Fixation

[Adrian's POV]

Han: I'm not mad. Stop being dramatic.

A smile made its way to his lips at Johan's reply. Exhaustion weighed his shoulders as he slumped at the edge of his bed. The few hours of sleep he had wasn't enough to recoup his strength. If it's up to him, he'd rather stay the weekend cuddled against the warm body he woke into. But he made a promise with Rhia he'd come over in the afternoon to discuss more about her new, complicated schedule.

Hearing Johan's sulky voice over the phone, however, helped invigorate his tired mind. Too bad he ended the call the moment he teased him. Shaking his head, Adrian rubbed his chin as he thought of what to text back to keep the conversation going. But a text halted his fingers from tapping across the screen.

Han: I'm going on a walk. Later.

Smirking, Adrian quickly typed, "doesn't it hurt to walk?"

He hasn't even put down his phone when it started ringing. The smile on his face widened. Excitement tickled Adrian's stomach as he tap the answer button. "Han?"

"You!"

His loud chortles echoed across his brightly lit bedroom upon hearing the flustered, angry voice. Adrian laid down on his bed and rolled to his side, still giggling like a high school kid talking to his crush.

It started small, but suppressed giggles could be heard on the other line too. "Why are you like this?"

"What?"

"You're so embarrassing."

"Am I?" Adrian feigned innocence. "Who likes to wear belt—"

"Adriaaaaaan!"

"Sorry, sorry." Adrian chuckled. It's hypocritical of him to apologize when he's still laughing, but he can't help it. Hearing Johan drawled out his name like that made him want to tease him more. Besides, they never talked over the phone much despite having each other's numbers for months, unless it's work-related.

"I'm hanging up," Johan grumbled.

"Okay, Han." Adrian snorted when after ten seconds passed, Johan was still on the line. "I thought you're hanging up?"

"..."

"You miss me, don't you?"

"... A little."

That's a yes in Johan's language, and it made him want to throw on a jacket and drive back to the next town. If only his frequent disappearance at home wouldn't raise suspicion from his mother and siblings. They're close to Rhia and they might snitch he's going off at night. Adrian sighed. "I miss you too."

"Come over tomorrow?" Johan asked hopefully.

Oh, fuck it. He will go back now. His bed felt too empty and spacious to sleep in, anyway. But Adrian remembered Rhia will come over tomorrow morning so they can go to the mass together.

"I'll check, Han," he said, catching himself sounding disappointed. Adrian hesitated. "Rhia... she'll be on a three A.M. schedule starting Tuesday. She wants to hang out."

"Alright," Johan replied with no trace of disappointment at all. "Just text me if you're coming."

"Okay."

"Good night, Adrian."

"Good night, Han," he paused, suddenly feeling nervous. "I love y—"

A soft click cut Adrian off. The word 'you' was left hanging at the tip of his tongue. Did he hang up because Adrian's about to say those words? Or was he disappointed he couldn't come because of Rhia? His heart sank further into his stomach.

Adrian dropped his phone beside his head. Just as he's about to get up, his phone chimed.

Han: I luv u 2

His lips curled upward. Any feelings of doubt evaporated at the shortened message. Maybe the call was ended by accident while he's still speaking? It was his fault for hesitating, but in his defense, he didn't know what kind of response he'll get. Johan was as unpredictable as a cat. He could tell him to fuck off, and it would hurt even if he didn't mean it.

He texted back at least. But that meant he needed to delete it. He can't risk Rhia reading the message. Adrian's finger hovered over the delete button. It's a shame Johan's first 'I love you' had to be erased. He sighed.

He and his obsession to firsts.

Adrian stood and walked over to the desk beside his window. Unlocking the desk's drawer, Adrian pulled a journal with a leather-like cover. His fingers itched to write about his recent experiences. Since he's forbidden to talk about it to anyone, he'll just jot them down. That's what his Dad taught him when he was still a kid. And just like his vices, he hadn't outgrown the habit.

Turning on the study lamp, Adrian reminisced about today's events. Heat pooled over his groin at the memory of the passion-filled activity he shared with Johan. The urge to pull his shorts down and play a little overpowered his need to write. Adrian breathed in and tapped his pen against the empty page.

"Save your lewdness for tomorrow," he said to himself, and began penning his thoughts.

———

Sunday evening came. Adrian had spent his entire day hanging out with Rhia, watching her favorite K-Drama in their living room with his siblings. He couldn't count how many times he dozed off amidst their chatters, only jolting awake whenever he heard squealing, followed by giggles from Rhia and her two little sisters who's still in high school. Girls.

After walking her back home and making sure everyone in their household was asleep, Adrian rolled his motorbike out of their gate as quietly as possible. He held back a triumphant smile when he hopped on to his bike and put on his helmet.

"Where are you going, Adrian?" Adelia asked through the gaps of their green gate. "It's already late."

Oh. Fuck. Adrian gulped, eyes darting to his mother through the helmet's wind shield. "I'm just going to a friend's, Mom."

"Again?" She narrowed her eyes at him, disapprovingly. "I understand you enjoyed going to the beach, but do you have to go every week? You usually stay at home to rest or spend time with your girlfriend."

Adrian wanted to groan. He's already twenty-four, yet he's still being treated like a baby. "I just want to unwind."

"Why? Is something wrong? Did you have a fight with Rhia?" The metal handle clunked as Adelia opened the smaller gate designed for a person to walk through. She stepped out, her leopard-printed night gown and looked up to give him a reprimanding look. "Yesterday, you went home late. What's going on?"

Mother's instinct. They're so scary.

"No. She was just here earlier remember?" Adrian switched the engine on. "Can't I just hang with a friend? Mom, I love you, but please stop treating me like a kid."

Hands on her waist, Adelia rolled her eyes. "Fine. But!" She gave a pointed look. "I want to meet this friend of yours."

Dread and excitement swirled in his gut. His mother wanted to meet Johan. "W-why?"

"What do you mean why? I want to be sure you're not associating yourself with the wrong people again," she said. "I'm tolerating your smoking habit, but if I find out you're doing drugs—"

"Mom!" Adrian looked around, embarrassed and slightly offended at his mother's accusation. What if somebody heard her? Damn! He's used to her nagging, but sometimes, she's going overboard. "Do I look like a drug addict to you?"

"No. But I'm your mother. I know when you get yourself fixated onto something, you're worse than someone taking drugs."

"Okay! Okay!" Adrian scratched the side of his neck. "I'll bring him over sometime. Geez!"

"Good. Oh!" Adelia snapped her fingers as if she's a world-class magician. "Your birthday's a month and a half away. I want to see your 'friend' there."

"You're throwing a party for me?"

"Don't I always? And Aaron's coming home, so it's a double celebration."

"Wait, big bro's coming home? When?" Adrian removed his helmet at the mention of his brother. Aaron's a police officer assigned in the northern province, and he hasn't come home in a while.

"No specific date yet, but you know him." She shrugged. "He'll drop by."

"Yeah, well. Can't wait to see him soon. Anyway, can I go now?" Adrian held his arm out so she could give him a hug and a kiss to the forehead.

Adelia smiled. "Okie-dokie! Go on. Hangout with your 'friend', but don't get into trouble, okay?"

"I won't. Promise." Adrian gave an awkward laugh after she made an air-quote with her fingers at the word friend. What's she trying to imply? She may still have doubts about who Johan really was, but it's not like she'll know he's more than just a friend. "You know, what? Han's actually a great cook. You'll like him."

"Really? Interesting." Adelia crossed her arms across her chest, tapping her manicured fingers against the side of her elbows. There's a glint in her eyes that made him regretted what he said. He doesn't sound too excited, does he?

Adrian put on his helmet to shield himself from her scrutiny.