Cinnamon

'He's out of his mind.'

That's the only thing that kept looping in my head since Craige arbitrarily proclaimed that we're dating. At first, I was impressed when he got away from Joey with that excuse. But when he used the same excuse on Teacher Kimmy, I started thinking that maybe he watched too many dramas and could not think of anything better to say.

Not that I could really blame him.

Even I was stumped when I made that stupid slip up.

If Craige didn't step up back then I would have just told Teacher Kimmy the truth to get it over with.

But no.

He intervened.

And his bright excuse was what? We're dating!

'Telling the truth would have been a lot less of a hassle than faking that kind of relationship.'

"Zee, are you even listening to me? You have to concentrate. I will not pull you out this time until the last minute. You have to try your best and escape it on your own." Teacher Kimmy snapped me out of my musing. I was lying on a mat in the middle of the practice room surrounded by mirrors which made me dizzy. She tapped me on the shoulder. "Don't die, okay?"

I chuckled and turned to look at Craige quietly watching us from the sofa. He frowned at Teacher Kimmy's words, probably wondering if she was being serious and why was there a medic on standby beside him.

'What did he say earlier? I turned him down, using my craziness as an excuse?' I smirked as I looked at his worried face. 'What a realistic lie.'

I turned my head towards the ceiling, letting the lights blur my vision as I closed my eyes then nodded. "I'm ready."

'Even if I can't get out of this on my own, I have something else that I needed to confirm.'

"What was the last drink that you had in a party?" I heard Teacher Kimmy's voice and as I tried to remember the drink that I had that night, I slowly felt my consciousness drift to that time and I hastily resisted.

"Bloody Virgin. It's non-alcoholic." I said and reminded myself that I was just telling a story. That that incident was long over and I already survived from it. And that I'm safe. "Janine gave it to me. She was my friend."

"Was it good?"

"No. It was spicy. I didn't like it but the others forced me to finish it." The memory of the drink made me scowl in disgust. It's as if the taste still lingered in my mouth that I felt the urge to wash it off with water but Teacher Kimmy asked another question which distracted me. We never made it to the third question before because I always used to lose my consciousness at the second question.

"What was the music playing at that time?"

"Music? It was classical music. Just instruments and no lyrics…very boring… but it made me feel something strange in my chest… I don't know the title though." I frowned when I heard ringing in my ears. Then I heard a voice in my head and I unconsciously repeated the words. "But who cares about the title of the song? Music is there for you to listen with your heart, not with your brain."

After saying those words out loud, I felt my head falling backwards which was really weird because as far as I could remember, I was lying down already.

Wasn't I?

It felt like the world just tilted and spun like I just fell down at the center of a tagada ride.

It kept spinning and I could not find my balance.

I was starting to feel nauseous and my head was feeling really light as if it's not where it should be.

I fisted my hands tightly, my fingernails biting onto my palms, trying to recover my equilibrium.

And when I finally did it, I was left in a state of confusion.

'Where was I again? What was I doing?'

It's really cold and my chest felt constricted as I took a deep shaky breath.

I wrapped my arms around myself and felt the bare skin of my cold hands against my arms. "Where's my coat?"

"You don't have a coat on." said a familiar voice.

"That's not possible. I'm sure I had it on earlier." I rubbed my hands against my arms, feeling naked. "Can you please give me a blanket or something? It's really cold here."

"She's responding to you. This is progress right? We've never gone this far before." A second voice whispered, but I heard it.

"I'm not sure about that. She seems to be in a state of confusion. I think there's a dissociation going on." The first voice whispered back. "Craige, can you let her borrow your jacket?"

'Craige?'

"Here." This voice was deeper and I was sure that I've heard it before but I just could not remember from where. Then I felt the warm cotton fabric cover me and the faint scent of cinnamon from it soothed me. 'Craige.'

I chuckled when I felt a strange tug at my chest everytime I repeated that name in my head.

It's as if it was trying to remind me of something important.

But I could not remember what it was or who it was.

I felt trapped inside a box.

It's cramped and no matter how hard I try to push it open, it won't budge.

Not to mention that my chest felt so heavy as if there's a large boulder sitting on top of it. My lips quivered when I tried to speak and no words came out. And when I gasped for air, I heard a whimper escape my lips as I started shivering from the ice-cold feeling that spread throughout my body. I hugged myself tighter but there was no comfort in it. The only thing that's keeping me from losing my mind was that faint scent of cinnamon.

"Zee!" I heard a voice shout from far away.

I strained my ears in hopes to catch the direction where the voice was coming from but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. And it felt like even the beating of my heart was starting to slow down as the ringing in my ears became louder.

"Zeanne! Come back now! You have to come back!" There was urgency in that voice but I didn't understand what it wanted me to do. It was telling me to come back. But where do I 'come back'?

I shivered and my fingers started hurting from the immense cold so I put my hands around my neck which was slightly warmer compared to the rest of my body. But it really didn't help much.

I curled myself into a ball.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

I wanted to cry.

Or was I crying already?

I really couldn't tell because both my hands and my face felt numb from the chills.

"What is she doing? Don't you think we have to pull her out now, Kimmy?" Another voice suggested from the background. They were talking as if they knew how to save me from this but they're not doing anything. This voice sounded really frustrated. But probably, not as frustrated as I was feeling. "She's not going to choke herself is she?"

That's quite an idea.

Will this stop if I do that?

"Just a little more. Let's give her a chance." Said the voice that kept on talking and was starting to sound familiar. Then I heard desperation from her plea. "Zeanne. Come back."

'Come back where?!'

The air felt really thin as I took another breath.

That was when I knew that it won't be long before I completely ran out of it.

I need to figure something out before that happens.

"Kimmy! Pull her out now! If her father finds out--"

"Give her a chance to get back on her own! If we keep cradling her, she'll never get better!"

I wanted to cry at those words.

I was so touched by the faith that this person had in me.

But what do I do?

How do I live up to that expectation?

They're telling me to come back, but how could I go anywhere if I could not even find the way out from this thing.

Anxiousness was slowly eating me up and my head felt like it was floating on air again.

And no matter how much air I tried to inhale, it was never enough.

More.

I need more air.

Otherwise, I will die at this rate.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Just breathe!

"Cut."

My eyes snapped open and I immediately swallowed a lungful of air as I sat up. As soon as I regained my consciousness, I remembered what I had to do. I immediately looked around to find Craige sitting beside me, motionless as he stared down at me with a troubled look on his face. The corner of my lips lifted as I grabbed his sleeves and wrapped my arms around his neck.

'Cinnamon.'

"You're smiling?" Teacher Kimmy asked in disbelief.

With a triumphant smile plastered on my face, I looked over Craige's shoulder to see Nurse Dylan with a grave expression on his face. He never liked doing this exercise even though Uncle already explained to him that it's part of the therapy. Uncle wanted me to keep remembering that memory until the time comes that it will no longer be a threat nor a hindrance to what I really wanted to do. But for Nurse Dylan, this exercise was just too dangerous. He had once lost his sister while she was under hypnosis. And what we're doing was not that different. Except that I was the one holding the wheels while they have the brakes.

What he's really afraid of was the probability of them not stepping on it in time and losing me in the process. Like what happened to his sister back then.

When I felt myself finally calm down, I let go of Craige who looked really stunned.

Then I turned to Teacher Kimmy with a giggle.

"Kimmy, why is she laughing? Are you sure you woke her up on time?" Nurse Dylan asked with a horrified expression.

His face made me crack up.

Then I heard Craige ask. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"This is the first time this happened. Usually, she'd be crying her eyes out while trying to catch her breath." She repeatedly stroked my back as she peered at me. "Zee? Are you okay?"

That's right. Usually, when I snap out from an attack like that, I would be bawling like a child. Lost in a jumble of emotions and unable to calm down until after an hour at the earliest.

And this time it was different.

I was laughing.

Despite nearly dying again, I actually felt quite good.

I feel so good.

I managed to stop myself from laughing with a hiccup. "I was right. It actually worked."

Teacher Kimmy sounded worried. "What worked?"

"I can't believe that I'm really okay. Isn't that crazy?" I asked in between laughter, my voice filled with both wonder and excitement.

Teacher Kimmy smiled as she wiped the tears on my cheeks that I was never aware of. "It is crazy. Tell me, what's going on."

Nurse Dylan nodded and took out his phone. He was about to dial a number but Teacher Kimmy snatched his phone from him.

"What are you doing?" She asked sternly.

"I'm calling Doctor Reynaldi. This abnormal state of euphoria should be examined immediately!" Nurse Dylan exclaimed in panic.

I waved my hand at him, still giggling. "You're overreacting Nurse Dylan. I'm fine."

He rapidly shook his head. "You don't look fine to me. In fact, you're far from it. You're scaring me."

I grinned at him. "Relax, will you? I'm just happy that I found a way to stop my hysteria after an episode."

Teacher Kimmy grabbed my shoulders. "What do you mean? You're not feeling any lingering emotions from the attack? Are you really okay?"

"Yeah." I bobbed my head.

"How did you do it?" Nurse Dylan was giving me a doubtful look.

I sniffed the collar of the jacket and smiled. "Cinnamon."

"Cinnamon?" Teacher Kimmy asked.

"It's that guy's scent." I bobbed my head in Craige's direction, biting my lower lip to stop myself from grinning. "He calms me down in an instant."

Nurse Dylan turned to Craige. "That guy? You mean your boyfriend?"

Craige was frowning at me in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

I just grinned at him then playfully said, "It must be the power of love."

***

Dear Dairy Milk,

Eureka!

Can you believe it?!

I feel like I just dug up a 100-year old ginseng!

This is great progress, I tell you.

And this is just the beginning.

It won't be long until I find a way to completely cut off these chains.

I just know it.

P.S.

Why it had to be Craige though is still a mystery to me.

Maybe it really is THE POWER OF LOVE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Haaaa.... What a load of crap.