Chapter 13 : Divine Intervention.

Greetings, glorious audience. It is I, Ember, God of Fillory. Feel free to bow and grovel. I'll wait.

Oh but I've got so much to tell you!

I, with minor help from my brother, Umber...R.I.P. created a world intricate as filigree, and that is what I called it, except I was a bit drunk, so....Fillory.

Chock stuffed with magic, chatty animals, sexy creatures. Really, what a planet. I calibrated everything for maximum entertainment.

I decreed it be ruled by children of Earth, a glum little planet known for its plucky magicians. These brave souls would come, and when they got boring, off they went.

Case in point, Martin Chatwin.

Brave, clever boy, born hero, yet honestly, very uncomfortable to watch once he'd been molested.

So, I made the difficult decision to kick him out and replace him with someone more punchy and fun, but Martin was more tenacius than I gave him credit for.

He found his way back, drank from the Wellspring to get strong, screwing Fillory in the process, and set booby traps for my brother and me, and before you know it, Umber's dead and I'm hiding in stupid, cake deficient Loria.

Cut to, Martin's mutated into a terrible beast in a dapper suit and all hope is lost.

But wait, what's that?

Enter, a host of children, from Earth.

The Tomato Lover, the Dragon Maniac, the Sweet Summer Child, the Hippie. All capable magicians in their own right, read to fight the good fight!

I bestowed upon them a glorious quest, and my blessing and they set out to kill the Beast.

So of course, they failed.

Plot twist!

Were you expecting them to win?

Shame~

All hope seemed lost, for a moment, when suddenly....

A new challenger appears!

Dun dun dun!

A lone Child of Earth, one without magic no less, piggybacking off a magical button all the way into Fillory, with nothing but a bow and his wits to himself.

Is the hero Fillory has been waiting for?

Maybe, but he was too cautious and I got bored; so, I sent the River Watcher to him; he barely noticed that he'd been teleported, all sobered up in a flash, good and angry, and ready to blow.

I wonder what he'll get cursed with~

I watch with bated breath, dear audience.

Except, lo and behold, he doesn't die a gruesome death.

Shocking! I know.

What's more, he sweet talks his way out of a hairy situation.

Oooh he's got a mouth on him.

I do NOT like it.

And so, as he crosses the Burnt River, I break the Curse of Eternal Sleep on the dragon.

This should be entertaining, seeing the dragon rip him apart limb from lim- wait, no. No!

Stupid, lazy dragon, I just woke you up! Don't go back to sleep! Don't-

Eat him. Eat the lucky bastard!

Argh!

This just isn't my day. Or week. Or decade. Or century really.

I stomp my feet in frustration, shaking the cave like a rattle-drum, and amidst the shaking, I hear it.

The familiar skitter of scurrying rats!

Aha!

Come hither to papaaa~

I jump off my throne and pounce upon them with the grace of a cheetah, a majestic, divine goat-cheetah, if you must imagine my magnificent form, dear audience.

You may masturbate. I shall allow it.

Let it be a fond memory that carries you to the end of your days.

For me however, a sliver of hope yet remains, for I have caught ... a rat.

Do ignore the scrapes on my knees and elbows. They're temporary scars of my valiant efforts, nothing my godly flesh cannot bear.

Now to reap my juicy reward~

I grab one mouse by its soft, tiny torso and in one bite, chew its head off.

Hrmmmm....so crunchy, and juicy.....

Not particularly delectable, but anything tastes divine on an empty stomach.

Ummm, num, num, slorp.

I licked my fingers clean, wiping them on my modest robe.

Now then where was I?

Ah, yes, the frustrating little visitor to my realm.

I have another idea for him. An opportunity so he may yet serve to entertain me.

Tongue Twisters!

It is spring after all~

We'll see how well he does on his quest once he no longer has the faculty of his tongue.

Carefully, I pluck a single bugs off of the hive and guide it halfway across the river setting him upon the young hero.

He swatted it.

He. Swatted. It.

I cannot even!

Humph!

Why is he so gods damned lucky?

And now he's flying away.

Great, I didn't even know boats could go that fast.

I give up. I do, really.

I have half a rat and no more patience.

Oh the misery, my dear audience. Truly, do you not feel sympathy for me?

Yes, yes. Shed a few more tears.

It is only right.

Well, there it is. I'm bored again.

I suppose I might as well peek on the latest curiosity. Can't hurt, can it?

Oh, and what do we have here?

A naiad trailing towards them.....

A betrayal, oh my!

Now that is the drama I like~

I turn up the volume and listen in.

"Say. His. Name." He whispers.

"Ember." The naiad answers.

Just Ember? How rude of her.

Is that how you treat a god?

"Ember, God of Gods." He corrects.

Ah, finally some respect.

Uhuhunhun~

I might just let him live after he's finished entertaining me. If he's still alive by then.

But then, he utters something absolutely baffling.

"Let me tell you the tale of how I became the Champion of Ember, God of Gods."

Ooh and twists get twistier~

When did that happen?

Did I get too drunk and forget this?

No. I haven't had good liquor since those plucky little Earth magicians stopped by three years ago.

Oh, such a long, long dry spell.

Now I'm sad again.

Hmmm....he knows a lot about me. And my cave!

And my ....stink?!

How dare he call my enchanting divine musk a-

Unless.... perhaps....Is he a time traveler?

No. One look at him and I can tell.

But then....He's bluffing.

Uhuhunhunhu....

The lying little scamp~

I....love it!

A web of lies is always a thrilling addition to the pot.

Finally, some good fucking entertainment.

"He never did like to bathe."

The naiad- oh, I know her, what was her name again?

Bah, whatever. Get it, because I'm a sheep?

Oh she was quite the spitfire. So bitter about our lovely times together, and that just made her taste all the sweeter.

"I bought a little cake..."

Come again?

My ears perk up at the mention.

Am I getting an offering at last?

_____________________

Cal POV

"So there I was, in the temple of Ember, God of Gods and there he was, laid upon a throne of crudely carved stone. And as I approached he spoke.

'It is customary to bow, Child of Earth....'

"So naturally, I ask, why? I know, not what you should ask in such a situation but..." I shrugged.

"He looked at me like I just ate a monkey whole and said, 'Because I am a god? Are you daft? Or perhaps it is your first time meeting a god. Very well, I shall educate you, but only because you brought me cake.'

He giggled in that annoying nasally voice and the next thing I know, the cake is in his hands.

Now that's theft, I say. Or I would have, but I'm not stupid enough to anger a god, unlike some of us." I looked at the River Watcher.

"So I just watched him, pigging all out on the cake and before I know it it's gone, into his big fat tummy. But of course, he wasn't satisfied with just one and he tells me as much. So I make him an offer. I will get him his little cakes and he just need to give me his blessing.

And the rest is history." I said, "Everyday, he would talk to me, in my mind, and tell me what cake he wanted and with his blessing and the gold he gave me, I bought him his cakes. Day in, day out." I said, in a matter of fact tone hoping all the while Ember would just get the message.

But there wasn't so muh as a peep yet and I'm getting worried.

I'll try one last time and if he's still MIA, I'm jetting it out of here and going all in on plan B.

Let's hope the Beast doesn't get me first.

"In fact, he's talking to me right now about what cake he wants me to bring him tomorrow." I added with finality, and got ready to blip out of here, my finger hovering over the button in my pocket.

Please talk to me, please talk to mepleasetalktome....

Just as I was about to hit the button, I heard a voice in my head.

'Strawberry and vanilla, please.'

Holy shit it worked.

'Wait! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait!' I cried out internally, 'We need to talk!'

'No we don't.' Came the reply.

I swear, this stupid sheep...

I took a deep breath.

'If you don't answer, you're not getting any cake.'

For a moment, there was silence, before a long, dragged out sigh echoed in my mind.

'Fiiine. Speak.'

'I have an offer.' I said.

'Is it cake related?'

'Yes.' Tangentially.

'Go on.' He sounded intrigued.

'I need you to-'

'And you've lost me.'

'Just listen. If I die here yo don't get cake. Ever.'

'You won't. Use the button.'

'And have the Beast hunt me down? No. I need a distraction. Or better yet, a ride over to Coronation Island.'

No response.

'It'll be entertaining, I promise and besides, don't you hate being under his thumb? A god hiding like a rat in his own kingdom? Don't you want to strike back for once? I know how much you need a win right now.' I asked.

'I can't.' Ember replied.

'Can't or won't?' I jabbed.

He let out a sad sigh.

'You don't know Martin like I do.' There was a deep hopelessness in his voice, 'He is prepared, for everything. Every move, every thought. Nothing escapes him. He's always two steps ahead, even from a god.'

I frowned.

That's concerning. But I'm already knee deep in this shit, so might a well commit.

'I don't know, sounds a bit fishy, doesn't it?

I mean think about it, if he knew everything, why am I still alive? Hell, why are you still alive?

If he knew I was here, he'd have killed me already.

Hell, if he had a way of knowing everything, he wouldn't need to put a bounty on Earthlings in the first place. You know what that means?'

'Ooh, a third act reveal. I like it.' Ember cooed.

I smiled.

'He has a way of predicting the future sure, but it's hardly perfect. Besides, why are you so afraid? Are you Ember, god of Chickens? Rats? Sheep? No! You are Ember, god of Chaos! Use your element to your advantage. Be so chaotic you are unpredictable.'

'Yes. Yes! You are right, Child of Earth-'

'Call me Cal.'

'Very well, Cal. You're right. Perhaps it is time that I be....'

'Chaotic?' I supplied and I could almost feel his mischievous grin as he giggled.

'Myself~'

'Then can I ask you to teleport me to Coronation Island?' I asked.

'Hmm....no. Where's the fun in that? They asked for proof, hm? Then it is time for....a cameo~' Ember laughed.

Wait Ember, no-

Before I could even finish the thought, the whole world shook around me, and the boat began to rock, the river itself shivering like an orphan on a winter night and a great pressure descended upon us.

"Tada!" Ember appeared on the boat, and I could feel my heart sink.

Yup. I'm dead.

That much power, just farted out like it was nothing.....it's practically a giant, light-up sign screaming for the Beast to come here.

Fucking Ember!

_____________________

And Ember arrives on the scene starting a race against the clock. Will MC get out of there before the Beast gets there? Or will his plan work out for him? Find out next time on, I dream of magic!

Tell me what you think of the chapter, was it good, was it bad. I wanna hear all about it.

Donate your powerstones.

Let's get to top twenty at least broskis.

Thanks for reading.

Bye~