Shitpost chapter.

Everything written below is not considered canon, my brain just thought it would be funny. I don't know if it's funny, I have no sense of humor other than breaking bones.

-_-_-_-

Sirius, as always, sat at the table in the living room and quietly drank coffee. Suddenly he looked around and frowned, looking for something visible only to him and possibly to Luna. He

"What in the name of. . ?"

He swore and jumped up from the table, Sticks at the ready. The man

"Okay, this isn't fucking funny, what the hell is going on here? Godric bit me again and I didn't notice?"

Luna looked out from behind the door and frowned too, but the girl looked up sharply to

"Oh. Oh! How unexpected! Siri, we're in the book!"

Wait, what?

"Fine, just fine. Oi, twat, explain yourself before I Apparated to your toilet and broke your legs."

But I'm not even on the toilet! What the hell is going on here?!

"Good to know. . ."

"It's simple, author, we are in a book and you are writing this book."

But it means that I decide your actions as I did before, why then you can

"So are you the asshole who set Nomu on me? You didn't even write a normal fight! Now when I think about it, all my fights were painfully fast, even against dangerous opponents like Overhaul. He should have time to react to my teleportation. Are you sure you're a writer? "

Hey, this is technically my first work! Say thank you that I made the mirror explode and wipe your body off the face of the earth, and did not pierce you with fragments!

"But he's right, author. Even my fight with Voldemort was kind of. . . Quick. I didn't expect this from the Dark Lord who has evolved for two and a half hundred years. You know, more tentacles and monsters of minions. Oh, and let's not forget that you let me bleed to death in front of all the students at Hogwarts. By the way, is it because of you that I sometimes get headaches?"

. . . It seemed like a good idea at the time.

"Wait, if you literally create reality, does that mean you can say that something has happened and it happens?"

Yes.

"You created a reality in which I lived not only with the Dursleys but also with the Buttergems."

Yes?

"You were the one who decided that Dumbledore was a Dark Lord in hiding."

. . . Yes?

"Bitch, I'm breaking your bones."

But you- WHAT THE FUCK?! HEL

"Ouch, I can hear the breaking from here."