Chaos and Confusion

A chilling breeze swept by that cold unpleasant evening. The sky had already transformed from the clear, transparent blue setting to a vast expanse of greyish dullness with thick gloomy clouds hovering above. The light sprinkle of rain looked almost unnoticeable as Leyon dragged his feet over the soft, wet grass, treading towards his destination. His hands held a delicately made floral wreath consisting of white chrysanthemums, yellow Asiatic lilies, and white roses arranged together in a circular pattern.

A few minutes went by before Leyon finally reached his destination. An open, green, flat clearing on top of a hill area surrounded by small groves of trees around its edges welcomed him. He trudged his way up and stopped right before a burial mound.

"I'm here, granny," Leyon greeted, placing the floral wreath on top of the mound and then kneeling on the ground. "Hikari made them. Aren't they pretty? I hope you're doing well, granny," he said. He brought his palms together and took a bow before getting up. He then made way for the person next to him. Hikari, who had accompanied him came forward and did the same.

Five days passed since Claire's funeral, but Leyon and Hikari continued to visit her every day to offer flowers. Leyon barely slept the past five days for fear of seeing his grandmother in his dreams. It was funny how the pain of living without someone after losing them would make him feel so lost and abandoned, as though there was no more happiness left in the world.

Clenching his fists at the sides, Leyon lowered his head as tears made their way down his cheeks. It was all his fault. If only he had prevented his grandmother from going outside, and if only he had forced her to rest in the house instead of letting her go out, perhaps she wouldn't have died. If only he had acted a little sooner. If only he had known what was coming. If only...

Hikari slowly approached Leyon and placed her small hand on top of one of his clenched fists. She was hurting too, but she knew her pain was nothing compared to what Leyon was feeling. That moment to her was one of those rare moments where she desperately wished she had her voice so she could tell him it was all going to be okay, that he was going to be fine and that she was there for him, and they would overcome this together. But all she could do was suffer silently beside him.

"Granny, please come back. Why did you leave me all alone? Am I a bad kid? Why... why did you leave me? How am I going to survive without you?" Leyon broke down and grovelled on the ground, crying his eyes out before his grandmother's grave. "I hate this feeling, this pain inside my chest. It hurts and hurts so much it just wouldn't stop," he uttered in between sobs.

For the very first time, Hikari was seeing Leyon act this way. The boy who was always aloof and serious, who always knew how to handle any situation was helplessly crying as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest. And there was nothing she could do for him.

'This will be the last time', Leyon said to himself. 'Papa, I'm sorry but let me cry just one last time. From tomorrow, I promise I will be stronger, but just for today, let me be.'