19 Chapter 19

The man's mind ran on high twenty-four-seven. Lorenzo never stopped. He was always in perpetual motion in one way or another. How his body and mind kept up with his odd schedule, I didn't understand. I could hear him walking around the hallway at night from my room. Which was very odd. From being tired and weak from trying to heal, and my mind overwhelmed with worry and fear from what was yet to come, Raffael exhausted me just by watching watching on a daily basis, he was always a few step behind me. I haven't spoken to Lorenzo since that night, which was 5 days ago. It was easy ignoring him cause he was never in the house. Even if he was he locked himself up in his office or gym.

So, when he'd drifted off to sleep on the couch after a visit from someone, I took the chance to strip down the in bedroom and take a bath that was needed. I stopped to look at what my body looks week after the beating behind closed doors.

Hell, that's what it looked like.

Awful. Disgusting.

How anyone could find me beautiful with these marks and bruises was laughable.

I felt anything but beautiful.

The lace briefs I wore were expensive, pretty and delicate. Certainly not an item you would find in a package of several at a big box store. In fact, i found these particular undergarments inside a long, white box that was placed in the wardrobe. They came in several colors with matching brassieres. In another box of the same style with the same emblem on the top, I found another set of undergarments, only those were made of silk. The lingerie had been positioned inside the box as if they were on display and wrapped in tissue paper. The packaging assured me he hadn't packaged the pieces that way, but the store they were bought this way.

It wasn't so much the lace against her skin that drew her attention as it was the scar the panties half covered on her hip. The injury wasn't something I  liked to think about. The wound took a lot longer and a great deal of attention and care before they even started to look a little bit better. The scar was a good five inches in width and four inches in length.

When it was healed, the scar still reminded me of that night. The night she wishes she could forget.

Staring at the scar, I traced softly over the spot. I didn't hear Lorenzo opening the bedroom door until his voice was behind her.

"Did you love him?" he asked.

I released a heavy breath. "Jesus, you scared me." But that wasn't what made me breathless

"I couldn't find Raffael I thought you killed him like the others"

"Someday, you're going to have to get over that. I told you I won't be killing anyone yet. Lorenzo, I can't stay locked in this house forever, as big as it is."

"You are allowed to walk the grounds" Lorenzo replied, meeting her gaze in the mirror. "And you didn't answer my question. Did you love him?"

I was acutely aware of the fact i was dressed in nothing but undergarments, but Lorenzo didn't seem to act like he noticed. Still, when I grabbed for the loose fitting T-shirt I tossed to the counter earlier, he was there at my side in a flash, holding her wrist to stop her.

"Did you, Maya?"

"Does it matter?" she asked, wondering how he knew.

"I don't know if it makes a difference either way," he admitted. "I'm well aware of who he is and what you did to him. But I'm curious."

"Why are you asking, then, if it doesn't make a difference?"

"I want to know where he stands with you."

"With me?" I repeated.

"Mmm. In here," he said, reaching up to tap her temple before moving down to point at her heart. "And here, too."

"You seem to know a lot about me without having to ask, Lorenzo."

How did he find out, all the files were destroyed. There shouldn't have been any trace of it.

A sly smile crept over his lips. "Does that bother you?"

"No, but it makes me curious."

"I did a background check, a very in-depth one. So yes, I know a lot about you, but I don't know you, sweetheart. I didn't know you could kill the man you loved?"

My heart dropped when he said that, I didn't love that bastard. After what he did to me I wish I made him suffer more.

"I didn't love him." she replied sharply.

"No one in our lives go untouched in some way. Especially people who we may love."

That really didn't make her feel better. "Am I not the kind of girl to be loved"

Lorenzo 's laughter was a deep rumble that did something wicked to my insides. "No. You're the kind of person who made makes a capo crazy. The kind of girl that distracts his capo from doing his job, keeps him from sleeping even less than he already does, and takes his focus off his family. That isn't the kind of people I need in my life but you are the kind of woman I want to know about. Know exactly why you do those things to me. Understand?"

Kind of, as odd as it was. I couldn't believe this was the same man that was screaming at me days ago.

"So you know everything about me?"

Lorenzo nodded. "Mostly. Fact wise, anyway."

So he knew all this time but didn't say anything. Why?

"I know practically nothing about you." All I knew was that he was the head of the Lastra mafia, the file we have on him is practically empty.

"You know more than most," Lorenzo replied. "You know what I am, what I do. You've met my second in command, my family. You know I'm a killer. I've had you sleeping in the next room for some and I haven't tried to fuck you once. I've had many women, but I never let a woman sleep in one of my beds until morning. For the sake of honesty, though, I do think about sleeping with you quite often. Or at least, I wonder what kind of a lover you are because I want you to be mine."

Oh God. That did not help. I was meant to be hating him and planning my escape.

"But I can't have you" he whispers

"You were in bed with me the other night?"

"Not for the intent to have sex with you. I wanted to calm you, the nightmares was bothering you as badly as they were."

"You kissed me." I headed remembering the kiss

Lorenzo smirked. "First time for everything, I suppose."

I stood a little straighter at that comment. Remembering what he did after.

"You said it yourself, you've had plenty. You can have sex with anyone, why me?'

"Kissing is affectionate," Lorenzo said quietly, his mouth drawing a thin line. "I didn't have affection for the women I took to bed. I could kiss you all day" he added moving forward.

"Sex is affectionate," I challenged.

"Not always. Sex is a need, a desire. Something that doesn't have to have feelings behind it to be acted out. Attraction is not the same thing as affection."

"You just said you thought about me being your lover, but you kissed me. Is that not the same for you as being with someone else? Were they not lovers, too?"

"No," Lorenzo said again. "I didn't attempt to have relationships. I was honest from the beginning of what I expected once it was finished."

"You make it sound like a business arrangement."

He shrugged. "If that's how you want to see it, go ahead."

"What's a lover to you, then?" I asked, curious.

"Someone who is able to gain my desire and affection."

And kiss, I thought wirily. 

Why was he telling me this, nothing can ever happen between us. We just have to bury the attraction and forget about it.

"Now, quit stalling. Tell me, did you love him?" he asked making me freeze once more.