The Visit

A usual day in Sparta

People were walking in the streets and going on about their usual business. Customers haggled for the last piece of an iron bar in the markets.

Customer:- May I have the Johnny.

Shopkeeper:- Sure it will 10 bars, please.

Customer:- Never, I will give five bars.

Shopkeeper:- Sure sir. (He cuts off the top part). Have fun at the weekend.

Customer:- Wait a second.....Is it Goatex or Bullforce.

Shopkeeper:- Goat, sir.

Customer:- Thanks.

Shopkeeper:- My pleasure, sir.

Well, I know this part has nothing to do with the story but it sets the correct environment for the tale that follows and it also relates to the evolution and fame of Sparta.

So, as the people were busy at their duties, a large cloud of dust was seen rising at the distant skyline. It was General Lareggs leading his army to Sparta to pass the message of great, Lord Brasniffer. People watched in wonder as his cape fluttered behind him and he raced towards the Palace gate. He sat on his slightly short, white stallion (or a rather large English Mastiff) with his head raised high. A powerful wind started blowing which made the view more cinematic. He reached the gates stark naked. As he approached the gates the guard stopped him.

Guard:- Stop and state your purpose.

Largeggs:- I come with a message from Lord Brasniffer.

Guard:- Your name, messenger.

Largeggs:- Largeggs.....Commander Largeggs.

Guard:- Well your name does you justice ( observes his nuts)

Largeggs enters the castle confidently and studies the statues of Pervos's ancestors. There has always been a dispute between their kingdoms as Spartans had the longest and they had the biggest (that never goes together). As he stands there glaring at the statues. Pervos appears in front of him. Largeggs greets him and Pervos fondles Largeggs's large eggs in return.

Largeggs:- What the.....man. What was that?

Pervos:- This is Sparta. That's how real men greet.

Largeggs:- Really.....no feelings right?

Pervos:- Nope, never had, never will.

Largeggs:- Okay, so let's get to business. (He takes out a roll of paper and unrolls it).

Pervos:- Is that a toilet paper roll.

Largeggs:- Ummmmm... No. Now shut up. (He starts reading)

"Greetings, king of Sparta. I Lord Brasniffer, have been observing you...sorry your kingdom (I don't have money to waste on paper) for a long time and it is my great pleasure to inform you that I have finally decided to take over your kingdom. So, either bow down to my rule or perish."

Largeggs:- So... what do you say.

Pervos:- Couldn't he just have e-mailed me instead of sending you.

Largeggs:- Shit man. Why didn't I think of it earlier? Never mind, so what's your answer? Deal or No deal?

Pervos:- Let's think about it near the hole of biodegradable waste (or septic tank)

Larggeggs:- Okay, so what's your answer.

Pervos:- No Deal, Mothefucka..... (Kicks him hard)

Largeggs:- My cojones man...

Largeggs falls down the hole..... The war has been declared.