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Immortal Wars, Episode I: The Immortal Menace (Star Wars / OG Xianxia)

Truck-kun is once again clowning around. Another victim has fallen and it is time for a new story in the world of mighty immortal cultivators. There's only one issue that's being raised. What does the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Maul, have to do with all of this?

PersianPrince6969 · Fantasie
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15 Chs

Chapter 9 The Hangover

"Snap out of it, wake up! Don't you dare die on me! You're my last hope, you damn demon, fight to stay alive!"

I was jolted back to consciousness by a familiar voice, a desperate plea. Mustering every ounce of strength, I struggled to pry open my heavy eyelids, each one feeling like a lead weight. My head throbbed as if a fleet of Imperial star destroyers had waged war against it, and my tongue felt as though a ravenous rancor had made it its nesting ground. Every inch of my body screamed in agony, as if I were being lashed with icy whips. Even without the other half of my body on Lotho Minor, I felt much better.

MeiMei stood before me, her eyes brimming with tears.

"You're not even ten years old, and you're already drinking like a pig. You're definitely a demon! My heart nearly stopped. What if you had actually died? What would I do then? You haven't forgotten our pact, have you?"

"Quiet..." I murmured, tightening my grip around her throat with a force choke. "I never forget, MeiMei. But we'll have to delay our final decision for now. First, I need to ascertain our location."

As I surveyed my surroundings, a sense of gravity settled upon me. The situation was dire. Just a single step away loomed a vast abyss, while towering peaks surrounded us on all sides. Below, majestic mountain eagles soared through the crisp air. I was nestled among the peaks, a realization that explained the biting cold that enveloped us. One piece of the puzzle solved.

The cliff upon which I awoke seemed to stretch endlessly upward, almost brushing against the clouds. Assumed it, did it. 

The first sensation that washes over me is the weightless caress of the moist yet ethereal cloud layers, akin to the gentle glide of silk over skin. As my hand ventures forth, the clouds respond like a meandering river, flowing around my fingers with a delicate grace, enveloping them in their airy embrace.

The humidity seeps into my skin, imparting a subtle coolness that soothes and invigorates. Every muscle in my arm relaxes beneath the touch of nature, as if the clouds carry not only moisture but also tranquility, infusing me with a sense of peace through this fleeting connection. 

"It's a peculiar sensation, isn't it?" My brother's voice breaks the silence, drifting into my right ear. I turn to find him seated beside me, mirroring my posture, his hand reaching up to the clouds, stroking them as one would a fluffy giant dog.

"This feeling is like stepping into another realm, where time slows to a gentle rhythm and each movement aligns seamlessly with the pulse of nature. It's a moment of perfect harmony, where man and nature meld as one. Isn't this the sublime dance between heaven and earth, as often described by the wise elders?" His words flow effortlessly, his expression suffused with serene contentment.

"How long have you been here?" I inquired, my gaze returning to the drifting clouds above.

"I arrived just as you woke up. I was on the slope above," he replied.

A brief silence ensued.

"And how often do you indulge in this?" I interrupted my reverie to pose the question.

"Whenever we can manage to meet up. It used to be more often than health and common sense would allow, now it's less often than the heart desires," he admitted.

"I don't recall anything after that first sip of wine, not even how we ended up here," I confessed.

"Neither do I," he admitted in turn.

Once more, a serene silence blanketed us, each of us reluctant to disrupt the tranquility. I struggled to recall a time when my soul felt so at peace — neither in this world nor the one preceding it. Now, I began to grasp why the Jedi adhered so fervently to their principles. Had they ever savored even a fraction of this inner calm?

My contemplation was abruptly interrupted by a rustling noise emanating from Yishu's direction.

"Have you seen my sword?" he inquired, his tone tinged with a hint of urgency.

"No," I replied truthfully.

"Damn it. That sword is a gift from Grandpa Zimo, a level 7 treasure! He'll have my head for losing it! We need to hurry down before someone else snatches it. Heavens take from some and give to others!"

"Do you even know where we're headed?"

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out. We've survived worse than this. Once, Qingyin and I 

 stumbled into that ancient labyrinth filled with creatures sporting giant bodies and bullheads. That was a nightmare..."

And so we began our descent. Initially, I found Yishu's tales fascinating and even enlightening. Granted, I didn't take them entirely at face value, but there's often a grain of truth in every exaggeration. Yet, after three hours of endless flow of stories about his exploits, my ears began to ache. Or perhaps it was due to the change in air pressure...

As for MeiMei, she had once again vanished into thin air.

"...and then I swung my sword, still mid-air, and chopped off all the heads at once."

"All 129?"

"Well, maybe not that many, but definitely over 80. How about that power, little brother? Eat right, train hard, stick to your sleep schedule, and you'll be just as mighty as me!"

"Speaking of training regimens, you promised to show me something."

"So I did, I guess..., I can't remember... Anyway, back in the sect, I'll show you again."

"Stand fast, enemy brats! 'Great is the nation, but there's nowhere to retreat to, the capital lies behind us!'" A familiar voice echoed a line from the Records of the Second Great Dragon War. Quite an entertaining read.

"Yu Qingyin, I fear not death, my friends. 'Tis an honor to perish for our people... Farewell, comrades! Fight on, fearlessly!" My brother recited another passage from the same book. "I was just regaling our friend here about the time we vanquished that serpent with a hundred heads."

"But there were only four."

"You could've played along, buddy. What will my little brother think of me now?"

"That you're a graceless and irresponsible liar."

"Alright, forget that story. Tell me, do you remember anything?"

"Pretty much everything, more or less. The only thing that's fuzzy is how I ended up here. What about you?"

"Me and Jian can't recall a thing."

"Well, that's a bummer. Seems to be a recurring theme with you two. Must be something to do with your genetics, or whatever those nerds from the Soaring Thought Sect call it."

"What's that? Sounds ominous."

As I listened to their exchange, I nearly lost my footing and teetered dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. Is he serious?

"I never quite understood it myself. I suppose it's like syphilis or something."

I stumbled again.

"Damn it, my uncle warned me about that disease. Jian and I need to get tested immediately! We better hurry, Uncle said the first thing to go in infected folks is the nose, and I happen to quite like mine!"

I stumbled for the third time and couldn't bear it any longer. 

"What are you on about? Genetics is the study of heredity."

"Father warned me about your smart mouth. Listen, Jian, there comes a time in every man's life when he needs to realize that life isn't a game and needs to be taken seriously."

"What? You're the one spouting nonsense!"

"Well, Mother warned me about your eccentricities. Listen, you're just five years old. Don't go playing scientist just because everyone calls you a prodigy. A real man keeps his wits about him and faces the truth, no matter how tough. And in a serious matter, I'll trust a professional's word over yours, even if you are my brother..."

"Fine, but when they laugh at you, I'll be joining in."

"Yishu, don't take it to heart. Kids these days, they think they know it all. They've barely been on this earth and already think they're immortal and that mountains are mere anthills. He'll grow up and see your point."

"My friend, I appreciate the support. I never doubted you!"

Idiots...

"What exactly went down yesterday?" It seems I'm the only one curious enough to ask.

"Well, you claimed to remember."

"Alright, let me recap. We drank, ate, sang bawdy tunes, drank some more, ate again, sang somber melodies, drank once more, and then decided to call it a night. I distinctly recall Li Shiyi, Feng Zhan, and Xu Kongli leaving first. Then, we realized we couldn't foot the bill, so we made a hasty exit. That's where my memory cuts out. Oh, that wine was potent. And apparently, we inadvertently sold Hua Wenjing into slavery... QUICK, WE NEED TO RESCUE HIM!"

"HOW COULD WE SELL HIM?"

"IF ONLY I'D KNOWN! HURRY UP! WHAT IF SOMEONE'S ALREADY SNATCHED HIS FLOWER! AHHHHHH!"

"Looks like we'll have to discuss this later," MeiMei interjected from my left.

"Eh, seems that way..."