The Naboo Plasma War : Episode XI

It had been a long time since I had the opportunity to simply walk. No destination, no goal, just... wandering the streets until I either got tired of it or happened on something interesting enough to stop. Life as a Lucrehulk Captain was comfortable to be sure, and once you had a route set up, you had plenty of free time... but most of that time was spent aboard the ship, with whatever comforts you brought with you. In port - figuratively speaking, of course, Lucrehulks was too big to dock with most commercial spaceports and relied on small cargo tugs to act as intermediaries - most of my time was spent overseeing cargo transfers, looking for opportunities to exploit, and generally being locked in an office somewhere doing desk work. Captains were the last members of a ship to enjoy shore leave.

Now, however, in the aftermath of what was being called the "Naboo Plasma War," I was ordered by the Trade Federation to remain on Naboo to take the lead in negotiating a permanent peace agreement. The reformed Directorate had decided that I was the only person that could possibly salvage our relationship with Naboo and convince them to continue selling the Federation plasma. They were obviously right, anyone else would almost certainly be thrown out on their ass, but I had shit to do. Events were completely off the rails, and I had to start being proactive if I didn't want to be a casualty of Palpatine's manipulations.

Palpatine had adapted to my actions with terrifying ease. With the Senate deadlocked while a full-scale war was being raged on his home planet, he hadn't even needed Padme to make her canon speech. Chancellor Valorum had lost a no-confidence vote before Padme had even reached Coruscant, and Sheev was well on the way to becoming Chancellor himself. Worse still was his "adopted son."

The "eccentric" corporate magnate Hugo Damask had returned one day from one of his "retreats" with a young boy and his mother in tow, former slaves he claimed had caught his eye due to the boy's engineering talent. "Naturally," he bought and freed them, and while he was at it, bought and freed a whole sleuth of slaves from Tatooine, taking the boy as his personal protege and sending the rest of the slaves to a private academy to give them a new lease on life. Shortly afterward, in a tragic "accident," Hugo's life-sustaining cybernetics failed, and he died in his sleep. Enter Sheev Palpatine, who swore to uphold his "dear friend's" legacy and raise the boy himself.

In other words, Anakin Skywalker had been found by Darth Plagueis, Sidious made his move on Plagueis, and Anakin was now being raised by Sidious with his mother held hostage by the same man. With Qui-gonn Jinn stuck fighting a war while this was happening, the Jedi Council decided Anakin was too old to be trained and gave Darth fucking Sidious their blessing.

Meanwhile, I was stuck on Naboo trying to get Queen Amidala not to hold the Trade Federation solely responsible for Gunray's bullshit.

Fuck me.

-----

Padme looked up as she heard the clanking of my cane and newly acquired prosthetic legs. She nodded at me, gesturing at the seat opposite her and wordlessly inviting me to sit down. I politely thanked her as I did exactly that, setting the cane to the side. Padme frowned for a moment, looking uncertainly at me.

"You can ask you know. I've spent the past few years cooped up on a ship with Trandoshan mercenaries, Wookie engineers, and Neimoidians," I said. I offered her a sly smirk as I continued, "you are not going to offend me."

The teenage queen frowned, frustrated. Then she gave a resigned sigh as she asked her question. "I do not mean to sound insensitive... but... I was under the impression the cane was for pain in your leg... and... well," she trailed off uncertainly. I chuckled and rapped my knuckles on my prosthetic.

"I understand your confusion. The pain was, and is psychosomatic, without a cause. Psychological. It's rather vexing, I am feeling a constant pain in a leg I do not have. It is painful to put weight on a leg that I no longer possess. Now, if that answers your question, the Directorate has agreed to some rather exciting revisions to the treaty."

Padme still looked uncertain but latched on to the opportunity to avoid the topic. As much as I had pretended otherwise, I didn't want to talk about it any more than she did. Whoever or whatever had reincarnated me while maintaining my previous life's baggage was getting punched in the face if I could help it. Asshole.

The discomforting possibility that I had done this to myself didn't change that. If anything, I'd punch myself harder. Fucking asshole.

"Excellent," I said cheerfully, bringing out the tablet containing the details. "You'll obviously want to go over it with your experts later, but I'll try to summarize. The Trade Federation will recognize that the blockade ships, and any cargo that may have been aboard them, are lawfully prizes of war. As such, the Directorate is willing to purchase them back from you."

Amidala's eyes widened slightly. "That is... quite a departure from your previous stance."

I shrugged, unconcerned. "Their experience as merchants say giving the other person time to consider their position and make the first offer is a mistake. They threw that treaty together as fast as they possibly could before I had time to finish composing and recommend this one. They instructed me to start with this, so I did. When I presented my... revisions, the Directorate accepted, and here we are."

Amidala scoffed dismissively. "And you tell me they are an improvement?" she asked sarcastically.

I chose to ignore the sarcasm and answer anyways. "Indeed. They are set in their ways and slow to adapt, but they know that. They know that their ingrained habits are why the Trade Federation is in this mess, and thus are working to ensure it doesn't happen again. Changing for the better is easy, Queen Amidala, it's getting it to stick that's the problem. A total regime change might fix a problem in the short term, but it's an unstable change. You make one huge, drastic change all at once, things improve, and the people expect things to keep improving. For their new leaders to continue taking great, leaping strides to the future. It's unsustainable, once the new regime loses momentum, the people turn against them just as readily as they did the old, and it all falls apart. If you can get the old guard to back your reforms, however... these are people who tend to know how to keep everything running smoothly for a very, very long time. You could argue that the Directorate is a bunch of greedy corporate magnates," I paused and leaned forward with a satisfied smirk.

"But these ones have seen quite clearly what happens when you get too greedy. This entire endeavor hit them right in their bank accounts," I said. I leaned back slowly, letting my words sink in. "Money talks, Queen Amidala. Good or bad, nothing gets done without it. That's why I hold the founding principles of the Trade Federation in such high regard... our founders proved there's money to be had in doing good. In standing together, united by a just cause. We've forgotten that led astray by short term greed... but with your help, Padme Amidala, we have a chance to change that, and make it last this time."

The young Queen stared at me with an inscrutable expression. A glimpse of the indomitable woman that had been willing to fight, lurking just beneath the veneer of an idealistic pacifist. Then, ever so slightly, she nodded.

"And if Naboo decides to keep a few of our 'prizes?'"

I felt my smile widen. I folded my hands together, laughing cheerfully. "Hardly a problem, Amidala! The Trade Federation is willing to subsidize a project to convert any Lucrehulks you may decide to keep into stationary, orbital hydroponics stations, in addition to a number of other potential agricultural projects. The Directorate is of the opinion that agricultural independence is a critical attribute for potential trade partners. No planet should be at risk of mass starvation from a mere blockade."