Avatar : How to become a Badass

"Well, shit…" I say feeling my shiny ball form

I always wanted to die of old age in a bed surrounded by my family, not at 20, no personal achievements, no aspirations, basically no friends, a virgin still living with parents' the young soul contemplates.

"AHHH... FUCK IT! Besides making my relatives sad for a while, maybe it's for the best. I mean I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I probably would have found a minimum wage job that I hate because I never had any aspirations therefore never really put any effort into school besides doing the bare minimum to get by. My fate was destined to be miserable, mundane, and boring as the rest of this sad world."

"Though it is kinda bummer that I never got to play Elder Scrolls 6 or finish a bunch of anime. Don't even get me started on all the fanfics I never get to finish *sigh*"

"So I wonder what will happen next? Do I get to stay in this 'comfortable' void forever and contemplate my life choices or-"

"YOU REINCARNATE YOUNG SOUL." Announces a loud ass voice.

"AHHH!! Fuck don't scare me like that… on a second thought WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

"AS I SAID YOU REINCARNATE IF IT IS YOUR WISH OF COURSE YOU CAN CHOOSE TO STAY HERE AND WITHER UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF YOUR SOU-"

"I chose to reincarnate! But how does that work? I mean why? There have to be more interesting or worthy people than me." Soon to be a reincarnator" I ask.

"ALL SOULS GET AN AFTERLIFE THEY BELIEVE IN. YOU AFTER CONSUMING SO MUCH MEDIA SUBCONSCIOUSLY BELIEVED IN REINCARNATION, A PERSON BELIEVING IN HEAVEN AND HELL WOULD GET JUDGED AND SHIPPED OFF TO EITHER OF THOSE, A PERSON BELIEVING IN NOTHING WOULD JUST VANISH" The voice explains.

"Ok so do I get to 3 wishes and all that jazz?"

"YES BUT NOTHING TOO OUTRAGEOUS AND IT HAS TO BE POSSIBLE IN THE WORLD YOU REINCARNATE IN. NOW CHOSE I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY WELL I DO BUT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO SPEND IT WITH YOU."

'Hmmm... I wonder where I want to go? This is a second chance at life. I can't squander it! I mean although becoming an invincible young master slapping god with a giant harem does sound good lord Yami from Naruto: Dream to immortality makes a good point that there is no eternal love and I personally think you need to be certain kind of crazy to be prepared to live for eternity.'

'So I certainly want a weaker world and probably relatively peaceful with no need for a mustache-twirling second-rate villain every other day. This means no Naruto no matter where I begin I will have to be a master manipulator and plan for everything. On a side note fuck Danzo. No to MHA, had enough of school for one life. Marvel is too big no matter which universe I choose. Harry Potter is the same as MHA plus I don't find it interesting fixing the entire community based on racism and oppression. GOT(Game of Thrones) is the same as Naruto, just with too much politics. Elder Scrolls could be fun but then again if you think about it evil Deadra gods wanting to take over the world, racism is a common occurrence no matter which race you choose to be and without heavy assistance from wishes progression in power is hard so, unfortunately, a no.'

'Fallout 'seems like a good challenge but I feel like living in the wasteland and playing it on the screen are two different things, I could still do good if I chose my wishes carefully. Cyberpunk 2077 looked like a fun world even if the game was a poorly executed glitchy mess. Avatar world should be enjoyable if you are a bender. That is… listen, chi blocking and being a weapon masted seems cool but at a certain point only a bender can stop another bender.'

'Ok, so I have to choose between Fallout, Cyberpunk 2077, Avatar. Let's eliminate Fallout because living in a wasteland sounds like it changes people and mostly not for the better. Cyberpunk 2077 is next on the chopping block. First I am not that familiar with the whole game and know nothing about other stuff related to the universe plus night city would probably chew me up and spit me back out.'

"I chose the Avatar world"

"GOOD NOW WHEN DO YOU WANT TO BE BORN?" the voice asks.

'Well, there's not much to choose from, it's either The Last Airbender or Legend of Korra. Hmm… while Aang and his Gaang could be fun at the end of the day they are still kids and no matter how much I change after becoming a kid again I'm still an adult at heart even if an immature one. Plus Korra and what was that chick's name again… fuck it has been a while since I watched the show and even then I did it absentmindedly while doing my homework to pass the class, something riming with ass. I guess I know my first wish. Anyway Korra and that other girl looked pretty hot and if I play my cards right maybe I can get them both. Note to self further deliberation needed at a later date.'

"I want to be born a year earlier than Avatar Korra." I state clearly.

"YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE AVATAR?" The voice expresses with clear interest.

"Nah too much responsibility and too many people after you. I mean everybody expects Korra to be the next Aang and to know the solution to every problem with a snap of her fingers right off the bat like c'mon dude she has been sheltered for her whole. Sure she started her journey older than Aang but she is still a teenager, a hormonal teenager, which might be worse than being 12 years old. And don't get me started on her mentally challenged opponents 'yes taking everyone's bending definitely will make everyone equal and peaceful' just like back on earth! Can you tell I'm being sarcastic!?" I take a breath if that's even possible in my current form.

"Then there is what's his name, who thought it was a great idea to CONTROL the embodiment of EVIL AND CHAOS! If you are that bored in the north then go splash some water on some fire benders or something. That sounds way better than whatever you were doing. And since I started listing off the mental deficiencies of those two morons then let's continue. We have that stoner guy who thinks he is so deep that Jaden Smith would think he's fucking stupid and that's saying something 'Hurr Durr disorder is the order' like have you listened to yourself that's what we call an oxymoron."

"Oh and let's don't forget Miss Ozai junior AKA Kikira, Konoak, Karen, or something because to be honest, she was such an insufferably boring and narrow-minded power-hungry bitch I couldn't be bothered to remember. *sigh* Sorry for the rant. But now that I started to remember the plot I'm totally fucking with those dipshits to no end."

"I TAKE BACK MY WORDS YOU ARE INTERESTING" What I can only assume is some sort of god replied amusedly to me.

"Thanks, I guess… back on track. I'm assuming I get to choose my appearance?"

"CORRECT"

"Right then let's do that at the end. Now to the wishes, first I want panmnesia which is basically the ability to remember and recall everything that you have ever experienced, encountered or learned in your lifetime with the addition of being able to suppress unwanted memories in case I see some fucked up shit. Don't want to relive that like I am right there for the rest of my life."

"CAN DO BUT YOU CAN ONLY HAVE VAGUE MEMORIES OF YOUR TIME ON EARTH. WHERE IS THE FUN IN KNOWING EVERYTHING HA HAHA"

"Fine, I can work with that. It's not like that knowledge will do me much good when I go fucking with the timeline, butterfly effect, and all that." I retorted dismissively while reprimanding myself for not paying more attention to the show in reality.

*cough*

…

"My second wish is instant mastery" I really hope this one goes through.

"DENIED. THE MOMENT YOU TRY BENDING YOU WILL HAVE THE ABILITY TO BRING ASTEROIDS FROM SPACE WITH EARTH BENDING, BURN MOUNTAINS TO A CRISP IN SECONDS WITH FIRE BENDING, MOVE ENTIRE OCEANS WITH WATER BENDING, CREATE EF-5 STRENGTH TORNADOS WITH AIR BENDING. HUMANS HAVE JUST SCRATCHED THE SURFACE OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE WITH BENDING. I SAID NOTHING TOO OUTRAGEOUS DOWNGRADE OR CHOSE SOMETHING ELSE." The guy instantly denied it.

"Dang, well it was worth a try. For my second wish, I want quick mastery to be more precise. I want to be able to master anything I put my mind to in record time putting genius to shame. Work, effort, and creativity are still needed plus I still require knowledge and know-how so don't worry I won't pull an arc reactor out of my ass but for the most part, I want to be able to become a master at anything as long as time and effort is put in."

"FINE BUT YOUR NEXT WISH BETTER BE SMALL AND INSIGNIFICANT JUST LIKE YOU ARE" God replied menacingly.

"Ok first of all uncalled for, second of all if your goal is to hurt my feelings you are succeeding, *fake crying and sniffling noises* third of all okey-dokey." I replied cheerfully at the end.

*SIGHT*

"GET ON WITH IT"

"My final wish is to be an earth bender."

"GRANTED"

"Ok, now I want to start in Omashu as a baby left by his parents at an orphanage door. Mainly because with the shit I'm planning, not only would they have to worry constantly 'god help me my parents did that enough in my first life'. Plus I never want to be blackmailed only because I couldn't monitor them 24/7. As for how I look, let's go with tried and true Sung Jin-Woo but with deep clear teal colored eyes that can suck in your soul if you look too long. My hair should be midnight black and my name can be Hanzo.''

I then further explain how I want to look. From my height of 6'3 to a sizable tool if you know what I mean, to the finer details that the author can't be bothered to describe.

'For the most part, I'm quite content with my new look even if it is going to take some getting used to. I mean how often does your whole body change so drastically.'

"So I guess this is goodbye?" I ask.

"MAKE THAT A SEE YOU LATER, UNFORTUNATELY TO ME."He mutters the last part.