From the Shadows

Anthony Edward Stark stared into the orange expanse of the realm he was currently trapped in, his only constant companion mind-numbing boredom and orange mist all around no matter in which direction or how long he walked.

He had no idea how much time has passed since he used the infinity stones to correct the world but he knew he would almost prefer hell or heaven at this point. There he would at least have a promise of something happening rather than him just blindly walking around with no direction or goal, in utter solitude only left with his own thoughts that at times could get very deafening.

Tony's first months were especially bad with how restless his mind usually was. His thoughts, regrets, doubts, and insecurities were killing him and it took him a long time before he learned to center himself and quieten them down.

In here, it was nothing like during his life. When he was alive, his thoughts were not... disturbing. Here? They were as if screaming at him. Painfully. Loudly. Demandingly.

But thoughts were not the worst of it. Far from it. The worst were the regrets.

If thoughts represented Tony's possibilities, always giving him ideas on how to improve himself, how to reach his goal, what to create to help himself... Then his regrets represented his lost opportunities.

The problem was, in this strange realm full of orange mist, Tony could remember every second of his life with exceeding clarity. And with that, his every mistake and blunder he made.

His bright mind was not helping him in this case either. With every blunder he was now forced to contemplate, his mind started to see how he could have easily avoided it, how he could have prevented things he regretted happening, and worst of all, he also started to see things to which he never really had time to pay much attention before.

Like the fact he never really was an 'Avenger'.

No... Avengers were Rogers, Romanoff, Barton, and even Wilson. But Tony?

Tony was their unappreciated cash cow.

When there was collateral damage caused during a mission? Tony...

When there was a need for a new ultra-expensive gadget? Tony...

When there was a need to smooth things out with media or politicians? Tony...

Granted, Tony was not the easiest person to deal with... he was special like that... but the money and effort he was putting into the team? Only now, after he had all the time in the world and nothing to do but think about his life, did he find out they took him and his money for granted and he went with it because money never meant much to him.

But... that might have been the problem from the very start.

He was the Iron Man but now, after a copious amount of self-reflection, Tony understood that was just a minor role he played because he thought himself cool at the time. His greatest contribution was not his fighting capabilities. Not by a long shot.

He spent billions on Avengers Initiative and did a lot of things to help the team from the shadows. He geared them up, he invented new gadgets for them, he repaired their equipment when they broke it, he funded everything from clothes to food to their salaries, he even funded Barton's retirement fund since the guy would get exactly nothing from Shield after it was disbanded. He did the same thing for Widow even though she never touched it since she didn't want to retire.

He made sure to get Ross to lay off of Banner after Shield ceased to be. The general definitely wanted to pounce on the Big Green like a dog on a slab of juicy meat and it was Tony's connections that prevented just that. It was also Tony who made a few secret deals that allowed Captain America to keep the vibranium shield.

Frankly, after the shield got disbanded, the government was like hungry hyenas trying to get the biggest piece for themselves out of everything.

The shield was officially the property of the government so... Steve would have been shit out of luck without his intervention. Politicians did not give a shit about Captain America. Vibranium was too rare to be given to a peon in spandex so he could feel important by playing a hero.

Wilson's wings were basically remade by Tony. The earlier version was frankly garbage. He spent many hours perfecting that piece of technology.

But did people appreciate that?

Of course not...

After Ultron, the team almost outright threatened him to stop the development of A.I. They did not care it was not his fault. Ultron was not even in the very beginning of its conception, yet, it rose because of that blasted mind stone.

Rogers, the guy who has problems with correctly using a toaster in the morning, not to mention knowing how it actually works on a technical level, suddenly overnight became the forefront expert on Artificial Intelligence and proclaimed Tony's effort as too dangerous for humanity only to be backed up by almost everyone.

Now that Tony thought about it, he didn't realize it at the time but it was this moment that started breaking his heart. He just lost JARVIS and was barred from making a sufficient replacement.

As the result, FRIDAY was nowhere near JARVIS's level which had a profound effect on Tony's development ability. No matter how smart, Tony was just one person. For a lot of his success, he had to thank JARVIS's assistance.

If JARVIS didn't 'die' or if FRIDAY wasn't put under heavy restrictions, Tony's research and development of his suit would have been much, much further along when Thanos came. Sure, Tony might have had lost anyway but what if not? Maybe he would have had a shot at winning? Who knows...

And then the 'Civil War' war came and Tony did not really want to even think about that shitstorm. He wasn't in a good place at the time. He and Pepper broke up after the fiasco with Killian and the Extremis, the problems with Avengers started pilling up, then Ultron happened, on top of that Pepper started to date Happy, and while Tony was happy that they were happy he was also unhappy because he still felt something for Pepper and seeing her with Happy was making it hard to be happy... Yeah, it confused him too for the longest of time.

And when the Sokovia Accords happened, Tony just wanted everyone to fuck off and give him a break. He knew the accords were bullshit. The second they were signed, Tony intended to have his army of lawyers sweep through them and legally throw them into the garbage bin while suing the hell out of those who came up with them because they broke human rights in several places and were frankly racist.

He might not have handled the situation well but he had a plan! One that would earn him and the Avengers millions in reparation fees!

Yes, the Avengers would have been still held accountable for their actions and somewhat controlled but Tony was aiming to win the political fight and get them enough leeway to at least decide for themselves where they will go help next. He was already paying for all the collateral damage anyway so the clause of heroes being responsible for the damage they caused during their fight made Tony just more exasperated than anything else.

In the end, Tony was left alone with crippled Rhodey after everyone basically betrayed him, or at least, he took it as a betrayal, and that, he decided, was the end of the Avengers. He did not have the drive to keep the program alive.

Maybe if he had Pepper, she would have been able to set him straight and give him the necessary motivation to push onwards but she was long out of his reach. He would not disrupt happy Happy's happiness.

Tony was just grateful Pepper still worked as the CEO of the Stark Industries and took most of the company's responsibilities on her shoulders for him. He had no idea what he would have done if he was forced to add the company to the list of his problems.

For years, Tony saw not one member of the Avengers but Rhodey who simply didn't count because he was more of a crippled part-timer than anything else. Not that Rhodey had to work with the retirement fund Tony set up for him.

He did feel guilty for his friend's state, after all.

It came as a massive shock when Tony one day realized... he didn't miss them. He didn't miss being the Iron Man. During these years, he returned to his passion, to inventing new stuff, and he found that was what he really enjoyed doing. Simply having no stress, no politics, no responsibility, no arguments with supposed teammates, no need to pay collateral damage caused by other people, no need to create things others want from him but simply invent for curiosity's sake, for himself. That... was him.

It was so long, Tony almost forgot what he was like before Afghanistan and how he enjoyed certain parts of that kind of lifestyle.

Well, he couldn't drink too much or bring home girls because Pepper would have grounded him... and yes, he fully realized he was a middle-aged man but so what? Pepper was scary enough when she was single. Married Pepper was a bonafide nightmare when her ruse was lit.

He was happy for the first time in a long time. Even his nightmares were receding and Rhodey finally guilt-tripped him to visit a specialist due to his supposed PTSD. Pfft. He still didn't believe he had it. Who cared the psychologist confirmed it? Rhodey could have bribed the woman...

Nevertheless, he was getting better and it certainly was not because of some big-brain charlatans with a doctorate in psychology.

Was that even a thing?

And then Bruce came and fucked it all up all over again.