18th Dilemma

AKI

I SUDDENLY got a call from Chihiro yesterday. He calls me on a daily basis, usually after his working hours but there was one time that he didn't contact me at all. Of course, I panicked a little but I didn't want to be overly pessimistic so I assumed that maybe he had a tough day and got to bed early.

But that wasn't the case.

The following day, bigla n'ya akong tinawagan ng mga bandang alas ocho ng umaga. He sounded somewhat tired and to me, it was as if he just cried. Kinumusta n'ya ako — kagaya ng palagi n'yang ginagawa — pero nanginginig ang kanyang boses kaya walang pagdadalawang-isip ko siyang kinompronta. And when he told me that he had his heat, I almost lost my cool. He explained everything to me, including the fact that he woke up on a stranger's house on the next day. Naikuwento din n'ya na ang nagmamay-ari ng tinatrabaho nilang hotel building ang nakasaksi nang mangyari ang kanyang heat.

Halos hindi ako makapaniwala. I knew that unwanted circumstances like that could happen to Chihiro at some point but what I didn't expect was that the stranger who helped him — who was also his boss — was an Alpha.

As an Alpha myself, I am very aware of the dangers of being affected by an Omega's heat. I always had high tolerance against their heat pheromones but still, several factors could trigger my rut. My most unforgettable experience was that of Kicchan. I had to inject myself five times just to subdue my rut and reduce the risk of hurting my friend. Okuda, who was not yet his mate at that time, almost got into trouble. Good thing Chihiro was there to help me restrain him.

If instances like that were to happen again, I have no idea what might happen. I never wanted to see Chihiro in that helpless state. And I never wanted the idea of losing my self control and forcibly put a mark on his nape. Chihiro already had a horrifying past. I don't want to see the disgusted look on his face as he states his despise against Alphas.

"Chidori-san, I want to go and see Chihiro." I announced at biglang natigil si Chidori-san sa kanyang ginagawa. Kasalukuyan itong nagdidilig ng kanyang mga pananim na bulaklak.

"Pero, Aki-san…" he wanted to say something but I cut him off.

"He needs me," mabilis kong saad. "He had his heat in public because he forgot to bring his suppressants that day," pagsisimula ko at napasinghap si Chidori-san. "His Alpha boss witnessed everything and brought Chihiro into his house. Chihiro spent the whole night there… with the presence of another Alpha. Hindi nilinaw ni Chihiro sa akin kung ayos lang siya but he told me he was safe, at least. Let me see him. I will be careful not to do anything too stressful."

Bakas sa mukha ng ina ni Chihiro ang labis na pag-aalala. He was clearly against the idea of me leaving the house all by myself but I was determined to see his son. He sighed in defeat before speaking, "Sige pero mag-iingat ka, Aki-san. Maselan ang pagbubuntis mo.

Bahagya akong nangiti. "I will. After all, I promised Chihiro that I will try my best on taking care of myself while he was away."

"Magagalit si Hiromi kapag nalaman n'ya ito pero ako ang bahala sa kanya," ani Chidori-san. "Tawagan mo ako kapag nagkita na kayo ng anak ko. Miss na miss ko na si Hirocchi," dagdag pa nito at tumango ako bilang pagsang-ayon.

After that, I brought some things with me and left the house.

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Just to be safe, I brought medicines with me. Kapag nagkita na kami ni Chihiro, I will give him a check-up and extra suppressants to better help him with his heat.

The fastest and easiest solution to our problem was to make Chihiro my mate but we both decided not to become mates bearing only half-assed feelings and uncertainty of regretting our actions later on. But frankly speaking, Chihiro was all ready. It was me who insisted and pursued him to think things through.

"What am I doing? Doesn't this mean that I already have fallen for him?" Kausap ko sa sarili bago napabuntonghininga. "But me being pregnant could only be feeling attached to him because we are connected with this thing growing inside of me."

「What should I do? Will things really turn out fine if we keep doing this?」 I thought to myself.

When I was about to take out my phone to make a call, someone bumped into me and stopped me from walking. When I looked up to see kung sinong bunangga sa akin ay nandilat ang mga mata ko.

"Jirou…?" My voice almost cracked by simply uttering his name.

Halatang nagulat din ang kaharap ko ngayon at hindi inasahan ang pagkikita namin but he decided to act calm and put on a gentle smile before saying, "It's been a while, Izumi." That was unexpected. He was stubborn at calling me by my given name no matter how many times I told him not to. Addressing me as 'Izumi' now kind of sounded like we were back to being plain acquaintances.

Totoo nga naman. After Chihiro and him had a fight, I literally cut ties with him and announced him as nothing more than but a stranger.

I unknowingly cleared my throat. "Y-yeah. I didn't see you coming."

「What the fuck is with this awkwardness?!」 I screamed in my mind while averting my attention from Jirou. He was surprisingly unaffected by our sudden meeting.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked, his eyes were fixated on my backpack.

"Yes. I'm heading to the train station," I responded.

"I see," he softly uttered before staring at me intently. "It's not yet that obvious pero ilang buwan na iyang dinadala mo?"

「How could I forget? This guy was an OB-Gyne. Of course, he would notice,」 I thought while furrowing my brows. I was wearing a loose coat but he still saw through my clothing.

"I'm not so sure but it is around five, I think," maang kong sagot habang nag-iiwas ng tingin.

"Are you getting enough nutrition? Vitamins? It is quite small. You should see a doctor and schedule monthly check-ups," he suggested. "Pregnancy in Alphas is rare and quite risky. Alphas are not really meant to bear children but since there are others who are obsessed at keeping their Alpha lineage, circumstances like these happen," aniya bago ito biglang napangisi. "But to be impregnated by an Omega… it's hilarious."

I snapped at him. "Fuck off, Arisawa! Wala ka nang pakialam sa buhay ko!"

"Calm down, Izumi," he said while looking around us. People walking by noticed our heated conversation and began whispering. "Hindi ako naparito para manggulo. We just happened to bump onto each other. I am merely being sympathetic towards you."

"I don't need it so fuck off. Umalis ka sa daanan ko," pagtataboy ko sa kanya pero hindi man lang ito natinag sa kanyang kinatatayuan.

Jirou then moved to my right side and put his right hand on my shoulder before whispering, "Schedule a check-up at my office. I will give you a discount," he offered and that gave me the shivers.

Marahas kong winakli ang kanyang kamay. "Stop fucking around, Arisawa! Lubayan mo na ako! We already ended everything months ago," buska ko sa kanya.

Jirou scoffed before breaking a broken and creepy laugh. "Are you acting this way because you are pregnant and doesn't want to be stressed or you're just afraid to accept the fact that you were forced to go with that pathetic Omega because you accidentally had a child with him and you have no choice but pretend you care?"

Right after he spouted those nonsense, I finally lost my control and went berserk. I balled my hands into a fist and was about to punch him in the face when I realized that I lost my balance. Both of us saw it coming and we barely even had the time to react. I was going to fall for sure!

I tried to stop it from happening but it was too late. All I could do was close my eyes shut and hope I don't land on my stomach. Then something caught me. When I opened my eyes, I saw Chihiro.

"Chihiro?!" I exclaimed, hindi makapaniwala sa nakikita ko ngayon.

Chihiro who was panting and out of breath tightly but gently wrapped me inside his big, warm arms before warning Jirou. "Layuan mo si Aki-san, Arisawa-san. Hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na kalabanin ka kung sasaktan mo siya!"

Kung kanina ay tila nag-alala nang bahagya si Jirou sa akin, ngayon ay napalitan na ito ng iritasyon dahil nakita n'ya si Chihiro. "Seriously? Why did you have to appear now? I was having a fun time with Izumi," dismayado at tila galit n'yang saad.

Chihiro clenched his teeth. "Umalis ka na!"

"Chihiro, I am fine." Sinubukan kong awatin sila sa pamamagitan ng pagpapakalma ko kay Chihiro. Ramdam ko ang tensiyon nito dahil kahit yakap-yakap n'ya ako ay nanginginig pa rin ang kanyang braso.

Jirou sighed in defeat. "Ah, I give up. I really just wanted to help, Izumi," kausap nito sa akin, paying no attention to the guy who just snapped at him a while ago. Pagkatapos n'yon ay tinalikuran na n'ya kaming dalawa saka ito naglakad paalis.

Kumalas naman ako mula sa pagkakayakap sa 'kin ni Chihiro at hinarap siya. "Hey, he's gone. It's fine. You can calm down now."

"Aki-san, hindi ka ba n'ya sinaktan?!" Nag-aalalang tanong nito sa akin sabay hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat. He was clearly scared there for a moment.

"I am okay. He didn't do anything," I said and changed the subject. "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be working?"

「And here I thought I could pay him a surprise visit,」 I thought to myself na may kasamang panghihinayang.

Kumalma naman siya nang kaunti bago sinagot ang tanong ko, "Nagpaalam ako na magle-leave muna, Aki-san."

"What?!" bulalas ko. "Baka matanggal ka sa trabaho n'yan!"

"Maayos akong nagpaalam, sa mismong boss namin," pagsisiguro n'ya.

「Boss? He's talking about the Alpha that saw him during his heat, isn't he? Remembering that pissed me off for some reason.」

"But still, you could've told me na uuwi ka pala," I told him.

Napakamot naman si Chihiro sa kanyang batok bago sumagot, "Pasensiya ka na kung pinag-alala kita, Aki-san."

I shouldn't worry about that stuff anymore. All I wanted was to see him in person again.

"I've missed you." I uttered those words in a very soft and low voice, almost like a whisper to myself.

"Aki-san?" Chihiro cupped my cheeks with his hands when he noticed that I was somewhat distracted.

「I've really missed the feeling of his touch, the warmth of his loving hands when they touch my skin… I missed everything about this guy. Is there any way to resist this giant angel?」 I almost cried while having these thoughts.

I held his hands that he used to cup my cheeks and gently put them away before I launched myself at him and hugged him tightly. Since my belly was starting to take the shape of that a ball, it kind of bounced back when our bodies bumped into each other.

"You, idiot. I thought something bad happened to you," sabi ko sa kanya. I heard him chuckle a little then he hugged me back.

"Natakot ako, Aki-san," pag-aamin nito kaya prantik akong napatingala upang titigan siya sa mga mata. "Pero pinilit kong lumaban dahil ayokong pagtaksilan ka at gawing dahilan ang heat ko. Kahit na isa akong Omega kaya kong ipagtanggol ang sarili ko sa kahit na sinong magtangka sa akin. At gano'n din ang gagawin ko sa mga mananakit sa 'yo."

"If you're worried about that bastard (Jirou) a while ago, I will never let him hurt me. I can no longer deny the fact that we had a connection and I wish I could rewrite everything for you to have a better impression on me but…" Somehow, telling him these again made me uncomfortable.

I never wished for someone like Chihiro to come to my life — maybe I did — but to actually meet someone like him… I couldn't just cope up with it that easily. I was so used of setting my feelings aside without having the fear of committing myself because there was no need. I had already prepared myself from being alone forever but then…

"…I met you…" I uttered to myself.

Maybe Chihiro overhead me and his grasped on my waist tightened a bit. "Aki-san, huwag mo nang alalahanin si Arisawa-san. Umuwi na lang tayo," he offered with a smile but I could see through his feelings. He was uneasy but he didn't want to ask me about it.

"Yeah. Let's talk back at the house," I agreed and forced a smile.

I shouldn't let things end today as it is. This could become more complicated and fixing it would be more challenging if not impossible. I don't want to treat Chihiro like those of my sex friends.

「He is different from them. He is not one of them. He is nothing like them,」 I thought while clenching my teeth.

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Pagkarating namin sa bahay ay labis na natuwa si Chidori-san nang makita ang anak. Nakauwi na rin si Hiromi-san galing sa trabaho at marahil ay naikuwento ng asawa n'ya sa kanya ang nangyari kay Chihiro dahil naging kampante ito nang makitang ligtas ang anak at walang anumang senyales na siya ay nadehado.

"I am so glad that you're safe," Hiromi-san uttered. Bakas sa mukha nito ang takot at iyon ang unang pagkakataong nakita ko siyang ganoon ka alalang-alala.

"Sa susunod, tawagan mo kaagad kami ng papa mo at susunduin ka namin kaagad kahit nasaan ka pa, anak," Chidori-san said with tears.

Naiyak na rin pati si Chihiro. "Sorry po. Sorry sa inyong lahat. Inisip ko kasi na kaya kong lampasan ang nangyari na hindi kayo inaabala. Natakot po ako, Ma-chan, Tou-chan!"

Watching and hearing them having this conversation from a distance pricked my heart. A part of me wished my parents were like this whenever I was in trouble. I wished they also feared the idea of losing their only son and they happened to be not there to save him.

Now that I am about to have and raise a child of my own, all I could of is to never let this child experience what I've experienced. I may not be the perfect parent and the most ideal Alpha 'mother' but I wanted to at least prove that I am capable of protecting the people that are dear to me.

「If I become mates with Chihiro, they will become my new family…」 I thought while looking at the trio that were still comforting each other.

"Aki-san, ano'ng ginagawa mo riyan? Halika rito," yaya ni Chidori-san sa 'kin and gestured his arm open, welcoming me for a family hug.

I found that very dramatic but very sweet at the same time. I could never win against these kind of people. They are just… too radiant.

Sinunod ko si Chidori-san at nakiyakap sa kanilang tatlo. Being snuggled in between these three giants was a scary thought but it felt the other way for me. It felt cozy and ensuring.

But everything was just the beginning. The real struggle was yet to come…

…and I didn't see it coming.

「to be continued」