Exulansis

Master Lao has told me quite a lot over the years I've known him, but he has never mentioned a thing about coming back to life out of nowhere. I'm pretty sure I hadn't wished him back, even then I'm sure he can't be wished back - having been dead for so long. And there's a bright halo above his head, something I notice after I manage to calm down. He's the same as he's always been, down to the very last detail. His hair is still steely grey and in the short ponytail he always wears. Wisps of hair shoot out from their confinement and rest across his forehead in a way that always resembled spider legs across his head. His skin is still oddly smooth with few wrinkles to be found and he still does that thing with his finger, cracking it when it doesn't need to and making a face when he realizes what he had been doing.

"How are you here?" I ask him, finally able to form proper words and he looks so very amused right now. This situation is confusing and everything else, but the fact he's so amused is comforting. Because of course he would be amused no matter the situation. As long as he gets a kick out of watching me fumble, he'll be happy for days.

"That fortune-teller owed me," He says smugly.

The fortune-teller? The one Roshi had been talking about just yesterday?

Should I be surprised?

"You grew a tail" master Lao notes, now circling me with a scrutinizing gaze. He raises a brow but doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. Standing behind me I don't have the best view of him, so I'm surprised when he just grabs my tail and squeezes. My god, the absolute pain that single gesture brings is unbelievable. I've been attempting to train my tail, but it's taking far longer than I would like. "Must have happened recently, if it's still a weakness"

He releases me - to my relief - and I almost slump with the sudden loss of energy. He stands in front of me again and I realize that he knows that the tail is a weakness. Does he know about Saiyans?

"When did this happen?"

"After I drank the ultra divine water," I say and he looks surprised though that soon turns to pride

"Oh, yeah?"He chuckles. "Lucky aren't you? Or incredibly stupid"

"Did you know?" Because he always knows something and the way he's acting makes me feel as if this were something he had expected. That smile he wears only works to back my theory when this man looks over me with curiosity.

"I did" He admits with a small smile. "I know a lot, kid"

"I realize"

"Oh, I don't think you do" He laughs.

He sits on the grass, legs folded and hands in his lap. On instinct I follow him, sitting opposite him and copying wordlessly and he nods in content. This is not unusual. We used to do this often, just sit and meditate or talk about one thing or another. Usually, he's the one who talks but today he lets me be the lead conversationalist with a simple question.

"How have you been?"

A single and simple question that sends me down a rabbit hole of happenings and changes, and everything that had happened that led me here. I tell him everything, of my endless travels after their death. Of my encounter with the boy with a tail and the girl with a beautiful mind. I tell him about the dragon and my desire to help this kid I had just met. I tell him about the turtle hermit and the tiny monk and the tournament that Kakarot won. Of Korin and the water, of my tail and the Saiyans, and the questions I have about myself and my family. I tell him of Tao and the Red Ribbon army and everything I have done to them. And through it all he simply listens, no comment, no true reaction, he just sits idle and listens carefully and I'm sure I've been talking for almost an hour.

"A lot happened" I sigh, suddenly out of breath, and Master Lao hums, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

"What a trip" He finally says, not as amused as he usually is when he hears of my struggle. "I was right in assuming you'd change things"

What does he mean by that? He has always told me that I would change things but I never questioned him and chalked it up to Master Lao being the sometimes annoying old man that he is. And here he is saying it again after I spilled my gut to him.

"What do you mean by that?"

"The story is being told differently" Is what he says, sounding cryptic. "You've changed it"

What story? I'm not sure if I want to question it further because I don't think he will be telling me much either way.

"You know about the Saiyans and you knew I was one the entire time, didn't you?" because he always knows - he always knew and it would be unlike him not to know this. He cannot be clueless, not when he seems so unfazed by it all, so unperturbed.

"Yes," He's not smiling anymore and regards me carefully. "Though I hadn't been expecting you to grow a tail"

I wasn't expecting it either.

"Can you just tell me what I need to know?" Because I'm not in the mood for whatever cryptic words he may have right now. Not when I now know that he knew the entire time and chose not to tell me. He told me all of this and yet kept the most important information to himself. Why would he do such a thing?

And my parents. Did they know?

"You're a Saiyan" He states the obvious. "Half-blood most likely "

"So which one of my parents was a Saiyan?" Because I can't imagine either of them being a Saiyan. I had known that I'm not full blood but I hadn't expected to be half-blood. That would mean that one of my parents was a Saiyan and they were far too calm to be one.

"Neither of them"

"What?"

"Neither of them were Saiyans"

So I'm adopted?

"No, you're not adopted, not really" Lao rebukes. "Your mother is your biological mother, your father is not your biological father"

Ah, okay that makes a bit more sense. Though it begs the question; who's my father?

"Mysterious man that one" master Lao says after a moment of silence. "I don't even know why he appeared on earth, nor do I know what happened to him afterward. Perhaps he went back to his planet, if so, he's either dead or somewhere off-world. He could have been banished to this planet, or he could have fled for whatever reason, I'm not sure" he pauses, thoughtful, or perhaps annoyed, it's hard to tell with him. "Honestly, I didn't believe a word that man said so everything I told you could be completely disregarded. For one, I never believed he came from off-world, I would have known if a ship landed on earth. And he just upped and disappeared one day, that bastard, he never answered any of my questions"

He goes quiet after his admittance, gazing up at the sky with brows creased and mouth moving in silent words. I watch him in the quiet, not sure what to make of him now that things have calmed down. I'm not sure what to make of the things he has told me. Here I am learning that my father just disappeared for whatever reason after meeting my mother and leaving her with a child to raise. Did he not know about me? Or did he not care enough to stick around. Either reason could be valid, especially when I know that Saiyans don't tend to prioritize family, at least, not most of them. Should I be mad about it? Should I be saddened? Perhaps? Well, how could I be? I don't know the guy and I've had a good father in the man my mother married anyways. And he's a Saiyan, I can't find it in myself to blame him for the things he's done if he did truly abandon his woman and child. That's just how Saiyan men are, I suppose. And if he had a good reason for leaving, then kudos, I guess - it would mean I at least had a father who cared enough to keep me out of whatever problems he had gotten himself into.

Master Lao doesn't even know enough to be of much help. He's not even certain if my father had come from planet Vegeta or if he had been on earth all along. But if he is from earth, wouldn't that mean there could potentially be more Saiyans than I had first thought? And what was he doing on earth?

All of this just makes my situation that much more complicated.

"I must say" master Lao begins. "Your father was no ordinary Saiyan, but it could just have been my imagination"

"How so?"

"I don't know" he recalls. "Something about him just felt different. He did not act like the typical Saiyan, that's for sure. Was oddly calm for such a creature, not battle crazed and surprisingly kind"

Yes, that does not sound like the typical Saiyan. Sounds more like Kakarot's mother, so I suppose he was right when he said there were better Saiyans out there. Or if he truly is from earth, perhaps he had been like Kakarot and raised to be a kind person.

"His kindness is not what would normally be considered Kindness but compared to how most Saiyans acted, he was kind" Amused master Lao chuckles in remembrance. "You're like him actually, but you're far nicer"

It's oddly satisfying to know I inherited something good from the father I'll likely never meet.

"Thinking about it, he could have been-" and he stops, once more staring at the clouds above and saying nothing for a few long seconds. "Yes, that would be interesting"

"What would?"

My question is not answered as the old man finally stands and motions for me to follow him. And I do, carefully following after him as we enter the forest and I begin to recall the path I usually took to get to his little house. This man had been living so close to my house and I had never seen him until that one fateful day. My parents knew of him, which had baffled me and they treated him like a long-time friend. Hell, he was more like my grandfather if anything else.

We get to his small hut that doesn't look any different at all. He steps into the small thing, singing some song as he disappears behind the door and reappears with a notebook and a key hanging on a thin chain.

"I was supposed to hold onto this," he says as he tosses the key towards me. "Your parents knew the army would be after them for their creation and whatnot"

It's a pretty old key.

"I don't understand how or why they had not just searched the entire house and how they had not found the door, but they didn't and there's the key" He rants, sounding as annoyed as he is baffled. "It leads down to a basement, because it's always the basement with these things"

He begins to mumble again, something about yeager and ridiculous basement things that I can't understand.

"There's a trap door somewhere near the living room, I believe. It leads down to the basement where I'm sure they stored one thing or another. You have fun with that" He waves me off, obviously not too curious about what may be found down there. "And have this"

He rests the book in my hand. It's thick, old, and surprisingly heavy in my hands and has an odd drawing on it.

"What's this?"

"My knowledge" He smirks.

Curious, did he document everything in here?

"I have a question" again he looks a bit more serious now. "Did some escape?"

"Huh?"

"Red Ribbon, did some escape?"

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the smart ones realized it was better they run than fight and I tell him as much. He looks at me long and hard before waving it off as simple as that. He looks away soon and whistles as he gathers his old tea set to make some herbal concoction.

What was that just now?

"Is something wrong?"

"Keep an eye out" is all he says.

~~~~~~~~~

Master Lao stays in his hut and chases me away, telling me to go explore the basement, so I do. I'm oddly calm right now, something master Lao has pointed out with a comment I had not heard. He makes fun of me for some reason and wishes me the best, which I don't get but I let him have his fun. He's gone in a day, apparently, off to the otherworld that he seems to enjoy far more than the living.

Soon I'm in my house, noting how nothing had been moved since I left. Seems no one was curious enough to explore the abandoned house. Either that or they had some sort of respect for my family. I'd expect that at least some dumb kids would try to get it, which wouldn't have been much of a struggle because the doors had all been open.

I don't pay much mind to anything in my way, I'd rather not let memories overtake me so I find the living room and search the floor with the trap door master Lao had told me about - one I can almost vividly remember. I have to move the furniture and the carpet and scour the floor very carefully until I find it. It's hidden incredibly well, only to be expected from my parents. My father had always been good at such things and I have learned a thing or two from him. I remember finding this door many times before and always wondering what's under there. One day I had been brave enough to ask and dad had brought me down into this basement. It wasn't much different than their workstations, with tools, and parts, and the likes scattered everywhere. It wasn't something that had my attention for too long.

Now, standing in the middle of the hidden room there's not much different from back then, which is not surprising. Approaching the gathering of messy desks, I find schematics and what look like blueprints everywhere. There are writings on the blackboard, papers scattered on the ground, tools here and there. It wasn't like this back then, but it's still as messy. My parents never knew to keep their things neat and ordered.

"What did you leave for me?" I wonder as I sit at one of the desks and look through what I can find. Sketches of a humanoid figure, scribbled notes that are near indecipherable, theories and questions that run down the entire page. My mother's work, I assume. She's a researcher more or less, always enthusiastic to learn something new or test a theory that comes to mind. I won't be surprised if she's the one who finally figured out how to build a successful android.

And that discovery is what I find myself looking at. The very same information that the army had wanted is sitting right in front of me and I find myself agreeing with old man Lao. Everything is just right here. Had those idiots taken the time to raid the house, they would have gotten everything they wanted.

Their android had been destroyed by their own hands and they had never gotten the chance to build it back. But everything is right here, isn't it?

Sighing, I gather everything I can, careful when handling anything that comes into my hands. The more I clear the desks the more I discover until I come upon something that almost makes me burst into laughter. Of course, they would never truly destroy their creation, I should've known.

The thing fits almost perfectly in the palm of my hand and looking at it it's hard to imagine that this simple chip contains the android my parents worked so hard on. The mind is the heart of these creations and to make one would be a tedious endeavor, one I truly look forward to but have no knowledge of how to go about. With this, I don't have to worry about that and am that much closer to reviving this android. And having one means I can study it and better understand the creation so I can make my own someday.

"Alright then"

~~~~~~~~~~

I return to master Lao once I'm sure I've gotten everything I would need and find the old man sipping on his cup of tea in his cozy hut. He has a day back on earth and he spends his time drinking tea and watching nature, typical of him. He never seemed to care about life and death and the way he spoke of it was oddly personal. I'm offered a cup of steaming tea when I'm in reach and he doesn't bother asking about what I had found. Either he knows and doesn't care, or is content with not knowing.

"You're bottling," he says after the silence stretches for longer than he would like. His eyes remain on the greenery before us "admiring the beauty of nature"; as he would often say. "Terrible habit"

Even he realized, and he hasn't been around me for years. It's almost amusing how obvious it is.

"It's okay to be upset, you don't always have to be calm"

"I know"

"Yes, you do, and yet here you are, calm and unbothered, hmm?" He sips his tea, falling into silence once more. "Keep bottling and you'll be overwhelmed"

"I know"

Pressure builds until it explodes because one way or another it has to come out. It's simple to understand, and I do, but what can you do?

"You don't know how to deal with it, do you?" master Lao chuckles softly, quickly understanding the problem.

"I'm not sure"

"You're not used to dealing with such things on your own, Durian," He says. "You've never experienced such emotions before and when you finally do - you had no one to turn to"

And when you don't know how to deal with something it's easier not to deal with it at all.

"Guess you're right"

"Aren't I always?"

Heh, yeah, you are.

~~~~~~~~

Night falls and once more sleep will not find me. I'm alone in my house with master having disappeared for whatever reason. It felt nostalgic to be in my old room, but soon enough the feeling became unbearable until I found myself on my trusty little nimbus that kept me company. Its quiet sounds were pleasant to hear as it carried me into the night and I'm not sure where it wants to take me. I don't mind, it's better than lying in bed with nothing to do and a million thoughts running through my head.

The sky is nearly black with the shine of the stars and moon the only source of light in the otherwise dark night. If I were a painter, I'd have an endless amount of starry portraits and colorful sunsets. Perhaps I should make an effort to learn the craft, as beautiful as it is. Or the study of stars and the mysteries to be found outside our small planet.

"You brought me to West city, nimbus"

The city is still active despite the late hour of the night, with few cars and the likes adorning the streets. Lights are still on, scattered around the city in a fascinating display. A nighttime view of the city is beautiful as well, another thing to be forever captured by the magnificent craft of painting. I should really learn, or get myself a camera.

Capsule corp never sleeps as there is always some light on and something going on. Either the doc is still in his lab, Bulma is working on one thing or another or Panchy decides to make some late-night snacks. It's no surprise when the lights are still on and I'm sure someone - if not all three of them are awake - but I'm as quiet as can be nonetheless. Nimbus stops near a window and I very carefully pry it open and drop into the building, shivering just slightly as the temperature changes almost immediately. With a "put-put" nimbus is off only to return should I need it.

What now?

Food, I'm hungry.

The kitchen light is on and Panchy is seated at the bar with a cup of something hot between her hands. No one in this family has a normal sleep schedule, I'm convinced. Panchy always has a smile on her face and I sometimes wonder how she can be happy all the time and if her cheeks don't hurt from all that smiling. Despite my wonders, I do appreciate that ever-present smile and the sheer comfort the sight of her brings me.

"Oh, Durian" she smiles even more, if that's possible and motions for me to approach. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon"

Neither did I but things don't always go as expected. Not that the unexpected turn is unappreciated.

"I've made you some brownies" she gets up and urges me to sit at the bar before she rushes to the fridge. "Bulma said you might need some"

"She did?"

"Oh yes," the woman sounds amused as she moves around the kitchen, a container of brownies in one hand and a carton of milk in the other. "She's worried about you, you know? Oh but I don't think she'll admit it, she doesn't like to admit it. But I know my daughter and there's not much she can hide from me"

Ah, I see.

I made her worry after promising not to make her worry. Well, it didn't take very long for me to break that promise, now did it? Then again, I never actually promised, just said that I would try my best and she didn't take my words to heart anyway.

Soon enough there's a plate of brownies placed in front of me along with a glass of milk. Panchy reclaims her seat next to me and continues to drink whatever it is she has in the mug of hers. Could be tea, she seems to like tea. I made her tea once. She was very pleased with me and rewarded me with some baked goods and more recipes.

Her brownies, like everything else she makes, are absolutely delicious and never fail to hit the spot. Perhaps I'm biased, I love brownies after all and I quite like Panchy.

"How have you been?" she eventually asks, soft and gentle. It's the second time today I'm being asked this question and once more it feels so easy, so simple to spill everything on my mind. She's easy to talk to and comforting and everything else. It's easy to relax in her presence.

I don't even know what to do with myself. I should express and feel, I know this, yet I'm in a constant state of calm, continuing as if things don't trouble me. I'm not sure I truly know what's wrong or perhaps I do and just can't admit it.

Brownies are helpful.

"Durian" Panchy once again motions for me to approach, that smile of hers ever-present. I do as silently instructed without much thought, it's easy to take up her request.

When I'm close enough she reaches for me, taking me by my shoulders and pulling me. Absently, I note the surprising firmness of her hold before I realize I've been coaxed into a hug. Huh, when's the last time I had received a hug? It's so far back that I can't even recall the memory. But it feels familiar in a way, Panchy radiates the same kind of warmth I always sought from my mother. A motherly thing, perhaps. Sometimes I wish they could meet, they would get along splendidly.

I really can't remember the last time I received a hug and perhaps I truly needed it because it feels amazing - relieving even. I go almost limp before I realize it and for a moment I worry my weight would be too much for Panchy but she doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. Of course not, she giggles; sweet and soft as always and only seems to hold me tighter. Then there are gentle fingers on my scalp, pleasing in the way she adds soft pressure. Ah, I'm sure it could put me to sleep with how good it feels.

When's the last time I've received a hug?

Was it from my mother or my father? I can't remember and it's not the best feeling. Why can't I remember? My mother loved to hug me and I enjoyed it just as much. My father would always lift me off my feet with his bone-crushing bear hugs. I would startle and shout whenever he did that and he would laugh, loud and mirthful. Mom's hugs have always been caring and soothing - tender and sweet and gentle and I had loved those so much.

But I can't remember the last.

Though the feeling hasn't been forgotten, buried maybe, but not forgotten and Panchy's hold is so reminiscent of my mother. Just as soft, just as warm, just as tender and sweet, and just as caring. I've missed the feeling dearly. It's reassuring.

I wanted this on that day. It wouldn't have made things any better but it would have been enough at that moment. I needed a hug - something, anything - I needed someone, but there was no one there.

I realize I'm crying when Panchy says something - nothing but sweet words near my ear that I barely grasp the meaning of. Ha! I'm crying because someone had been kind enough to hug me? A hug! That's all it took? A simple show of affection is the thing to drive me to tears. It would be amusing were it not as painful as it is.

But it feels good to cry.