Chapter 21: Nightmares and Guilt II

It was becoming more and more obvious to Peter that he couldn't ignore his lack of sleep like he normally did.

Normally he could just push through the day, you know? Have some coffee in the morning for the energy and maybe even bring some to school, use May's makeup when his eye bags got too noticeable, and simply endure until he got home so he could crash for an hour or two before going on patrol for the day.

This time around, it seemed like he couldn't hide it very well from the people around him.

His classmates kept shooting him worried glances, even Amajiki seemed to visibly show concern; teachers for his normal classes like math and English asked him if he was alright every now and then which he quickly waved off.

The day seemed to be a normal school one, with them selecting class representatives which went to both Togata and Hado along with Aizawa announcing the class would be going on a field trip on Friday to do some rescue training. 

When it was time for lunch was when it really started to dawn on him that he should've sat this one out, even after downing his thermos filled with coffee he couldn't keep his eyes fully open.

"Parker? You alright?"

Peter perked up where he sat at their table, next to Amajiki and in front of Hado. Focusing his eyes on the taller teen made him quickly realize that he must've been trying to get his attention for a bit, looking around he could see Hado and Amajiki giving him concerned looks as they ate.

"Huh? What's up?" Peter gave a small smile, it was tired and a pretty bad attempt to hide the fact that he was currently running a half-hour of sleep.

Hado looked at him and frowned, with Amajiki being the next one to speak.

"Y-You look horrible, no offense. Did you g-get any sleep last night?" His voice was less anxious-sounding than normal, Peter guessed it was a sign that he was getting comfortable around him and Hado.

Rubbing his eyes, Peter gave a light shrug. "I guess not, had a nightmare that kept me up all night."

A second of silence passed with Peter unconsciously running the scars that his rolled-up sleeve left visible, these ones were some of the oldest he had and barely hurt anymore.

"But it's fine, I'll probably ask Aizawa if I can sit out if we do training today," Peter reassured, inwardly sighing at how his friends seemed to relax slightly at him saying he would take it easy.

A small smile spread across his lips as he heard them talk regularly, if not a tiny bit tense.

Rubbing his eyes, Peter looked straight ahead before Hado caught his attention by sliding a hand across to him.

"Do you … wanna talk about it?" She asked, giving him the type of small smile you do when trying to convince a friend to open up.

Tensing up, Peter held his hands up and shook his head.

"It's fine, don't worry about it!" He responded way too quickly, only getting a frown from his friend before she turned back to her food.

He couldn't talk to them about the nightmare he had.

They probably had better stuff to do, anyway.

At least better than listening about how he failed that girl.

He didn't deserve that.

...

"Parker."

Peter's head snapped up to look at Aizawa, the boy shaking his head to stay awake and take in his surroundings.

This was homeroom, right? His three classmates and Aizawa were there so it must be, looking up at the clock he could see it was around the time for heroics training.

Aizawa gave the three remaining students a look, the teens hesitantly getting up and retrieving their suitcases from their lockers before leaving the room.

Seeing this, Peter began to get up before being pushed back down onto his seat by a firm hand.

"You're sitting out from training today, and you're telling me what's going on." His teacher told him, lazily looking him over.

He was sitting out?

Thank God .

In all honesty, Peter wasn't even meaning to ask Aizawa to sit out on training but guess he didn't have to.

Wait.

What was that second part?

Kneeling down to Peter's height when sitting, the hero kept his hand on the boy's shoulder while holding a neutral expression.

"You look horrible, kid. What happened?"

Tensing up, Peter began to trace his fingers across the scars on his forearm like usual.

"J-Just a nightmare, you know? Didn't know you cared enough to be keeping an eye on me, scarf man." The chuckle that escaped him sounded dry and exhausted, it was a sad excuse of a chuckle now that Peter thought about it.

So much for keeping it subtle, huh?

Looking over his features again, Aizawa sighed. "Usually, you vex me."

"Well, I am known to be quite v-"

"Not today, you haven't even talked unless addressed. It is not like you, and it is illogical of me to try to get you to learn and improve in a state like that."

The boy looked away, he could hear Aizawa rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"You cannot learn to become a hero when there is obviously something bothering you this much, so will ask again, what happened?"

Peter bit the inside of his cheek, starting to bounce his leg while still not making eye contact.

Should he even talk about this?

He couldn't talk to May since she was busy at work, and he couldn't talk to his friends since they were busy doing training and stuff.

But Aizawa? It was just the two of them in a room, with Peter not taking up the man's time in talking about what was going on.

Looking at Aizawa, he could see the small bits of concern on his flat and neutral expression.

Peter might as well, right?

Taking a deep breath, Peter gave a small nod and rubbed his tired eyes to try and stay awake a bit longer. Seeing this, Aizawa stood back up and grabbed a chair from the desk next to them, placing it backward in front of Peter and sitting down.

"Well, remember how I said that I had a nightmare and all?" Peter looked up from the desk and saw Aizawa nod. "W-Well, it was about something that happened during my patrol."

"Before we met?" The man asked, lacing his hands together as his arms hung over the back of the chair.

"It was about … two months after I started so probably a few weeks before you showed up."

The hero took in the information while keeping a neutral expression before he nodded, allowing his student to go on.

"There was this… g-girl on a rooftop I came across, green hair and green eyes and-." His throat started to tighten up as he willingly remembered her, he ran a hand through his messy brown hair before he continued.

"I t-tried to help her, you know? God, I barely knew what to do! B-But…"

A few tears fell from his eyes, Peter shut them as he gripped the fabric of his pants in frustration.

Frustration mostly aimed at himself.

Frustration for not being able to help her.

"She… jumped, didn't she?" Aizawa's voice was quiet but loud enough for Peter to hear; looking up from the desk he could see the man's expression had softened a bit.

Peter looked into the man's eyes. "I didn't e-even know her full name, Aizawa! I wasn't even f-fast enough to catch her o-or able to talk her ou-out of it!"

The tears kept pouring down his cheeks, the room grew silent as Peter quietly sobbed.

"Have you talked to anyone about this, Parker?"

Hearing this, Peter cried harder for a second.

"I-I-I couldn't tell May or else she would f-find out… I p-pushed the memory a-away, you know? I haven't thought about it for a few months…"

Peter continued to silently sob while occasionally sniffling as Aizawa kept silent, simply letting the boy cry.

He was just so tired.

He wanted to go to bed and get the day over with.

He just wanted her to know he was sorry.

"Why w-was I the one there t-that night?" Peter looked up once again and gave Aizawa a tired look, one that radiated both guilt and pure exhaustion. "God, w-why was I the o-one there f-for her?"

Aizawa didn't utter a single word, simply placing a firm yet comforting hand on the boy's shoulder; Peter cried harder.

"I… I-I want to help people, you k-know? Fight the good fight and-and just… just do my best t-to make others' lives a bit better.

I want to be able to save people while telling j-jokes to l-like, hide how… fucking worried and-and scared I am, so I can make them f-feel safe . Why c-couldn't I-"

Aizawa's face showed a hint of surprise for a moment before it reverted back to uninterest, Peter didn't notice either way.

Peter simply hung his head low and quietly cried, his chest felt like it was being crushed as he tried to take deep breaths before he gave up and simply let his body keep breathing how it was.

"Why couldn't I help her ?" Peter asked in English, not bothering to switch to Japanese even if Aizawa seemed to understand.

Still not speaking, Aizawa gripped Peter's shoulder a bit tighter to remind the boy he was there

"God, why couldn't I j-just…" Peter began, speaking in English once more before quickly descending into more quiet sobs, the hand on his shoulder gave a firm squeeze, Peter only cried harder.

Why couldn't he just save her?

Minutes passed like this, the clock ticking on the wall being the only sound in the room aside from Peter's quiet sobs and him occasionally muttering an apology in English; Aizawa sat there, his hand on the boy's shoulder, and did not utter a single word as he cried.

The man let Peter sob, not trying to interrupt.

The man let him cry, cry about something he shouldn't have been exposed to.

He let him know he was there.

Without saying a single word, he let Peter do what he should've been doing months before.

He let him grieve.

Something Peter didn't even know he needed.

...

Can you guys throw some power stones to elevate the ranking

...

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