Immortal Wars, Episode I: The Immortal Menace (Star Wars / OG Xianxia)

Driven by all the winds of this planet forgotten by the Force, the accursed sand, through the numerous holes of my robe, made its way even beneath my undergarments.

I hate sand.

Bloody Kenobi, the hateful bastard, surely hid in this desert just to torture me for one last time. But do not worry little Jedi, your days are numbered. Soon your suffering shall end. 

In order to quiet my rage and save it until the right moment, I repeated the words of the mantra that had given me strength even in the darkest of times.

"Always remember, I am fear! 

Always remember, I am hunter!"

Hateful Kenobi…

Soon I shall have my vengeance.

After wandering the Tatooine dunes for an unknown amount of time, I still couldn't keep my mind free from all the oppressive thoughts and memories. Walking through the desert, surrounded by the same unchanging landscape, the only thing I could do to keep myself sane was to withdraw completely into myself. 

I was apprentice to the most powerful being in the galaxy once.

I was destined for...so much more.

How low have I fallen…

But it's all fine. 

It will all be over soon.

That's right.

It will be over.

Yeah…

The thief Kenobi will be vanquished soon.

I will send you to the depths of the obscurity that I have been in for all these years…

"I feel your presence…

I see you in my mind's eye…"

As I walked through the endless desert, I could think of only two things: my hatred towards Kenobi and my hatred towards myself. As I walked, I blamed myself for my weakness, for my brother's death, for my mother's death, for my cowardice, for not having the courage to die beside my brother, for not being able to take revenge. For all the things I was able to do and all the things I wasn't. For the futility of it all.

I would have kept torching myself from the inside out if I hadn't finally stumbled upon the man I came here for. Kenobi. Finally. 

Years had etched lines on his face, but his blue eyes held the same infuriating calmness.

"Look what has become of you. A rat in the desert."

"Look what I have risen above."

"I've come to kill you, but perhaps it's worse to leave you here, festering in your squalor."

"If you define yourself by your power to take life, a desire to dominate, to possess, then you have nothing."

"AND WHAT DO YO HAVE?!... Why come to this place? Not simply to hide. Oh, you have a purpose here. Perhaps you are protecting something. No. Protecting someone."

Judging by the look on his face, I hit the bull's-eye. And judging by the fact that he activated his lightsaber and assumed a fighting stance, too. Great, this is exactly what I came here for. 

I watch his stance before I rush into battle. The old Jedi hasn't changed a bit. Well, at least there is one thing in this universe that never changes. This is his favorite stance, the one he used to chop off Savage's arm. I remember it, I can't be beaten that way again. But wait, he changed it. Oh, I recognize that. It belongs to that Jedi Master. Well, belonged. Huh, you fool, you will perish just like your teacher. 

Fury coursed through my veins and I began the very same combination I had used to kill Qui-Gon. I closed the distance with one powerful leap and delivered a sweeping diagonal strike from above, that he parried, after which I delivered the usual strike from below, which he also reflected. The moment finally comes, when I have slam the handle of my sword into his face to disorient him and then gut him with the next blow. But there is something wrong, I do not feel the metal hitting the skull, instead, I feel the pain. Did I lose?

He cut my hilt and chest. I fall forward, but he catches me. He has changed…

That means that the one he is protecting is truly important. I wonder who might that be. It isn't possible.

"Tell me. Is it the Chosen One?"

"He is."

"He will avenge us."

There was no fight left in me. The hate that had fueled my existence sputtered and died. As darkness claimed my vision, a single thought flickered: not vengeance, but a chilling emptiness. And then, there was nothing. 

Until…

***

"Look, dear husband, you woke up our baby! I have just been able to make him fall asleep!"

"If you would not have screamed like that he would have been sleeping further!"

"Oh, so it is all my fault now?! Is this how you talk to the mother of your children?"

"I would have never talked to you like that if you did not overreact about literally everything!"

"Ugh, not again. I should have listened to my mother!"

"Do not bring up that ancient witch! That old hag can not be even considered a human!"

"She told me to stay away from you! I should have listened to her and married Li Bao instead!" 

"If you truly believe that you can leave at any moment! I do not keep you as a hostage here!"

What in the name of the dark side is happening here? Can't these fools just shut up? My head feels like a crate of steel that has been ravaged by a Rankor in heat! It hurts so much! Can't they see that a Sith Lord is dying here?!

Wait, wasn't I dying? Is it another one of those stupid jokes of Kenobi?

Kenobi…KENOBI!

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but the only thing that came out was a baby screech.

No, no, no, I do not like it a single bit.

"Great, now our son is screaming! It seems that he has sensed how dumb and irresponsible his father is!"

"It seems more like he has learned what a bitch his mother is!"

KEEEEENOOOOOBIIIIII!!!