Love Me or Leave Me

The room of moonlight was as enchanting as ever.

Hope sat on her bed cross-legged, holding Esther's heavy Grimoire in her lap. Flipping through the pages, not because she was curious, but for sentimental reasons. She remembered Freya sitting down with her, answering every question she had. 

She recalled those nights staying up light, practicing a new complicated set of spells to hurry to the next one. Hope had been so eager to learn- to know everything she could about magic and harness it like her family before her.

Now? Well, magic left a bit of a bad taste in her mouth.

With a soft creak, the circular door opened slowly. Glancing up, she watched Newt poke his head in with a sheepish smile.

Returning the smile, Hope closed the book and set it aside. He and Albus watched her like a hawk as if she didn't notice. When they'd first arrived back at the castle, she'd requested a bit of space, and they'd obliged…as well as they could.

"Hi, Newt."

"Hi." He grinned that dimpled smile and opened the door a little further, revealing Albus was behind him.

"Hm…" Hope sighed and smiled, resting her chin on her palm while her elbows rested on her knees. Honestly, she couldn't be upset with them. They were worried for her- maybe she was too. 

It just wasn't for the same reasons.

"Well, come in." She gestured them in. Truth be told, Hope had simply been trying to find a way to say to them everything she needed to without risking losing them. Her stomach had twisted into knots and stayed that way when she realized there was no way around this. 

Hope would tell them why she was here.

They'd be horrified.

And she would be alone.

Again.

Albus closed the door behind them and offered a soft smile, tilting his head as he tucked his hands into his pockets.

"It's been two weeks," his gaze skirted the room and back to her again, "we're worried, is all."

Nodding slowly, Hope swallowed hard. "Same." She murmured, voice a little shaky.

Newt and Albus carefully sat on the end edge of the bed.

"Why's that?" Albus asked gently.

"I guess this is happening now, huh?"

They were silent for a moment and exchanged a glance. Newt broke the silence first. "I don't think I understand…"

Hope nodded and stroked her bedding, tracing one of the constellations with her nail. "Remember what I said when I was afraid if my memories were recovered?"

"You said," Albus started, "you feared we wouldn't love you if you had done terrible things?"

Forcing another swallow, she offered a fake, quivering smile, finally meeting their eyes. She pointed to herself. "Terrible thing here…"

A wave of icy dread stroked down Hope's spine like clawed fingers. "I know I need to tell you both why I'm here. What happened before…"

"Do you?" Newt asked softly.

Hope glanced at him and paused, then looked at Albus. "I…imagine I would. If you knew…"

"Hope you have a choice," Albus' voice, firm yet gentle, shut her up and forced her to look into his eyes where she could barely take in a breath, "you can either keep what happened to yourself, and we will love you for who you are right now, or you can tell us what happened…and we will love you for your past, present, and future."

Heat burned her eyes, so she set her jaw and refused to let them spill even as her throat tightened. How could they mean that? She looked at Newt, whose eyes held such honesty it made her skin flush.

"You don't mean that…" she finally managed.

"We do," Albus murmured, reaching forward and stroking his thumb against her cheek where a tear she hadn't realized had slipped. "The mistakes we've made stay in the past. We use them to learn from, but we will never use them against you, Hope. Please believe that."

It was like being showered with warm water after taking an ice bath. The comfort they offered felt like…home.

Hope's thought that before, but now is when it really mattered. To be herself and to still feel at home.

"You know," she began, biting her lip, "what happened with Sylvia- that wasn't the first time I've taken a life, you know."

Albus managed a slight smirk. "I'd like to say that surprises me, but…you are a force to be reckoned with, Hope."

Rolling her eyes, she smiled, and then it slowly drifted away. She stared at the comforter. This was it; she had a choice to make. People always said they'd stay, but in her experience, they only ever meant that when there was something in it for them.

Maybe, this time, it was different.

It was a gamble she had to take or risk living with harbored secrets for the remainder of her life.

"Esther's my grandmother," she said, tapping the Grimoire, "she…was the original witch. As in, she created the Original Vampire Family." Hope glanced up at them, seeing they were watching her intently but not judgingly. Taking another shaky breath, she nodded. "My power was passed down from her through my father, Klaus. You know that already, but he…died." Hope rubbed the back of her neck and clenched her jaw again. Trying to keep the tears back. "My mom died too. My uncle. Many people I love are dead, and those that aren't, we just…sort of drifted apart. I was on my own for a few years. I thought I'd be fine. I thought I was stronger than what I felt, but it turns out I don't do very well not having anyone to lean on."

Closing her eyes, she rubbed her tired eyes.

"I did something that I shouldn't have," she whispered, "for vampires, younger ones mostly, they can sort of turn off the emotion they feel. Like a switch. My humanity and empathy for others was snuffed out by sheer will and one night…that night…" Hope took another shaky breath and ran her fingers through her hair, "I had a little too much to drink. I…" Tears ran freely down her cheeks now as her knee shook. A hand covered her knee, making her glance up to see Newt holding her knee in a soft hold of support, his eyes misty. "The depression I felt turned into anger, and I…I went to the forest, and somehow my drunk ass thought I could resurrect my dead family members, who, by the way, weren't even buried in that forest." Hope scoffed at her own stupidity. 

"I performed a forbidden necromancy spell from one of Esther's books, and…a body started to break the surface. It was covered in a cloak, but I swear it looked like nothing but bone…" Hope trailed off as she thought back to the memory of that thing in shredded fabric and milky complexion disturbing the Earth. 

"I brought something back. I guess I could say a Wizard; he's the one from the visions. I remember him pointing a wand at me, and before he paralyzed me, he said… thank you." Hope glanced at them now. "There was this awful feeling in the air. It tasted like-like death." Hope swallowed hard and shook her head. "I think I released some kind of evil force into the world, my world, and then was banished from it."

"Banished?" Albus asked now with a slight frown.

Hope looked at him, ears burning.

"I don't know who did it. It could have been him to keep me away so he could wreak havoc. It could have been the ancestors on the Other Side punishing me for upsetting the balance of nature-"

"Hope," Albus interrupted more deliberately now but still calm, "what did they do?"

Taking a slow breath, she sighed. "I was born in 2012."