19th Dilemma

JIROU

MY NAME is Arisawa Jirou, a 35-year-old Alpha who is currently… drifted away from my main goal in life.

Before I met Izumi Aki, who was also an Alpha like me with a very particular taste in sex partners, I was never fond of having sex friends but wasn't against it either. Like most Alphas do, I was living my life flawlessly and free from stress. I didn't need to exert much effort in society compared to Betas and Omegas. I was living a quite successful life while working as an OB-Gyne and pediatrician.

But when Aki came to the picture, I started to become greedy and possessive. There was no need for me to do that because he wasn't my mate and we were not in a legal relationship. The more time I spent with him, the feelings inside continued growing. At first, I thought it was just an adrenaline rush effect of having a sex friend that constantly called out to me when he was brokenhearted. I knew he was no pure Alpha the moment I laid my hands on his body but that didn't gross me out. It made me curious, instead.

Sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga sandaling desperadong kumapit at umasa si Aki sa akin noong siya ay walang-wala at para nang mababaliw ay nakaramdam ako ng superiority complex. I thought for a moment that I already had control over him and maybe it was time to actually pursue his feelings for real.

Until I met his Omega secretary…

Just the sight of his stupid looking face made me want to make him drop dead. He was an Omega but his strong presence was like that of an Alpha — and that only made my hatred grow worse. I knew that Aki was once attracted to an Omega who was his very close friend and I kept telling him to move on and stop falling for Omegas anymore pero marupok si Aki. He would deny it but he was clearly infatuated with his secretary.

I found people like that utterly foolish for falling for the same reason why they got brokenhearted again and again. Why can't they just be rational and accept the harsh truth about life? In this world where society is divided into Alphas, Betas, and Omegas, true love is nothing but a false hope.

Even fated pairs and soul bonds are a big fathom created by those who are blinded by false love.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"Arisawa-san, may bisita po kayo." Natigil ako sa pagsusulat nang tawagin ako ng intern na si Umeno Hajime. Isa siyang Beta college student at sa akin siya na-assign. I already have a secretary but Umeno here serves as a help extension.

Nilingon ko ang lalaking tumawag sa pangalan ko na walang kaemo-emosiyon. Napapitlag ito dahil baka naabala na naman n'ya ako nang makita nitong may hawak akong ballpen at ilang papeles. Nagsimula siyang kabahan at dali-daling nag-iwas ng tingin at hinanda ang sarili n'ya sa isasagot ko.

"Regular patient ko ba?" I casually asked him at medyo naka-relax si Umeno nang mapagtantong kalmado ang boses ko.

Mahina siyang umiling. "Hindi po pero pinapasabi po nila na kailangan n'ya kayong makausap."

「That's unusual. Who could it be? I wasn't expecting anyone today. In fact, I don't have any plans these days let alone meeting someone,」 I thought to myself.

"What's their name?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Umeno fidgeted and abruptly adjusted his square eyeglasses before frantically answering, "I-Izumi Aki po, doc."

My jaw dropped in shock with my eyes wide open. Am I hearing it right? We just happened to see each other the other day and when I offered him to have his monthly pregnancy check-up on my clinic, he pretty much declined. Did he change his mind?

I cleared my throat when I noticed Umeno's weird stare at me. "Okay. I'll be there in a minute." Sabi ko sabay tumayo at itinabi ang papel na kanina ay hawak-hawak ko lang. "And Umeno, i-cancel mo ang lahat ng mag-i-schedule ng check-up ngayong araw. Tell them I had an emergency," pahabol kong utos sa kanya.

Mabilis na tumango si Umeno. "Opo, Arisawa-san!" he agreed at nag-salute pa ang tanga.

Sometimes I wonder why I accepted this Beta as my intern. He's clearly awkward in so many ways and he seemed to have trouble communicating with other people properly. But other than that, he is pretty useful around for some random errands on the clinic.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Pagkalabas ko sa waiting area ay bumungad sa akin ang pagmumukha ni Aki. He looked like he was in a bad mood. Today, he wore a very thick coat with a hoodie that he put down. He told me that his tummy was more or less on its fifth month but it was quite small. As a doctor, I am worried that he might be going through so much stress that it's affecting his pregnancy. If this continues and he didn't see a doctor soon, he might suffer. Not to mention that he's an Alpha. Alphas were not designed to bear children. Chances were very low but if successful, the pregnancy period was always risky. In Aki's case, not only that he was an Alpha, he is not yet mated. If he happens to be exposed to an Omega in heat, he will still lose himself.

"What brings you here… Izumi?" I tried to sound so casual as I could, hiding my discomfort of seeing him again. This discomfort was not disgust. It was making me uncomfortable because my hopes of getting him back would slowly envelope my being.

"I need to have a word with you," he started without breaking his glare at me, his arms crossed.

I scoffed. "I see. Have a seat," I offered. Nagdalawang-isip siya pero kalaunan ay naupo rin ito sa isang bakanteng upuan. I sat beside him. That startled Aki but he didn't move aside so I decided to keep a safe distance between us to wipe off the discomfort in his face.

「Why come here if you're gonna act like some kind of a shy virgin?」 I sarcastically thought to myself while secretly grinning. If I actually told him this now I bet he'd be dead furious and kill me.

"So… what's your business?" I asked directly, staring right into his eyes.

Aki was wary of me but he was brave enough to meet my gaze. If he was an Omega, he wouldn't be able to stand up against someone like me. "I know you, Arisawa," pagsisimula n'ya bago nagpatuloy, "You are a persistent person and you will do everything in your power to achieve what you want."

I chuckled. "Oh? I never guessed that you actually observed my personality. I thought I was only one of your 'friends'," mangha kong turan.

Lalo namang tumalim ang tingin n'ya sa 'kin dahil sa sinabi ko. "Never lay your hands on Chihiro. He's got nothing to do with all the bullshits that I have done in the past," he warned.

"What makes you think that I would target that Omega?"

"Because right now, I am vulnerable and useless against any Alphas that would try to hurt Chihiro. And I know that you will take advantage of that," aniya.

"It's as if you're saying that I'm a dirty player. That hurts my feelings, Izumi. Parang wala tayong pinagsamahan," I said while looking a little hurt although a part of me wanted to burst into laughter for hearing Aki say these stupid words.

I knew that he was a vulnerable Alpha but I never thought that he was this naïve. It's pitiful to see him like this. He is clearly blinded by his stupid infatuation towards that stupid Omega. Ah, really. Why not just bond with that Omega already if he was this concerned? Aki could simply retract their bond if he got tired of him.

Simple as that.

"You're a sly person, Arisawa. Your words doesn't match your actions," mariin n'yang turan.

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow before grabbing his left arm and forcefully pulled him up.

"Wha—?! Let go of me!" palag ni Aki pero hindi ko siya ininda. Bagkus ay dinala ko siya sa kuwarto kung saan ako nagsasagawa ng ultrasounds ng mga pasyente ko. "Arisawa, bitawan mo 'ko!" pasigaw n'yang utos. "Ari—" Sisigaw pa sana siya ulit pero marahas ko siyang tinulak pahiga sa hospital bed.

Isang malakas na kalampag ang umalingawngaw sa loob ng kuwarto. Kaagad kong ni-lock ang pinto upang hindi makatakas si Aki. Namuo ang takot sa buong mukha n'ya.

"Since you think that I am that kind of person… then let us have sex again just like we used to. I will make you feel good until you forget about that stupid Omega," I said while panting heavily like a beast.

"Don't do this, Arisawa!" pagmamakaawa n'ya.

"Scream all you want but no one will help you here, Izumi," ani ko sabay napatawa nang pagak. Sinamantala ni Aki ang pagkakataon at nagmadaling bumangon ito pero pinigilan ko siya. "Where do you think you're going?" I asked in a devilish tone habang nakapaibabaw ako kay Aki at pigil-pigil ko ang mga braso n'ya gamit ang mga kamay ko. He was surprisingly weak, much weaker when I last held him.

Aki gasped in fear and droplets of tears began forming in the corner of his eyes. His petrified expression made me excited and I totally forgot his current situation. "Arisawa, you bastard! Fuck off and let me go!" he cursed. He tried using his foul mouth against me, hoping to scare me off but it was not enough to faze my desire and anger at the same time.

「Why am I so desperate to make him come back to me? Our bodily relationship ended months ago. He already dumped me. I was no different from all those sex friends that he had. He already made his choice. What is there to fight for?」

"Ah, really. This is so hilarious…" I muttered to myself before laughing hysterically. That scared Aki even more but what made him shiver was when I forcefully kissed him on the lips. That took him by surprise. I managed to slip my tongue in for a second but he fought back by biting my tongue. "Argh!" I grunted and distanced my face from him. Blood was now dripping from my mouth. The bite stings but the stinging pain in my chest was much more painful to bear. It felt like it would burst any second if he kept rejecting me like this.

"Wake up, Arisawa! I didn't come here to reconcile with you!" Aki exclaimed. His body was trembling all over. Given his weakened state, I could easily knock him out.

"Shut up! You have no idea what I'm feeling right now, Izumi! Sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa ko para sa 'yo ay gano'n mo ako kadaling binalewala! I can't forgive you for that!" singhal ko sa kanya and his tears finally trickled down.

"I'm sorry…" he softly apologized and started to sob as he averted his eyes from mine.

"Sorry for what? For making me look like a fool?" pabalang kong tugon.

"I didn't expect that I would meet Chihiro!" he blurted. "I know I am the biggest scum for not being able to admit my true feelings to him but I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose anyone… again," he explained.

"Then why can't it be me instead?!"

"Huh?"

"We can't make a bond together but I know you more than anyone else, Aki!" I uttered. Calling his name again felt like launching a dagger at myself.

"No, you don't…" he said in a low voice. "Because if you did, you would never do this kind of cold and harsh treatment towards me."

"What…?"

「How long have we been seeing each other? Every time we fucked, Aki would tell me all of his hurts. So how can he tell me this to my face so lightly?!」 I furiously debated inside my clouded mind.

While I was drowning in these thoughts, my eyes was suddenly fixated on his tummy. Para naman akong sinaniban ng demonyo dahil bigla akong nakaisip ng masamang bagay. I slowly raised my right arm and formed my right hand into a fist. Aki saw what was coming and used all of his strength to push me away.

Isang malakas na kalabog ang nanaig sa buong lugar. Saka ko lang napagtantong nauntog ang ulo ko sa pader dahil matagumpay akong itinulak ni Aki. When I raised my head to see him, he was still on the bed but was already sitting upright, his hands were wrapped around his tummy as if trying to protect it. He was heavily panting and sweating.

"Aki…" I called out his name in a weak voice.

"Fuck," he cursed while crying. "I shouldn't have come here," he said while looking so worried and panicked at the same time.

"Aki…" I managed to get up. Medyo hilo pa ako mula sa pagkakauntog ko pero kaagad ito napalitan ng pagkabigla nang may makita akong mga patak ng dugo mula sa paanan ni Aki. "Aki…?"

"Chihiro… I need to go home to Chihiro…" he uttered while still carefully wrapping his hands around his tummy and tried to walk.

Kaagad ko naman siyang pinigilan at inalalayan. "Aki, you're bleeding!" I exclaimed while looking at him with horror.

The reality dawned at him and his face went pale. "Chihiro…" he cried desperately like a child. "I need to see Chihiro. The baby… baby…"

"Aki, stop walking. I will carry you out of here. Isusugod kita sa ospital," I told him and carefully carried him. He was reluctant but he was focused on saving his unborn child at this moment.

All of my anger was flushed away and now I was afraid of the fact that Aki might lose his child because of me. I never intended for this to happen. Despite hating the Omega that he chose over me, I never wanted to involve their child in any of this. For a moment there, I thought of punching his tummy out of pure anger but I was not going to do it anyway.

"Chihiro…" Aki called out while bawling.

Maingat ko siyang isinakay sa kotse ko. Bago kami umalis, hinaplos ko ang mukha ni Aki bago sinabing, "I will call that Omega of yours later after I take you to the emergency. I promise, so please stop crying to lessen the stress," pagmamakaawa ko sa kanya.

"…baby… I want to see Chihiro…" He was clearly ignoring me but I wouldn't blame him. This was all my fault after all. I wouldn't be surprised if that Chihiro would kill me for real now.

Malaking kaso ang maaari kong harapin pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito pero wala na akong pakialam. Aki's safety was all that mattered to me.

「to be continued」