Chapter 2 - Attempt at Escaping Fate

Can't I just leave this planet? Go back to my ship, like nothing happened. Tell the pilot and the droids that I changed my mind and that I don't want to conduct the "experiment". Good lord, now that I know the situation I am in a little better, I realize that Lok Durd's mission is to test the fire cannon thingamajig on living creatures! There is no way I would be comfortable with something like that. Plus it would immediately antagonize the Jedi. I mean I am not someone who has any commanding experience, I am just a regular person! I would honestly be scared to start a war with the colony of lemurs even if they did not display human-like intelligence. Let alone against the unstoppable force that is the Jedi. Plus I vaguely remember how in the Clone Wars episode one of the lemurs was even able to send messages through butterflies. Who knows what other elven sorcery they are capable of. In any case, there is only one reasonable solution to my problem - leaving this planet. I don't want to be rude and ignore this grandpa lemur, but I need to act swiftly. 

"Pilot." I think he might have doubled as my adjutant? No matter. I continue speaking towards the arachnid-looking face of my subordinate. Thankfully his eyes and most of his head are covered by a helmet and goggles. 

"Return to the ship and start the engines. We are leaving this planet. Take course towards... Home?" Not sure where exactly I live or where I can even go, but let's try to feign confidence for the moment. 

Lok Durd's single organic subordinate, who was standing behind the general, froze for a moment. It was likely that the man was in disbelief at his commanding officer, who spent a large amount of money and fuel to drag a company and a half of droids, several tanks, building materials and other support vehicles to a planet in the middle of nowhere. This turd-like buffoon did all of this just to be confronted by a shriveled up primate* and to then decide to immediately abandon this expedition. That's at least what I imagine he is thinking. But it doesn't matter, life is more precious then pride. Finally the stunned fellow replied: 

"...Bruuu skreeeek, skroo gleenoo." 

.

.

...What? I can't even communicate with my officer (or whatever his station is supposed to be)? Never mind the fact that he is my PILOT and my one and only lifeline in this world?! I don't know how to operate a space craft or how to orient myself using space maps! I'm not every third character in Star Wars who can inexplicably understand droids and every other alien language in existence! Okay fuuuuh, calm down. I completely ignore the insect-looking adjutant and turn to the battle droid officer at my side - my second source of hope for getting out of this situation. 

"Khm, officer, sir, in my expert opinion this planet is unsuitable for the experiment. Please bring everyone back to the ship and return to the system from which we departed."

"Roger ro... 'Sir'?" It seems the droid's programming could not have predicted that it would ever be addressed in respectful manner by its superior officer. 

For god's sake, this droid is a robot programmed to listen and follow any of my commands. A mechanical entity who has no ethical considerations and who would not and could not refuse my commands even if I sent him on a blatantly suicidal mission. And I just spoke to him like he was my university professor and I was trying to carefully correct his spelling mistake without undermining his classroom authority. I hope I don't cause this battle droid to short circuit, or create a terrifying butterfly effect for being the first and last living creature who referred to a battle droid as something besides "clanker" or "you". 

"Officer? Are your circuits in order?"

"Ye-yes general. I shall follow your orders. However, I will have to report this expedition as a failure to Lord Dooku."

Wait a second, can he do that? Is this common for officer droids to go above their direct commanding officer? Now that I think about it, I do remember something similar happening to Asajj Ventress and General Grievous in the Clone Wars series. Does that mean that I actually have no authority here, or is it just one of the few protocols installed into officer droids, in order to prevent generals from hiding their mistakes and reporting false information? Not that I would trust Lok Durd if I was in Dooku's place, the previous owner of this body did not exactly inspire confidence. But this is a problem. Should I try intimidating him? No, at least theoretically it shouldn't work on a droid. How about this...

"Does it really count as failure though? I am simply delaying the expedition due to certain circumstances. Would it not be better to reduce the risk of failure and delay the expedition, then to continue knowing that it is more likely to fail?"

"...I will have to report this expedition as a failure." 

Damn this inflexible AI! Is there a turn off button? Ugh, there is also the issue of my pilot, whose allegiance is questionable. I don't think I'm even the one who pays his salary. What do I do?? I can already picture Count Dooku saying "I can no longer tolerate your failures Lord Excrement", or something of that nature. And  Dooku is not exactly the most reasonable man to negotiate with, while I am far from being as useful as his apprentice, for him to forgive me any of my mistakes. Haaa... At least the Jedi are unlikely to murder me due to their creed. Although, Anakin is the type of character who would have no qualms murdering me if I represented a large enough threat to him or his companions. No, no, I'll be alright. My chances of fulfilling my mission successfully are near zero, especially given my unwillingness to burn people alive using a big fire canon (an unusual trait for Separatist generals I imagine). But at least I won't have to wave goodbye to my second life, for the near future. I would really like to avoid spending the rest of my life in a Republican high security jail however. Being placed in a transparent energy cube, like an insect caught by a kindergartener and placed in a box for cotton swabs, does not sound like an exciting way to live out my days. Depressingly, my old apartment might be of the same size as the prison cell. So I might be able to adapt to life in an energy cube better than I imagine...

I push the thought away. I can't give up here! This is a bizarre situation in which I am on my own. But I can still overcome this! I have a couple of ideas which might just work... 

After a long moment of deliberation I turn around to face the lemur grandpa, who without a doubt has questions of his own regarding the spectacle that just occurred in front of him. 

"Now where were we Mr. Tee Watt Kaa..."

As I am about to make another attempt to bullshit my way through, I notice a pumpkin-colored face with two white and blue-striped appendages sneakily sticking out from behind one of the lemur dwellings. 

"You've got to be kidding me." 

* - lemurs belong to an order of primates