Chapter 103 - Two Symbols

I flipped through different channels but kept coming upon the same program.

- What to make of this new duo-

-Endeavor and All Might-

- two symbols

- ...new era?

The remote returned to the first channel. Frustrated, I muted it and threw it against the wall.

My cell phone crackled on the bed next to me.

- I've got better things to do than listen to you watch TV, Teka said calmly.

I picked up the phone in frustration, raised it to my mouth, then decided to shut up and put it back down beside me.

Teka said nothing for a long time.

- How's your dad ?

Knees tucked under my arms, eyes glued to the same interview replay that had been looping since yesterday, I shrugged.

- I don't know.

Another silence.

Then Teka took a long breath.

- The fact that you think I'm capable of fixing everything in your relationship warms my heart, Shoto. It really does.

Her voice was as cold and indifferent as ever.

- But you misunderstand the kind of relationship I have with Enji. He and I are nothing but disappointment and distance.

I picked up the phone again.

- Things went well at Christmas.

Grandma Teka had come to visit us in Japan for the holidays, and my old man had kicked her out after she tried to offer me three different countries in Africa.

I thought she was joking, and so did my dad, until she came up with an official contract that could have made me the youngest dictator in history.

- He's keeping me around because you and I have a relatively cordial relationship.

I almost smiled when I heard her describe our 'relationship'.

Sometimes she sounded more like a business partner than the old woman who threw her knife-sharp heels at me whenever I had the misfortune to call her 'Grandma'.

- Tell me what happened.

I inhaled, rocking back and forth, my eyes resting on the white tile floor with a tiny blood stain.

My chakra exploded like a wave around me, scanning the entire hospital for the umpteenth time that day, to no avail.

No strangely compact groups, no corrosive or hostile energies.

Three days had passed since the whole world knew that Shoto Todoroki was more than he claimed to be, and no one had tried to kill me.

But I was sure it would happen soon, and so was the knife hidden under my mattress.

- Have you seen the videos?

- Of course I did.

- Then you know

The world outside was happy, joyful, full of energy.

The general consensus was that despite the damage to Tokyo, it could have been worse. A strange optimism on the part of public opinion, whom was generally very negative.

Teka inhaled sharply, and I imagined her nostrils constricting and dilating as she sank back into her chair, her burning eyes sweeping over her desk.

- He has reasons to be angry with you.

I know he does.

- You should have talked to him about this a long time ago.

I felt like a whiny child being lectured.

- But you're not mad at me.

- Because I knew.

It should have been a shock, but it wasn't.

I remembered the night I'd finally managed to implant my Sharingan seal, years before. Teka had come to my room shortly afterward, half confessing that she knew I was different.

She'd just told me that she had this information, and since then, nothing else.

Not a single hint or knowing glance in five years.

- The video, right?

That damned shitty video that I should have destroyed myself years ago.

Without it, no one would have known, without it, All for One wouldn't have been interested in me, without it-

- Your father saw it too.

I straightened up.

- Or at least he saw the beginning.

My shoulders slumped.

He'd only seen the flash, and the flash was what I'd passed off as my 'Quirk Awakening'.

Nezu knew, Aizawa knew, the Special Forces knew - and now the whole world knew.

Part of me would have preferred him to see the video in its entirety, so he would have suspected, sensed, that something about me was different.

But another part of me was glad he hadn't seen it, not really, because it had allowed him to ignore how violent and disturbed his son was.

I ran a hand over my face, tugging at my eyelids as if trying to wake up.

- I don't know what to do.

Even in the days when the Todoroki were a large family, I'd always been my father's favorite child.

He never refused me anything, always managed to find time for me in his hectic schedule, never missed a birthday or celebration in fifteen years.

To be the outcast, the unloved, was something I found strange, stressful, detestable.

- Tell me what to do

Teka said nothing, and I imagined her staring at the ceiling, speakerphone on, hands clasped on his stomach.

- You know what to do

I clenched my fist.

- I can't do it.

- Why can't you?

I bit my lower lip, unable to answer.

At the other end of the line I heard plastic creaking and the faint sound of leather stretching.

Teka was sitting, feet flat on the floor, elbows on the desk, eyes glued to her phone as if she could see me.

- Why can't you tell him ?

Her tone was curious now.

I said nothing.

- Are you hiding anything else, Shoto?

My silence spoke volumes.

My chakra hummed again and I scanned the building once more.

I found nothing.

Yet.

- Your father loves you very much, Shoto. The term 'unconditional love' takes on its full meaning when it comes to you both.

I knew it, I fucking knew it, and was precisely because he was the only one who had ever seen me and would ever see me be the worst, do the worst, and was now rejecting me that it hurt so much.

- He needs to know that you trust him, that it's mutual. Because that's what this is about, Shoto. You betrayed his trust and that's what hurts him.

My heart leapt.

- Of course I trust him, but-

- Let me finish.

My mouth closed immediately.

- If you can't tell him the truth - for reasons I hope are valid, and Ion which I won't ask you to elaborate - then lie to him.

The idea had already crossed my mind, but knowing it was my only solution made me sick.

- I have no other choice?

I could be the best liar, thief, murderer there is, but not to him - not when it comes to my father.

- If you don't want the two of you to drift apart, this is your only option.

A silence as heavy as the weight of the world fell on my shoulders.

I could feel my back buckling under the weight, but I couldn't make up my mind.

I didn't mind hurting other people because they were just that, other people, and other people weren't 'me' and had nothing to do with 'me'.

The man who sacrificed his son, his family, his mentor, who could have died coming to my rescue against All for One-

- Cut me some slack, boy," Teka said. And explain to me why you can't tell him.

I thought of the scars on my back, of what the revelation of my clones and the extent of my abilities would mean to the world, of the swarms of killers of all kinds who would hunt me down, of the countries that would do anything to stop me and prevent Japan from possessing such a military asset, what they would do to me once they realized they couldn't hurt me - not anymore - how they would try to get to me, what levers they would try to use against me, the constant and eternal threat my father would be under, and the day - the day - when I would prove to not be enough, not damn enough, even after years and years and years-

- Because someone might hurt him to get to me.

If he knew, others would take it upon themselves to force him - in whichever way - to tell them.

And from then on...

I imagined myself a puppet, moved by someone else's will, forced to do things I didn't want to do, until I died and was dumped nameless, faceless, in a pit of which I would never recover from.

I added, barely audible:

- Because he might be in danger.

I knew that whoever got to my father could make me commit the most horrible atrocities this world has ever known.

Worse, I knew that there was something deeply disturbed, unhealthy, malevolent inside of me that wouldn't hesitate for a second.

And that terrified me.

- So here's a second option, Teka said. If you don't want to lie to him, make sure he has no reason to be in danger anymore.

I froze, blinking stupidly, my eyes glued to the screen where my father and All Might were shaking hands with the anchorman.

Suddenly, I had a terrible idea.