Debt

'It can't be', her mind denied. There, lying on the bed, was her father, his body motionless and still like a wax statue, a lifeless mannequin, so silent, so peaceful, and so undisturbed.

This was not real. Hikari repeated over and over again in her mind. [It must be a dream. Yes, a dream.] Situations like these always happened, didn't they? Any moment and she would wake up to see her father lying on his bed, in his room, alive and well. [Because... because... he was all fine yesterday. So why, today... I'm scared. I want to wake up. This dream is too real and too long. Please, let me wake up.]

Her knees dropped to the ground with a thud. The room suddenly felt very cold. Hikari couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her body shook violently; her heartbeat rose as she felt hot tears course down her cheeks. The tears continued to flow as quiet sobs wracked her body, barely allowing her to catch a breath. [Why? Why? Why is this not a dream? ] Hikari glanced at her father's lifeless body. She was not prepared for this. She did not know what to feel. Hurt, resentment, sadness — which one was it?

---

Hikari sat at the living room table with her head resting on her arms, deep in thought. Two weeks had gone by so fast without her noticing. She was still dressed in mourning clothes. Her father's dead body had been laid to rest near the outskirts of her village. She looked up from the table and clutched a handful of what seemed to be some sort of documents in her hands. The title, on the first page, was written in big bold letters: NEW HOME PURCHASE AND SALE AGREEMENT.

All the documents had been thoroughly signed; her thumb impressions were also included on every page of the signed agreement. Hikari had sold her house. Her father didn't just pass away without leaving her anything behind. He had left her a huge amount of gambling debt. And in order to pay back his debt, she had to sell their house.

Her home was gone. The place she grew up in, the place filled with bittersweet memories of her childhood was gone just like that. And as if to add insult to injury, the new house owner had given her exactly two days to pack up and move out.

For the first time in her life, Hikari blamed her father. He should've treated her more badly if he knew he was going to die like that. He should've scolded her and beaten her more even in his last moments. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe then she would be able to carry on living without him. Maybe then things would have turned out a lot easier. But he just had to act like a genuine, loving, and caring father at the brink of his death, even making her a bowl of soup which — by a long shot — tasted awful and bitter.

He just had to leave a heart-wrenching letter behind filled with regretful confessions of his. He shouldn't have done it. Now, she could not hate him even if she wanted to. He was bound to torment her right up until the end.

It was true her father had scarred her deeply and she might never be able to recover from that. The traumas from her childhood - she knew she would carry with her forever. She knew she would never be able to forget the abuses, and she knew they would sometimes haunt her in her dreams. Her father had been a monster to her; she had every right to be angry at him for treating her that way.

Whatever he had said in his letter before his death would never make up for all those times he had broken her. Even so, she could not bring herself to hate him. And she hated herself for it.

At the end of the day, she still wished he would change. She still hoped to gain back the family she had lost. But it was too late. That wish would never be granted.

Frustrated, Hikari got up and walked to the bathroom. As soon as the cool water from the tap hit her hands, she bent down to wash her face. She looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror mounted above the washing basin. Dark brown eyes stared back at her. Owing to her thin, petite figure, she looked a lot younger than her age, like a fifteen-year-old high school girl, but she was eighteen and had just recently graduated from high school. Her hair was dark golden brown, long and straight with neat air bangs covering her pale face. She could see bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, and her lips were parched and dry. I look awful, Hikari thought as she stared at herself in the mirror.

Two days, her mind reminded her again. She must leave the house in two days.