Chapter 6: The Chapter where Hanz is totally gonna get punched

My mind was so anxious to confront Hanz that I woke up before my alarm even went off. Considering my mother usually slept in on weekends I'd have to make my own breakfast. 

That meant I'd have to either eat some unhealthily sugary cereal or try my best attempts at making pancakes that wouldn't make the eater's stomach feel like it had just been on a rollercoaster after eating enough food to stuff a cow.

I settled for the cereal, I wasn't willing to risk it when my luck so far had been literally horrible. Like something nice happens to me and then immediately God drops a nuclear bomb to fuck me up. Next thing you know I'll get a girlfriend and she'll turn out to actually be the Green Goblin. Or she'll break into two because I wasn't fast enough.

My track record hasn't exactly been the greatest but whatever. 

After washing down the cereal with a tall glass of orange juice, I put on my Spider-Man suit and stepped out into the rain-slick streets of New York City. I walked down the sidewalk to find an inconspicuous alleyway to put my mask on in and then started swinging, I was briefly chased by a massive rat. 

It was literally the size of a cat. You wouldn't wanna fight it either.

Thankfully, I just ran into an alleyway and crawled up the walls to safety. I'm glad even rats have one weakness. They can't scale up walls, usually. Unless it's a super rat or a skaven. 

Anyways, I pulled on my mask and after a bit of readjusting my goggles for a bit, I leaped off the building and shot a web midair before swinging on it.

I fired it too close to the ground though, so I had to pull myself up the web like it was a vine and I was Tarzan. Then I released the web and with a thwip another web attached to a building allowing me to swing. It was only midway through my swinging that I realized I had no clue where the fuck Hanz lived.

So I stopped on top of the roof of an apartment building and searched the web, his parents were well off and I knew his last name. Using that and Google I triangulated his area. Thank you technology!

Anyways, with Stark Maps providing an exact path to his house and using my web's ability to let me ignore common obstacles like cars and buildings, I arrived at his house almost 25 minutes later. I did stop to get an ice cream but I dropped it while swinging.

When I arrived at Hanz's gothic-looking manor, I was ready for him to explode out of there dressed in some fancy villainous get-up. But nope, nothing really happened. I decided not to ring the doorbell because that fucker doesn't deserve my politeness. The brick gates surrounding the house were rather tall and a normal person wouldn't have been able to see over them.

Thankfully, I am not normal and leaped over the wall in a single bound on the neatly trimmed garden. I was tempted to pick up a rock and throw it through a window but that was a dick move. Hanz might be a cunt but his parents didn't deserve a broken window. So instead I fired a web and pulled myself up.

I then leapt into the chimney and only when I realized as I fell that it was in fact lit did I stop my descent by sticking to the brick. That caused the problem that the smoke was now irritating me so I crawled out of the chimney all the while trying to hold my coughing to not alert Hanz that I was in fact inside his walls. 

Well technically his chimney but you get the point.

When I got back to the roof I decided that Hanz's parents could clearly afford a broken window and just when I was about to punch the window, I heard the voice of the smug bastard.

''Ah, Mr. Jameson. I was expecting you to come a bit later, but no matter. I guess I did give you quite a spook, didn't I? Do forgive me, but you see, I would like to avoid the expense of having a window replaced. So, what do you say we come in, and talk like grown mature adults? I can see you have questions and fears.'' He says before pausing with a raised eyebrow, ''Little mind-killer. Truly, you did not pay attention to what I said yesterday. Oh, well. Matter's not. Come in, I have made hot chocolate, it is quite chilly, and the rain is quite annoying.''

"Who's Mr. Jameson? My name's the Sensational Spider-Man! But yes I would like to come in. Not because I am Ace Jameson but because I also have questions that are probably similar to what he wants to know." I say as I flip off the wall and land in front of Hanz. His smug face is so punchable. It's as if someone took the face of the most annoying person in the world, and then made them blonde and German.

''Truly, you appear to be quite the sharp marble, aren't you? I'll indulge in your… Masquerade, if you get my reference. But, come come. Let's get out of the miserable rain and into the comforts of my personal abode.'' He said with an eye roll his grin turning smaller, but still there as he opened the door and made a go-on gesture.

I followed behind him, "After you, and marbles aren't sharp dingus. They're round." I roll my eyes under my mask. And here I thought this guy was smart. "So where's the hot chocolate? And also you promised to answer questions that even though I am totally not Ace Jameson, I want answers to." I cross my arms and flip onto the roof sitting upside down.

''Truly, you have quite the intellect to point out the obvious but you lack the understanding to realize its meaning. Ah, that was rude, forgive me. It's in the living room, conveniently the only place with no windows.'' He said with amusement, unfazed by his words and act, as he walked into the manor.

I walk after him, still on the ceiling. Let's see how he feels about me getting footprints on his ceiling! After 3 steps I feel bad and return to the ground once more before following him into the living room.

''Take a seat, enjoy the hot chocolate. It's my personal brew, with Swiss chocolate.'' He said taking a seat himself, and drinking from one of the still steaming hot cups, he was barely fazed by the heat, after he put it down, he had a small cream mustache on his face. Amusement freely danced in his eyes, as he looked at him.

I grabbed a cup and flipped it upside down to drink it in a cool way. Sadly, I fucked up by not flipping the cup as well and spilled it all over my face causing me to fall onto the floor in a panic. Thankfully, my mask protected me and I quickly ripped it off to not get any hot chocolate on my face.

I then glared at Hanz, "Alright, fine it was me the whole time! I was actually Spider-Man! I bet this hot chocolate thing was your whole plan to get me to reveal my identity huh?" I was extremely embarrassed. 

''Oh no, I cannot claim your mistakes as mine. It's simply good happenstance, or bad luck, in your case. Though if you had insisted on hiding your identity, I was ready to state your full physical description and compare it to your costumed self alongside the very telling claws that I felt when we shook hands yesterday. Now, I assume, since you walked on the ceiling like a spider, and you named yourself as such, that your powers are Spider-related? I heard one of the spiders escaped from Oscorp, on that tour we went. Tell me, am I right to assume you have found or gained powers from said spider?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, deep curiosity shining in his eyes.

"I do have Spider powers. But I don't think spiders really have claws that can slice through metal." I pull off my gloves to reveal my claws, "And yeah the spider that bit me was from Oscorp. It didn't escape though, I crushed it and I'm pretty sure it's been disposed of."

''You are wrong and right. Spiders, as much as I hate the arachnids, do have small, admittedly cute, claws. Though I do not think theirs are able to cut through steel. I assume you have tested such, or is that a baseless threat?'' He said before humming in thought, ''Maybe I can convince the Black Cat to steal the research on those spiders? Such research is wasted on the likes of Oscorp, they'll monopolize it and sell to the military if they can recreate the results.'' He cupped his hand on his chin, slightly ignoring me.

I shrugged slightly, "I mean yeah? I did test out these claws and they can in fact rip through metal. Also, I'm pretty sure what happened to me was a fluke. A one in a bajillion if you will. Besides, I thought you'd blackmail me to be your evil villain hench men or something?" I was pretty confused. This was a pretty nice meeting in all honesty. Spilled hot chocolate aside. 

''Blackmail is a dangerous thing to use on Meta-humans. Especially those of which you have no grasp of their powers. As for that ''fluke'', I am sure I can recreate it. Unless… There is a supernatural component attached to your powers?'' He asked with interest in his eyes. 

"I mean, I did talk to a giant spider god who told me I was the one or something. Then he ate me. Pretty sick dude if you ask me." I say running a hand through my hair. 

''Hmmm… Is that so? You're really lucky and unlucky, Mr. Jameson. Personally, I recommend you to sever any such connections to this God. Gods and Goddesses are fickle beings, and I haven't heard good things happening to those chosen as their champions, or blessed by them. I would keep a wary eye if I were you. Fortunately, that is not the case, so I don't have to worry too much about your presence in my home." He said before murmuring lowly, ''The wards should also work, as old as they are.''

"Blah blah blah, whatever you say, man. Anyways, I am going to be a superhero. And since you're like super smart and all that jazz, you can be like my tech guy. In exchange, I'll get you cool blueprints and blood samples from my villains. Sound fair?" 

''You say that as if you hold any power, but sure. This will be a nice hobby to do on the side. But, I require payment first. A test of… Loyalty, if you will. Yesterday you mentioned you could get me inside NASA, correct? Unfortunately, I cannot personally go, and I don't trust Arslan to not mess it up, loveable mutt that he is. That leaves me with you, or Black Cat, and she has quite the strict personal code about committing such things. I do not wish to sour our relationship, by blackmailing her, so you'll have to do. Acquire me everything in this list, and I'll make you an actual… Suit for yourself. Wearing such dregs and calling it a costume is just bloody shameful.'' He said with a shake of his head, before pulling out a list from somewhere. 

''I assure you that these materials will not be made into thermonuclear bombs. I need uranium for that, and that's a hardy material to come by. Underworld or not. Get me the things on my shopping list, and I'll happily become your so-called ''Tech Guy'' or ''Guy in the Chair''. As a freebie, I'll give you a prototype EMP grenade, it should make your infiltration an easier affair than it would normally be.'' He said before also pulling a black round metallic ball, with a singular button, and blue lines painted over it. 

It was roughly the size of a baseball ball.

''That is my personally designed EMP grenade. It has the range of an entire city block. Press the button, hold it for two seconds, and then throw it. It'll activate in three seconds. Got that?'' He asked with a serious tone.

"Course. I'm not an idiot." I grin goofily and accept the ball before shoving it into my pocket. "So you want me to somehow get you an astronaut suit, a bunch of blueprints, and tools, and why is there an optional checkbox on getting a rocket engine?" 

''Do you want an honest answer, or the one I'm giving to the authorities if this gets caught and traced back to me?'' He said semi-sarcastically.

"Forget it. I don't want either answer. I'll get you the stuff. Also, that suit you make me better be cool as hell. Otherwise, I'll… web your stuff up? I'll think of a proper threat later. I'll get you the stuff on this list ASAP." I sighed and rubbed my eyebrows before putting my damp mask back on, while Hanz nodded.

''Fantastic, and you do that, you seem to be one of those chatty Superhero types, can't be having terrible banter with your villains, can you? As for the suit, I assure you it will provide ample protection, and be visually pleasing. If this partnership proves fruitful, I might even incorporate some of my private projects into it. Arslan isn't forthcoming with the whole superhero business. It'll be good to have the door into the Superhero community, small as it is, open for myself to do business." He said with a calculative glint in his eyes.

"Sure." I nod and walk over to the door. "I guess we're back to being friends now. You're still a dick for that text message. I hope both sides of your pillow are very warm at night." I say before stepping out and leaping away, he did hear quite a loud gasp before he did so, but he elected to ignore it. Well, that's one problem dealt with. Too bad it led to another one for me. 

Well, it is what it is.

I begin swinging my way home to plan for my NASA robbery/infiltration scheme.