22. A Tattler's Tale

A Tattler's Tale

It was a quiet night in the Loud House. Lincoln and his sisters were gathered in Lori and Leni's room, in a middle of a meeting where they share the awful things they did.

Lincoln: So then, bam! My remote control plane smashed right into Dad's disco ball, and it broke into a million pieces!

Lynn: [gasps] Oh no! [ducks as Lana whacks Leni with a pillow, knocking her off the bed] The one he got from winning the Royal Woods "Dance Your Pants Off" contest?! He's so proud of that thing!

Lincoln: I know. If he ever finds out, I'll be as dead as disco!

Lori: Don't worry, you're not the only one hiding something from Dad.

Luna, Lisa, Lynn, Lana and Lily: Oooooooooh!

Lori: I accidentally scratched the car with my rhinestone purse!

[Flashback. Lori is seen driving up to a parking space, and turns the car off. When she opens the door, she accidentally dents the car next to her. Realizing this, she tries to inch herself away, unknowingly leaving jagged scratches on the side of the van with her purse. End flashback]

Luna : You think that's bad? Remember the blackout last week?

[Flashback. Luna sets the volume on her speakers to "Super Max" and strums her guitar once, causing a citywide blackout. End flashback]

Lucy: I rather enjoy the darkness. Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get black paint out of lace? I painted Mom's wedding dress for my dark betrothal to Edwin.

[Flashback. Lucy is seen descending the basement stairs wearing Mom's wedding dress, completely black. In the basement are a bunch of dolls looking towards Edwin, Lucy's vampire bust. End flashback]

Lori: Anyone else? [Laney raises her hand] Yes, Laney?

Laney: Ok. Now, most of you were wondering how I got this scar. [takes off her scarf, revealing her scar, the sisters mutter in agreement] Well, it's time you finally knew. [clears throat] It all started a year ago, mom and dad were away and I decided to do a spinning plates act in the kitchen, because you all remember I was going through a circus phase. [everyone nods in agreement]

[Flashback. Laney was spinning plates in the kitchen, she balanced four sticks on her arms and one on her nose]

Laney: So anyway, I tried to keep my balance. Until I tripped... [Laney falls dropping the plates and they broke] And then as the plates break, one of the shards flew into my neck and sliced through it! [a piece of broken plate flies into Laney's neck, making a small cut] I tried hold in my cries of pain. [Laney ran into her room and scoured into her chest, until she found a red scarf] I had also tried to hide my wound. [Laney wraps the scarf around her neck, Flashback ends] And I've been wearing this scarf ever since.

Siblings: Oooooh.

Leni: So that's what happened to Mom's special china.

Laney: What! Oh my goodness, I didn't know!

Lincoln: [to the viewers] What can I say? We're not angels. Not even Laney, to everyone's surprise. Sometimes, we mess up. But the great thing is, if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings. [a knock at the door is heard] Well, not all of them.

And who to enter the room than the one sibling who just can't keep her mouth shut. Lola Loud, the loudest Loud of all.

Lola: Whatcha guys talkin about?

Lisa: Quantum physics!

Lynn: Monster trucks!

Lori: Bobby!

Leni: Politics!

Lynn: Baseball!

Luan: Jokes!

Lana: Global warming!

Laney: A diversion?

Lola: You're telling secrets again, are you? It's not fair! I never get included!

Lincoln: That's because you're a tattle-tale, Lola.

Lola: [scoffs] I am NOT! [Lincoln and the others look at her with disbelief while a cricket chirps] Okay, I'll admit I used to be a tattle-tale, but I changed! [Everybody still doesn't believe her as they murmur to each other. Lola growls loudly and tosses her tiara aside in fury] MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!

[As Lola storms out of the room, Lincoln quickly shuts the door. Lisa checks her list of secrets]

Lisa: Mmm. So where were we?

Lincoln: I broke Dad's disco ball, Luna caused the blackout, Lori scratched the car, Lucy ruined Mom's wedding dress, and Laney broke mom's plates and got herself cut. [Laney blushes] Who's next?

Lana: [raising her hand] Ooh! Ooh! So you know how Dad was yelling at Charles for chewing up his boots? [giggles] That was me!

[The siblings begin laughing]

Luan: [with realization] Wait a second. Weren't those steel toe?

[The next day. Lincoln wakes up and sees Lola looking at him with a wide smile. Lincoln yells in shock]

Lola: Morning, Linky! [pulls out a fancy suit] I need a butler for my tea party. You're it.

Lincoln: Yeah. That's not happening. [he puts his bedsheets back on]

Lola: Oh, really? [she swipes the bedsheets off of Lincoln. He looks up] I hate for Dad to find out who broke his precious disco ball!

Lincoln: [gasps loudly, realizing that Lola knows his secret] Who told you about that?!

[Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. Lincoln is seen wearing the suit Lola provided]

Lola: Top me off, Linkington. [Lincoln tips the teacup over] I don't hear any tea!

[Lincoln sighs, and tips the teacup over while making a whooshing sound to make it sound like tea is pouring out]

[Backyard. Lucy is writing in her poem book, and Lola approaches her with her princess car]

Lola: Hey, Luce. Want to play "Drive me around while I practice my pageant wave"?

Lucy: Hard pass.

Lola: Okay. [drives around for a little bit] Maybe I'll go play "Dress Up" with Mom's wedding gown instead. [Lucy looks up with realization as a crow caws. Lola gasps] Oh, wait. I can't, because someone ruined it.

Lucy: [gasps loudly, realizing she knows about her secret] Who told you that? [Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. She moves into the passenger seat as Lucy sits down on the driver's seat. Lola motions Lucy to start driving] Sigh.

[Lucy dons a chauffer's cap, and begins driving as Lola begins waving. Later in the dining room, Laney was writing something, Lola approaches]

Lola: What'cha writing?

Laney: Well, I figured if Lucy can write disturbing poems. I can write something of my own, a story perhaps. Here's what I got so far.. [Lola stops Laney]

Lola: Yeah, that's great. Speaking of stories, I was hoping you could read some to me. I like fairytales and princesses, but make me the princess, and don't forget the voices. [hands Laney a book]

Laney: Maybe you should just read it yourself.

Lola: Or maybe mom should know why you wear that scarf all the time. [pulls down Laney's scarf revealing her scar]

Laney: How did you- [Lola smirks, Laney sighs]

Later, after Lola's threats to spill out every last siblings secret. She had them all wrapped around her finger.

[Lana and Lola's room. By now, Lola has forced all of her siblings into doing menial tasks for her. Luna is playing a mandolin, Lynn is painting Lola's toenails, Lana is dressed fancy, and Lincoln is back to being Lola's waiter]

Luna: [playing the mandolin, irate] With a moo moo here, and a moo moo there-

Lola: [correcting Luna] Uh... I believe I said he had a pig.

Luna: [through clenched teeth, more irate] With an oink oink here, and an oink oink there...

Laney: [reads] And the brave knight said to the fair princess Lola, "Fear not mi-"

Lola: Voices!

Laney: [irritated, reads in a deep voice] "Fear not, Mi'lady! I'll save you from this great evil!"

Lola: Wonderful. How's my homework coming, Lis?

Lisa: [pulling up a sheet of paper that has the letters of the alphabet made up of different shaped pasta noodles] I'm up to the letter "S".

Lola: Hmm. Make the macaroni a little crooked. I don't want my teacher getting suspicious. [chuckles. Claps twice] Jester! How about a joke?

Luan: [dressed as a jester, unenthusiastically] Why do chicken coups only have two doors? 'Cause if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans. Ha ha ha ha ha. Get it?

Lola: Yes! [laughs] Isn't this fun, everyone?

[As Lola laughs at the fun she's having, her siblings all grumble in frustration, knowing they're not having fun. Lori and Leni's room. The kids are having another meeting]

Laney: I can't take another second of this! Do you know how hard it is to to do a male voice? VERY HARD!

Lori: Steele down! Now, I think we all know why we're here. Lola knows our secrets, and she's literally torturing us!

Lynn: [suspiciously] "Clearly, we've got a rat!"

Leni: [thinking Lynn is referring to a real rat, horrified] "EW! WHERE?!"

Lisa: [to Leni] No, Leni. A "rat" is an informal term for a "snitch". [to everyone else] So which one of you low-lifes is it?

[All the siblings begin to fight, blaming each one of them for being the rat. During their squabble, Lincoln flies out, and lands on something that pierces his butt]

Lincoln: Yowch! [he pulls off the item from his butt, revealing to be Lola's tiara] What the? [as he examines the tiara, he notices a microphone attached to it. He realizes something] GUYS, STOP! [the siblings cease their fighting] I know who the rat is, and her name rhymes with "granola".

Leni: [pulls up Lisa] Lisa?

Lincoln: [facepalms] No, it's Lola! She put a microphone in her tiara, and eavesdropped on our meeting!

[Flashback to yesterday. Lola growls loudly and tosses her tiara aside in fury]

Lola: MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!

[As Lola was yelling at her Mom, her tiara landed on the floor. The camera zooms in on the tiara, revealing the microphone. End flashback]

Laney: Why that little...

Lori: Well, now we know who the rat is. But what do we do about it?

Lana: Yeah, she still has all our secrets!

Lincoln: [theorizing] But what if we had one of hers?

Laney: Does she even have a secret?

Lori: Yes. But Lola's a pro. She covers her tracks.

Lincoln: [determined] Everyone makes mistakes, even Lola!

Laney: I want to help! Because if Lola tells mom about my scar, I'm doomed!

Lincoln: Don't worry. Just make sure to follow the plan...

[The next morning. Lisa is sorting cereal bits for Lola, the pink marshmallows in a bowl marked "YES" while the regular bits go in another bowl marked "YUCK"]

Lisa: Just 10 more minutes, and I'll have all your cereals separated for you, Lola.

Lola: Oh, good job, Lisa. Don't let any of that icky bran mix with those yummy marshmallows. [Looks up at Luna playing a double bass] Uh, smooth jazz, Luna? [chuckles] Nice try. How 'bout a little adult contemporary instead?

Luna: [acting] Sure! Anything for you, sis!

[She plays a different line; Lynn is now painting Lola's toes]

Lynn: Almost done with the second coat! Then onto the third!

Lola: Laney! Storytime!

Laney: Excellent! I got just the story for you that is no way a diversion. It stars you as the princess, and-

Lola: [excited] Read it to me! Read it to me!

Laney: [starts reading] Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Lola, she was the most perfect princess in all of the land... [Lynn gives Lincoln the signal. He sneaks into Lana and Lola's room and searches every nook and cranny until he finds a secret note under Lola's mattress.]

Lincoln: Aha! [grabs the note] "If you're reading this, you must be snooping. Get out of my room...or else. Signed, Lola". [He disregards the warning and crumples up the note and finds another note in the wastebasket] [reading it] "I said GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola." [growling] Err! [sees something on her nightstand] Lola's diary! [opens up a page] "Today, I broke Mom's most prized possession." [smiles thinking she's got her] "Just kidding. Only a MORON would write secrets in a diary. NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola." [closes diary] Man, she's good! [grabs Lola's tiara] What is your secret, Lola Loud?

Laney: [from downstairs] Lola, wait! Don't you want to hear the end!? [Lincoln gasps knowing Lola is coming and hides the bugged tiara in his cap. Lola comes up to her room and gasps in shock]

Lola: [angry] BUSTED! [She's actually scolding her teddy bear] I said, no sweets before dinner, Mr. Sprinkles! [shivers] Brr! It's cold in here.

[She sees her window open while Lincoln is holding on by the sill and closes it on his fingers. Lincoln falls and screams and lands on a cactus]

Lincoln: YOWCH! [groans] Where the heck did this cactus come from? [sees another note attached to it] "If you landed here, it means you were snooping in my room. Enjoy the pricklies. Signed, Lola." [sighs in defeat]

Mr. Grouse: [noticing the tiara on Lincoln's head] Nice tiara, Loud! What are you doing? Training for a beauty pageant?

Lincoln: No! [gets an idea] Actually, yes! [runs off]

Mr. Grouse: Oh. Well, good luck with that!

Later, at a paegant training center...

Lincoln: No one has dirt on Lola Loud? [Lola's competitors scream in fear upon hearing Lola's name and run away] Sheesh! What did she do to these girls?

?: Psst! Over here! [Lincoln turns around and sees a pair of eyes sticking out of a closet door. With no one looking, Lincoln approaches the closet, and a pair of hands drag him in. The room is pitch black and only the eyes are visible] Hey. I'm going to help you. Not because I like you, but because I'm tired of always coming in second place to Lola!

Lincoln: Wait. Is this Lindsey Sweetwater?

Lindsey Sweetwater?: Do you want the dirt or not?

Lincoln: Sorry. Proceed. [Lindsey whispers a secret to Lincoln, causing him to gasp loudly] Holy...

[Back at the Loud House]

Luan: ...Shamoley!

[Lincoln has just told all his sisters Lola's secret, leaving them completely flabbergasted]

Lynn: [off-screen] Man, that is juicy! [the sisters look over to Lynn, who is actually talking about the burger she's eating] And you got some really good dirt on Lola, too.

[The sisters have a dull expression while they lower their eyebrows, except for Luan, who snaps her fingers at her for telling such a good joke]

Lincoln: Yep, and now, it's time to take her down!

[The sisters begin cheering]

[Lana and Lola's room]

Lola: [after hearing the secret about her] Holy shamoley! [all her siblings are surrounding her angrily. She grabs Lincoln by his shirt] Who told you about that?!

[Lola looks at her siblings, demanding an answer. They all shrug their shoulders, pretending not to know]

Lincoln: If you tell Mom and Dad our secrets, we'll tell them yours! Now if you'll excuse us, those of us who can trust each other are going to go hang out.

[The siblings leave while Lola looks on with disappointment, realizing they got the upper hand]

Later in Lori and Leni's room...

Lisa: So then, kaboom! Mom and Dad's bedspread was burnt to a crisp!

Luan: [barging into the room with a bowl of popcorn] Guys! I just saw Lola marching into Mom and Dad's room! I think she's ratting us out!

[The kids begin to chatter nervously]

Lincoln: She wouldn't dare!

Lori: If she's taking us down, we're taking her down with us!

[The siblings all rush downstairs and approach their parents' bedroom. Lola walks out with a depressed expression]

Rita: Thank you for telling the truth, sweetie. But you know I have to punish you. You're grounded for a month.

[Rita pats Lola on the head and closes her door. Lola glumly walks away while the others look on dumbfounded]

Lincoln: You're grounded? Wait, what's going on?

Lola: [sighs] You guys are off the hook. I took the blame for all the stuff you did.

[The siblings gasp in shock]

Laney: Even the scar?!

Lola: No. But I did took blame for the broken plates. [Laney sighs in relief]

Lincoln: But why would you do that?!

Lola: [sighs] Cause all I really wanted was to be included in your group.

Lincoln: Then why'd you threaten to tell on us and make us do all that stuff?

Lola: It was the only way I could get you to hang out with me! But then I realized I went about it the wrong way. Instead of using your secrets against you, I should have tried to earn your trust. [heading upstairs] So from now on, that's what I'm going to work on. [voice breaking] If anyone needs me, I'll be up in my room for the next 30 days. Care packages welcome.

[Lola sadly parts off, as her siblings look on with sadness]

[In her room, Lola is playing a dirge on a harmonica and is now wearing a denim prison uniform and a pink bandana with her hair now more curled. Lincoln knocks on her door and comes in]

Lincoln: Hey, Lola, you know, we talked it over, and decided...you're in! You've earned our trust!

Lola: [gasps happily, rips off her uniform and reveals her normal outfit and starts dancing with joy] "OH, YES YES YES YES!

[The club comes in to talk about their secrets with their new member]

Lynn: Aw, so you guys won't believe how bad I messed up the other day!" [her siblings' curiosity is piqued] I was in the living room, practicing my pile driver with Mom's ironing board.

[As Lynn talks about her secret, Lola is so happy to hear every detail. Soon, the meeting is over and the kids are all wrapping up as they head back to their rooms while Lana goes into the bathroom]

Lola: Aw, you guys! That was so fun! Thanks! [waving goodbye] Everybody get home safe!

Laney: Lola? [Lola turns to Laney, who walks up to her] It's important that yo do not tell anyone else about my scar! I'm very embarrassed about it, so please keep it to yourself!

Lola: You don't have to worry about a thing. From now on, all your secrets are safe with me... [Laney leaves and Lola closes the door, and starts talking to someone] So, you'll never believe what Lynn did! [It's revealed that she's whispering Lynn's secret to her stuffed animals. She then looks at the viewers] Well, what did you expect? I'm Lola Loud! It's not like they'll tell anyone! [turns to her stuffed animals] So, anyway... [continues to tell them Lynn's secret]