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Hogwarts: Neville’s Insert (A Neville SI)

Author: Tilct
Book&Literature
Ongoing · 339.8K Views
  • 30 Chs
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Synopsis

A boy from another world finds himself transmigrated into the Harry Potter universe as Neville Longbottom. Follow the new Neville refuses to be a pawn of Dumbledore and changes the course of the story to suit his vision. Neville x Hermione If you wish to support this story and have access to 10 advanced chapters, please join me at patreon.com/Tilct

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Chapter 1Hogwarts: Neville's Insert Chapter 1

authors: Hey guys, I have a fanfiction that I've been wanting to write for some time now and I'm excited to share it with you all. Let's see how it goes!

Hogwarts: Neville's Insert Chapter 1

Mark, an 18-year-old with dreams of studying electrical engineering, was on the journey of a lifetime. In a few weeks, he would be starting college, having enrolled for the winter term. This meant a long drive across the country through snowy landscapes, all the way to California. As he drove, he kept himself entertained by singing along to Ed Sheeran, the familiar melodies filling the car and helping to pass the time.

The snowy road stretched out before him, a ribbon of white winding through the mountains. His car's heater was working overtime to keep the chill at bay, and the windows were fogged up from the warmth inside. Mark's thoughts drifted between the excitement of college life and the sadness of leaving home. His parents had wanted to come with him to see him off, but they had caught COVID-19 at the last minute and were now quarantined at home. It was a bittersweet moment, but Mark was determined to make the best of it.

As he sang along to another Ed Sheeran song, his phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He glanced over at the passenger seat where his phone lay, its screen lighting up with an incoming call from his mother. Pausing the music, he picked up the phone and answered with a cheerful, "Hey, Mom."

"Don't worry, Mom. I can make it there on my own," he reassured her. He could hear the worry in her voice, even through the phone. "It's okay, Mom. You and Dad can come visit me after you guys are cleared," he said, turning a corner on the winding road. "Yeah, I will let you know when I reach the campus," he promised as he continued driving. "Yeah, love you too. Bye," he said before hanging up.

Mark then checked his phone to see a message his friend had sent him. The glow of the screen was a brief distraction from the snowy road ahead. Just as he finished reading the message, he looked up and saw a deer standing directly in his path. "Oh shit," he muttered, his heart racing. Instinctively, he jerked the steering wheel to the left, trying to avoid the deer. The car swerved violently, and Mark could feel the loss of control.

"Shit, shit, shit, " he exclaimed, his voice rising in panic as the car skidded on the icy road. He struggled to regain control, but it was too late. The car careened off the road, the wheels losing their grip completely. "no, no, no, no!" Mark's stomach lurched as the car plunged off the edge of the cliff, tumbling nose-first into the void.

"Ahh!" he screamed, his voice a mix of terror and disbelief as the world around him seemed to slow down. The rocky bed of the cliff rushed up to meet him, and Mark's life flashed before his eyes in a series of rapid-fire images and memories. He saw his childhood home, his parents' smiling faces, his friends, and the countless moments that had shaped his life.

The car hit the ground with a sickening thud, the impact jolting him violently. The last thing he remembered before everything went bright was the sharp pain as his head struck the steering wheel, followed by an overwhelming wave of blackness.

As soon as the pain came, it was gone. Mark found himself numb to all sensations, floating in a blank white space. He couldn't feel his body or see anything; there was just the sensation of floating in nothingness. Time seemed to lose all meaning. He didn't know how long he floated there—it could have been hours, years, or just minutes. It was as if time was passing and not passing at the same time.

Suddenly, Mark felt a sharp pain in his head. He woke up with a gasp, his hand instinctively reaching up to touch his forehead. "What happened?" he asked, his voice sounding different to his own ears. His eyes widened as he looked around and realized he was lying on a hospital bed. But what caught his attention most was his body—it was way too small to be his.

He looked at his hands and touched his face, feeling the unfamiliar contours. "What's happening?" he whispered, panic starting to rise in his chest. He glanced down at his clothes, which seemed to be some sort of uniform. "How is my body smaller?" he thought to himself, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Alright, I need to calm down," he told himself, taking a deep breath. "This must just be a dream. But if it were a dream, I wouldn't be feeling the pain." He closed his eyes and tried to focus, recalling the last moments before everything went dark. "I fell down that ravine and blacked out hitting the steering wheel," he remembered.

"First, I have to figure out where I am," he decided, looking around at his surroundings. He was in a medical room of sorts, with multiple beds, all of them empty. The room had an old-fashioned feel to it, with high ceilings and large windows letting in the morning light.

He tried to sit up, but his head hurt too much to move. Just then, he heard footsteps approaching. He turned to see a middle-aged woman dressed in a Victorian-era nurse's uniform, complete with a cap similar to those worn by British nurses. She walked over to him, placing a tray on his bedside table.

"Ah, Mr. Longbottom, I see you are awake. How is your head? Is it still hurting?" she asked, her voice kind and soothing.

Hearing the name, Mark asked out loud, "Longbottom?" He was confused. He didn't understand why she was calling him that. Was this some sort of Harry Potter-themed hospital? He winced as the pain in his head intensified.

The nurse stopped preparing something and looked at Mark with a raised eyebrow. "Well, that is your name, isn't it? Mr. Neville Longbottom?" she asked, her tone a mix of concern and curiosity.

"My name?" Mark repeated, struggling to comprehend what was happening. And then it hit him all at once—the smaller body, the old-fashioned beds, the nurse dressed in clothing from another time period. He was overcome with shock.

"Where am I?" he asked desperately, clutching his head as if trying to hold onto reality.

"We are in the Hogwarts hospital wing, Oh my, don't you remember anything?" The nurse gasped as she pulled out her wand and muttered something under her breath. The wand's tip glowed and flashed, seeing the wand's tip glow, it confirmed Mark's suspicions. He had been transmigrated into the world of Harry Potter as Neville Longbottom.

Mark's mind raced as he tried to process this new reality. How was any of this possible? One moment he was driving through the snow, and now he was in a completely different world. The constant throbbing in his head reminded him that this was no dream; it was all too real.

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ChaddtsLv1

The good? Nothing really. It's just okay. The Grammer itself is the best aspect. The bad. Horrible conversations that are stagnant and lifeless. The MC himself doesn't act his supposed age at all either. The writing for other characters isn't fitting either. There is no real emotion, it all fells fake. It's hard to explain, but reading the lines for the characters, reminds me of really bad actors unable to play a part well. I'm not much of a fan for pov shift stories, however sometimes they are needed to inform readers of what's going on. This can be remedied through use of third person omniscient pov, or a small pov swap to show readers the information they need. It's not being done here at all,giving the readers no real idea of what the characters are thinking, which only makes the conversations worse. And finally, everything feels plot armory. The conversations, story, everything that happens is for the plot and nothing else. The characters are there just because they have to be, not for any other reason. Like his grandmother finding out her grandson has complete amnesia, and not pulling him out of school, or having him come home each night, no she lets her grandson who doesn't remember his family, traditions, or even what his family home looks like, go right back to classes, after buying him a new wand, because of course it broke and he gets a special wand through 0 effort of his own. Tldr: the author messed up by giving the character undeserved candy in the form of the wand, completely killed the original grandmother, and made everyone kinda stupid in the service of plot. It's just painful to read, and it's even worse because it's close to being good, so close, yet so far.

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