Chapter Twenty Two: Alavira P.O.V.

Zipporah has given me the day off, and I'm not even sure what to do. I've done nothing but work to try and distract myself from the fact that I'm not sure when the next time I'll see Suluk is. Now that I have run through chores and have nothing left to do these thoughts are all consuming and deafening! Plopping myself onto the couch I lay there, just staring at the ceiling.

I could work on my training, but Zip told me to take the day to relax and work on letting my muscles recoup. Plus, I'm secretly scared that if I try to do so she'll somehow find out or sense me and I'll be screwed! So I'll lay here, trying to think of anything to do that won't get me in trouble. Although that's not much these days. My thoughts nearly give me a headache as I lay there, that is until a soft knock sounds on the door. Sitting up quickly my head spins slightly, making me have to take a few deep breaths to try and steady myself.

"Ava? Are you home? Zipporah said you would be here…" A small voice calls from the other side of the door. I can't help but feel as though I've heard that voice somewhere before, but I can't quite place it. Walking over to the door with cautious steps, the thought crosses my mind to not open the door. To just pretend I'm not here and be left alone. My body has different plans however, as my hand reaches for the doorknob. "Oh great you're here!" The first thing I notice is the shine. Like sun rays passing through glass to create a small shine and a glowing effect all at once.

"Oh! Sevanah! It's nice to see you again. Is there something I could help you with?" I smile at her. Even if there is something that is throwing me off about her, she's been nothing but nice so far and I plan to keep returning that kindness until she shows me something otherwise.

"I was told you have the day off, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today? I still haven't made many friends yet, so I understand if you say no." Her small blush is making my heart ache slightly. She looks like a nervous child about to be ready to accept rejection.

"That sounds amazing! I was about to die of boredom here!" I chuckle as I grab my bag and jacket from the hooks by the door. Her eyes nearly fall out of her head with how big they become.

"Humans can die from that?!" Her shock is understandable with that logic. I want to answer her, to reassure her that isn't the case, but I'm laughing too hard to help her right now.

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Town isn't as packed as I thought it would be, especially for such a sunny day. Sevanah's definition of having fun is shopping so it would seem. We've been to nearly every stall on this side of the city, yet she keeps looking for more. We even got to stop by and see Zipporah, who apparently is also dying of boredom today. Sevanah quickly turning down an alley, nearly squealing with excitement has me quickly chasing after her. I'm torn between horror and amusement as she hops onto Gingers back and nearly purrs in excitement like a feline.

"Sevanah?! When did you get here?!" Gingers surprised voice matches her flames and floating hair.

"Not too long ago! I went to the front fortress to see you, but you weren't there! They said it's your time off, so I've been looking around for you everywhere! I'm glad I finally found you!" It takes everything I have to not laugh loudly at how Ginger picks her up, pulling her off her back and holding her just beneath her arms to let Sevanah hang loosely in the air. It reminds me of an owner with a pet who's become too unruly. Sevanah doesn't seem to mind as she dangles there, wings buzzing happily behind her. That shine she emits seems to grow brighter slightly when she's happy, it's nearly blinding now.

"I'm happy to see you too. I didn't know you were moving here, but I can't say I'm surprised. You just couldn't stay away from me could you?" Ginger's laugh fills the alley with warmth and lightheartedness. Sevanah's light laugh follows quickly behind making me wonder if I should be here for such an intimate moment.

"Oh, I see you've made another friend! Hi Ava! How are you? This little Fae giving you trouble?" Ginger must have noticed I wasn't standing too far away. Turning around I see she's still holding her up in the air, but she's turned around to face me finally. I lose it at that sight, with Sevanah trying to turn her head around to see me as well makes this scene even better. I never stood a chance.

It only took a few minutes for us to all get our laughter out after I had started, and even less time it would seem to find a place to eat for lunch. Sitting at the small table with these lovely ladies, I just wish Zipporah could have joined. Sipping our drinks and waiting patiently for our food our idle conversation has turned into something I didn't expect. Talks about war…

"Wait… there's a war going on?" I look between them completely confused.

"Oh, has Suluk and Kieren not told yo- ah!" Ginger elbowing her side makes her shut her mouth quickly. My blood wants to boil with anger, but I take a deep breath and just look to Ginger for an explanation. It doesn't take long before she starts to fold under my gaze.

"You've been hanging out with mom too much! How is it that you're even more scary when you're quiet than yelling?! I'll tell you, but you can not, I repeat CAN NOT!, tell the guys I said anything to you." She narrows her eyes at me as she leans her elbows onto the table.

"Technically it's my fault. I didn't know she was supposed to be in the dark about this." Sevanah apologizes softly before sipping from her drink again. I nod and sit there patiently waiting for an explanation.

"War is approaching rapidly. Next winter this kingdom will look very different. Mom had a vision about it, and so everyone is on edge right now about getting the recruits and soldiers all ready for such a thing. Meetings have been happening a lot lately, so I've barely gotten to see mom since I've been in the city." Gingers eyes turn sad at that, but she quickly shakes it off as she looks down in her glass. "They didn't want you to know yet. They wanted you to focus on your training and trying to get healthy before they said anything. I'm sure Suluk is wanting you to evacuate with the rest of the city. He won't shut up about worrying about what you'll do when you find out." She tries to mumble it, but we all know I heard her.

"Why would he be worried about that?" I can't stop the pure confusion that bubbles up quickly.

"Probably because he knows what I do, and what she's been suspecting." Ginger looks to Sevanah out of the corner of her eyes, making the woman blush softly.

"And what could that be?" My eyes travel from Ginger to her.

"That you're a fighter. You have a pure heart, that's why I wanted to hang out with you today. See if I could get a better read on you, if I'm being honest. I've watched you buy a blanket and give it to a pregnant woman who was out in the cold and started to shiver slightly. I also saw you watch a child's sweet get ruined on the ground from their sibling playing around, go talk to the mother to see if it was alright if you bought them a new one, and then do that with a smile upon your face the whole time. You're a good person, Ava. You won't sit around off in another kingdom and wait for everyone to be done with this war. You'll want to fight alongside us. Tell me I'm wrong?" Her challenging stare matches my own.

To say I'm stunned doesn't do it justice. I didn't think she noticed any of that, since she was busy shopping or up ahead of me. To know she saw everything makes me think differently of her. "I've been training." Is all I whisper, but it's all the answer they need. We all know she's right. Suluk does have a right to be worried after all it seems.

The rest of the day I couldn't stop thinking of the news that I learned at lunch. It was an oddly silent meal, but it didn't take long for Sevanah to distract us with shopping yet again. This walk home feels like it's never ending as the night slowly creeps in. My mind hasn't stopped racing since my feet have left the cobblestone and stepped onto the dirt path leading me back to my new home.

Suluk is a capable warrior, I shouldn't be worried about him. However, I can't stop the slowly encroaching dread that tries to sink its fangs into me. Now that we actually accepted these feelings between us, I'm not sure how to proceed with this new information. We won't be of any help to the others if we're only worried about each other. Not to mention this new person I've learned more about. Ridge. That's the same dragon who burned my last village down, who took my friends from me.

At Sevanah's request Ginger told us about him. How he was once a warrior, a fierce one from the sound of it. How he matched Suluk and Kieren in strength and other aspects of being a soldier. How they were once all friends and grew close. It wasn't until Ridges mind started to twist with passing missions that things started to take a turn. He hid his changes well, so well no one knew what was happening until it was too late. About his crimes of committing murder under the false claim of being part of the court. How he was going to be tried for his crimes until he murdered his fellow soldiers to escape. Then how worst of all, years later they all three faced off in a horrific battle. Ridge apparently had made a few friends who distracted Kieren and left Suluk out on his own to face Ridge alone. Apparently it was draw, but not without leaving them with new scars. Suluks scar was left on his thigh to wrap around to the back of his knee, while Ridges is on display for everyone across his face.

It makes sense why they feel so strongly about it now, but even still I'm not going to be able to sit by and do nothing. I'll just have to steal my resolve and hold my ground against Suluk on this. It should be mostly easy…. The part that worries me the most is what will come before. If I'll have the strength to break both of our hearts. Or if I'll fold once I see those hopeful, full of love eyes.

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I thought I'd have more time to get my thoughts in order, and to be able to come up with a solid plan. Life has a funny way of completely ignoring me lately. It's only a few days later that I get notice about Suluk and Kieren coming to the city. They finally get a day off. I'm sure they'll stop by and talk to Zip, if they haven't already seen her for a meeting yet. When I confronted her about what I learned that was anticlimactic. She seemed unsurprised I had learned of what lay ahead, she even seemed a little disappointed it took me so long to find out.

Knocking on my door draws me out of my thoughts and kitchen. My nerves are on edge as my hands shake, I know who waits on the other side of this wood. Who is already thinking of 10 different arguments on why I can't fight, or why I need to forget what I've learned. What he doesn't know is I'm ready for his argument, maybe not with a solid plan, but I'll figure it out as I go. Taking a deep breath and locking my spine I slowly turn the handle, ready for the long night ahead.

"Ava! You look wonderful tonight. It seems we need to talk though." His fierce eyes are filled with concern. I just open the door wider, letting him storm in without realizing what he's really doing. I let him continue to speak about why it's not a good idea to fixate on this when it's not my fight. How I should evacuate with the rest of the city when the time comes. How he can handle it on his own, and my safety comes first. He just keeps talking, and talking and talking. That is until I slam the pan down onto the counter, my anger boiling over. The silence is deafening in this moment.

"YOU LIED TO ME!" I accuse, throwing off the homemade mittens to protect my hands when handling hot pans. He just stands there stunned and hurt, watching me closely as I'm unable to keep it in any longer. "YOU TOLD ME I'D BE FREE! THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER MAKE MY DECISIONS FOR ME AGAIN, YET HERE YOU ARE TRYING TO DO JUST THAT!" A part of my heart breaks at seeing him cringe away slightly as if I just physically hit him in the gut.

"Ava, that's not wha-"

"I'M NOT FINISHED!" I glare at him as I slam a cabinet shut and stand on the other side of the counter, staring up into his eyes. Letting him see my anger and hurt. Letting him see my determination. "You come in here already trying to convince me of something I haven't made up my mind about yet. You all lied to me, thought it would be best to keep me in the dark and not tell me something that is life changing! You're not even trying to let me make my mind up, but trust me this outburst helped me decide!"

We stand there, gazes locked as we silently challenge each other to back down. For one of us to give in and agree to something we both stand firm on. We both know that neither one of us will win like this, yet he doesn't know what I'll say next will hurt us both. It's something we may never recover from, but I pray to whatever deity is out there that it won't be that way when all this madness is over.

"Ava, I'm trying to protect you. You're still in training. You shouldn't have to be involved with a war if you don't have to be. I don't want that horror to change you. There's some things a person can't recover from. Is that so wrong? For me to want to protect you? I won't be able to stand by your side for this fight. I'll have to be leading an army with Kieren." He tries to reason with me, but I know it's hopeless.

"You told me yourself that training never really ends. That one must train everyday to keep in top shape. My training will never be done if you have a say in it. Suluk, you know I care for you on such a deep level, that I want nothing more than to make you happy and keep you safe in the same way you do. But, this is something we'll never agree on. That's why I think we sh-"

"Don't…. Don't say something you can't take back. Ava, don't do this." I see it plain as day. He's not sure what I'll say, but he knows it's going to shatter him. That what I say next will break his heart into a million pieces, and there's nothing he can do to stop it. I feel the betrayal hanging in the air between us so thick I could almost cut it with a knife.

"Suluk, I think we should put whatever this," I wave my hand between us slowly. Feeling as my own is shattering again with each word out of my mouth. "We need to put this on hold until after this. We'll never agree with each others thinking when it comes to this. So instead of arguing with you all night, this will be good for the both of us."

"GOOD FOR US?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" He might be yelling again, but it's all the words he doesn't say, the look in his eyes, that throws me into oblivion.

"You won't have to worry about me while fighting, and I won't have to worry about upsetting you every time you come over. We just wait until after this and see if we still wish to pursue this. What's so wrong with that?" I can't stop the tears from collecting on my bottom lashes, not daring to let them fall yet. Not until he has left. One of us has to pretend to be strong for this.

"DON'T YOU GET IT?! I'm going to worry about you no matter what! You can't be serious with this! I won't listen to another word!" He turns to storm out. I have to stand there and watch as our hearts shatter in a way I'm not sure we'll recover from.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FEAR LIKE I DO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH YOUR BACK OR WORRY ABOUT WHO MAY BE COMING FOR YOU EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE HAS PROMISED YOU FREEDOM! TO LIVE WITH THESE INVISIBLE SHACKLES AROUND ME THAT THREATEN TO DRAG ME UNDER! IF I DON'T TAKE A STAND HERE AND FIGHT WITH ALL OF YOU, THEN WHEN WILL I?!" My outburst seems to make him hesitate for a moment. Standing there in the yard, with me on the bottom of the steps, trying my damnedest to get him to understand. "If you don't stand for something, what will you fall for? That's what Kieren told me on the first day of training." It's the last thing I get to mumble to him before his wings appear and he's swallowed by the stars and clear night sky.

It's the last time I get to talk to him. The last time I get to see that smile and his caring side in a way I would have never experienced otherwise. The last words I get to tell him before collapsing into the grass and scream to the sky. Wishing this pain would leave me, that these tears would stop and that my heart would beat again. I know it won't feel or beat again until he's back in my arms. This pain is something so much worse than anything else I've ever experienced.

This was the start of many sleepless nights to come. The first of many awkward interactions, and hushed conversations of our friends until the war came next winter.