Reunion

I had spent the next few days in Loki's room, isolating myself from anybody other than the maid that would occasionally knock on my door and ask if I intended to eat dinner with the royal family that day.

It was always the same answer of course.

"Tell the all-father that I apologize, but I am still feeling quite ill," I'd say.

Ill wasn't exactly the proper word to use, but how could I tell anybody that I was drowning myself in alcohol and not consuming any food, just to forget that horrible incident, hoping that if I had indeed become pregnant I would be killing the child before I or anybody around me would notice?

The curtains had been blocking out the sunlight for days, I did not wish to look upon the kingdom that I would one day be forced to care for, to rule by that son of a bitch Thor Odinson's side.

Sunlight would be almost sobering like reality hitting me directly in the face once I looked out the window. No, wine and Mjöd in the darkness were the life for me. This was how I would end my suffering.

Drinking was almost a sort of revenge. Thor wanted to be a father, to have an heir he could raise, but that child would not be mine, I would make sure of it. I could not care the slightest if he had gone and found another woman to have a child with, as long as it meant he would leave me alone, but he never did. I would continue to drink until my womb rotted away.

He kept asking the maids how I was feeling, and what illness I had suffered from, but they had no answer. They had to pass on little notes from him, asking if I was feeling better if I would like to go for a stroll, how much I had eaten, and such, but I didn't care to give him an answer.

He could rot in Hel for all I cared.

I still just sat in Loki's bed wearing one of the nightgowns he had given me. It was ironic that even after his death I would be wearing his colors, even though we had not been married before his passing. I loved him, and that was all that mattered.

My tastebuds had turned numb a while ago, wine had almost turned into water, not taking into consideration that I was very much getting drunk.

Bottles were carelessly placed in the room, though mostly near the bed I rarely left. The bed was warm and comforting, I could still feel Loki's presence when I closed my eyes and focused.

How I missed him.

"Darling?" his voice filled the empty room.

I looked over, the familiar illusion stood in the middle of our chamber. He looked alive and well, a shame I couldn't touch him. His eyes were full of concern, his face had shown how worried he became the last few times I had seen my clearly dead lover.

"Loki, my prince, it's nice to see you again," I said with a soft smile. "Have I already consumed so much Mjöd that you have decided to visit me?" I asked teasingly.

Drinking this much was my intention. I would most likely die faster, and I would at the same time be with the man I loved, or at least the memory of him. His green eyes shone brighter than ever in the dark room, almost like two stars in the pitch-black sky at midnight.

"I would offer you to sit next to me, but after what happened I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy," I said, still smiling. The alcohol made me numb, luckily. It would be pathetic if I began crying and complaining to an illusion, a bit of thin air I thought to be my beloved.

He walked over to me cautiously, avoiding every bottle placed on the floor as he made his way toward me.

"What are you talking about, darling?" he asked.

How could my own mind not know what had happened? Had I damaged my brain cells that much? Loki was nothing but my imagination playing tricks on me, so why didn't he know about that horrible night?

"Oh, you know, the night when Odin threw the grand feast which I didn't attend, Thor came into our chambers in the middle of the night and forced himself on me, in this very bed," I said, not seeming like I had a care in the world.

In reality, I had given up on feeling anything but hate when I was sober.

I took a sip of my almost empty bottle of red wine that was in my hand, unaware of Loki moving closer to me. It almost scared me when he was kneeling down next to our bed.

His eyes were turning red, cheeks becoming wet as tears fell onto his pink flesh silently. Was he crying? Were these my own emotions slowly seeping through? It seemed so real, how his breath became quicker, his nose twitched and his brows knitted themselves together.

I sighed, knowing there was nothing to do since these were my own feelings, but I couldn't help but feel bad for him.

"I'm sorry, Loki. I thought you knew." Oh, how I wanted to comfort him, to be in his arms and kiss him, but if I touched this illusion it would vanish and I would be left alone once more.

"No, I'm sorry, darling," Loki quickly responded getting on his feet. "I should have never left you, I made a promise to always be by your side." By then he was pacing the bottle-covered floor.

I noticed how he was playing with his hair, it was a clear indication that he was anxious, pondering over something that I knew nothing of. Tears continued to stream down his perfect face, it pained me even though I knew this was not real, that he was not real.

"I should not have left you alone, how could I be so foolish?" he asked, cursing himself.

At this point Loki could not face me, he was disgusted with himself for some reason, when theoretically I was the one who had been unfaithful. He had nothing to hate himself for.

"Don't be sad, Loki, nothing can be done about my situation. I may never be myself again, but I have you and Odin's wine cellar. I don't need anything else to be happy," I said trying to comfort him.

He finally turned to face me, his eyes were completely bloodshot, the sight pained me, it was horrible how my mind was torturing me at the moment. He walked toward me once more, this time hastily as if I was about to disappear.

"You are drinking yourself to death, darling, and it is all my fault. I am causing you this misery, how can you speak so kindly to me?" he asked, his large tear-filled eyes desperately searching for answers.

I didn't say anything, I couldn't. Somehow, through the large amounts of wine, my emotions surfaced. I hated it.

"I promise, darling, soon I will come and bring you with me, both of you, you have my word." What did he mean by both of us? His words confused me, which he clearly noticed.

My hand subconsciously traveled to my almost flat stomach where our little daughter had once been. Of course, he had noticed I wasn't pregnant with how heavily I was drinking. He was talking about our daughter and me. Did he think she was alive and well?

"Your child should get the chance to come with us," he said with a shy smile. He looked so humble with that expression. Sadness and joy mixed together was something I rarely saw.

"Our..." I opened my mouth to speak, but that singular word was everything I managed to say before there was a knock on my door.

Loki's facial expressions turned into pure joy when he realized what I was about to say, but just as the door opened, his gorgeous face vanished, and I was left alone in my room.

"(Y/N)?" I heard a familiar male voice say, trying to spot me in the large dark room.

What in all the nine realms was he doing here? Had he come to force himself on me once more? I wasn't prepared for that, but at the same time, I could feel how my body didn't react as if I had accepted what was about to come.

"What do you want?" I asked, almost spitting venom.

"I came to see how you were doing. Nobody has seen you for weeks," he responded.

Thor was the last person I wanted to talk to, especially when I had been in much better company seconds ago. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?

"I'm fine," I slurred.

He scoffed. The diva prince was probably annoyed that I had been avoiding him since that night. How could he be surprised after what he had done to me? He didn't deserve me, not even a glips of me.

"I can smell the alcohol from the door (Y/N), don't be foolish, I know you are not fine," he said.

It almost sounded like he was concerned for my health, but that wasn't possible, he was a monster. He was most likely here to mock me or worse.

I heard him walk towards me, only because of the multiple bottles he stumbled into. He was blind as a bat in here, something I could use to my advantage if he decided to become violent again, I was clearly intoxicated, but the rage I felt had been growing and I felt ready to attack. This time I was the predator.

Like a pure reaction to his movement, I manifested a dagger in my left hand, ready for whatever he would throw at me, I didn't move from my seat, however.

"I have no intention of speaking with you," I said, trying to sound as cold as possible. Luckily, it wasn't all too difficult, the hatred was seeping through my body at this point.

"Please, whatever is wrong, I wish to help you, the entire kingdom is worried for your health, your safety. There must be a way for me to help you," he practically pleaded while continuing to find his way towards me.

I chuckled at his statement. Did he want to help me now, after doing everything in his power to make my life a living nightmare? No chance in all of the nine realms would he get the opportunity to make up for his crimes.

"You have done plenty," I hissed.

No further movement was to be heard. Had he stopped walking? If so, he was holding his breath, it was as if he had disappeared into thin air as my Loki had done moments ago.

"I am confused. What do you mean by that?" I heard him ask.

Did he not remember that horrible night? Did he not know that him invading Jotunheim was the reason for my Loki's death as well as my daughters?

"Don't play dumb, Thor. Arrogance suits you better. At least you're not pretending to be nice when you're like that."

There was silence for some time. He was thinking about what I had said, wondering why I was insulting him the way I was. It didn't matter, I needed more wine if I was to listen to his voice.

The lukewarm liquid made its way down my throat, burning a slight bit as I sank. It felt good to drink some more, it was almost as if I was mocking him, that he was such a bad husband that I felt the need to drink as much as I did.

"You're clearly drunk, (Y/N), you don't know what you're saying," he said in a quiet voice as if he was afraid to confront me about the amount of wine I had consumed.

"If you don't want to talk to me when I'm intoxicated, then why not come back when I'm sober and in a better mood?" I asked, finally turning to face him.

I saw how hurt he looked, but somehow it didn't make me feel better in any way. It was pathetic, though. He looked weak like he had not slept or eaten in days. He was not one to look weak, but this man seemed like a different person. I was looking at a pained soul, a broken being that desperately wanted to be healed.

"That would mean I would likely never return," he mumbled, looking down at his feet like a child, it was a bit amusing to see him like this.

"Exactly," I said before drinking the rest of my wine.

He didn't say more. I watched as he walked back towards the door looking defeated, something one would rarely see. Thor Odinson was not one for giving up that easily, and being defeated most certainly wasn't part of his nature.

He turned to face me one final time before leaving Loki's chambers.

"I miss him just as much as you do, (Y/N);" he said.

That was all it took, my blood started to boil as I threw my empty bottle of wine at him. He managed to flee before getting hit, and the bottle exploded into a thousand pieces, a few of them hit me on the arm, leaving semi-deep cuts in my flesh, but I didn't care.

I couldn't feel the pain due to all the alcohol, which I at that moment was quite thankful for.

It had been a few days since I had talked to Thor and my imaginary Loki. The amount of empty bottles had grown, and the maids had given up on bringing me food. I didn't eat any of it, and it was a waste of resources.

"Do you know where Prince Thor is at the moment?" I asked the maid. She had brought me another bottle of Mjöd and seemed surprised I had talked to her.

Most of the servants had presumed I had turned mute after being hospitalized, all after one of the younger girls had started a rumor I was seriously injured and that was why I didn't leave Loki's chamber. I was thankful for that rumor, it made it easier for me, people asked fewer questions if they thought I was indeed ill and couldn't move out of bed.

"If I recall, he left for Midgard earlier this morning. Shall I have Heimdall call him home?" she asked, curious if I was ready to talk to my husband.

"That won't be necessary, I was simply curious about his whereabouts," I responded, trying not to sound drunk.

I had gotten enough alcohol that I woke up in a semi-intoxicated state every morning. It made drinking easier later on in the day.

The maid placed the wine and retrieved to her chambers afterward. If Thor wasn't here, it meant I could finally wander the halls, and get some fresh air and some sunlight. It wasn't the same in Loki's room. This wasn't the place to die, although it would be more comfortable.

I got out of the warm bed and stood up for the first time in days. Somehow I had been able to contain any form of liquid inside of me, not needing to use the bathroom once.

My legs were a bit weak, but I managed to stumble to the door, open it after giving it a few tries, and exited Loki's chambers, for the first time in over a week. I was still wearing the same green nightgown, but the alcohol made me careless about my appearance. Only my neck, eye, and arm which had been damaged by the shards of glass were covered using magic.

It took some time, but after trying to walk straight for what felt like ages, I made my way to one of the finer balconies, pointing out towards the wild landscape, the beautiful nature of Asgard. It was one of my favorite places to go to when I was younger, despite not being allowed to leave the castle on more than a few rare occasions.

I took in a deep breath, smelling the fresh air with a hint of different flowers growing somewhere near. It was peaceful, something I had craved for so long.

My feet were bare, the cold tiles making my feet almost hurt from the cold touch, just like when Laufey had tried killing me. It didn't bother me, for some reason, it felt comforting, and familiar. Death was to most people something they would dread, and try to run from, but after everything, I had learned to embrace it.

Loki showing up in the middle of the night, talking about bringing me with him soon, was nothing but a call from death, telling me that my time was near, and I didn't fear it. Loki would wait for me with open arms.

I climbed onto the railing, not bothering to look down. I knew there were quite a few hundred feet from where I stood to the ground that I had walked on for years, taking everything for granted.

Taking a final breath, I spread my arms as if I was about to fly into the sky and leaned forward.

I would see my Loki soon.