Chapter 8: Breathe

I knew I have a heavy heart. I feel so blue and sad. Pakiramdam ko may nawalang importanteng bagay sa akin. Hindi ako makatulog at alas-tres na ng madaling araw

Now that it has been a month, I still remember that day. It has been a month but the pain never really eased.

"Hello?" Inaantok na sinagot ko ang tawag sa telepono.

"Doctor! We need you here at the hospital! The patient is experiencing numbness on his body again."

"Yes! I'm on my way!"

Mabilis akong nagpalit ng bistida. Hindi na ako nakakain ng almusal dahil sa kamamdali.

Nang makarating ako sa ospital ay tinakbo ko agad ang kwarto ni Wilson. I have to make sure he's okay. He has to be okay.

"Wilson, Have you been taking the medications I gave you?"

But I didn't get a response.

"Wilson, Please take your medicines. If you don't take these, mas mahihirapan ka. Ang pagmamanhid sa katawan mo ay may mas lalala pa. You can even have seizures if you don't take your medicines."

"No one cares for me." Sinabi niya iyon na hindi niya ako tinitignan.

"Your mom and dad cares for you. Even your brother, Hugo. They all care for you. I am here for you, Wilson."

"You're here but you don't love me."

"Wilson... I am here because I care for you. I am your doctor and as one, I have to make sure you're okay. Please... Take these. Please..." Naluluha na ako dahil sobrang sakit.

"Hey... I'm sorry. Fine... I will take these, just don't cry. It weakens me."

"I'm sorry, Wilson. I'm sorry. Please fight with us. We will never give up on you. Please do the same for us."

"I will, Faye." He smiled.

"Thank You, Wilson. I'll come back later."

Ganito kami minsan ni Wilson. If he doesn't see me, He does this. Hindi niya iniinom ang mga gamot niya. Every time he does that, naiiyak ako. I feel so much guilt in my heart.

"Faye, Hija." Lumapit sa akin si Tito Mike.

"Tito... Sorry." Pinahid ko ang luha ko.

"It's okay if you cry a little bit, Hija. I know it's tough. I can feel your pain." He handed me his handkerchief.

"Matigas po talaga ang ulo ni Wilson. Hindi na ako sanay kahit na ilang taon kaming nagkasama noon. I forgot how difficult it was, now I'm new to it."

"Alam ko hindi mo mahal ang anak ko, Faye."

"Tito?"

"Don't deny it because I can see and feel that. I kind of understand why, Faye." Mapait itong ngumiti sa akin.

"I'm sorry, Tito. N-Nahihirapan lang po ako. Pero hindi naman po ako aalis. I will help Wilson until he gets better."

"You don't have to wait until it's better, Hija. I will understand as the father of Wilson if you want to tell him the truth. Makulit lang talaga ang asawa ko."

"T-Thank You, Tito." Niyakap ko siya.

"Yan ang sabi sa akin ni Hugo bago siya umalis. Sinabi mo raw sa kanya, It's either you hurt him with the truth or hurt him with a lie. I'm sorry if we got you into this."

"Don't be sorry, Tito. We all care for Wilson."

Bumalik muna ako sa aking clinic dahil may mga pasyente akong naghihintay. Sampu ang nais magpa-tingin sa akin. Hapon na ako natapos sa mga pasyente ko.

Nakapag-isip isip na ako na kausapin si Wilson. I have to tell him the truth. I can set him free so he can be genuinely happy, and I can also free myself.

"Doctor, The patient is now doing well." Sabi sa akin ng kalalabas pa lang na intern.

"Thanks also to you, Future Neurosurgeon." I smiled.

"T-Thanks, Doctor."

Nang makalabas na ang mga nars at interns ay naiwan na kami ni Wilson sa loob ng kwarto. Nailipat na siya sa regular na kwarto.

"Yes, Doctor? May ipapa-inom ka ba sa akin na gamot?" Malaki ang ngiti sa labi ni Wilson.

"I actually wanted to talk to you, Wilson." Ngumiti ako pabalik.

"Sit down right here." Tinapik niya ang bakanteng parte ng kama niya.

"Do you still remember this, Wilson?" I showed him the ring he gave me a few years go.

"Of course, I do. I proposed to you with that ring." Mapait siyang ngumiti.

"Wilson, I want to say sorry to you. Sana mapatawad mo ko. Sana maintindihan mo na hindi ko kayang magsinungaling ni lokohin ka."

"I know that, Faye. Alam ko hindi mo kayang gawin iyon. Huwag ka mag-sorry, okay? Hindi dapat inihihingi ng tawad ang pagsabi ng totoo. Ako ang dapat mag-sorry sa iyo. I'm sorry alam ko nasaktan kita noon. Patawarin mo ako dahil niloko kita."

"Shhh, Wilson. Hindi mabuting umiiyak ka. I forgive you, Wilson. Matagal na kitang napatawad, now it's time for you to forgive yourself. Nandito ako para sayo." Niyakap ko siya.

"Just know, My brother loves you."

"W-Wilson?" Napatingin ako sa kanya habang yakap yakap ko siya.

"Alam ko, Faye. Siya mismo ang nag-sabi sa akin. Sabi niya, tanggap daw niya na duwag siya. Kaya ka naman daw niyang ipaglaban pero inuna niya ako, Faye. He chose my wellness instead of his love. He loves you, Faye, so much that he can let you go."

"H-Hindi ka galit?"

"Bakit naman ako magagalit, Faye? Nakasama pa kita ng isang buwan eh.... Joke!"

"Wilson!" Napangiti ako sa kanya.

"You go get him! Go! Puntahan mo na siya! Nasa bahay lang yun! Text ko sayo ang address!"

"Thank You, Wilson!" Mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap ko sa kanya.

Habang tumatakbo ay hinubad ko ang lab coat ko at iniwan na lang sa isang upuan kasama ang stethoscope na naka-sukbit sa aking leeg.

"Attention to all On-Duty and Off-Duty Hospital Personnel. Please proceed to the emergency room. All doctors, nurses, and assistants, Please proceed to the Emergency Room."

Anong nangyayari? Bakit kailangan namin pumunta lahat? Please wait for me, Hugo.

"What's happening here?" Tanong ko sa isang nurse.

"Traffic collision, Doctor. Seven cars were eaten up by two trailer trucks."

"Doctor Andrada! We need you here!" Tawag sa akin ng isang nurse.

Tumakbo agad ko at natagpuan ang isang lalaki na duguan. His white shirt was stained with his blood. No! No!

"Give me the scissors! Now!" Ginupit ko ang kanyang damit.

"Doctor, He has ecchymosis on the area of his stomach."

"This may be internal bleeding. Call an anesthesiologist! Get me an operating room. Take blood samples of him, once you get the results, he needs blood transfusion."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Hugo, Don't let go. Please? Lumaban ka." I held his hands and continued performing treatments for him.

I have to make a large incision on the skin of his abdomen. I will have to seal the ends of the leaking blood vessels.

"Doctor, The operating room and anesthesiologist is ready for the operation."

"Clean up the patient and get him ready. I will have to clean up."

I have to change to my surgical scrubs and sterilize. Nag dasal ako bago pumasok sa operating room. I will do everything I can to save him. Kailangan kong mailigtas si Hugo.

"Ready for operation." I told the staffs inside the operating room.

Hinanap ko ang blood vessels na nagiging dahilan ng pagdurugo sa kanyang katawan. Pero biglang sumirit ang dugo na tumalsik sa aking damit.

Nang natigil ang pagdurugo ay isinagawa ko na ang pagsara sa sugat ni Hugo. Naging maayos ang operasyon pero biglang nag-ingay ang makina na nagbibigay ng hangin sa katawan ni Hugo.

"Code blue! Code blue!" Sabi ng isang kasama kong surgeon.

"Perform CPR and Defibrillation!" Sabi ko.

"Hugo, breathe! 1, 2, 3, Breathe!" CPR ang una kong ginawa sa kanya pero hindi tumataas ang heart rate niya.

"Use the defibrillator! Now! Fast!" I have to remain calm to save him.

"Charged, Doctor. Ready to use."

"One two three, Shock!"

No signs of life.

"Hugo please breathe! Don't leave me, please! Continue! One two three, Shock!"

"Doctor, No response from the patient."

"No! Continue! One two three, shock!"

Isang mahabang tunog na mula sa monitor ang nagimbal sa akin. No! Hindi pwedeng flat-line!

"Doctor... Time of death, Nine fifty-fi—"

"No! No! No! Continue CPR! Hugo, Wag mong gawin sa akin ito! You have to breathe! Breathe!"

Tuloy tuloy kong ginawa ang CPR sa kanya. Hindi ko siya susukuan not now! Hindi pwedeng mamatay si Hugo!

"Doctor, Stop!"

"No! One two three, breathe! Perform CPR!" Inutos ko sa doctor na kasama ko.

"Hugo, I'm sorry! Just breathe for me, please! Don't leave me! I love you, Baby! I love you! Now, Fight with me, Baby! I love you! Please, Breathe! Mahal na mahal kita, Hugo!" I held his hands tighter while all the other doctor revive him.