due. JAPAN! I SALUTE YOU! But don'tcha dare discontinue anime that are good and have questions like 'When is the second season coming back' or so help me dear God.....................................

We will shake hands. (SCISSORS!)

With an ace of spades up our sleeve. (ROCK!)

And a blade on our name. (PAPER).

SUCKER PUNCH TIME:

Emma: Unfortunately, if two combatants pull that move at the same time, they'll Naruto and Sasuke each others guts or jaws. Whichever comes first!

Ed: Ayooo! I'll just say only combatants have multifaceted, multilocked COM ports and leave it at that.

SFX: (With S for special).

Coup de bakuretsu!!!

Ed: And so Japan I say… (Removes a shuriken).

Japan: (Takes out kunai).

Ed: Shuriken! (Throw!)

Japan: Kunai (Throw!)

Ed: Shuriken!

Japan: Kunai!

Ed: Shuriken!

Japan: Kunai!

Ed: Blow for…

Japan: Blow!

Ed: That is…

(WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! UNIDENTIFIED COMBATANT HAS ENTERED THE PLAYING FIELD!)

The sound of a bouncing ball is heard as the combatant makes their entrance.

India: Karma.

Ed: It's a girl with a soccer ball!

RE

PLAY!

RE

VERSE!

Ed: It's a girl with a soccer ball and extremely shiny spikes! (Copy and paste! Don't edit! Not unless the copy surpasses the original!)

Ed: And I thought I had you that time.

Hitler: Who are you?!

LET US BRIEFLY REVIEW SOCCER HISTORY:

Ghana Vs India

1. 5

WHY?!

Ghana: The ball became a pot.

Ghana Vs Egypt

4 4

Why?!

Egypt is the Nile! We won't be the away team in our home field.

USA Vs India

1. 5

WHY?!

USA: The ball became a lion!

USA VS Ghana

2` 1

WHY?!

Ghana: They had tech and aliens.

India Vs Japan

4 4

WHY?!

Ed: They were clashing gods.

India Vs Japan

4 4

WHY?!

Ed: I thought I said they were clashing gods!

India Vs Japan

5 4

WHY?!

ALL: Do we even need to go there?! It's obvious! They used the moe moe attack!

Ed: Isn't that scientifically impossible?! Cos that's the story I heard!

Emma: It's impeccably a confounded confederation.

Ed: So if the story I heard was accurate, India was banned from soccer for something scientifically inexplicable?! Summary?!

Emma: By implication!

Ed: Thank goodness. Now India is out, we can continue our Exchange Of Fours in the Mouri Kogorou residence!

Japan: Omoshiroi! (Interesting!) Could I interpret this as a declaration of war?!

Ed: We all need to thank Greece cos thanks to them we can all friendly it on the soccer pitch!

Japan: Kanji! Katakana! Romaji.

Ed: Peeroperoperoperopero!

Japan: Kanji! Katakana! Romaji!

Ed: Usopp, get me Captains Luffy and the Three Wise Men!

Japan: Yugi and Captain Endou Mamoru!

Ed: We're doomed!

Japan: Middle straight!

Ed: Left hook!

Japan: Twister Upper!

Ed: Mario Cart.

Japan: La Leone di cieli!

Ed: Zantetsu no Galiano!

India: Like I said…Karma.

ALL: UNLEASH IT!

JAPAN: HISSATSU…

Ed: Dogeza! Protocol Shadow Of The End Has Been Unleashed.

Hence U! This show shall be…

Fishy: (Rushes in): Master Ed! Master Ed!

Ed: Any news from Nineveh?!

Fishy: There is a published version of Dreamweaver Book 7 out there by someone who calls himself Richfriend Seeker!!!

Emma: Richard Cypher?!

Ed: (Breaks into a cold sweat). This is a dangerous foe. It seems he really has the ability to mirror my identity and create a periscope.

Ben: Will you lay low for a bit? Damn you!

Ed: Interesting to note! A direct challenge! Well I'm going to let him continue….

For now…

And then I will turn his tale into a subplot filler arc! Prepare to launch Protocol Zanviel!

MY ARCADIOS!

Next time on Emma Colette…

Richfriend: MY GUNGNIR!!!

ED'S DOPPELGANGER!!!