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The Dark Favor

Author: qostoq
Eastern
Ongoing · 106.4K Views
  • 13 Chs
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Synopsis

The Dark Favor will be rewritten in the future. ----------------- What would you do if a dark hand reached out to you when you were at the bottom? In a powerful land of a world of cultivation, a degenerated and crippled baby has born. He has grown to become the shame of his family, discriminated by everyone around him and doomed to unable to become a cultivator. However, an observer has constantly watched him from afar since his birth… maybe even before his birth? What was so special about the trash him? Except for the observer, no one knew, but a twist of fate was near for him. His name was Yulian. Join him in his new lease of life and become another witness of The Dark Favor.

Chapter 1PROLOGUE

My birthplace was one of the strangest places in the entire universe. I didn't know that.

My ignorance was understandable. Other than a few of my kind in this dark world, everyone was like me. All we know was what our eyes showed us.

We didn't know we were living in seclusion, making preparations for our ultimate goal. A goal that pushed on our shoulders by outlanders, a goal that born out of a great enmity.

The world we know was covered with darkness. Not by any evil means, our world had a Dark Sun. More appropriately, dark for outlanders. To my people, it was the source of life and warmth.

The Dark Sun wasn't the only unique existence in this place. Our realm had a protective barrier. It was like there were numerous black holes surrounding our realm, but unlike the black holes, the barrier was working in just one direction. When something approached the barrier, it would face a strong suction power. Anything that came close to the barrier would be sucked in. The only way to leave the realm was to have sufficient cultivation.

At those times only our elders could leave the dark world. However, the elders wouldn't leave the darkness frequently, the outside world was unsuitable for us to stay for a long time. They went to the outside world only out of curiosity, there wasn't another particular reason.

I think the thing that led us to our apocalypse was the curiosity. There wasn't any concrete detail about how it began. We didn't have the energy to spare to know either. The war was already upon us.

In the past, the moment they noticed our existence they labeled us as evil, treated us like something that had to be eliminated. They had not tried to learn us, understand us. They had become judges losing no time.

It was understandable from their point of view. Their world had more colors than our own. They were beings afraid of the unknown, and the dark was unknown to them. They weren't like us; the dark was our home, and it was our light at the same time.

They declared war to us, brainwashed ignorant members of their race and led their armies to our dark world. Those weak people didn't know they won't be able to come out from this place even if they won the war.

Outlanders called themselves as justice, shouted justified words unknown and meaningless to us as they fought.

There were just a few large-scaled wars. However, for us, it did not differ from genocide.

In these wars, they were far superior to us in terms of numbers. Thanks to our special homeland, we hardly dealt with the outlanders that had come upon us like waves.

Soon, they became sure of the barrier's properties and abandoned their previous battle tactics. They started to send just dozens of strong people in. My ancestors had said they were cunning like devils. Their war tactics and fighting techniques were all devil-like.

The rest of the battles had become 'hit-and-run tactics' to weaken us further. Maybe I should say they had aimed to gather intelligence.

The universe was big. We had realized much later that all of these creatures were like a hair on nine bulls. Compared to their number we weren't even a ten thousandth. We had wondered why didn't they come to war with a much larger battle force? They were capable of this.

The answer was simple. Greed…

They didn't want to share battle spoils with anyone. Especially what they came for.

Outlanders understood that they won't be able to win anything from this. They didn't want to call reinforcements, didn't want to waste everything they had done so far. They would not go head to head with us anymore, so they closed the gap with their cunningness.

When they came to us with the proposal of peace, we had not believed at them first. In the process of making so-called peace, they didn't attack us and kept every promise they had made in the peace agreement. We were tired too, so after a long time, we gave in.

We had felt no happiness in any of our dealings with Outlanders. Including the peace negotiations. They demanded resources from us shamelessly, to compensate their so-called losses. What about our losses? To them, we weren't in a situation to turn them down.

They said they could come at any time with a stronger battle force, said they could raze down our cities and kill our entire race. They threw us many threats.

Naturally, negotiations had not concluded. For them, there was no need to reach a conclusion. Everything was going according to their plan. They were just stalling for time.

Soon the long-awaited moment came, the entire world shook. A sudden cold enveloped everywhere. We had not understood a thing, but apparently, the outlanders were waiting precisely for this moment.

As their eyes shone, they made an attack on us. My ancestors were caught off guard. However, the real blow was still on the way.

After the quick attack, what we all saw were our most horrible nightmare. The Dark Sun has started to shrink, the dark light it has emitted began to decline. In the end, it completely disappeared alongside with outlanders.

Everything had happened so quick, we couldn't come to ourselves for a long time. There were so many questions in our heads. What had happened? How has it happened? How has the sun shrunk like that?

The sun was gone. Our light was gone.

We wanted to cry for what we had lost, but there was no time. The strange phenomena have started to happen.

With the disappearance of light, the dark world has sunk into another kind of darkness. Fortunately, the temperature had not dropped so much as everyone expected.

The most strange case was the barrier that surrounded the realm. The suction power had gotten incredibly strong, none of us had managed to come close to the barrier, forget about leaving the realm. Even the outlanders could no longer leave anymore if they were still here.

This realm was our home, and now it also became a prison for us.

The creatures that have made all of this to us called themselves humans!

Humans say patience is the virtue. Indeed, they were virtuous. But if you were in our shoes, would you accept patience as the virtue? No. In this case, it was an act worthy of the devil.

Before the outlanders came, we were peaceful creatures, always looking after our own business. Like any other living beings in their own homelands, we also liked the good and hated evil. Taught our children to be good, warned them to restrain themselves from evil.

Afterwards, everything changed… we changed.

After the apocalypse, weird changes have started to happen to survivors. I don't know if this was another phenomenon or not. We have gradually become what they labeled us to be. Day by day we were becoming more and more malicious creatures.

You can say we have learned from them, or you can say this was our true essence. I don't know the answer! We don't care about the answer! What we care about was only revenge!

It has become only thought in our minds. They buried our world into darkness and cold, so we would spread the same cold and darkness to the entire universe, paint their colorful worlds with the same dark! We would steal everything they care about and give them nothing but pain in return!

Starting from that day, we called ourselves Darksiders.

My parents gave birth to me with the thoughts of revenge in mind, and I grew up with the thoughts of revenge.

Humans also say revenge is best served cold, I have always hated humans' sayings, this time is no different! Our burning desire for revenge won't be as simple as the word cold!

Hate made us stronger than ever!

We made our preparations quietly, waited for the promised day to come.

But… even the most unexpected things have a chance of happening.

Somehow I became witness to a story completely unrelated to me and deeply related at the same time.

Until recent times, I was a woman whose eyes blinded by the desire for revenge. Now I can only be an observer that no one knew of.

I will tell you the story of Yulian. Since everything have started with that event, I'll call this story 'The Dark Favor'.

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Fowl
FowlLv10

Sir qostoq, this is gonna be VERY long and I'm sorry but I read only until chapter 5. If I had gone up to twelve, this review would have taken at least 2 and half hours to write. Don't worry, I'm used to judge single chapters, so I'm not hasty with grades neither I like to shame an entire novel based on few chapters. At first sight, your style is solid and not bad, the story is well-built and characters too. But note "at first sight". Your grammar is already at that point where I can't personally judge with accuracy. English is not my first language and I don't want to be an arrogant prick. So, I called PlainJane (translator) and fed her the first chapter. She's truly a b. when it comes to grammar so don't worry. She gave it a 2/5, but that's on high standards. So, considering you're new to writing, I'll personally rate it 4/5. Note carefully, I'm gonna evaluate everything not on a pro-standard, but on a beginner one. Your story conceal a lot of problems; these are not that big BUT you need to tackle them asap. The style is congested and suffers from character-overcrowding. I read with a lot of attentions - as I usually do while doing analysis - and still found hard to follow all the names and details. Yes, the structure is not bad, but it's too pedantic and punctilious. Try to lighten up your style: your sentence-building is up to standard, but now you have to consider the entire paragraph style and on a multiple paragraph level. Give us enough details, not too much. Voltaire always said that being verbose is not just a stylistic clumsiness, but an impairment to action; "You have to be concise and sapid, otherwise Mme Pompadour's ministers, functionaries and maid will do curlers with your book", letter to Moulton, 6 january 1763. [Please, Voltaire, pardon me for the ****ty translation, i beg you], also, "the secret to have someone bored is telling everything", letter to d'Alambert, 1756. So try to manage the weight of information on your readers in best way possible, don't give less than needed and don't give more either. Spread information evenly, withouth having too much in the same sentence, paragraph and chapter. Readers are a lazy bunch and you always need to make them not too much comfortable, ofc, but neither too little. I felt quite invested in the story if I consider it's not a pro-production. raises the thumb BUT! the story lacks a soul and originality. I felt warm feelings from the MC's mom and some humour from the female cultivators, but that's all. In five chapters - and note, you have a cripple as MC - I expect to be MUCH MORE torn and suffering. This can be bound to the previous comment about being verbose. You ruin the atmosphere with too many words and kill the feeling while it's blossoming. You're not Cicero, you're not putting your characters on trial. Be short, be concise and give your characters more life! I would literally beat you senseless if you ruined a good start with too many words. 4/5 for the story and world-building, good emulation of a Xianxia but needs to be more original and lifelike. Good foundation! Being a xianxia-like story, I expect an explained "system". That's the word I use in italian when talking to new authors. Explain the levels and tiers of people in the first 3 chapters, so that we can have a clear idea about power relations between characters after. Being near to the end of this review, I want to give you an advice. If you do not have an editor, find a good one, possibly with a literature-study-background. If you already have one, wake him up, he's sleeping on his work. 4/5 overall, not bad at all but a lot of work to do boi

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