30. Home

“Are you sure about this?” Maya asks, as she runs the tips of her fingers down Carina’s arm and links their hands together. She presses her lips against her hair, smiling as Carina turns her head slightly, leaning into her kiss.

Carina is snuggled against her chest, one hand now tangled with Maya’s while the other is hooked underneath her leg, enjoying the grip of her strong thighs around her waist.

“Yes Maya,” Carina says for what feels like the one-hundredth time. “I’m sure.”

“It’s just… it doesn’t make sense,” Maya says.

“Of course it does,” Carina says. “Your place is closer to work for both of us.”

“But it’s an apartment,” Maya points out. “You have this beautiful townhouse. It’s bigger…”

“Your apartment is cosy.”

“… it has a yard…”

“I don’t like gardening and you can barely keep your plants alive.”

Maya takes offence and flicks some soapy bubbles from her hand, watching as they land on Carina’s outstretched leg. “You have this amazing bathtub.”

That’s one she can’t argue with. Maya’s apartment only has showers which, okay, provide some fun but she does love a quiet evening in the tub together and Carina fully intends to make the most of their last night together in this house. Still, she can’t help but wonder why Maya is so unsure about it.

“Maya…” she starts, her voice tentative, “…are you having second thoughts about us moving in together?” She holds her breath, nervous for the answer.

“No! God no,” Maya says quickly. She squeezes Carina’s hand for reassurance. “I told you, I’m all in.”

“Then does it really matter where we live?”

“No,” Maya concedes. “It’s just…”

“Well then, it’s decided,” Carina interrupts. “Besides, I’ve already given notice to my landlord, half my stuff is in storage, and Andrea and Victoria are coming tomorrow to help us pack up the rest.”

“True,” Maya says, dropping her head to place a kiss on Carina’s shoulder and falling silent.

The niggling doubt that keeps plaguing her creeps back in and she pushes it down, refusing to let it ruin the moment. She doesn’t doubt that she loves Carina, or that she wants to live with her. But moving in with someone and making a life together is another thing that is new to her, and sometimes that overwhelms her and she wonders if she can do this.

She wants to, but she doubts herself.

It’s not just the pandemic that is unsettling her. Carina is her first in so many ways. Maya has loved before, but never like this; she has never been so in love with another person, and it is wonderful and scary all at the same time. Carina is the first person she has ever truly fought for; she has made mistakes in the past and been careless with people’s feelings, but this one she couldn’t shrug off. This was one she had to make right.

And Carina is the first person she has wanted to commit herself to, the first person she has seen a future with. She thinks about Doctor Lewis’s words often, reminding her to sleep and rest and love in this life, but there is always a voice in the back of her mind, doubting whether she is enough.

Because she never has been in the past, not even for her own father. 

“Bambina?” Carina pulls her out of her thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“Thai or Moroccan for dinner?” Carina prompts her.

“Oh. Uh, thai, I think,” Maya says, pushing those doubts away. She can do this. She will do this, because the alternative is unimaginable. She buries her face into Carina’s neck, nudging her nose against her ear and taking her lobe between her teeth, biting gently. She smiles when she hears Carina hum softly, and kisses her way down her neck to her shoulder. She lets go of Carina’s hand and trails a line under Carina’s breasts and over her abs, her thumb drifting upwards. Carina’s back arches under her touch.

“Maya,” she murmurs.

“Maybe we should think about getting out of the tub,” Maya suggests, not planning on going any further than the bed.

Carina shifts her body, twisting as far as she can while staying in Maya’s embrace. Her elbow nudges Maya’s side, hitting her ribs, and Maya lets out a little ‘oof’ at the unexpected assault.

“Maybe we can have some fun in the tub,” Carina says.

Maya smirks. “Oh yeah?”

Carina returns her smile as she places two hands either side of Maya’s hips and slides up her body, seeking her lips for a kiss. More water spills on to the tiled floor, the sound of splashing only drowned out by their giggles.

The alarm rings early the next morning, waking Maya with a jolt. She grunts with annoyance as she reaches out and taps at her phone screen until she catches the red button. She exhales as she gradually becomes aware of her surroundings, feeling Carina’s body curled into hers, smelling the scent of her shampoo mingled with the remnants of yesterday’s perfume. The fancy high thread count sheets on the bed are soft against her skin, cool against the early spring sunshine. She is too comfortable for it to be morning already.

“Can we keep your mattress?” Maya mumbles as she slowly opens her eyes, forcing herself awake. She squints through the morning light, her vision clearing to see Carina’s bare back facing her, hears her heavy breathing as she succumbs to her slumber. She is always slow to wake, not that Maya minds – coaxing her awake is one of her favourite things to do.

She sweeps Carina’s hair away to be able to leave a soft kiss at the base of her neck, her hand sliding over her hip until her fingertips tickle her soft abs.

“Hmmmmmaya.”

Maya grins as she plants another kiss on Carina’s shoulder. “You need to wake up,” she says softly. “It’s moving in day.”

There is a pause, until Carina suddenly shifts and rolls over to face her, a wide smile on her face.

“It’s moving in day,” she repeats.

Their heads move at the same time, their lips searching for each other until they meet in a sweet kiss, only breaking apart when Carina’s cell phone buzzes on the table beside the bed. With a low grunt of annoyance, she rolls onto her back and lifts herself up against the pillows, grabbing her phone.

“Andrew?”

“Schmitt,” Carina says, “with labs on my patient.”

“The one with the abdominal pregnancy?”

Carina nods absentmindedly as she scrolls through the message.

“Everything okay?” Maya asks, wondering if a complication is about to interfere with their plans.

“Si, it all seems to be fine,” Carina says. She falls back down onto the pillow and sighs.

Maya props herself up on her elbow, watching as Carina’s forehead crinkles into a small frown. “You still thinking you want to publish this one?”

“I’d love to,” Carina says wistfully, turning her head to look at her. “You know, two per cent of pregnancies end up being ectopic, but only one percent of those develop in the abdomen? It’s so rare, I’ve never seen it before. But with Covid…” The enthusiasm in her face turns into disappointment. “… there’s no way anyone will be interested in it right now.”

“What about your dad?” Maya says cautiously. “I bet he’d be interested. And it would give you an excuse to check in on him.”

She knows that Carina has been worried about him. Her phone calls go unanswered, her text messages and emails ignored. She hears bits and pieces through her family in Italy, but they are all reeling from the loss of her Uncle Ricardo, and so soon after Uncle Eduardo, that the antics of Vincenzo DeLuca are not high on their priority list.

Maya feels Carina’s body stiffen beside her, hears a slow exhale of breath before she finally answers. “Maybe,” she says non-committedly.

She doesn’t push any more, instead she leans over and places a soft kiss on Carina’s cheek, then sits up, taking the sheets with her.

“Hey!” Carina cries out.

“Come on,” Maya cajoles her. “Let’s get you packed up.”

Andrew arrives an hour later, a pile of flat-pack boxes tucked under his arm.

“Hey Maya,” he greets hers cheerfully when she opens the door to him.

Maya stands back to let him in. “Hey. Thanks for coming to help.” As he steps inside, she reaches out and takes some of the boxes from him to lighten his load.

“Anything to make sure my sister’s happy,” he says. His eyes smile at her. “I’m glad she finally saw sense.”

“Me too,” Maya says, grinning back from behind her mask.

They walk into the open plan living room, where Carina is wrapping up some of her art work. She doesn’t notice them at first and Andrew leans in towards Maya, lowering his voice. “She’s taking the vagina art with her?”

Maya shoots him a look that says ‘don’t ask’ and he chuckles, trying but failing to dodge the gentle nudge she gives him. The scuffle draws Carina’s attention away from her packing.

“Andrea, you’re here!” She puts on a mask as she stands, then rushes to him and hugs him, despite knowing she shouldn’t. Since he moved out, they are no longer a bubble, but it is the first time she has seen him since her Zia Alice broke the news of their uncle’s death and she needs to hold her baby brother in her arms for a moment.

“You okay?” he whispers so that only she can hear him.

She nods against his shoulder, strengthening her hold of him for a minute, before pulling back.

“How’s Meredith?”

His face darkens, the pain of his ex-girlfriend in a hospital bed evident. He shrugs. “Same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before.” She can hear the frustration in his voice. “It’s Webber’s choice about whether to put her forward for a clinical trial.”

They both know it is not an easy decision. Clinical trials are so uncertain when they are still learning about what this virus is and what it does to the body.

“She’ll be okay,” Carina says with as much conviction as she can muster. “She has to be.”

They all need her to be okay, every doctor and nurse and clinician and orderly in the hospital needs her to be okay. It is bad enough that they are losing so many patients, they can’t lose one of their own too.

Andrew nods, shaking off his worries with a smile. “Well today is all about you. And I wouldn’t miss seeing my sister settle down!” he teases. Carina smacks his arms playfully and he feigns injury, rubbing his elbow in an exaggerated fashion. “Hey, what is it with you two?”

Carina laughs, grateful for the lighter mood. Andrew drops the boxes on the floor where the sofa used to be. “So, what can I do?”

Carina directs him to the kitchen, where he and Maya spend the next hour packing up what is left of the cupboards. Most of Carina’s plates and cutlery have gone into storage, but is some fancy glassware that is better than Maya’s cheap stuff and she insists on bringing her utensils and cooking equipment, half of which Maya has never seen.

“What is this?” she asks as she holds up a wooden tower with various arms jutting out of it.

“It’s a pasta rack,” Andrew says. “For drying pasta.”

Maya frowns. “Why don’t you just put it in the colander?”

Andrew laughs as Carina walks over, rolling her eyes as she places a kiss on Maya’s cheek and takes the rack from her hands. “It’s for when you make pasta from scratch, you have to let it dry before you cook it.”

“You make your own pasta?” Maya says, her eyebrows arching in surprise.

“Of course,” Carina says with a smile. “It’s the best way.”

“Or you could go to that Italian deli on Pine Street, their pasta is bellissimo.” He pinches his fingers and thumb together and brings them to his lips, then splays them out in a chef’s kiss. He laughs again when Carina glares at him.

Before they can get back into their packing, the doorbell rings.

“That’ll be Vic,” Maya says. She walks across the room and into the hallway, opening the door with an admonishing look on her face. “You’re late!”

Vic removes her sunglasses, revealing her sleepy eyes. “Sorry, sorry,” she says, waving aimlessly at her as she steps inside, taking three large gulps of what Maya presumes is coffee from a travel mug in her other hand.

“Big night last night?” Maya asks, an amused smile on her face.

“Oh yeah – me, Trav and another repeat of RuPaul’s Drag Race,” Vic says. She grimaces. “And two bottles of wine and a bottle of whisky.”

She starts to make her way inside when Maya stops her. “Hey – mask please.”

Vic frowns. “But we’re in a bubble?”

“You’re in a bubble with me, yeah – not with them.” She nods towards the kitchen, where Vic spots Carina and Andrew.

“Hey guys!” she says with a small wave, before doing as she is told and putting her mask on.

“Hello Victoria,” Carina greets her fondly.

“Hey Vic, long time no see,” Andrew says, with a cheeky salute.

Vic looks across at Maya. “Why does she always call me Victoria?” she says in a quiet voice. “It’s like being in a room with my mom.”

Maya tips her head to one side. “She thinks she doesn’t know you well enough to call you Vic.”

She might be hungover, but Vic is astute enough to notice the tinge of sadness in Maya’s voice. Carina is right, after all, they haven’t got to know each other since she and Maya have been dating. Even before the pandemic hit, they haven’t made the effort to hang out. Vic can’t even remember the last time they had a girls’ night. 

“Well, we’ll just have to change that,” Vic says, the caffeine taking effect as she bounces into the room. “So, where do you want me?”

“Uh, would you mind packing up the last of my books from the shelf please?” Carina asks.

“Sure thing,” Vic says.

Carina takes over from Maya in the kitchen so that she can help Vic with the books.

“You gonna be okay with these on your shelves?” Vic asks, as she flicks through one of Carina’s heavy journals on obstetrics. “Because I don’t remember you taking too kindly to Andy filling your ‘negative space’ with her stuff when she moved in.”

“That was different,” Maya argues. “Carina’s… different.”

Vic shoots her a look that Maya can’t decipher.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Vic says with a small shrug. “It’s just… you’re different too. I mean, you were the one who said that monogamy is for the weak.”

“Or the very very dedicated,” Maya corrects her. “And I’m very very dedicated to her.”

Maya falls quiet as her gaze drifts over to the kitchen, where Carina and Andrew are squabbling over the right way to pack her coffee machine. She knows she is different and it is not just Carina’s influence. Her captaincy, the run in with her dad, reconnecting with her mom – all these things are changing her.

“Hey, I mean it in a good way,” Vic says, clearly worried she has offended her.

Maya tears her eyes away from Carina to look at Vic. “I know.”

Vic grins at her. “I’m happy for you. You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you.”

Maya smiles. “And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Any guys on the scene?”

Vic rolls her eyes. “In the middle of a pandemic? I can’t exactly go on a date when we have to keep six feet apart.” She tips her head towards the kitchen. “Although is, uh, Andrew dating anyone at the moment?”

Maya narrows her eyes and shakes her head. “Don’t even think about it.”

“What? Think of the fun we could have double dating!” Vic laughs, before holding up her hands in mock defence. “I’m kidding!”

“So there’s no chance of you and Jackson getting back together?”

“No, we are totally and definitely over,” Vic says.

“Are you really okay about that?” Maya asks. She knows Vic shrugged it off last time, but then so did she – and it was façade.

“Yeah,” Vic says. “He’s a nice guy, great in bed.”

“Too much information.”

“But it was never serious. And look, I’ve got options,” Vic says with a nonchalant shrug. “There is this one guy…”

“Oh!” Maya turns towards her. “Tell me more.”

“There’s nothing to tell really,” Vic says. “I don’t know his name or anything about him, I’ve never even spoken to him. I’ve seen him on my run a few times, he looks cute under his mask.”

“Maybe it’s time to fake a sprained ankle or a muscle strain, see if he comes to your rescue?”

“Huh, is that how you picked up Carina? Faked an injury so she’d take care of you?”

“Carina’s an OBGYN doctor,” Maya reminds her. “And she was the one who started a conversation with me.”

“Si, and it was the best thing I ever did,” comes Carina’s voice from behind them. She smiles at them as they both turn around. “I’m going to head upstairs to clear out the bathroom. Keep an eye on Andrea, make sure he doesn’t break anything?”

“Hey, I’ve got steady hands!” Andrew says, comedically juggling the ceramic mixing bowl in his hands. 

“Ha ha,” Carina deadpans.

Maya laughs at their sibling teasing, despite the dull ache it always brings as she thinks of her own brother. She turns back to the task in hand and continues to box away Carina’s books, a mix of medical journals, erotic fiction and Italian novels that will liven up her empty shelves.

“Has Andy said anything to you about Sullivan’s hearing next week?” Vic asks.

“No,” Maya says. In fact, Andy hasn’t said much to her lately.

She thought they were back on track after their fight, Pruitt’s death bringing them closer together. Except she feels like Andy has withdrawn from her lately and she doesn’t know why. She has noticed her sleeping at the station when they’ve been off shift and it was only yesterday, when she asked Jack about it, that he had told her about Andy’s temporary split from Robert as he recovers from surgery.

“Did they call you to speak at his hearing?”

Maya shakes her head. “No, because I didn’t know anything about it.” She still kicks herself for not seeing that something so serious was going on in her station, under her nose; irritated by the knowledge that it is another thing that her superiors will be judging her for. “They only called Ben.”

“Do you think he’ll lose his job? Sullivan, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Maya says. “He’s always been well respected, but stealing drugs and taking them while on duty? That’s a big thing to forgive.”

“Poor Andy. She’s been through enough lately, she doesn’t need this as well,” Vic comments.

“Yeah,” is all Maya says.

“You know Ben’s worried the PRT’s at risk.”

“Well, between Avery getting shot and Sullivan stealing drugs, he probably should be,” Maya says sadly. “I think the Board will see it as too high risk.”

She jumps suddenly when the sound of smashed glass erupts in the kitchen. Her head whips round to where Andrew stands looking guilty, the bottom of the box in his hands hanging loose and six wine glasses broken into tiny pieces at his feet.

“Um…” he says.

“Steady hands, huh?” Maya mocks him.

“Do you think there’s any way she didn’t hear that?” Andrew asks, his mouth twisting.

“ANDREA DELUCA!”

Carina’s voice reverberates through the house, the sound of her feet against the hard wood floor warning them that she is on her way.

“No chance at all,” Maya says plainly.

Maya and Vic can do nothing but watch as Carina strides into the room and scolds her little brother for his clumsiness, talking a mile-a-minute in their native language. He argues back, although it is pointless.

“Okay you two,” Maya finally interjects. “Why don’t we start putting the packed boxes into the cars, while I clear up the broken glass? Then we can figure out what’s left.”

“Come on, DeLucs, I’ll give you a hand to make sure you don’t break anything else,” Vic offers.

The rest of the morning passes without any more disasters – although there are moments when Maya thinks to herself that she wouldn’t object if some of Carina’s odd-looking vagina art got damaged in the move, because she’s not sure she can get used to that hanging in her apartment.

Their apartment.

It feels odd to think about it no longer being just her space and to imagine Carina’s stuff mixed with her own. She feels a murmur of nervous excitement in her stomach and she smiles to herself.

It is a little before one o’clock by the time they get all the boxes out of Carina’s townhouse and into the cars. Carina insists that they stop for something to eat, ordering from Little Roma – a nod to the first night they met – and paying a little extra to get them to deliver, even though they are outside -the delivery area.

“I’m going to have to try this place if this is what their ragu does,” Vic comments, gesturing towards Maya and Carina, who sit closely side-by-side, as she tucks into another mouthful.

“Maybe somewhere to take your mystery man,” Maya teases.

Vic throws her dirty napkin at Maya, who leans into Carina to avoid it. Carina takes the opportunity to place a kiss on her forehead.

“Ugh, you two are gross,” Vic says.

Maya smirks as she swipes the last of the green beans. “Come on, let’s eat up so we can get going,” she says, feeling impatient all of a sudden.

She hurries them all along until they have finished all the food. Carina gives the house one last once over, bidding a silent farewell to each room and reminding herself of the memories made there.

“Is it hard to say goodbye?” Maya asks her as she closes the front door for the last time and posts the keys back through the letterbox.

“No, not at all,” Carina says, happiness exuding from her. “I have too much to look forward to.”

Two hours later and they have unloaded everything from the cars, the apartment in disarray. Maya hadn’t anticipated how much stuff Carina would be bringing with her and she wonders where it is all going to fit.

“Can I go home now?” Vic asks, wiping sweat from her brow as she drops the final box on the dining table. “This hangover’s killing me and Travis is threatening to watch the next episode of RuPaul without me.”

“Yes, you can go home,” Maya says. “Thank you for helping out today, I really appreciate it.”

Vic shrugs. “It was fun to hang out. We haven’t done it for ages.”

“Yeah, I know,” Maya says. “We should change that.”

Vic’s face lights up. “A moving in party? When Covid allows, obviously.”

It feels like a lifetime ago that they were dancing in Dean’s houseboat, both nursing broken hearts. Little had Maya known just how much her life would change in the twenty-four hours that followed, and how it would lead her back into Carina’s arms.

“Oh, a party sounds fun,” Andrew says, coming up beside them. “Count me in.”

“Who’s having a party?” Carina asks.

“Uh, we are,” Maya says, looking over her shoulder at her. “Apparently.”

Carina extends both hands towards their guests, holding out a small box for each of them. “A thank you gift, for all your hard work today. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

They watch as Vic and Andrew open their gifts.

“Bombolini!” Andrew says, immediately biting into one and licking his lips with delight.

Vic, meanwhile, lifts the box to her nose and inhales. “Tiramisu, oh I could eat this whole thing right now.”

Maya looks over at Carina and smiles. “I think they like their gifts.”

Carina laughs. “I think so too.”

They say their goodbyes, walking them to the door and wishing them well, then turn to survey the mess that has been left behind. Boxes and suitcases and art work are scattered everywhere, taking up every space that Maya usually keeps empty on purpose. She feels her skin prickle at the sight and pushes those feelings back down again, her uneasiness passing when she feels Carina’s arms wrap around her from behind, her chin resting on Maya’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about the mess I’ve made in your apartment,” she says.

“Our apartment,” Maya reminds her, spinning around in her arms. She has Vic’s words in her head. “It’s your apartment too now, there’s room for you here. I made space for you in my closet and cupboards. And you can fill the shelves with whatever you want.”

Carina smiles and dips her head, catching Maya’s lips in a soft kiss.

“I’m really glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too,” Maya says. Not matter what doubts are lurking in the back of her mind, she knows she wouldn’t change a thing.

“Welcome home.”