Anastasia

I didn't think I would go back. Truthfully, I still feel reluctant to go, but it's only because I feel like I'm in a better space to face this. To face them.

I told my father my decision last night. It had taken me more than a month to come to this decision, but I do believe I've made the right one. I'm not even sure what to expect - shock or disappointment from the Blood Moon Pack - and I can't decide which one is worse.

I wake up bright and early the next morning, feeling as if I am ready to conquer the world. Or maybe the fact that I am of Alpha blood has gotten into my head, and I've turned into an arrogant piece of shit.

Ah! Speaking of arrogant pieces of shit, I'm suddenly reminded of my favorite bully - you know, the one who tried to have me killed?

Medeia Black. The memory isn't at all a pleasant one, but still, I find myself twirling my hair around my index finger, staring into my reflection in the dresser mirror, and squaring my shoulders. If you can't beat them, join them, right? Not an ideal I'd ever adopt, but I must admit that it's fun pretending to be the haughty little miss sun-shine's-out-of-my-ass.

A knock on the door snaps me back to reality, and I grimace at the sight in front of me. I'm nothing like that witch, and I pray that I will never be. Not even being the daughter of the Alpha of the Moon Valley Tribe can put me on a horse high enough to fancy myself better than the next werewolf.

At least my scars are healing, albeit slowly. But progress is progress, and as Ralph says, baby steps count if you're going in the right direction.

"Come in!" I call out to who I'm guessing is Amelia. She made me swear not to leave today unless she saw me off, but as she walks in, I realize why she's here.

In her hand is a hanger, and whatever is hanging from it is covered in a black suit bag. She beams from ear to ear when she closes the door behind her, and lifts up the bag in front of her face.

"I made you something!" she announces, pulling the zip of the bag down to reveal a stunning cream sheath dress.

"No, Amelia!" I get up and pout, "you shouldn't have!"

Ah, I can't believe she'd do something like this. I know she has a knack for making her own clothes, but now I understand why she refused to let me into her room all week. She'd been hiding this surprise, and the gesture warms my heart. It isn't often that someone does something nice for me. In fact, I've barely had the pleasure of kindness until I ended up here.

"You think I'd let you go off back there without looking like a bombshell?!" she teases as she lifts the dress out of the bag and shoves it into my hands. "Now, go get dressed. Alpha Kierren says you're leaving in an hour."

~

As beautiful as the dress is, I just don't like the way I barely fill it out. I know I only have myself to blame for my lanky arms and visible ribcage. As much as Amelia tries to feed me, and as much as I try shoving into my mouth, it seems that heaviness still sits on my shoulders.

I've been trying not to think of it much, keeping my mind occupied with learning more about the Valley Moon Tribe. It's been helping to keep the thoughts about Jacob at bay, especially the longing. Watching Amelia and Ralph's shy love unfold doesn't help much when I think about how my own childhood crush turned into a disaster. But I know it's because of better leading on my father's part that will allow Ralph and Amelia to be together even if they're not fated to be.

"Alpha Kierren," I bow my head when I leave the mansion and find him waiting for me outside. I should be calling him "dad", I know it's what he'd like. But the memory of the only father I did know blaming me for my mother's death is still in my mind. I know only I can overcome my traumas, but I decided to stick to what Ralph said would work best. Baby steps.

Like today. This is a step in the right direction, he promised me. There is no point in running away from my demons. I have to face them if I ever want to be free.

"You ready to go?" Kierren asks as he unlocks his SUV.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Because in all honesty, I'm nervous, I can't imagine something like this being easy on anyone. I don't even know if they want me back there, and it doesn't seem like anyone is waiting for us when we make the trek down the cliff that opens up to the Blood Moon border.

"Wait here," Kierren points to an old oak tree a few meters away from the border. "It's too quiet. I just want to make sure it's safe."

I nod my head, and watch as Kierren goes further towards the border. I try hiding behind the tree, only because my anxiety is threatening to attack me right now. What am I even expecting? A grand ball for my return?

Of course not! All I really want is to see his face again - I don't care about the rest. But trepidation knocks louder on the door when I see Kierren come back, and whoever he's spoken to at the border has run off in the opposite direction.

"What happened? Are we not allowed to go in?"

"You can if you really want to. But I had to ask for the Alpha's permission first."

"That's okay. I'll wait with you."

"While we wait, would you mind showing me to your mother's grave? I've asked the border patrol if I could, and he said it's okay."

I point to the left towards the graveyard, where all the Blood Moon wolves who died are laid to rest. My mother's grave, which I haven't visited in months, flows over with richly growing flowers. It's unlike the rest - whose graves are empty and some even hollowing. And I always wondered why hers was prettier than the rest.

It's the Alpha blood in her that fertilizes the soil and feeds the roots of the flowers. I don't know why I didn't think about it before, but I always thought it was just because she was in Heaven, and the Moon Goddess had taken kindly to her.

Despite the vast amount of flowers garlanding her grave, Kierren picks a single lilac and kneels down by her grave. He places it atop her headstone and closes his eyes while he mutters something inaudible under his breath. Even through his closed eyes, a single tear escapes his eye, and I can't bear to watch this when I know the story of their ill-fated love.

It's too painful. A part of me wonders if Jacob felt anything at all while I've been gone for so long, but after everything he's said and done, I can't imagine him even batting an eyelid for my disappearance. I begin to wonder if the decision I've made is the right one, when I notice a heap of a fresh grave.

I leave Kierren at my mother's grave and make my way carefully towards the newer one. It's the only one without a proper headstone, and only a small, obscurely-shaped rock stuck into the center of the heap. Even the grave itself is set far away from the others.

I bend down and try to read what's been scratched into the surface of the rock, and notice that this is a make-shift headstone, the date reading two months back. Frowning, I pick the rock up and freeze.

I blink, once, twice, three times just to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me.

"Medeia Black?"

I quickly drop the stone from my hand and fall back on my butt, shocked. Why is Medeia lying in the ground, in a seemingly abandoned state?

"Anastasia!" Kierren calls me over with a wave of his hand when two figures emerge from behind the den in the far distance. I quickly get to my feet to join him where he stands, nervously standing behind him.

My entire being trembles as I see his face come to light - his brows wavered as he keeps his head down. He looks like a terrible mess, his hair longer than he usually kept it, and dark circles framing his eyes.

He's with Derek. But neither of them has noticed me yet. I peep out from behind my father, and as soon as I do, I see Jacob look up.

We lock eyes and immediately I feel my heart skip a beat. Maybe a few beats, and it's almost as time stands still.

His feet too become frozen, as he stops suddenly and just stares into my face as if he's seeing me for the first time. It's the first time in almost two months, and even for me it feels like the first time.

It's as if the tension between us, that lingering hurt, and those grudges we kept blaming as the obstacles between us fades away at that moment. Where I thought his face would drain of color when he saw me again, it's the color that returns to his face instead. His eyes in all their oceanic glory, light up as he keeps them on me and makes his way towards us, this time quickening his steps.

My father says something, but his voice is drowned out by the bells and whistles going off in my ears. Even Jacob seemingly ignores him, as he walks right by him and grabs me by the shoulders.

"You're alive?!" the half-question, half-exclamation of it is evident. He can't believe that I'm here, alive.

"I am," I whisper, and just as I'm about to explain how I survived, Jacob wraps his arms around me.

It's the first time I feel his embrace as warm as it is now. I relish in the feel of his welcoming hug, but I can't understand why he's suddenly so relieved to see me. The last time we had a conversation - if you could even call it that - was when he wished me well with my life with Derek.

But it's not Derek who rushed up to meet me. It's Jacob. And as much as I try to deny that it's anything more than familial care, or concern for one of the members of his pack, I bask in the glory of being united with him.

"Dear Moon Goddess, Anastasia! How are you still alive?" Derek gives me a huge smile, even though his eyes are telling that he's more shocked than anyone to see me.

When Jacob finally lets go, stepping back and bowing to my father, he clears his throat as if he's just made a mistake by touching me. Feeling somewhat disappointed, I turn to Derek and ask the question that pesters my mind.

"What happened to Medeia?"

~

It's only the four of us in the den, the door locked from the inside so that no one, not even the border guards, could disturb this little reunion.

Jacob hasn't said much since we arrived here. In fact, he's just been staring at me as if in disbelief, and even declined his Beta's offer for something to drink. I sit around the oval table, both hands clutching my cup of herbal tea as Kierren explains how he found me washed up outside their borders, battered and bruised and on the brink of death.

I shudder at the thought of almost being dead - something I wouldn't have cared about before I got to Simi Valley. All those times I wished for death, and now death is but a far thought. I don't feel like I ever want to die again, and it's because of the hope Kierren put in my heart and talked into me as any father would talk sense into their child.

"My son, Ralph took care of her," Kierren explains, "We're grateful to the Moon Goddess for sparing her life."

Sparring mine, and taking away the life of my worst enemy. I can't help but think that the weight that lifted off my shoulders and allowed me to give new meaning to life is because she's gone. Even though I only found out today, maybe it was the heaviness of her existence that bound me to my traumas. I stare into the depth of my cup and at the last sip before it becomes empty, and ask again.

"What happened to Medeia? I saw her grave outside, but why isn't she buried next to her ancestors?"

Derek and Jacob exchange looks before Derek puts his cup down and folds his arms over the table. "Medeia was the one behind the rogue attacks. She was also -" he tugs on his collar as if it's too tight, "she was also responsible for the fire at your place."

"I know," I don't hesitate to reply, and stall when both men look at each other again, this time shocked.

"You knew? Why didn't you ever tell me, Ana?" Jacob asks softly, as if in regret.

I want to tell him that I've tried, many times, to tell him what was going on. And eventually, I found pleasure in the pain and didn't feel the need to tell him anymore. All those times I had to watch him hold someone else's hand, or watch his lips form a kiss on someone else's skin. My only escape was pain.

But the look in his eyes, as if he's apologizing for something that he isn't at fault for, softens me enough to find an excuse.

"She was always a bully. Ever since we were kids. But I wasn't her only victim. I just think that it went too far with me."

"Jacob had to do it," Derek says softly, but there's no regret on his face, "we've decided to change how things work around here, and it had to start with her. She was responsible for the rogue attack that night you fell. But Luthor was found dead, and the threats are much less now."

"I'm glad to hear that, although I am sorry about Medeia. I know how much you loved her."

Derek shakes his head, maintaining a solid smile, "I'm over it now. Over her. Not even her mate could accept the truth, and neither could I."

"Does -" Jacob gulps, and speaks again, "does this mean you'll stay now?"

I stare into Jacob's eyes as he waits for my reply. Now with Medeia gone, my life would be easier than before. I just - I don't know what his reaction would be when I tell him what I've decided. I don't even know what will happen between us, and I'm not sure if his reaction to seeing me again is enough to go by.

Beside me, Kierren puts his cup down, and that's the only sound that fills the silence. The silence I finally break when I tell them what I've decided to do.