Review Detail of Giga_Weeb in Creati Hero: All-Father[Completed]
Details zur Rezension
I think the mc needs to be older in the scene where he rewires his fathers mind. like 9-12 NOT 4. it gives time for his quirk to plausibly awaken like that(and makes it feel like he earned it.) You also immediately removed the only antagonist present removing all suspension for the period. I understand you want to audience to hate father but that'd be better achieved by having the abuse build up rather than having some mean words and this incident only where you just slapped the title of 'epstein product consumer' on him. The real issue is how mature the mc is talking to mother after this, literally giving her domestic abuse counselling. 1. this is eerie af and mc should act like a genius for his age, not an adult comforting a woman as a 4 year old. this is completely unreadable, any adult would be creeped the f out having a child say this. 2. Momo can't even talk properly yet (which makes the mc a creep instead and ruins any development the incident could have had on her character and the mc's relationship. You could improve this with minimal editing and maybe some earlier chapters to demonize father better than just outing him as a pedo. Anyhoozle, great novel concept—only reason I'm actually giving feedback. 5 stars if serious early issues addressed.
Creati Hero: All-Father[Completed]
TheFanficGod
Beliebt bei 48 Personen
MÖGENAntworten8
Thanks for the review and you have a point about the age but for other things to progress I had to put that even there. With father in the picture, he cannot have freedom to train that early. His relationship with Momo and Mika would also would be slower. I understand where you are coming from and you are right, but I decided to do that at that age so other events would move much easier.
why not just kill the father? would have made way more sense. a 4 year old killing his father by scrambling his brain because he doesnt know what to do to stop him from ra*ing his sister. you have the father out of the picture, it feels more natural and you generate a type of conflict ( company goes under and authorities come investigate etc.)
TheFanficGod:Thanks for the review and you have a point about the age but for other things to progress I had to put that even there. With father in the picture, he cannot have freedom to train that early. His relationship with Momo and Mika would also would be slower. I understand where you are coming from and you are right, but I decided to do that at that age so other events would move much easier.
another good option because killing the father actually creates a new threat. the corrupt authorities. they wouldnt take mc seriously unless he was older though so id use your idea of killing father—later in story.
CILinkz:why not just kill the father? would have made way more sense. a 4 year old killing his father by scrambling his brain because he doesnt know what to do to stop him from ra*ing his sister. you have the father out of the picture, it feels more natural and you generate a type of conflict ( company goes under and authorities come investigate etc.)
That's a really convoluted way to get rid of a character, lol. Are you sure this isn't a 'what if' of an event from your life? You seem really fixated on the "4yo rights things" aspect of your novel.
TheFanficGod:Thanks for the review and you have a point about the age but for other things to progress I had to put that even there. With father in the picture, he cannot have freedom to train that early. His relationship with Momo and Mika would also would be slower. I understand where you are coming from and you are right, but I decided to do that at that age so other events would move much easier.
Yeah min-maxing training from a young age is cool, but escaping a terrible situation is cooler. you could even spin it so that the emotion awakens his quirk in a feasible and much cooler manner since quirks are tied to the soul/consciene/emotions.
TheFanficGod:Thanks for the review and you have a point about the age but for other things to progress I had to put that even there. With father in the picture, he cannot have freedom to train that early. His relationship with Momo and Mika would also would be slower. I understand where you are coming from and you are right, but I decided to do that at that age so other events would move much easier.
