Reluctantly, I leave Ana. Leaving her in her current state sends an overwhelming sense of worry, coursing through my body with every step I take, carrying me further away from her. I know worrying about her is irrelevant since she is in expert hands. Robert will ensure she gets the medical care she needs, and she really needs her rest for now. Besides, I had to get away.
The image of Derek taking care of her with such ease causes my heart to skip a beat. The thought of Ana and Derek together makes me see green.
"What the fuck is his issue?" I ask the universe, hoping it can provide me with an answer.
I know he was her mate, but the way he become so possessive of her is upsetting. Especially if he didn't want to be with her. And his continuous disobedience towards me is becoming annoying. His need to always challenge me is becoming old.
The thought confuses me. I don't understand how my happiness for Derek and Ana finding their soul mates could quickly change to despair and jealousy.
When Gisele was alive, I mainly focused on her and how she made me feel. Her presence kept me grounded, whereas Ana helped make me feel free and forget all my obligations. Ana was the friend that never failed to remind me of my age. To be young, free, and enjoy life.
"Why can't he understand what an amazing blessing he has been given?" I say, annoyed by the way he could so easily disregard such a sacred thing.
I focus on the fresh air filling my lungs. My sneakers are covered in dirt, and the rhythmic sound of leaves crushing as I walk soothes me and I allow my thoughts to wonder.
"I can't let her ruin what I have with Medeia," Derek's words flash through my mind again.
"Maybe you shouldn't let Medeia ruin what you could have with your mate," I say, my foot kicking a pebble on the ground as I try to get my anger out.
The sound of rushing water brings me back to reality. I found myself in a forest clearing near the cliff's edge with a clear view of the horizon. I rush to the edge of the cliff, take a seat and let my legs hang over. I sigh as I stare out at the blue expanse in front of me. Letting my worries get pulled out into it.
"I need to let it go," I say lying back, staring at the amber sky, filled with vibrant shades of orange and red. The fiery reds remind me of Ana. My heart is drawn to Ana, but my mind is protesting.
"It's gorgeous," I remember Gisele saying her voice filling my ears with comments about the bright colors in the sky. Her blue eyes lighting up as she watches the sunset, always amazed no matter how many times we watch it.
I sigh, tilting my head to the side. The nightshade causes me to groan as my thoughts drift to Derek. The way he reacted to my presence near Ana. And then his reaction to Medeia's presence. The thought of Ana suffering alone tortures me despite our past. But I need to be there for her. No one else is.
I let my mind fill with the thoughts of Ana. Her pale skin, her fiery red hair and her glimmering gray eyes. The way she would laugh causes a smile to stretch across my face. I remember how clumsy she is. Her gracefulness as a wolf completely abandons her in human form. She always trips over anything that is slightly out of place.
But her giggles fill the air as she laughs about her inability to stay standing with the right company.
"I can't love her," swirls through my mind as Derek's words cause me to think about him and how rigged he can be. How his every move was thought out. He lets go, but only in private and only in the presence of the people he trusts., hiding his true personality from those he doesn't trust. A perfect mask to hide behind.
I look back at the sky; the colors changing from reds to shades of pinks, blues and purple lining clouds that are drifting in the wind.
I gulp, the purple reminding me of the bruises along Ana's light skin, her frail body and her words. The words she hoped I didn't hear. The words that break my heart now.
"I just want to be left alone to die," she said under her breath. Words I nearly missed, but I always pay attention to what she says. I just wanted to shake her when I heard those words leave her mind, wanting her to realise that I needed her.
"I can't lose you to," I would scream it to her over and over again until she finally understands that she can't die and leave me here.
My anger towards Derek returns as I think of Ana and the pain she was enduring. To have a desire to die rather than live in a world where your mate rejects you can't be easy for Ana, since she has no family.
"If only I were her mate," I say, my body shooting up as I hear my own words.
My head swirls. Why did I have that thought? I stare at the horizon, watching the calm sea. I need something else to focus on besides Ana. Watching the sea doesn't help. I think about the way Derek's touch immediately calmed her. The way she woke up in his presence, the care between them as they kept denying the bond between them.
If it were Ana and me, I would focus on her. Give her everything she could ever need. Loving touches, my hands exploring her pale flesh, as I claim her. Her supple lips uttering my name, her love for me pouring out of her as her red hair spreads out over my pillows, my arms holding her.
I shake my head. Trying to get the picture of Ana as a sexual being out of my head. Guilt courses through me as I stare wide eyed at the sea. I try to put the pieces together, why am I having these thoughts about Ana? "Am I over Gisele?" I ask the ocean, throwing a small pebble into it.
Surely, I'm not over Gisele, I couldn't be! I loved her. She was my driving force to be a great Alpha for the pack.
I close my eyes, sighing as I focus on Gisele. Her blue eyes filling my mind as her face takes form, a pout on her face, as she stares up at me. Showcasing her anger for having me leave so early in the morning.
"I'm sorry, my love," I say, chuckling at how cute she is. Looking for my shirt, my eyes flicker back to her, realizing she has it on and my heart fills with warmth. I just take a new one out before going to kiss her on her hand. Her hand is in my hair, holding me close as her other crawls up my chest, pulling my shirt up with it.
She bites my lip, my eyes close as I fight, wanting to crawl back into bed, her legs wrapping around my waist, breaking any resolve I have. I go crushing down onto the bed.
I grin, remembering that day and how Gisele and I explored each other. Tears fill my eyes as I remember the way she looked. The way she rolled me over, her hands on my chest, her legs encasing me. The way the sun was shining behind her, creating a halo, and she straddled me. Her eyes were full of love and longing, her lips coming down to kiss me.
As she sits up again, allowing the sun to highlight her amazing body, the red stops me. She looks like a phoenix, her red hair looked like it was on fire.
"I love you," Ana says, her voice gentle as I repeat the words to her.
I shake my head, the memory disappearing. My eyes are wide, staring at nothing as I try to collect my thoughts.
I couldn't love Ana; she isn't even mine to care for. She is Derek's and even if he doesn't want to be hers, I have to respect that.
It not like Ana would want to have to deal with me and broken heart or any of the other baggage that follows me everywhere.
"Beside I can't be over Gisele," I say as I stare at the stars as they slowly appear in the sky.
Could I?